Sitting in his room alone now, Chan's mind was racing. The situation was scary. They couldn't even finish the gift exchange; everyone just got sent back to their dorms. And that sucked.
But the worst part was not knowing if those pictures would end up online. Christmas was literally days away and the award shows just ended few days ago… the timing couldn't be worse.
Sigh.
He needed to see Binnie. Not just to finish what they almost or already started, but to check if he was okay.
An hour crawled by. Then another. Chan kept rolling around in bed like a rotisserie chicken. He picked up his phone to call at least five times, then chickened out every time.
He'll think I'm clingy. Or he's asleep. Or he's mad.
What do I do.....Shit.
Suddenly his screen lit up.
Binnie?!
He lunged for the phone so fast he almost yeeted himself off the bed.
It was Hyunjin, Binnie's roommate.
"Hyung, Binnie's in a bad mood.
He's been lying face-down since we got back. Do something."
-H
Chan read it twice like he didn't understand it the first time.
Do something, Chan!
Without thinking twice, he threw on a shirt (didn't even check if it was inside-out) and bolted out of his room.
Binnie's room was only a few doors down the hallway but tonight it felt like a marathon.
At the door he caught Hyunjin ninja-sliding into Felix's room. Their eyes met. Hyunjin winked.
Typical hyunjin, killing two bird with one stone. The artist he is....
Chan bit back a grin, knocked once and soft and waited for a response. Still standing facing the door, chest tight, his brain went full disaster mode, thinking of all the worst case scenarios possible.
....Okay but what if the photos leak and Binnie gets dragged so hard he starts believing he's the problem?
....What if he wakes up tomorrow and decides the safest thing for the group is to pretend he never liked me back?....no thats worse...no!
...What if he walks outgrows me? What if he stops letting me hug him? What if he starts saying "good work, Chan-ssi" with that polite little nod and I actually die on the spot?....heavens no!
.....wait what if he leaves? What if he leaves and I have to smile on stage like everything's fine while my heart disease becomes my new personality trait?
Chan's spiral hit peak velocity. He pictured future Chan at thirty-five, still sleeping with Changbin's old hoodie, telling new trainees "yeah I used to be fun" while crying into protein powder.
Seungmin voice in the back of his mind saying "you're half fifty-six" now hits harder.
Get it together man!....
He took one dramatic, shaky deep breath (like a man about to jump off a cliff) and gently opened the door.
His smile died instantly.
The room was dark except for the creepy blue glow of Changbin's phone lighting his face from below like a horror movie. He was curled into a hoodie burrito, only his eyes and nose poking out, shoulders shaking.
Oh Binnie....