I should be thrilled the prince just gave Soleil a pass on the whole treason thing. This means the Dukedom of Castillo isn't totally screwed. So why do I feel this miserable anxiety? Why am I so damn pissed off? Is this leftover rage from the original Sierra? Maybe. But honestly, I'm just frustrated watching the Crown Prince—the guy who could date literally anyone settle for a confirmed traitor.
"You are returned, my lady," Mary greeted me. I walked into the room, and the package of hydrangea tea leaves the Queen promised were already on the table. "I have already arranged your things for our departure, and the queen's servant delivered these for you."
"Thank you, Mary." I went straight to the bed and sat down. Mary must have seen the total exhaustion on my face because she gave my back a gentle pat.
"You may rest until the Duke finishes his discussion with the King, my lady. I shall remain without should you ever require anything of me."
I gave her a small smile and a nod. The moment Mary closed the door, I lay onto the bed to let my body relax. I focused on the deep-breathing exercise I learned back in my old life—four seconds in, seven seconds hold, eight seconds out. It should shake this toxic blend of confusion and disappointment weighing down my chest. Just as I finally felt myself calming down, Father knocked and called from outside the door.
"You may enter, Papa." I quickly got up and sat properly.
He came in with a wide smile like he'd won the lottery. Clearly, his talk with the King went better than great.
"I am sorry I have made you wait, my dear. I know you are not feeling quite well since the first ball, thus we must return home so you may finally take your rest." The maids and butler immediately filed in and started hauling my luggage out.
"It is quite alright, Papa. I know that you had a matter of far greater importance to attend to."
The Duke sat beside me and patted my head gently. "Do not speak so. You know full well that you and your sister are of more important to me than anything. That is why I am doing everything to ensure that you and Soleil will live the best life possible."
"Thank you, Papa." I forced a smile. Ugh, if he only knew. I wanted to scream that his idea of the 'best life possible' was a total mess! It literally tore Soleil and Sierra apart. One was miserable because her crush was marrying her sister, and the other was miserable because she was trapped between the Crown and the man she actually loved. And the biggest irony? He has no clue that one of his daughters is already dead.
Soon, we were led out to the courtyard where our carriage awaited. The Duke, the King, and the Queen exchanged formal farewells. The Crown Prince, however, merely stood a short distance away.
I focused intensely on the smooth stone of the courtyard, refusing to let my gaze drift anywhere near him. I could feel him watching me, but I refused to look back
The Duke assisted Soleil into the carriage first. Then, the Prince stepped forward. My chest tightened as he offered Soleil his gloved hand, helping her gracefully ascend the steps. His actions were courteous, but they only served to prove the disappointing reality that he had chosen a disappointing future.
My turn came next. I kept my head down, prepared to hurry past him and into the carriage. But I could not avoid the formal gesture. He moved smoothly toward me, and I was taken aback when his firm, warm hand, protected only by the thin leather of his glove, took mine to guide me. I was forced to look up at him. His stare was intense and so sad that it almost knocked the wind out of me.
Then he mouthed the words, "Please forgive me."
The unexpected apology caught me off guard. Before I could process the shock, I quickly withdrew my hand and stepped into the carriage.
"Thank you, Your Highness." That was all I could manage. I immediately turned my back and stared fixedly at the cushioned seat. I don't want to risk any further interaction, or to let him see the tumult in my eyes.
The carriage door slammed, cutting off the noise from outside. We lurched forward, and the vibe shifted instantly. It was weird going from the huge, formal court to being crammed into this fancy, stuffy box with Soleil.
I sank back into the silk seat, trying to force my breathing to slow down. The sensation of the Prince's warm hand and that desperate look in his eyes still clung to me. He wanted forgiveness? Give me a break.
Across from me, Soleil was practically buzzing with excitement. It was nauseating. She smoothed down her expensive gown, a smug little smile plastered on her face.
"Well, sister," she began, her tone dripping with fake sweetness. "It appears the Crown Prince is far more devoted to me than you had perhaps anticipated."
I kept my eyes on the passing scenery. I refused to give her a reaction.
"Indeed," she pushed on, refusing to let the silence sit. "To know of my foolish mistake, yet to remain steadfastly committed to our engagement... it speaks volumes of his regard. I believe he may be quite in love with me."
I finally turned my head and gave her a cold, dead stare.
"And do you count such a thing as a virtue, Soleil? That the Prince is willing to overlook deceit, to prize a union based upon a necessary secret rather than true, honest affection? Is a man who settles for a traitor something you should be proud of?"
Soleil's smile faltered, replaced by a momentary flash of annoyance before she regained her composure.
"You speak with undue harshness, Sierra. You do not understand the complexities of our position. One must make certain sacrifices for the preservation of the family name, and yes, even the future of the Dukedom. That the Prince understands this, that he is so willing to stand by me, proves his nobility, does it not?" She leaned forward slightly. "I tell you this, sister, you must understand that what I was doing was also for our best. You are safe. Father is secure. The Dukedom remains strong and the Crown is secured. Is that not the worth of my… compromise?"
I scoffed. Oh, the self-serving delusion is astounding!
"Do you truly believe a life built on a foundation of lies is the best life, Soleil? When the true foundation crumbles, I wonder if the security you speak of will remain."
Thank God, Father was in the second carriage behind us. If he heard this conversation, he would probably have a stroke.
Soleil huffed, turning her attention to the window as if the passing scenery of the capital was suddenly more engaging than my uncomfortable questions. The silence that fell between us was thick. It was the silence of two people who understood they were now enemies living under the same roof.
This is insane. I am trapped in a period drama, and my sister is basically betraying the royal family just to secure the family's future, a family that isn't even mine!
I closed my eyes and focused on the rocking motion of the carriage. I tried to shift my mind away from the impossible complexities of the palace drama and onto my own survival plan. The Prince knows Soleil is shady but is proceeding with the wedding, so the Dukedom is safe for the moment. My job isn't to fix the plot anymore, it's to execute an exit strategy.
I couldn't spend the rest of my life role-playing a heartbroken, frail noblewoman. The corset alone would drive me crazy. I needed money, and independence.
I mentally took stock of my assets. Modern knowledge? Useless, unless I want to be burned as a witch. Noble Title? A burden, not an asset. Piano and Embroidery skills? Won't pay the rent. Money? My allowance is a joke. I need real capital.
I'll hit the library The second we get back to the estate. I need to understand the economy, trade routes, and geography. I'll play the 'sickly, traumatized girl' card to get out of tea parties and social obligations. While they think I'm crying in my room, I'll be figuring out how to launch a business under the table.
Soleil cleared her throat loudly, interrupting my business meeting with myself.
"I do hope that once we arrive home, you shall cease this peculiar behavior and comport yourself with more… decorum. The Prince's decision is final, and our Father requires harmony within the house."
Decorum? I'll show you decorum when I'm running a trade empire on another continent.
I gave her a plastic smile. "I shall always do my best to bring Father contentment, Soleil. You need not fret over my behavior. Just worry about securing the Prince's lasting contentment."
It was a polite dismissal on the surface. But underneath? We both knew exactly what I meant.