The Night of Remembering
Nana couldn't sleep.
She'd gone to bed hours ago, exhausted from Xavier's birthday celebration, emotionally drained from finally learning the truth.
But the moment she closed her eyes, the memories came flooding in—no longer fragments but complete scenes, entire lifetimes playing out behind her eyelids like a film she'd forgotten she'd starred in.
A forest on Philos. She was twelve years old, climbing a tree, falling—
Strong arms catching her. Blue eyes looking down with surprise that melted into the softest smile.
"You're going to break your neck," he said.
"Nah, I'm tougher than I look!" She grinned up at the serious prince. "I'm Nana, by the way. You're the prince, right?"
The memory shifted, jumped forward.
Fireflies dancing around them in the dark. Xavier's light evol creating butterflies that landed on her hair. Her laughter echoing through trees that no longer existed on a planet she'd never see again.
"You're my Starlight,"
Xavier whispered, tucking a flower behind her ear.
"You make everything brighter."
Another shift. Pain now. Fear.
Running. The palace burning behind them. Xavier scooping her into his arms, his face set with desperate determination.
"I choose you,"
he said, throwing down his crown.
"I will always choose you."
Philos screaming as they fled. Millions dying because their king chose love over duty.
The memory darkened. Cold. So cold.
Luna's meadow. Xavier carrying her on his back, her heartbeat slowing against his spine. His voice breaking as he begged her to stay awake.
"Tomorrow," she whispered. "Celebrate... together..."
But tomorrow never came.
She died in his arms as he sobbed. The first death. The first time he held her lifeless body and screamed his grief into an uncaring universe.
The memories cascaded faster now, lifetimes blurring together:
Valley Kingdom. A princess trapped in a palace. Xavier as her knight, watching her with eyes that held centuries of loss. Lanterns on a lake. Her heart giving out as he cradled her, whispering "Starlight" like a prayer.
Qing Dynasty. A queen married to a feared king who looked at her like she was salvation. Dancing in palace halls. His hands on her pregnant belly, both of them dreaming of a future they'd never have. Rubble crushing her. Their unborn child dying with her. Xavier's howl of anguish as he lost not one but two people he loved.
Other lifetimes, shorter glimpses:
A merchant's daughter. A warrior. A scholar. A healer. Always the same face, same soul, same mark on her palm. Always dying at twenty-two. Always in Xavier's arms. Always leaving him to grieve alone.
Four times. Four complete lives she could remember now.
Four deaths. Four times Xavier had held her as her heart stopped.
Four times he'd buried her. Four times he'd waited—decades, centuries—for her to return.
And each time, she came back with no memory. While Xavier remembered everything.
Nana's eyes flew open, her chest heaving. She was drenched in sweat, tears streaming down her face, her whole body shaking.
"Xavier,"
she gasped into the darkness of her bedroom. "Oh god, Xavier..."
How had he survived this? How had he endured centuries of loving and losing the same person over and over? How had he kept searching for her, kept hoping, kept trying when every lifetime ended in tragedy?.
Nana touched her cheeks—wet, warm. She'd been crying in her sleep. For the first time since childhood, she'd woken up sobbing.
All that pain. All that grief. Xavier had been carrying it alone for so long.
That's why his blue eyes were always sad. Why they turned red when he looked at her—he was fighting back tears, fighting the memory of every time those eyes had watched her die. Why he looked at her like he was memorizing her face—because he'd lost that face four times already and knew he'd lose it again.
The star mark on her palm pulsed with light, responding to her emotional turmoil. This mark—Xavier's mark, left on her soul in their first lifetime—was a reminder of their bond. A curse that kept them connected across death and rebirth.
A promise that they'd always find each other.
And always lose each other.
Nana sobbed into her hands, her body curling up on her bedroom floor. The memories were overwhelming—four lifetimes of love, four lifetimes of loss, four lifetimes of Xavier sacrificing everything for her only to watch her die anyway.
And now—now it was his turn.
This time, Xavier was the one fading. The one dying. The one who'd leave her behind to grieve.
And Nana didn't know if stars could be reborn like humans. Didn't know if she'd ever see him again after he turned to stardust. Didn't know if this goodbye would be permanent.
I can't lose him, Nana thought desperately. Not now. Not when I finally remember. Not when I finally understand how much he's sacrificed. Not when I—Not when I love him with the accumulated weight of four lifetimes.
Nana stumbled to her feet, didn't bother with shoes or a jacket, just ran.
Out of her apartment, down the stairs, down one floor to Xavier's door.
She didn't knock. Didn't wait for permission. She'd given him a spare key to her place; he'd given her one to his. Emergency access, they'd said.
This was an emergency.
Nana burst through Xavier's door to find his apartment mostly dark, lit only by starlight filtering through the balcony doors. And there—standing on the balcony, his silver hair catching moonlight, his body almost translucent in the darkness—was Xavier.He was staring up at the stars with an expression of profound longing and resignation. Like he was looking at home.
Like he was saying goodbye.
"Starlight?"
Xavier turned at the sound of her entrance, his eyes widening in concern. "What's wrong? Why are you—"
He didn't get to finish.
Nana launched herself at him, crossing the balcony in three running steps and throwing herself into his arms with enough force to make him stumble backward. She wrapped her arms around his waist, buried her face in his chest, and held on like he'd disappear if she let go.
Which, she realized with crushing clarity, was exactly what would happen.
"Nana?"
Xavier's arms came around her automatically, but his voice was confused, worried.
"What happened? Did you have a nightmare? Are you—"
"I remember."
Nana's voice was muffled against his chest, broken by sobs.
"I remember everything. Philos. Luna. The Valley Kingdom. The Qing Dynasty. All of it. Every lifetime. Every death. Every—"
Her voice cracked completely. "Every time you held me as I died. Every time you had to bury me. Every time you waited centuries for me to come back. Xavier, I remember."
Xavier went very still. His arms tightened around her, trembling.
"You remember,"
he repeated, his voice hollow with shock and something that might have been relief.
"Everything."
Nana pulled back just enough to look at his face, and what she saw there broke her heart all over again.
His eyes were red-rimmed, tears already falling silently down his cheeks. Those blue eyes that had watched her die four times. That had cried over her grave more times than she could count. That held centuries of accumulated grief.
"Xavier,"
Nana sobbed, her hands coming up to cup his face.
"How many? How many times did you watch me die? How much pain have you been carrying alone? What—" Her voice broke. "What can I do? How can I help? How can I take some of this burden from you?"
Xavier's smile was bittersweet, beautiful and heartbreaking. "You already have. By remembering. By finally understanding. Nana—" His hands covered hers where they cupped his face.
"Do you know how long I've waited for you to remember? How many lifetimes I've wanted to tell you everything but couldn't?"
"Why didn't you tell me sooner? In this life?"
"Because telling you would have felt like cursing you. Like forcing you to carry the weight of lifetimes you couldn't remember. I wanted—" Xavier's voice cracked. "I wanted to give you one lifetime where you could be happy without the burden of knowing. Where you could live freely without the shadow of our tragedy hanging over you."
"But you carried it alone." Nana's tears fell faster. "You've been carrying all of this alone for centuries."
"It was worth it. Every moment with you—even knowing how it ends—is worth any amount of grief."
They stood together on the balcony, holding each other, both crying openly now. Xavier's carefully maintained composure had finally crumbled completely, and Nana could feel his body shaking with sobs he'd held back for too long.
"I'm sorry," Xavier gasped between broken breaths. "I'm sorry I chose you over Philos. Sorry I cursed us both. Sorry I'm so selfish that even knowing it ends in tragedy, I'd do it all again—"
"Don't apologize."
Nana's voice was fierce despite her tears.
"Don't you dare apologize for loving me. Xavier, you gave up everything. Your kingdom, your crown, your home. You've spent centuries searching for me, protecting me, loving me even when I didn't remember you. That's not selfish. That's—"
Her voice caught.
"That's the most beautiful thing anyone's ever done."
Xavier's hands trembled as they moved to cradle her face. His thumbs brushed away her tears even as his own fell freely, dripping onto her skin like rain.
"I love you," he whispered. "In every lifetime. In every death. In every moment between. Nana—my Starlight—I love you more than I love existence itself."
"I love you too." Nana's voice broke completely.
"I love you with four lifetimes worth of memories. I love you with everything I am. And Xavier—"
Her hands tightened on his face, her eyes meeting his desperately.
"I can't lose you. Not now. Not when I finally remember. Please—"
But Xavier was already tilting her chin up, already leaning down, already capturing her lips in a kiss that tasted like salt and desperation and goodbye.
This kiss was different from any they'd shared before. This kiss carried the weight of four lifetimes, centuries of longing, accumulated grief and love in equal measure. Xavier kissed her like he was drowning and she was air. Like he was dying and she was life. Like this might be the last kiss they'd ever share.
Because it might be.
Nana sobbed into the kiss, her hands fisting in Xavier's shirt, pulling him closer even though they were already pressed together with no space between them.
She could taste his tears mixing with hers, could feel his body trembling, could sense his light evol flickering weakly around them—dimmer than it should be, fading like a candle at the end of its wick.
When they finally broke apart, both gasping for air, Xavier pressed his forehead against hers. His eyes were closed, his expression twisted with pain and love and resignation.
"How long?"
Nana whispered.
"How long do you have?"
"I don't know. Days, maybe. A week if I'm lucky." Xavier's voice was raw.
"My power is almost gone. I can feel Philos calling me home. Pulling me back to the stars. Soon I'll start to fade physically. Become translucent. Then—"
He swallowed hard.
"Then I'll turn to stardust and scatter into the cosmos."
"No." Nana shook her head frantically. "No, we'll find a way. We'll—"
"There is no way, Starlight. This is cosmic law. I was never meant to stay on Earth this long. I'm a star pretending to be human, and eventually, stars have to return to the sky."
"But you came back before! After the Qing Dynasty, you faded and then you came back! You can do it again!"
"Maybe." Xavier's smile was sad.
"Or maybe I've used up all my chances. Maybe this is the universe finally saying 'enough.' I don't know if I'll be able to return this time. Don't know if stars can be reborn the way humans can. Don't know if—"
His voice cracked.
"Don't know if this is really goodbye forever."
Nana's heart shattered. The possibility that this was permanent—that Xavier would fade and never return, that she'd live out this lifetime and die at twenty-two without ever seeing him again, that across all future lifetimes she might search for him and find nothing—was unbearable.
"Then I'll come to you,"
Nana said desperately.
"I'll find a way to Philos. I'll become a star too if I have to. Xavier, if you're going back to the sky, I'll follow you—"
"No."
Xavier's hands tightened on her face.
"No, Starlight. You will not throw away your life chasing me into the cosmos. You will live. You will laugh. You will experience everything this world has to offer. Promise me."
"How can I promise that? How can I just live happily knowing you're gone?"
"Because that's what I've been doing for centuries"
Xavier's voice was gentle but firm.
"Living through your absence. Waiting for you to return. It hurts. God, it hurts more than dying. But it's worth it for the moments we do get together. So promise me—promise me you'll live fully. Even after I'm gone. Especially after I'm gone."
Nana wanted to argue. Wanted to refuse. Wanted to say she'd rather die with him than live without him.
But looking into Xavier's eyes—those ancient, sad, beautiful eyes that had watched her die four times and still looked at her with such desperate love—Nana couldn't.
"I promise," she whispered. "I'll live. For you. For us. For all the lifetimes you spent waiting for me."
"Thank you." Xavier pulled her close again, tucking her head under his chin, his arms wrapped around her like he could protect her from the universe itself.
"Thank you, Starlight."
They stood together on the balcony as the night deepened, holding each other, crying together, memorizing the feel of each other's warmth. Above them, the stars pulsed with cold light—Xavier's true family, his real home, calling him back.
And for the first time in four lifetimes, Nana was the one who'd have to watch someone she loved fade away.
The curse had finally reversed.
And it hurt just as much as Xavier had always said it would.
.
.
.
.
.
⭐⭐⭐
To be continued __