[MORNING – SATO RESIDENCE]
Noah woke up to silence.
No alarm. No Nana yelling about breakfast.
"It's today," Noah whispered. "My birthday."
He smiled.
Maybe Nana made pancakes. Maybe Lilly got me a card.
He went downstairs.
The kitchen was empty.
On the table sat a single cupcake with a sad, unlit candle.
And a note from Nana:
"Happy Birthday. Don't die. - Nana"
"Aww," Noah said, touched. "She remembered not to kill me today."
Lilly walked in, looking exhausted.
"Happy Birthday, Noah," she yawned. "I got you a gift card."
"Thanks! Is it for the arcade?"
"It's for therapy. Use it wisely."
[SCHOOL – THE ABDUCTION]
Noah walked to school feeling normal.
Too normal.
As he turned the corner near the gate, a black van screeched to a halt beside him. The side door slid open.
"GET IN, BOSS!" Daisuke screamed from inside.
Noah blinked.
"Daisuke? Are we going on a field trip?"
"IT'S AN EMERGENCY! THE OPERATION COMMENCES NOW!"
Three men in suits grabbed Noah and pulled him into the van.
"Hey! My shoe fell off!" Noah protested.
"LEAVE IT! WE HAVE NO TIME!"
The van sped away, tires burning rubber.
Students watched in horror.
"Did you see that?" one whispered. "The Serpent King was just extracted by his elite guard."
"War is coming."
[THE WAREHOUSE – DISTRICT 9]
The van stopped inside a massive, dark warehouse.
"We're here," Daisuke said gravely. "Prepare yourself, Sir."
Noah looked around.
"Is this... a kidnapping?"
"No, Sir. It is a Celebration of Life."
The lights flickered on.
SURPRISE!
Hundreds of Yakuza, mercenaries, and terrifying criminals jumped out from behind crates.
They were holding balloons (black ones).
They were wearing party hats (on top of their balaclavas).
A banner hung from the ceiling:
HAPPY ASCENSION DAY, SUPREME LEADER.
Noah gasped.
"You guys threw me a party!?"
"Yes, Boss!" the crowd roared.
The Smiling Man stepped forward, holding a cake. The cake was shaped like a skull. The candles were road flares.
"Make a wish," the Smiling Man whispered. "And it shall be granted. Do you wish for territory? Wealth? The blood of your enemies?"
Noah stared at the flares. They were very bright.
"I wish..." Noah closed his eyes. "...for a new pair of shoes. Since I lost mine in the van."
The warehouse went silent.
Shoes.
He desires movement. Speed. The ability to walk over his foes.
"IT SHALL BE DONE!" the Smiling Man screamed. "BRING HIM THE JORDANS!"
[THE GIFTS]
A line formed. Every criminal presented a gift.
Viper: A box of venomous snakes. ("They are loyal, Sir.")
Noah thought: "Wow! Exotic pets! I'll name this one Noodle."
Butcher: A set of diamond-encrusted knives. ("For slicing... fruit.")
Noah thought: "Shiny! Nana will love these for the kitchen."
Madame Rose: A dossier on every politician in the city. ("Blackmail material, Sir.")
Noah thought: "A phone book! Very retro."
Finally, Daisuke presented his gift.
It was a pair of sneakers. But not just any sneakers. They were Rocket Boots prototype stolen from a government lab.
"They have thrusters," Daisuke whispered. "For high-speed tactical retreat."
Noah put them on.
"They fit perfectly!"
He took a step.
WHOOSH.
The thrusters engaged. Noah shot forward, crashing into the cake table.
SPLAT.
He was covered in frosting.
The criminals gasped.
"He... he wears the cake as armor," one whispered in awe.
"He is one with the sugar."
Noah licked frosting off his nose.
"This is really good cake," Noah said. "Did you guys bake it?"
"We stole it from a 5-star bakery," the Smiling Man admitted. "Only the best for the King."
[THE ESCAPE ROOM]
"Okay!" Noah clapped his frosting-covered hands. "What's next? Is this an Escape Room? Do I have to solve puzzles to get out?"
The criminals looked confused.
"Puzzles?" Daisuke asked.
"Yeah! Like, find the key to unlock the door!"
Daisuke looked at the heavy steel blast doors they had locked to keep the cops out.
"Uh... yes! Exactly! It is a test of intellect!"
Noah spent the next hour solving "riddles" (which were just security codes the criminals forgot). He unlocked the door by guessing the password was "PASSWORD123".
"I did it!" Noah cheered. "Best birthday ever!"
[CONTROL ROOM]
"Report," the Commander sighed.
"Target Noah was kidnapped by his own subordinates," the analyst said. "They fed him stolen cake and gave him military-grade footwear."
"Is he safe?"
"He is currently flying home using the rocket boots. He seems happy."
The President smiled.
"Happy Birthday, Noah," the President whispered. "Please don't blow up the neighborhood."