"Why do people keep living? They know the longer they live… the more sins they'll commit. And the more they'll have to pay for." His voice was cold, distant. "So why not just die before sinning at all… and go to heaven?"
The voice of Jay was present in Jungho's head.
That day is still remembered by him.
Jay sitting on his bed. Staring at nothing. His arms and head covered with bandages.
The day he asked—
Why do people keep living?
He was still unsure of the answer to this question.
He is still haunted by that day.
Jay on the ground. The blood. The words Jay whispered—
"Ma....baba.... sorry...."
Jungho felt like a coward. He regrets everything. He was supposed to stand up for Jay, but he didn't. Maybe....he is also one of the reasons Jay is like this today.
"What would happen if Jay jumped?"
What would happen if Suha arrived late to the rooftop?
"What if Jay didn't survi-"
Jungho suddenly woke up from his thoughts. He immediately looked at Jay.
He's here. Beside him. Breathing. Alive.
He placed an arm on Jay's shoulder to relieve his mind that Jay is still present.
Jay is still awake, just lying there, facing his back to Jungho. His eyes closed, he felt Jungho's hand on his shoulder, but he didn't say anything. He didn't feel like saying anything.
Jungho pulled his hand back.
He dragged his hands down his face. He felt like crying but held back.
He can't cry.
Not right now.
During the same time, Suha felt uneasy in her room. She ventured out of her room to check on Jay.
She comes to the room where Jay and Jungho are, seeing Jay lying there on the bed and Jungho beside him.
She looks at Jungho. He nods to let her know that everything is fine, so there's no need to worry.
Time passes.
Nobody sleeps.
Suha occasionally visits the room where Jay and Jungho are.
Nothing happens.
"Hyung, look! I baked this cookie! Taste it, taste it!" young Jay says with the brightest smile.
Jungho takes the cookie from Jay's small hands and takes a bite. "Hmm...tastes really good!"
He says to his younger brother even though the cookie is slightly burned because he doesn't want to make him sad.
Jungho goes to pat his head but....he takes a step back. His smile is gone.
"No, Hyung. Don't pat me. You're a coward. You're the reason I became like this. It's your fault. I hate you!"
Suddenly, everything around them turned black and....Jay was going further away from Jungho.
"Huh? Wait...wai- Jay! Jay don't go!"
Jungho chased after Jay but it was too late because Jay was already lost in the darkness.
Jungho's eyes snapped open.
He came back to reality.
He had fallen asleep while keeping an eye on Jay.
What was that dream?
He looked at his side. Jay is not there.
He felt a rush of panic.
He immediately stood up and looked for Jay.
He checked the bathroom, balcony, Jay's not there.
He left the room and checked the other rooms.
Jay is not there.
Where is he?
He walked down the stairs in the living room to check.
Suha is there in the kitchen, already took a shower. She is preparing breakfast.
She noticed Jungho's panicked form and walked up to him. "What happened? Why are you so panicked?"
"Jay! He's not here! Where is he?!"
"Uh! Jungho calm down. Jay is okay. He is in his bathroom taking a bath."
After hearing that, Jungho felt a sense of relief. "Oh. I see. I panicked for no reason."
Jay arrived in the living room with a towel draped around his neck after showering and getting dressed.
He looked at Jungho and Suha. His hands are in the pocket of his pants."Morning."
"Good morning," Suha said.
Jungho looked at Jay and shivered with relief. "Morning. Jay, be ready after breakfast. We're going to a therapist. I'll pick you up."
Jay raised a brow. "Therapist? I'm not interested in going."
"You are going," Jungho said firmly.
"No."
"Jay," Jungho said sharply.
"Talking to some stranger is not going to make me feel better all of a sudden. It's not going to make me feel like living anyway. It's pointless."
"It's not pointless. You're coming with me and it's final."
Jay didn't say anything else and just stood there.
Jungho looked at Suha. "Suha, I'll be going then. Keep an eye on this idiot."
Suha nodded. "Of course, I will. But....Jungho...why don't you go after doing the breakfast?"
"No. It's okay. I must leave now.I also have to make an appointment with the doctor. I'll be going."
Jungho looked at Jay. "And you, Mr. Emo. Don't do anything stupid. Don't make her worry."
With that,Jungho left.
"Jay you rest here; I'll go prepare the breakfast. Call me if you need anything."
Suha is headed towards the kitchen.
At the same time, Jungho is on his way home in his car, still worried about Jay. The way Jay looked. His dead eyes. And his being calm after everything seems natural to him made Jungho worry more.
In Jay's house, Jay sat down on the sofa, leaning his head back in the back of the sofa. Staring at the ceiling.
It was the same as that day on the balcony. It felt like death was calling him. Like it was saying he had endured enough. Now come to me and rest. Like something was pulling him toward it.
He couldn't hear anything else. The colors of the world began to fade. It was as if time had stopped. It felt like all it would take was one more step to escape this hell.
Maybe if he took another step… he wouldn't exist anymore.
But at least nobody would call him a disappointment again.
Jay's eyes fall on the tea table. There are fruits...and a knife with the fruits to peel them.
What if....he takes the knife and stabs himsel-
His thoughts got interrupted by his phone ringtone.
Jay looked at his phone on the tea table. It's Mira.