Part 2: The Guardian Wolf and My Very Terrible Ideas
The giant shadow wolf stared at me like I was a snack-sized disappointment wrapped in shiny chaos.
Its fur rippled like smoke, its eyes glowed like angry headlights, and its growl vibrated my bones so hard I internally apologized for everything I'd ever done wrong in life.
Guide whispered, voice trembling,
"Player… you must flee. Immediately. Faster than immediately."
"I—uh—yeah, good plan," I whispered back.
Except my legs didn't listen. They just wobbled like uncooked noodles.
The wolf took one slow step forward.
Gloop the goblin raised a hand.
"I vote we run."
Blobby, Squishy, and Gooey McGooFace bounced behind a tree stump in the world's least effective hiding attempt.
The Forest Horror stared at the shadow wolf, tilted its head—and then wagged.
Wagged.
The wolf blinked.
Terrible Idea #1: Say Hello
I raised my hand weakly.
"Uh… hi?"
The wolf roared so loudly a nearby tree fell over from stress.
I turned slowly to Guide.
"Okay. That didn't work."
Guide sighed. "Correct."
Terrible Idea #2: Distract It With Snacks
Panicking, I rummaged through my bag and pulled out the Bag of Infinite Snacks, which rattled ominously.
"Who's a big scary wolf? Want a treat?"
I tossed a snack—a small glowing biscuit—at its paws.
The wolf sniffed it.
Sniffed me.
Sniffed the Forest Horror.
And then ate the biscuit.
I gasped. "It worked! I am a genius!"
Then it roared again, even louder.
Guide deadpanned: "Your conclusion is incorrect."
Terrible Idea #3: Accidentally Cast a Spell
The wolf pounced.
I squeaked.
My hands flailed.
My heart did a weird somersault thing.
And the System flashed:
[Skill Activated: Chaotic Improvisation Lv. 1]
[Effect: Random magical outcome based on panic level.]
"Oh no," I said.
A spark shot from my fingertips.
Then—BOOM!
A burst of rainbow light exploded, blinding everyone including me.
I stumbled backward, tripped on a rock, and fell… directly onto a tree root that catapulted me upward like a sad acrobat.
I landed on the wolf's back.
"NOPE!" I shouted, clinging to its fur.
The wolf reared, bucking and twisting as I screamed,
"I DON'T WANT TO BE A COWBOY!"
Guide yelled, "Player, dismount!"
"I WOULD LOVE TO DISMOUNT BUT GRAVITY DISAGREES!"
Unexpected Outcome: Wolf Confusion
The Forest Horror watched me ride the shadow wolf like some kind of cursed carnival attraction.
Then it roared.
Loud.
The wolf froze.
Turned.
Stared at the larger, more intimidating monster.
Guide whispered, shocked,
"The Forest Horror… is asserting dominance."
The Forest Horror roared again.
The shadow wolf whimpered.
WHIMPERED.
Then it slowly lowered itself to the ground like a confused, embarrassed puppy.
I slid off, shaking.
Gloop crossed his arms.
"Sir TotallyNotAFailure… did you just… tame the guardian?"
I opened my mouth to deny it.
System message:
[NEW TITLE UNLOCKED: Wolf Wrangler (Temporary)]
[Effect: Shadow beasts are confused by your existence.]
"…I might have," I admitted.
The wolf stared at me with the emotional expression of someone questioning every life choice.
Blobby gurgled proudly.
Then the Real Problem Started
The earth trembled again.
Guide's glow dimmed.
"Player… the dungeon's energy is rising. The guardian was not the main threat."
From inside the ruins, purple lightning crackled.
Something enormous shifted underground.
Gloop gulped. "Uh… Sir TotallyNotAFailure? That is not normal dungeon behavior."
The System chimed ominously:
[DUNGEON EMERGENCY EVENT TRIGGERED]
[Corrupted Core Awakening]
I stared at the ruins.
"Corrupted what now—?"
The ground cracked.
A massive purple glow surged upward.
And then—
A colossal skeletal hand burst from the earth.
Stone shattered. Trees toppled.
A deep voice echoed from underground:
"WHO… DARES… INTERRUPT… MY AWAKENING?"
I pointed at myself weakly.
"…Sir TotallyNotAFailure?"
The voice rumbled.
"…UNFORTUNATE."
Part 3: The Skeleton King, the Wolf Puppy, and My Very Dubious Survival Plans
The massive skeletal hand gripped the edge of the crater, pulling the rest of the creature upward. Bits of dirt and stone crumbled off it like sprinkles falling off a cursed cupcake.
Gloop the goblin whispered,"…That's big."
Understatement of the century.
The creature rising from the depths was enormous — easily three stories tall, made of ancient bone wrapped in faint purple energy like someone had charged it with evil Wi-Fi. Its skull glowed with runic symbols I absolutely could not read.
The newly promoted Wolf Puppy (formerly known as the terrifying dungeon guardian) pressed itself against my leg like it hoped I would protect it.
I patted its head. "Buddy, I can't even protect my own lunch."
Guide's glow flickered anxiously."Player… the Corrupted Core has manifested into a Skeleton King. It is an early-game disaster boss. This is… highly irregular."
"Highly irregular?" I squeaked. "I'm level TWO!"
[Enemy Identified: Corrupted Skeleton King][Recommended Level: 45][You: still level 2]
I swallowed."Okay. Alright. No big deal. All we have to do is not die."
The Skeleton King looked down at us.
"WHO TRESPASSES… UPON MY DOMAIN?"
Gloop stepped back. "Not it."
The slimes hid behind a rock barely large enough to hide a single shoe.
The Forest Horror took one look, turned around, and pretended to inspect a tree.
Traitor.
Wolf Puppy whined softly and crawled behind me.
I stood there frozen, then pointed at Guide."He trespasses!"
Guide gasped. "PLAYER!"
The Skeleton King's massive skull tilted."…THE SMALL FLOATING ONE? NO."It pointed directly at me."YOU."
"Aw man…"
My Very Dubious Plan (Plan Dumb-Alpha-7)
I turned to my party.
"Okay team! We need a plan. Anyone got ideas?"
Gloop raised his hand."We run."
"No."
Blobby bobbed."Squish."
"That's not a plan, that's a lifestyle."
The Wolf Puppy licked my elbow.
"No, we're not sacrificing me either."
Guide spoke next."Player… you have exactly one option."
"Oh good! That's one more than usual. Hit me with it."
"Use your Chaotic Improvisation."
I froze."You mean… the spell where I panic and something random happens?"
"Yes."
"Guide. Last time I used that spell, I accidentally turned myself into a human firework and rode a wolf like a theme park ride!"
"Yes."
"That's not a solution!"
Guide dimmed. "It is statistically the least deadly option."
I took a deep breath."Alright. Time for Plan Dumb-Alpha-7."
I stepped forward, stretched out my trembling hand at the Skeleton King, and shouted:
"CHAOTIC IMPROVISATION— ACTIVATE!"
My hand glowed.Magic sparkled.The Skeleton King leaned closer.
Something powerful surged through me.
And then—
Nothing happened.
Not a spark.Not a flash.Not even a whimper.
My stomach dropped. "Uh-oh."
Guide blinked."Player… your luck might be on cooldown."
"COOLDOWN?! I HAVE A COOLDOWN?!"
The Skeleton King raised its hand.
"PREPARE FOR ANNIHILATION."
I screamed, "WAIT!! TIME OUT!!"
There are no time-outs in boss fights.
When All Hope Seems Lost… Chaos Happens Anyway
Just as the Skeleton King brought its massive hand downward—
The ground beneath us suddenly cracked.
Purple lightning shot across the field.
The enormous skeleton stumbled, wobbling like someone had unplugged its power source.
Guide gasped."Player… the Forest Horror! It's attacking the dungeon core from the side!"
Sure enough, the Forest Horror — apparently bored of pretending to inspect trees — now clawed at a glowing pillar of energy beside the crater.
The Skeleton King turned."INSOLENT BEAST—"
It didn't finish the sentence.
Because at that exact moment—
The Wolf Puppy tackled its leg.
Gloop threw a rock. (It did nothing, but the effort was nice.)
The slimes bounced at its feet, making wet "schlop-schlop" sounds.
And me?
I tripped, fell forward, and accidentally headbutted the Skeleton King's shin.
BONK.
I fell over holding my forehead. "OW. MY BRAIN."
The Skeleton King swayed.
Guide's voice rose sharply in disbelief."Player… your headbutt disrupted its balance."
"Are you saying my stupidity is lethal?!"
"Temporarily, yes."
The Skeleton King toppled backward.
Right into the collapsing dungeon core.
A shockwave burst outward.
Purple light flared.
The Skeleton King let out a roar—
Then dissolved into dust.
The ground stabilized.
The light faded.
And silence fell.
Gloop pumped his fist. "WE WON!"
I blinked. "We… what? We won? I didn't even do anything!"
Guide corrected,"You did approximately several things. All unintentionally."
I threw my fists into the air."CHAOS FOR THE WIN!"
System Notifications Flood In
[DUNGEON EVENT COMPLETE][Boss: Corrupted Skeleton King Defeated][EXP +1500][Level Up x7][You are now Level 9.]
[New Skill Unlocked: Panic Dodge](Automatically makes you dodge while screaming.)
[New Skill Unlocked: Minor Lucky Aura](Allies nearby gain mild confusion immunity. Effects unpredictable.)
[Title Acquired: The Dangerously Lucky](Others will assume you're far more competent than you actually are.)
I stared at the flood of notifications.
I breathed out slowly.
Then I said the only thing that made sense:
"…I have no idea what I'm doing, but it's working."