West Wind Cathedral Medical Room - Double Ward
Lumine was lying face down on the hospital bed alone, thick bandages wrapped around her butt, radiating an aura of utter despair.
"I shouldn't have trusted those four unreliable jerks..."
She buried her face into the pillow, filled with grief and indignation.
"Lumine! I'm here to see you!"
"Bang—!"
Elliot kicked the door open. The wooden door flew straight out, smashed against the opposite wall, and broke into three pieces.
He walked in, carrying a fruit basket and smiling brightly: "How are you? Feeling better?"
Lumine stared at the "corpse" of the door on the floor, her mouth twitching: "...There aren't any Sunsettias in there, right?"
"Don't worry, absolutely not!"
Elliot placed the fruit basket on the table. The most conspicuous items inside were—
Three mangoes that looked exactly like Sunsettias.
Lumine: "..."
(This crisis of trust will never pass.)
"But why did you kick the door open?"
Lumine massaged her forehead.
"I'm not helping you pay for this."
"Ah, minor issue!"
Elliot pulled out a toolbox from who knows where.
"I am a professional!"
For the next ten minutes, the sounds of "clanging and banging" construction echoed in the ward.
When the smoke dissipated—
A brand new metal door stood upright in the door frame.
"Tsk..."
Elliot stroked his chin, staring at the newly installed metal door, lost in thought.
The door panel was flashing with high-tech LED light strips, and a sticker reading "Please Smile to Unlock" was next to the fingerprint recognition area.
"What is it, Elliot?"
Lumine struggled to prop herself up.
"Well... the door is installed..."
Elliot awkwardly scratched his head.
"It's just... installed backward..."
Lumine's eyes widened. She saw:
The doorknob was installed on the inside of the ward.
The peephole faced the ward.
Most ridiculous of all, the keyhole was facing inward.
"No way!"
Lumine's voice suddenly rose by an octave.
"Since when did Mondstadt City have doors with locks?! And why is the keyhole on the inside?!"
Elliot proudly patted the door panel: "This is my custom-made Smart Anti-Theft Door!"
Saying this, he pressed the red button next to the door, and the door panel suddenly popped out:
A Holographic Projection Keyboard
An Iris Scanner
And even a small cocktail shaker (?)
"Let's ignore that for now!"
Lumine frantically pointed at the window.
"How are we supposed to get out?!"
"Relax~"
Elliot entered a string of code on the projection keyboard.
"This is a Voice-Activated Combination Lock!"
The next second, deafening background music suddenly blasted through the entire ward. Elliot started rapping to the rhythm:
"O Xiba Kaxiklou~ da 8484848~ da 84848~ hehe 8484848~"
(A mechanical female voice interspersed: "Password incorrect, please try again.")
After three attempts, accompanied by the prompt "Ding dong~ Welcome home, Master," the door slowly opened.
Lumine: "...I think I'll just jump out the window."
"Jump out the window? What are you talking about?"
Zane's voice suddenly came from the hallway.
He was holding a piece of paper and carrying a fruit basket, slowly approaching.
"Wait! Don't come closer!"
Elliot's expression suddenly changed drastically.
"This door will synchronize and modify the terrain within three meters around it!"
It was too late.
Click!
The floor beneath Zane's feet suddenly turned into a Flip-Panel Trap, and he fell straight down, maintaining the posture of adjusting his mask.
Data pages fluttered in the air. The last thing to float down was a parchment scroll titled, "173 Reasons Why Elliot is Forbidden from Touching Machinery."
"Thud!"
A dull thud of a heavy object hitting the floor came from downstairs, followed by Matt's confused voice: "Did a Zane just fall from the sky?"
Ten minutes later.
"Lumine, I'm here to be your ward-mate."
Elliot lay on the adjacent hospital bed, his arm and leg encased in thick plaster casts, and several band-aids stuck on his mask, yet his expression was inexplicably smug.
Lumine: "..."
She would never forget the shocking scene that just unfolded—
Zane was carrying the Fatui thunder hammer, black aura emanating from his body, and the ground trembled with every step he took.
"80!!!"
With one hammer blow, Elliot flew out like a cannonball, tracing an elegant arc in the air, and finally "boom," smashing through three walls of the Knights of Favonius Training Grounds.
"80!!!"
With the second hammer blow, Elliot had just gotten up, only to be hammered spiraling into the sky, crashing a perfect human-shaped hole through the cathedral's stained glass.
"80!!!"
With the third hammer blow, Elliot was embedded directly into the Cider Lake Dam, impossible to pry out. In the end, Matt had to use a cupping device to suck him out.
And now, this culprit was lying next to her, cheerfully munching on an Apple.
Lumine: "...Aren't you afraid Zane will come back for another hammer blow?"
Elliot: "It's fine. He broke a lot of things when he hit me, so now he's in the Brig."
Lumine: "...Didn't you modify the Brig's door?"
Elliot: "That's right. So I set it up so that—you can only come out after singing the complete 'Mondstadt Ballad'."
Lumine: "...That song has 27 verses."
Elliot: "And the pitch must be accurate. One wrong note, and it resets."
Lumine: "..."
(Inside the Brig at this moment, Zane was desperately singing to the voice-activated lock: "Da~ da la~ da da la~")
[Ward Skit]
Paimon (floating in while holding Honey-Glazed Roast): "Lumine, do you want some... Huh? Why is there an extra casualty?"
Elliot: "This is called sharing the blessings and enduring the hardships together!"
Lumine (pointing at her bandaged butt): "This is unprovoked disaster for me!"
Matt (poking his head through the window): "Want to play cards? We need one more!"
Zane's singing (faintly heard from afar): "Da~ da la~ (voice cracks)... System notification: 26th attempt failed..."
—The record for the loudest hospital ward in Mondstadt medical history was thus set.
In front of the Brig door—
Acting Grand Master Jean couldn't bear it anymore.
(Mainly because Klee was teary-eyed, frightened by the new Brig door.)
"Boom!"
Acting Grand Master Jean's Aquila Favonia directly cleaved the modified smart door into two halves.
The moment the door panel fell, it revealed Zane inside, attempting to sing the "Mondstadt Ballad" for the 37th time to the voice-activated lock.
"Mr. Zhang, Zane..."
Jean's voice trembled slightly; Zane's killing intent frightened even her.
Klee, in her arms, was desperately clutching her cloak—the little one was teary-eyed, scared by the Brig door.
At this moment, Zane—
Half of his mask was shattered.
He was clutching a draft titled "On the Compatibility of Vocal Music and Cryptography" in his hand.
A visible black aura surrounded his body.
"Th-thank you, Acting Grand Master."
Zane said, enunciating every syllable, and dragged a... Guillotine out of the wreckage?!
"W-wait!"
Jean hurriedly took two steps back.
"This torture device is..."
"Don't worry, it's just a model."
Zane adjusted his broken mask.
"It's for psychological experiments."
(The blade of the Guillotine clearly read "Elliot Exclusive.")
Ten minutes later, West Wind Cathedral Ward—
"Crash!"
The ward window suddenly shattered, and Zane crashed through, carrying the Guillotine.
Elliot, who was eating an Apple, suddenly froze, the Apple core stuck directly in his throat.
Lumine silently covered her head with the blanket: "I didn't see anything..."
"Wait, Zane! Hear me out!"
Elliot dragged his plastered leg, trying to run, but ended up rolling off the bed.
"That voice-activated lock actually has a hidden easter egg! If you sing the song 50 times, you unlock a limited skin!"
"Click."
The Guillotine's frame had already extended.
Matt suddenly poked his head through the doorway: "Need help holding him down?"
Zane: "..."
"Ahhh, help me!!"
Elliot's screams echoed throughout Mondstadt City.
Downstairs, Venti and Jesse were counting Mora and setting up a betting pool: "How many pieces will Elliot be cut into?"