Chapter 10
On the streets of New York, a naked man and a man wrapped in a towel were staging an absurd chase scene, followed by a group of panting police officers.
ε=( o｀ω′)ノ Cops,
ε=ε=ε=┏(゜ロ゜;)┛ Kazuma,
ε=ε=ε=┏(゜ロ゜;)┛ Gintoki.
Thanks to Kazuma's hidden EX-level luck, the two of them tumbled and scrambled through a heavy wooden door, finding refuge in an abandoned church.
Bang!
The thick door slammed shut behind them, muffling the blaring sirens. Inside, darkness reigned, broken only by faint streaks of moonlight filtering through the stained-glass windows, illuminating the motes of dust dancing in the air.
Kazuma and the silver-haired man collapsed against the door like fish out of water, gasping for breath.
"Hah… hah… you… you bastard!" Kazuma finally broke the silence, pointing at the other with a trembling finger.
"Because of you, I ran the equivalent of two marathons tonight! What's your name?"
The silver-haired man lazily glanced at him, his dead-fish eyes scanning the words scrawled across Kazuma's stomach. He spoke with complete nonchalance: "Sakata Gintoki. You, Mr. Excalibur?"
"Satou Kazuma! Don't call me that!" A vein throbbed on Kazuma's temple.
Gintoki casually picked at his nose, utterly indifferent.
After a brief standoff, both men were far too exhausted to exchange another word. They shuffled over to a row of dusty wooden pews, sitting down as silence reclaimed the church.
"Hey…" Kazuma couldn't hold back. He eyed the oddly peculiar man beside him.
"What did you… used to do? How come… you ended up like me? I mean… this… that…"
His words were halting, but the meaning was clear: How did he end up naked in another world?
Kazuma's question was like a key, opening a cobweb-filled, dark room in Gintoki's mind that he would rather have kept sealed forever.
His expression froze. For the first time, a flicker passed through his dead-fish eyes, as though he'd glimpsed something utterly terrifying.
The reason he had arrived in this world, naked and socially "dead" just like Kazuma, all traced back to a single, catastrophic night that shattered his worldview and left him regretting life forever…
That night was the year-end party of a street in Kabukicho.
The Yorozuya's low table had been moved to Otose's Snack Bar, packed with people.
Shinpachi was futilely trying to play the only "sane" person, attempting to stop everyone from treating sake like water.
Kagura had a rice bowl bigger than her head, stuffing her mouth full of pickled kelp and rice, yelling incomprehensibly at Okita Sougo across the table.
Miss Tae wore her "kind nuclear smile," personally handing out her ominous "dark matter" fried rice.
Kyuubei silently guarded Tae, glaring coldly at any male who dared approach.
Granny Otose and Catherine were red-faced from drinking, singing off-key enka while draping arms over each other's shoulders.
And him, Sakata Gintoki, the owner of Yorozuya in Kabukicho, naturally believed himself to be the center of attention.
With a bottle of sake in his left hand and a plate of sweets in his right, he weaved through the crowd, drinking from seven in the evening until his senses blurred and the world spun.
When he woke up the next morning, his head felt like it was about to explode.
He found himself lying in an unfamiliar room, covered by a soft sheet. He propped himself up, and the sheet slid down, revealing his naked body.
"Crap, I drank too much last night… Nothing bad happened, right? I didn't… do anything stupid while drunk… did I?"
He rubbed his wild, wavy hair, his hangover leaving his memory completely blank.
He instinctively glanced to the side and saw a lump under the sheet beside him.
Who's that?
Gintoki's heart skipped a beat, cold sweat instantly breaking out.
Please… please don't be someone I know! Please! Hopefully it's some busty, blonde stranger I've never met…
He trembled as he slowly lifted the sheet.
Then, he saw a face covered in wrinkles, but stubbornly trying to put on an expression of shy flirtation.
It was Old Otose.
Gintoki's world froze in that instant.
He thought he must be hallucinating, or still drunk. He slammed the sheet back down, shook his head vigorously, took a deep breath, and tore it back off with lightning speed.
The same face stared back. Old Lady Otose even clicked her tongue. She was awake, their eyes meeting, both clearly unsure what to do.
Bam!
Something called "worldview" and "dignity" in Gintoki's brain shattered completely, leaving nothing behind.
He went monochrome, pupils dilated, mouth forming a perfect O shape (⊙ｏ⊙), while a flock of crows seemed to fly past in the background, cawing endlessly.
He, Sakata Gintoki, the feared "White Demon," the self-proclaimed dream of thousands of girls, had… had, in a drunken stupor, been with a woman old enough to be his grandmother…
A lifetime of reputation, ruined in an instant!
A strong feeling of nausea churned in his stomach. Fighting the urge to vomit, he trembled as he scrambled off the bed, grabbing the scattered clothes and his wooden sword, "Lake Toya."
No, he had to get back to the Yorozuya immediately! He had to ask Shinpachi and Kagura what earth-shattering, unforgivable thing had happened after he got drunk last night.
Clutching his clothes and sword, he yanked open the door and bolted.
But the familiar wooden hallway didn't appear.
He stepped into empty air, feeling himself sucked into an invisible whirlpool. The next second, his feet hit a hard, cold surface.
Blinding sirens and strange languages assaulted his ears, surrounded by steel skyscrapers and flickering neon. Sakata Gintoki, clothes and wooden sword in hand, stood naked in a deserted, unfamiliar alley.
Fortunately, there weren't many people around, and night had already fallen.
Unfortunately, before he could even assess the situation, a pair of blinding headlights swept across him. A police car rolled slowly to a stop at the alley's entrance.
The doors opened. Two officers stepped out, hands on their holsters, flashlights trained on him as they shouted, ordering him to freeze.
Arrest? Gintoki scoffed. Do you think I'm just going to sit here and take it?
He ignored the guns completely, spun on his heels, and bolted.
What followed was the chaotic streak of naked sprinting, and the fateful "century encounter" with another unfortunate soul.
…
Shaking off those unforgettable memories, Gintoki shivered.
He absolutely, absolutely could not let this black history be revealed to the guy with the weird writing on his stomach.
He looked at Kazuma's curious gaze, cleared his throat, and slipped back into his usual lazy dead-fish expression. With his pinky picking at his ear, he spoke nonchalantly:
"Ah? Me? Just took a nap, woke up here. Weird, huh? What about you, Kazuma?"