[SYSTEM STATUS UPDATE]
[HOST: MARCUS CHEN]
[POWER LEVEL: 2,635 (DORMANT STATE)]
[POTENTIAL POWER LEVEL: THE SYSTEM HAS STOPPED TRYING TO CALCULATE THIS]
[TIME IN NEW WORLD: 1 YEAR, 3 DAYS]
[LOCATION: SON FAMILY RESIDENCE]
[PANCAKES CONSUMED (TOTAL): 31,247]
[CHI-CHI'S GROCERY BUDGET: DESTROYED]
[PICCOLO'S SANITY: HELD TOGETHER BY SPITE]
[FRIENDS MADE: MANY]
[FRIENDS WHO ARE TERRIFIED OF HIM: ALSO MANY]
one year had passed since the Raditz incident.
Marcus had spent it doing what Marcus did best: being completely useless in the most endearing way possible.
While Goku trained on King Kai's planet (having died heroically in a battle that Marcus slept through—he'd been napping under a tree at the time and woke up to find everyone crying), the rest of the Z-Fighters had been pushing themselves to their absolute limits.
Piccolo had taken Gohan under his wing, training the boy relentlessly in the wilderness.
Krillin, Yamcha, Tien, and Chiaotzu had trained at Kami's Lookout.
And Marcus?
Marcus had been bringing them snacks.
"PICCOLO! MR. GREEN! I BROUGHT SANDWICHES!"
Piccolo's eye twitched so hard it was practically vibrating. He was in the middle of demonstrating a ki technique to Gohan when Marcus emerged from the bushes, carrying a picnic basket and followed by Mr. Whiskers.
"I told you to STOP COMING HERE."
"But you haven't eaten in three days! That's not healthy! My doctor said you're supposed to eat at least three meals a day. Or was it three snacks? I don't remember, I wasn't really listening."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS ADMITTED TO NOT LISTENING TO MEDICAL ADVICE!]
[+8 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 2,635 → 2,643]
Gohan's stomach growled loudly.
"I... could eat," the boy admitted.
"GOHAN, NO—"
"I made PB&J! And turkey! And something that might be ham but could also be roast beef, I'm not really sure, the deli guy was talking really fast—"
[DING!]
[HOST DOES NOT KNOW WHAT MEAT HE PURCHASED!]
[+5 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 2,643 → 2,648]
Piccolo groaned. This had been happening for an entire year. Every time he tried to train in isolation, Marcus would appear with food, or blankets, or once—inexplicably—a potted plant.
"It looked lonely at the store," Marcus had explained. "I thought Gohan might want a friend."
The plant was still alive. Gohan had named it Gerald.
"Fine," Piccolo relented. "Ten minutes. Then back to training."
"Yay! Picnic time!"
Meanwhile, in a realm far beyond mortal comprehension...
Beerus, the God of Destruction, was having a dream.
This was not unusual. Beerus slept for decades at a time, and his dreams were often filled with visions of delicious food and worthy opponents.
But this dream was different.
In this dream, he saw a figure—a human, of all things—surrounded by an aura that defied description. It wasn't gold like a Super Saiyan. It wasn't blue like divine ki. It was...
Pink?
No, wait. It was shifting. Changing. One moment it was pink, then orange, then a color that didn't have a name because it had never existed before.
And the figure was eating pancakes.
"Whis," Beerus muttered in his sleep. "Whis..."
The angelic attendant appeared at his bedside, elegant as always. "Yes, Lord Beerus?"
"I'm having a strange dream. There's a human eating pancakes, and he's surrounded by an impossible aura."
Whis raised an eyebrow. "A human, you say?"
"Yes. And I feel like... like I should be concerned? But also hungry. The pancakes look delicious."
Whis tapped his staff, and a projection appeared—showing a blue marble of a planet in a distant galaxy.
"Earth. I've heard rumors about that world lately. Something about a warrior who defeated a Saiyan without trying." Whis's smile turned curious. "Perhaps we should investigate. After you've finished your nap, of course."
Beerus rolled over. "Mmm. Yes. After the nap. But remind me, Whis. I want to try those pancakes."
"Of course, Lord Beerus."
Back on Earth, the day of the Saiyan invasion had arrived.
Marcus didn't know this.
Marcus was in the kitchen, trying to figure out how the toaster worked.
"You put the bread in the slots," Chi-Chi explained for the fourteenth time. "Then you push the lever down."
"But which way is down?"
"The way gravity goes, Marcus."
"What's gravity?"
[DING!]
[HOST HAS ASKED WHAT GRAVITY IS!]
[+20 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 2,648 → 2,668]
Chi-Chi put her face in her hands. She loved Marcus like a weird, stupid brother at this point, but sometimes—SOMETIMES—she wanted to throw him into the sun.
"Gravity is the thing that keeps you on the ground."
"Oh! The ground force! I know about the ground force! It's what makes things fall when you drop them!" Marcus nodded sagely. "My teacher in school explained it once. I think his name was... Science Man?"
[DING!]
[HOST HAS FORGOTTEN WHAT TEACHERS ARE CALLED!]
[+10 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 2,668 → 2,678]
Before Chi-Chi could respond, the sky outside turned dark.
Two massive objects streaked across the atmosphere, trailing fire and destruction. They slammed into the earth somewhere in the distance, creating shockwaves that rattled the windows.
Marcus looked up from the toaster. "Huh. That was loud. Is it thundering? I don't like thunder. It's too... thundery."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS DESCRIBED THUNDER AS "THUNDERY"!]
[+5 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 2,678 → 2,683]
Chi-Chi went pale. "They're here. The Saiyans."
"The what?"
"THE SAIYANS! The aliens! The ones that are coming to destroy Earth!"
Marcus blinked. "We're being invaded by aliens?"
"YES! We've been preparing for this for A YEAR!"
"...We have?"
[DING!]
[HOST HAS BEEN COMPLETELY UNAWARE OF YEAR-LONG INVASION PREPARATIONS!]
[+50 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 2,683 → 2,733]
Chi-Chi stared at him with an expression of utter disbelief.
"What did you think all the training was for?!"
"I thought everyone just really liked exercise!" Marcus's face lit up with realization. "Oh! THAT'S why Piccolo was so intense! I thought he just had anger issues!"
[DING!]
[HOST'S THEORY ABOUT PICCOLO WAS TECHNICALLY ALSO CORRECT!]
[+15 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 2,733 → 2,748]
Chi-Chi grabbed him by the gi. "Listen to me very carefully. The people who just landed want to destroy our planet. All of it. Everyone on it. Including you, me, Gohan, Mr. Whiskers—everyone."
Marcus's expression shifted slightly.
Just slightly.
"They want to hurt Gohan?"
Chi-Chi recognized that tone. She'd only heard it once before, right before Marcus had turned Raditz into a punching bag.
"Yes. They want to hurt everyone."
"That's not very nice."
[SYSTEM ALERT!]
[GUARDIAN STATE: PRIMING]
[THE HOST IS BECOMING PROTECTIVE]
[OBLIVIOUSNESS LEVELS: FLUCTUATING]
[THIS COULD GO EITHER WAY]
Marcus nodded slowly. "Okay. I should probably go help then, right? That's what friends do?"
"Yes, Marcus. That's what friends do."
"But I don't know where they are."
Chi-Chi pointed out the window at the enormous smoke plume rising in the distance.
"Follow the giant explosion."
"Oh! That makes sense. Thanks, Chi-Chi! Save me some toast!"
He walked out the door.
Then walked back in.
"Which way is the explosion?"
Chi-Chi pointed again, more aggressively.
"Got it! Bye!"
[DING!]
[HOST NEEDED DIRECTIONS TO A VISIBLE EXPLOSION!]
[+12 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 2,748 → 2,760]
At the battlefield, things were going poorly.
Vegeta and Nappa had arrived to find a collection of Earth's strongest warriors waiting for them. Piccolo, Gohan, Krillin, Tien, Chiaotzu, and Yamcha had all gathered, ready to defend their planet.
They were getting destroyed.
Nappa alone was overwhelming them. The massive Saiyan was a walking catastrophe, shrugging off their attacks and dealing devastating blows in return.
Yamcha was already down.
Chiaotzu had sacrificed himself in a failed self-destruct attempt.
Tien had lost an arm.
And Vegeta hadn't even fought yet. He was standing on a nearby rock, arms crossed, watching with bored amusement.
"Pathetic," the Saiyan Prince declared. "These are Earth's defenders? Raditz really was worthless if he couldn't handle this."
Nappa laughed, holding Piccolo by the throat. "Hey Vegeta, should I kill this green one? He's got some fight in him!"
"Do what you want. I'm waiting for Kakarot. And that other one—the 'monster' Raditz warned us about." Vegeta smirked. "I want to see what all the fuss was about."
Krillin, barely standing, shouted: "Goku's coming! And when he gets here—"
"He'll die like the rest of you," Vegeta interrupted. "Face it, baldy. Your planet is—"
"EXCUSE ME!"
Everyone froze.
They turned to see Marcus jogging into the battlefield, waving cheerfully. Mr. Whiskers followed reluctantly, having learned that resistance was futile.
"Hi everyone! Sorry I'm late! Chi-Chi had to point me toward the explosion three times because I kept getting distracted by a butterfly! It was a really pretty butterfly though. Blue! Or maybe purple? I'm not good with colors."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS ARRIVED AT A LIFE-OR-DEATH BATTLE WHILE DISCUSSING BUTTERFLIES!]
[+35 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 2,760 → 2,795]
Nappa squinted at the newcomer. "Who the hell is this?"
Vegeta's scouter beeped. "Power level of 2,795. Slightly higher than average for these weaklings, but nothing special."
Marcus noticed Piccolo being held by the throat and frowned.
"Hey, Mr. Green! Why is that big bald man holding you like that? Is this a game? It doesn't look fun. You look like you're choking."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS MISIDENTIFIED STRANGULATION AS A GAME!]
[+25 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 2,795 → 2,820]
Vegeta's scouter beeped again. "What? It went up?"
Nappa snorted. "Scouter's probably broken. Just like Raditz's was. These things are garbage."
"Hmm."
Piccolo, gasping for air, managed to choke out: "Marcus... run... you idiot..."
"Run? Why would I run? I just got here!" Marcus looked around the battlefield, seeing the fallen fighters, the destruction, the blood. His expression flickered. "Hey, what happened to everyone? Did you guys already play the game? Did I miss it?"
[DING!]
[HOST THINKS A MASSACRE IS A GAME HE MISSED!]
[+30 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 2,820 → 2,850]
Vegeta's scouter beeped a third time. "2,850? It's climbing."
Nappa laughed. "Who cares? He's still nothing. Hey, little man! Want to see what happens when you mess with a Saiyan Elite?"
He threw Piccolo aside and stomped toward Marcus.
Marcus looked up at the massive warrior. And up. And up.
"Wow, you're really tall! Do you play basketball? I tried to play basketball once, but I kept forgetting which hoop was ours. Also, I'm not very good at throwing things. Or catching things. Or things in general."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS ADMITTED TO BEING BAD AT "THINGS IN GENERAL"!]
[+15 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 2,850 → 2,865]
Nappa blinked. "...What?"
"Basketball! The sport with the orange ball? You bounce it and throw it in the hoop? Unless that's football. Is football the one with the hoop? Or is that soccer? Sports are confusing."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS CONFUSED MULTIPLE SPORTS!]
[+10 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 2,865 → 2,875]
Vegeta watched his scouter numbers climb with growing irritation. "Nappa, just kill him. He's obviously defective."
"With pleasure!"
Nappa raised his fist—
"Oh, before you do whatever you're about to do," Marcus said, "can I ask a question?"
Nappa paused, more out of bewilderment than courtesy. "...Fine. Ask."
"Why are you bald?"
Silence.
Complete, absolute silence.
Somewhere in the distance, a bird chirped.
"...What?" Nappa's eye twitched.
"Your head. It's bald. So is that other guy's head." Marcus pointed at Vegeta. "Wait, no, that guy has hair. Sorry, the spiky part blended in with the sky. But you're definitely bald. Is it a choice? My uncle went bald and he was really upset about it. He tried all these creams and stuff. They didn't work. He still looked like a thumb."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS COMPARED A SAIYAN ELITE TO A THUMB!]
[+75 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 2,875 → 2,950]
Vegeta's scouter beeped again and he crushed it in frustration. "WHAT IS HAPPENING?!"
Nappa's face had turned an impressive shade of purple. "You... you little... HOW DARE YOU?! I AM NAPPA, ELITE WARRIOR OF THE SAIYAN RACE! I HAVE CONQUERED HUNDREDS OF PLANETS! I AM NOT A—A—"
"A thumb?"
"STOP SAYING THUMB!"
[DING!]
[HOST HAS FURTHER ENRAGED A SAIYAN BY REPEATING AN INSULT!]
[+40 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 2,950 → 2,990]
Marcus looked genuinely apologetic. "Sorry! I didn't know it was a sensitive topic. My uncle was sensitive about it too. He used to wear hats a lot. Do you want a hat? I don't have one, but I could probably find one. There might be a store nearby. Do stores exist here? I never actually checked."
[DING!]
[HOST DOES NOT KNOW IF STORES EXIST!]
[AFTER A YEAR OF LIVING HERE!]
[+45 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 2,990 → 3,035]
Krillin, watching from the sidelines, whispered to Gohan: "Is... is this actually happening?"
"I think so?" Gohan was equally bewildered. "Mr. Marcus does this a lot."
"Does what? Makes people angry by talking about hats?"
"Makes people angry by talking about... anything, really."
Nappa had heard enough. "I'M GOING TO REDUCE YOU TO ATOMS!"
He threw a punch with enough force to level a mountain.
Marcus raised his hand instinctively.
The punch connected.
Nappa's arm shattered.
"AAAAAAAARGH!" The Saiyan Elite stumbled back, clutching the mangled remains of his limb. "WHAT?! IMPOSSIBLE! HOW—"
"Oh no, are you okay?!" Marcus looked horrified. "I didn't mean to do that! I just put my hand up because things were coming at my face and I don't like things coming at my face!"
[DING!]
[HOST HAS ACCIDENTALLY DESTROYED A SAIYAN'S ARM!]
[WHILE APOLOGIZING!]
[+100 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 3,035 → 3,135]
Vegeta stood up slowly, his amusement completely gone.
"So. You're the one Raditz warned us about."
Marcus looked at the shorter Saiyan. "Raditz? The angry hair guy? Is he okay? He flew away really fast last time. I hope he found wherever he was going. He seemed stressed."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS EXPRESSED CONCERN FOR A FORMER ENEMY!]
[+20 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 3,135 → 3,155]
Vegeta's expression darkened. "Raditz is dead. He died from his injuries shortly after leaving this planet. Because of YOU."
Marcus's face fell. "Oh. That's sad. I told him to leave, but I didn't want him to die. Death is so... final. Like when a TV show ends and there's no more episodes. I hate that."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS COMPARED DEATH TO A CANCELLED TV SHOW!]
[+35 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 3,155 → 3,190]
"You..." Vegeta's power began to surge, creating a visible aura around him. "You killed a Saiyan warrior. My soldier. And you compare it to TELEVISION?!"
"Is that bad? I like television. Especially cooking shows. They're very relaxing. Do you like cooking shows?"
[DING!]
[HOST HAS ASKED A MURDEROUS ALIEN PRINCE ABOUT HIS TV PREFERENCES!]
[+60 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 3,190 → 3,250]
Vegeta screamed with rage and launched himself at Marcus.
What followed was less of a fight and more of an embarrassment.
Vegeta threw a punch—Marcus tripped over a rock and accidentally dodged it.
Vegeta threw a kick—Marcus bent down to look at an interesting bug and the attack sailed over his head.
Vegeta fired a ki blast—Marcus sneezed and deflected it with his Kamehame-achoo.
[DING!]
[HOST IS WINNING A FIGHT THROUGH PURE ACCIDENT!]
[COMBO MULTIPLIER ACTIVE!]
[+150 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 3,250 → 3,400]
"STAND STILL!" Vegeta roared.
"I'm trying! But there's so many things happening! And you keep yelling! I don't like yelling! My karate teacher used to yell and that's why I quit!"
[DING!]
[HOST HAS BROUGHT UP CHILDHOOD TRAUMA DURING COMBAT!]
[+25 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 3,400 → 3,425]
Vegeta powered up further, his aura intensifying. "I am the PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS! I will NOT be humiliated by some—some—"
"Some what?"
"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU ARE!"
"I'm Marcus! I like pancakes and my tiger and my friends!" Marcus smiled brightly. "What's your name? I don't think we were properly introduced. My mom always said introductions are important. 'First impressions matter, Marcus,' she'd say. Of course, I usually made bad first impressions because I'd say something weird, but—"
[DING!]
[HOST HAS ATTEMPTED SOCIAL NICETIES DURING A BATTLE!]
[+40 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 3,425 → 3,465]
"I AM VEGETA, PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS, AND I—"
"Vegetable?"
Vegeta stopped mid-sentence. "...What?"
"Your name. Vegeta. Is that short for Vegetable? That would make sense because your hair kind of looks like broccoli. Or maybe asparagus? A green vegetable, definitely. An angry green vegetable."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS INSULTED THE SAIYAN PRINCE'S NAME AND HAIR!]
[SIMULTANEOUSLY!]
[+200 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 3,465 → 3,665]
The Z-Fighters, watching from the sidelines, had varying expressions:
Krillin: Pure terror.
Gohan: Confused admiration.
Piccolo: A look that suggested his soul was leaving his body.
Tien: Bleeding, but impressed.
Yamcha: Unconscious, but would be impressed if he were awake.
Mr. Whiskers: Eating grass, having given up on understanding his owner.
Vegeta stood absolutely still.
His eye was twitching so violently it looked like it might pop out of his head.
"Broccoli," he whispered.
"Or asparagus! I'm not sure. Like I said, I'm not good with colors. Or vegetables. Or much of anything, really."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS ADMITTED TO BEING BAD AT EVERYTHING, AGAIN!]
[+15 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 3,665 → 3,680]
"You know what?" Vegeta's voice was eerily calm now. "I was going to give you a warrior's death. Quick. Painless. But now? Now I'm going to make you suffer. I'm going to transform, and I'm going to CRUSH YOU."
"Transform? Like a robot? I love robots! Transformers were my favorite as a kid! Did you have Transformers on your planet? Which one was your favorite? I liked the truck one."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS ASKED IF ALIENS WATCHED EARTH CARTOONS!]
[+55 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 3,680 → 3,735]
Vegeta created a Power Ball and threw it into the sky.
"BEHOLD! THE FULL POWER OF A SAIYAN!"
His body began to transform. He grew larger. Hairier. His face elongated into a snout. His power skyrocketed as he became a towering Great Ape.
"NOW DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!" Vegeta roared, his voice echoing across the battlefield. "THIS IS THE POWER OF THE SAIYAN RACE!"
Marcus looked up.
And up.
And up.
"Wow," he said. "You're a really big monkey."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS CALLED THE GREAT APE FORM "A REALLY BIG MONKEY"!]
[+80 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 3,735 → 3,815]
Great Ape Vegeta's eye twitched—an impressive feat for a creature that size.
"I AM NOT A MONKEY! I AM A GREAT APE! THE ULTIMATE SAIYAN FORM!"
"What's the difference between a monkey and an ape? I never understood that. They're both hairy and they both eat bananas, right? Do you eat bananas? You seem like a banana guy."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS OFFERED DIETARY ADVICE TO A GIANT APE!]
[+70 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 3,815 → 3,885]
"I DON'T EAT BANANAS!"
"Are you sure? They're really good for you. Potassium and stuff. My doctor said I should eat more potassium. I don't really know what potassium is, but bananas have it."
[DING!]
[HOST DOESN'T KNOW WHAT POTASSIUM IS!]
[+12 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 3,885 → 3,897]
Vegeta had had enough. He raised his massive fist and brought it down with world-shattering force.
The fist stopped an inch from Marcus's head.
Marcus had raised one hand, almost casually.
"Please don't do that. I don't want to fight. Fighting is mean. Can't we just... talk about this? Maybe over pancakes? Chi-Chi makes really good pancakes. You could come over! We could be friends!"
[DING!]
[HOST HAS INVITED AN ENEMY TO PANCAKES WHILE BLOCKING A CITY-DESTROYING ATTACK!]
[+125 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 3,897 → 4,022]
Vegeta's Great Ape form pushed harder.
Marcus didn't budge.
"I don't... understand," Vegeta growled. "Your power level is barely over 4,000! I'm at 180,000 in this form! How are you—"
"Power levels are weird, aren't they?" Marcus said conversationally, still holding back the giant fist with one hand. "Goku tried to explain them to me once. Something about numbers and strength? I'm not good with numbers. Or strength. Or most things."
[DING!]
[HOST IS CASUALLY RESISTING A 180,000 POWER LEVEL ATTACK!]
[WHILE DISCUSSING HIS OWN INADEQUACIES!]
[+100 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 4,022 → 4,122]
And then something changed.
Marcus noticed Nappa—broken arm and all—crawling toward Gohan and Piccolo, a ki blast charging in his remaining hand.
"The Prince might not kill you," Nappa snarled, "but I can still take out the brat and the Namekian!"
Marcus saw Gohan's terrified face.
Something inside him... shifted.
[SYSTEM ALERT!]
[GUARDIAN STATE: ACTIVATING]
[TRIGGER DETECTED: THREAT TO GOHAN]
[OBLIVIOUSNESS: SHUTTING DOWN]
[PROCESSING EMOTIONAL RESPONSE...]
[WARNING: SOMETHING NEW IS HAPPENING]
Marcus's expression went blank.
Then cold.
Then something else entirely.
"I asked nicely," Marcus said, and his voice was different now—layered, resonant, like multiple versions of himself speaking at once. "I offered pancakes. I tried to be friendly."
The ground beneath him began to crack.
Energy—not ki, something else, something that felt WRONG to everyone who sensed it—began swirling around him.
"But you keep trying to hurt my friends."
[DING!]
[DING!]
[DING!]
[CRITICAL SYSTEM EVENT!]
[HOST IS UNDERGOING TRANSFORMATION!]
[THIS IS NOT A KNOWN TRANSFORMATION!]
[THE SYSTEM IS ANALYZING...]
[THE SYSTEM IS CONFUSED...]
[THE SYSTEM IS SCARED?!]
The energy around Marcus solidified into an aura that defied description. It wasn't gold. It wasn't blue. It wasn't any color that existed in normal reality.
It was the color of STUPID.
Not dumb. Not idiotic. COSMIC STUPID. The kind of stupid that wraps around so far it becomes genius. The kind of obliviousness that transcends mortal understanding and touches something divine.
His hair didn't spike up like a Super Saiyan's.
It got MESSIER. Like he'd just woken up. Like he hadn't brushed it in three dimensions.
His eyes didn't change to teal or silver.
They became completely UNFOCUSED, looking at everything and nothing simultaneously, as if he was watching a TV show that didn't exist.
[NEW FORM UNLOCKED!]
[NAME: ULTRA OBLIVIOUS]
[DESCRIPTION: THE HOST HAS ACHIEVED A STATE OF SUCH PROFOUND DISCONNECTION FROM REALITY THAT REALITY HAS GIVEN UP TRYING TO CONSTRAIN HIM]
[POWER LEVEL: ERROR]
[POWER LEVEL: ERROR]
[POWER LEVEL: LOOK, THE SYSTEM DOESN'T KNOW, OKAY?]
[IT'S HIGH. IT'S VERY HIGH. LEAVE US ALONE.]
Marcus turned to look at Nappa.
His head moved, but his eyes took a second to catch up, like a video buffering.
"You should leave now," Marcus said, his voice still that strange, layered tone.
Nappa froze.
Every survival instinct he'd ever developed screamed at him to RUN.
"I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt anyone. Hurting people makes them sad, and sad people don't smile, and I like smiles. Smiles are nice. Do you know what else is nice? Pancakes. I've mentioned pancakes, right? I feel like I've mentioned pancakes."
[DING!]
[HOST IS RAMBLING ABOUT PANCAKES WHILE IN GODLIKE FORM!]
[THE SYSTEM HAS NO IDEA HOW TO SCORE THIS!]
[+??? STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: ???]
Vegeta, still in Great Ape form, felt something he'd never felt before.
Fear.
Genuine, primal, soul-deep fear.
"What... WHAT ARE YOU?!"
Marcus turned to face the giant ape. His unfocused eyes seemed to look through Vegeta rather than at him.
"I'm Marcus. I like pancakes and my tiger and my friends." The same words he always said, but now they carried weight. "I already told you that. Are you not listening? Listening is important. My mom always said—"
Vegeta fired a mouth blast with everything he had.
Marcus raised one finger.
The blast split around him like water around a stone.
"—that listening is how we learn. And learning is important because it helps us grow. Although I never grew very much. In knowledge, I mean. I'm average height. I think. I'm not good with heights. Or measurements. Or—"
He appeared in front of Vegeta's face—a hundred feet up—without seeming to move.
"—numbers in general."
He flicked Vegeta's snout.
The Great Ape form EXPLODED backwards, reverting to regular Vegeta mid-flight, crashing through multiple rock formations before coming to a stop in a crater half a mile away.
[DING!]
[HOST HAS DEFEATED A GREAT APE WITH A FLICK!]
[+∞ STAT POINTS!]
[THE SYSTEM'S CALCULATOR IS ON FIRE!]
[POWER LEVEL: YES!]
From a planet millions of light-years away, Beerus's eyes snapped open.
"Whis."
"Yes, Lord Beerus?"
"I'm awake."
"I noticed. You've been asleep for only twenty-three minutes. This is unprecedented."
Beerus sat up, his expression troubled. "I felt something. Something... impossible."
"The human?"
"I don't know WHAT that was. But it wasn't divine ki. It wasn't mortal ki. It was something else entirely." Beerus's tail swished with agitation. "And it felt like it was looking at me."
"That is concerning."
"It also felt like it wanted to offer me pancakes."
"...That is less concerning, but somehow more unsettling."
Beerus stood up. "Prepare a trip to Earth. I need to see this for myself."
"Of course, Lord Beerus. Should I bring ingredients for pancakes?"
"...Yes. But don't tell anyone I said that."
Back on Earth, Marcus floated down to the ground.
His Ultra Oblivious form began to fade. The impossible aura dissipated. His eyes regained focus—as much focus as they ever had, anyway.
And then he blinked, looked around at the devastated battlefield, and said:
"Huh. I zoned out again, didn't I? I do that sometimes. My therapist said I have attention issues. Or was it intention issues? I don't remember. What were we talking about?"
[ULTRA OBLIVIOUS: DEACTIVATING]
[MEMORY OF TRANSFORMATION: DELETED (AS USUAL)]
[POWER LEVEL: RETURNING TO BASELINE... 5,000]
[NOTE: BASELINE HAS INCREASED SIGNIFICANTLY]
[THE HOST IS NOW PERMANENTLY STRONGER]
[HE WILL NOT UNDERSTAND WHY]
The Z-Fighters stared at him.
Piccolo's jaw was hanging open.
Krillin had fallen to his knees.
Gohan was crying, though whether from fear or relief was unclear.
Tien had passed out from blood loss, but also probably from shock.
Even Mr. Whiskers had stopped eating grass to stare.
"Why is everyone looking at me like that?" Marcus asked. "Did I say something weird? I say weird things sometimes. Most times. Okay, all times. But people usually don't look at me like THAT."
[DING!]
[HOST IS UNAWARE HE JUST DEFEATED TWO SAIYAN ELITES IN A GODLIKE FORM!]
[+100 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,000 → 5,100]
Vegeta crawled out of his crater, barely conscious. His armor was shattered. His pride was in pieces. His understanding of the universe had been fundamentally broken.
"You..." he rasped. "I will... remember this..."
Marcus noticed him and waved cheerfully. "Oh hey, Broccoli Guy! You're still here! Are you okay? You look hurt. Do you need a bandage? I don't have one, but I could probably find one. Somewhere. Maybe."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS OFFERED FIRST AID TO HIS DEFEATED ENEMY!]
[WHILE STILL CALLING HIM "BROCCOLI GUY"!]
[+65 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,100 → 5,165]
Vegeta's eye twitched.
Then twitched again.
Then kept twitching as he lost consciousness.
Nappa had already fled—hopping into his space pod and launching into orbit the moment Marcus's form had faded, not willing to take any chances.
The battle was over.
Earth was saved.
And Marcus had no idea he was responsible.
Later, at the Son household, the survivors gathered.
Goku had arrived via Instant Transmission (having just learned it from King Kai) moments after the battle ended, only to find that there was no battle left.
"So... Marcus beat them?" Goku asked, sitting at the kitchen table with a bewildered expression.
"'Beat them' is an understatement," Piccolo growled. He was covered in bandages but alive—largely because Marcus had interrupted Nappa before the Saiyan could finish him off. "He transformed into... something. I don't know what it was. It wasn't Super Saiyan. It wasn't any form I've ever seen. And his power was... it was BEYOND anything."
"His eyes went all fuzzy," Gohan added helpfully. "And his hair got really messy. And he kept talking about pancakes."
Chi-Chi, serving tea to everyone, sighed. "That sounds like Marcus."
"You don't understand," Krillin interjected, still shaking. "He flicked Vegeta. FLICKED him. And Vegeta went flying like a ragdoll. In his Great Ape form. That's a power level of 180,000 and Marcus just... FLICKED IT."
Goku was quiet for a moment.
Then he started laughing.
"That's AMAZING! Marcus is so strong! I can't wait to spar with him again!"
Everyone stared at Goku with expressions of horror.
"Goku," Piccolo said slowly, "did you not hear what we just said? He's not normal. His power defies logic. He doesn't even REMEMBER what he did."
"Yeah, that's the weird part!" Goku agreed cheerfully. "But it's also kind of cool, right? He's like... a secret weapon that doesn't know it's a weapon!"
"That's not reassuring, Goku."
"I think it's reassuring!"
[THE SYSTEM WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT GOKU AND MARCUS MIGHT BE COSMICALLY CONNECTED.]
[BOTH SHARE A PROFOUND IMMUNITY TO COMMON SENSE.]
[THIS IS CONCERNING.]
Marcus walked in, holding a confused Mr. Whiskers.
"Hey everyone! What did I miss? Chi-Chi, is there any toast? I never got my toast earlier. The aliens interrupted toast time and I'm still kind of sad about that."
[DING!]
[HOST IS UPSET ABOUT TOAST BEING INTERRUPTED!]
[NOT ABOUT THE ALIEN INVASION!]
[+30 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,165 → 5,195]
Chi-Chi silently got up and made toast.
She'd given up on understanding anything a long time ago.
In orbit, Nappa's space pod hurtled toward the nearest Frieza Force outpost.
He was going to report this.
He was going to tell everyone about the monster on Earth.
And then he was going to take a very, very long vacation somewhere far away from that planet.
In his crater, Vegeta lay unconscious, twitching occasionally.
His dreams were haunted by unfocused eyes and the word "broccoli."
He would wake up in two hours, steal a space pod, and flee.
But he would return.
He WOULD return.
And next time, he would be ready.
(He would not be ready.)
[CHAPTER 4 COMPLETE]
[FINAL POWER LEVEL: 5,195 (DORMANT)]
[PEAK POWER LEVEL DURING ULTRA OBLIVIOUS: UNDEFINED (SYSTEM CRASHED)]
[FORMS UNLOCKED: 2]
[- GUARDIAN STATE: TRIGGERED BY THREATS TO LOVED ONES]
[- ULTRA OBLIVIOUS: TRIGGERED BY EXTREME GUARDIAN STATE + MAXIMUM CONFUSION]
[ENEMIES DEFEATED:]
[- NAPPA: HUMILIATED, FLED]
[- VEGETA: HUMILIATED, UNCONSCIOUS, WILL NEED THERAPY]
[BEERUS STATUS: AWAKE, INTRIGUED, WANTS PANCAKES]
[WHIS STATUS: AMUSED]
[PICCOLO STATUS: RECONSIDERING HIS LIFE CHOICES]
[GOKU STATUS: EXCITED TO SPAR (OF COURSE)]
[MR. WHISKERS STATUS: HAS ACCEPTED HIS FATE]
[NEXT CHAPTER PREVIEW:]
["The Purple Cat Wants Pancakes? I Can Make Pancakes! Wait, No I Can't, I Burn Everything."]
[FEATURING:]
[- BEERUS AND WHIS ARRIVE ON EARTH]
[- MARCUS TRIES TO PET BEERUS]
[- BEERUS DOES NOT WANT TO BE PET]
[- OR DOES HE?]
[- MARCUS SOMEHOW BECOMES BEERUS'S FAVORITE MORTAL]
[- EVERYONE IS CONFUSED]
[- ESPECIALLY BEERUS]
END OF CHAPTER 4