As the hours approached nightfall, on a spring day…
While the sky hadn't completely darkened yet, I was listening to prayers being said for a stranger in the hospital where my father had dragged me by the arm.
The patient looked about my age. His eyes seemed confused, as if he didn't understand what was happening; he looked frightened. But there was no one where he was looking. After a while, a few words escaped his lips.
"Dad… where are you?"
His father, sitting right beside him, spoke after slightly knitting his brows.
"Son, I'm right here."
In that moment, I understood.
The boy was blind.
"Dad, are there others here too?"
His father smiled.
"Yes, son. Your Uncle Rafal is here. His son is with him too. Maybe you'll be friends?"
The boy smiled.
My father was gesturing with his eyes and eyebrows for me to go over to him. Reluctantly, I stood up, walked slowly toward him, and began to speak.
"Hello. My name is Jous."
He startled slightly, then immediately reached out his hand.
"Ah! Like my name, Kael. Nice to meet you."
I shook his hand. He was smiling, showing his teeth. I let go of his hand and drew back.
"Jous, wouldn't you like to be friends with Kael?" my father asked in a coercive tone.
"Of course," I said falsely.
In truth, I didn't want an idiot in my life who couldn't even see.
Pathetic people don't deserve to be cared for. My father had taught me this.
But what could I say? When I saw Kael's eyes rolling upward as he looked up, nothing stirred inside me; I was disgusted.
Kael stood up.
"Dad, I'm fine. Is it okay if Jous and I go for a walk outside?"
I frowned. I didn't want this.
I looked at my father. His stern expression was directed at me. Then he turned to Kael.
"I'm sure Jous would love to go out with you, wouldn't you, Jous?"
I was annoyed, but I said nothing.
"Of course."
The way the smile on his face kept growing felt strange to me.
How big is this fool's mouth, I thought to myself.
"Jous, don't let go of Kael's hand while you're outside," my father said.
I nodded my head. Taking Kael by the hand, I headed out.
As we were going down the stairs, I asked:
"Why were you hospitalized?"
He tilted his head as if saying, "Hm?" Then suddenly:
"Haa! I think I tumbled down the stairs again, hehe."
"Again?" I asked.
He smiled broadly.
"Yes. I think this is the fourth time this year… I try to go to the kitchen when I get hungry at night and—bam! I fell, haha."
The fourth time?
It was only April. He was falling almost once a month.
"Keep something next to you while you sleep," I said instinctively.
His eyes widened.
"Whoa, that's so logical!"
When people around us started staring, I felt a bit embarrassed and began to walk faster.
"But I can't…" he said later. "Pamuk and Prenses would eat them."
"Who are Pamuk and Prenses?" I asked.
"Ah! My cat, Pamuk, and my dog, Prenses. Do you want to see their pictures? My dad put them on my home and lock screens. Look, this is Pamuk!"
He held out his phone. There was a dog on the lock screen.
"Wasn't Pamuk the cat?" I said.
"I forgot, sorry," he said with a laugh. "That was my home screen…"
What was this now? He's truly an idiot, I thought to myself.
"Jous..." he called out to me in a curious tone.
"Yes, Kael?"
"Would your father let us stay out longer?"
"I don't know, I don't think he'll allow it." Did he want to stay with me longer or something? I didn't want that. Besides, his strange-looking eyes were creeping me out enough as it was.
"We won't know without trying, will we?" I rolled my eyes slightly. This boy didn't just lack sight; he couldn't even sense the irritation beneath people's politeness. His endless optimism was giving me cramps in my stomach.
"I guess we won't. I'll ask my father." Just as I was about to take out my phone to call him, I sent my father a message first. My fingers moved across the screen with loathing; I was at the limit of my patience.
Dad, I'm going to call you in a bit. Please answer "no" to my question, I wrote. That small sound indicating the message was sent sparked a strange sense of victory within me. Deceiving him was child's play.
My father called me before I could call him. The light from the screen painted my face a cold white in the garden that was beginning to fade into evening darkness. When I answered, my father's voice didn't come in that authoritative tone I expected, but rather sounded playful and sharp, as if he'd caught a weakness.
"Let's see what I'm supposed to say no to," he said as he picked up.
Fortunately, the speaker wasn't on; Kael didn't hear this. My heart raced for a moment, but I didn't break my fake mask. That was the rule of being Jous: never give yourself away. Kael was beside me, head slightly tilted, waiting with that eerie attention focused only on sounds. To him, the world consisted only of frequencies, and I was the one controlling them. Or so I thought.
Then I turned on the speaker and began to speak with the air of a professional liar:
"Dad, Kael wants to wander around a bit more. He wanted me to ask you, so that's why I called."
I knew that the artificial plea in my voice would trigger my father's stubbornness. Or so I hoped. However, after a short but heavy sigh, my father gave the exact disastrous answer I had been dreading.
"I'm sure it's very beautiful outside right now. Of course you can walk, just don't be late."
My eye twitched with anger. The phone in my palm felt like it had suddenly turned into a glowing coal. I clenched my teeth, forced to swallow the curses knotting in my throat.
"Haha, thank you, my dear father!" I said, trying to make my voice sound cheerful. I hung up before he could even reply and began to grip the phone tightly. The creaking of the plastic case echoed like a bone breaking in the quiet garden.
Kael turned to me. His rolling eyes, unable to focus on anything yet seemingly peering into my soul, had taken on a strange color in the light. The massive smile on his face seemed too big for his features. He was so happy that it made me nauseous. Such pure joy, such vast ignorance, could only be found in a fool.
"Hooray, Jous! Your father allowed it! I have a place I want to take you, come with me, hurry!" he said enthusiastically. His voice was loud enough to drown out the chirping of the birds in the garden.
He took my hand. His palm was warm; mine was frozen with the coldness of hatred. As he started to run, pulling me in one direction, he didn't know where he was running to, but he was so sure of where he was going... Every time his feet hit the ground, it was as if he was testing my patience.
I remained silent and decided to endure him taking me away...