Shan Shi'er felt his stomach drop.
"Hundreds? Thousands? Since when did bandits come with group-purchase discounts?!"
Master Bai shook his head with a weary sigh. "More than half a month ago, Wang Er of Baishui launched a rebellion and stormed the county seat. Surely you've heard about that?"
"Of course I have!" Shan Shi'er waved his hands. "Why else do you think I'm hiding out in Gaojia Village, cultivating my inner peace?"
Master Bai continued, "After launching the rebellion, Wang Er took several hundred followers and disappeared into the nearby mountains. Patrol Inspector Cheng Xu led troops out to capture him, but after searching the mountains for days, he couldn't even find a trace of the man."
Shan Shi'er said nothing.
"..."
Master Bai let out another long sigh. "What he did set a terrible precedent. Rebellions started breaking out all over the place. Farmers who couldn't afford their taxes began following Wang Er's example and taking up arms. Patrol Inspector Cheng Xu has barely a hundred soldiers at his disposal. He can't be in ten places at once. How's he supposed to deal with uprisings erupting everywhere simultaneously?
"He's been running himself to the bone trying to keep things under control. He puts down a rebellion in the east, and another breaks out in the west. He rushes west, and the east flares up again. Word has it he's been sighing so much lately that he's started seeing his great-grandmother waving at him."
Li Daoxuan nearly burst out laughing.
Cheng Xu? The same military officer I scared off last time with a ghost woman's laugh? So he's been playing whack-a-mole all over the place these past few days. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.
Shan Shi'er frowned. "I've been holed up in this village, cut off from the outside world. I had no idea things had gotten this bad. If the rebels are spreading everywhere and Patrol Inspector Cheng doesn't have enough men, shouldn't he petition the imperial court for reinforcements?"
Master Bai gave a bitter laugh. "He did! Officials, local gentry, and prominent families all joined together to submit a petition. I even signed it myself. But Shaanxi Governor Hu Tingyan is old, muddle-headed, and terrified of being held responsible. He's been doing everything he can to keep the whole mess under wraps. Why would he report it when he thinks it might cost him his position?
"He had everyone who signed the petition beaten twenty times with a rod and thrown out of the governor's office! And do you know what he said? 'They're just starving peasants. Let them loot until next spring. They'll settle down on their own.'
"Tell me, does that sound like something a sane person would say?"
Shan Shi'er froze, at a complete loss for words.
Nearby, Gao Chuwu scratched his head. "Wait. What does 'let them loot until next spring' mean?"
Master Bai glanced at him. Faced with a young farmer sporting thick eyebrows and big, honest-looking eyes, he couldn't be bothered to explain.
Shan Shi'er, however, leaned closer and lowered his voice.
"It means the rebels can rob people as much as they like. Once spring arrives, they'll naturally stop, head home, and get back to farming."
Gao Chuwu: "!!!"
The villagers around him: "!!!"
For several seconds, nobody said a word.
Then Gao Chuwu exploded.
"So you're telling me I can grab a knife, go out and rob everyone I see, and nobody will lift a finger to stop me?! Then, come spring, I can stroll back home, plant my crops, and go right back to being a respectable citizen?!"
Nobody answered him. They didn't need to. The grim looks on Shan Shi'er's and Master Bai's faces told him everything.
Gao Chuwu clenched his fists.
"Then to hell with it! I might as well become a rebel myself!"
SMACK!
Gao Yiye slapped him across the face.
"Brother Chuwu, snap out of it! Has anger scrambled your brains?"
Gao Chuwu: "..."
Apparently, a slap from the Saintess was all it took to bring him back to his senses.
The people of Gaojia Village had no reason to turn to robbery. They had Tianzun watching over them. Besides, Tianzun had absolutely no tolerance for bandits who burned, killed, and looted. His preferred method of dealing with such scum was straightforward: one slap per bandit, and everyone ended up flattened into a meat patty.
If Gao Chuwu turned bandit himself, there was a very real chance he'd become the next one on the menu.
Master Bai's expression darkened.
"The governor refuses to act. He won't report the uprisings, and he won't send troops. Once word of his inaction spreads, the rebels will only grow bolder. Their numbers are already swelling by the day. In barely half a month, several roaming bands have sprung up, each numbering hundreds, some even more than a thousand.
"They sweep through the countryside, dragging anyone willing to join them into their ranks. Those who refuse are slaughtered, and their belongings are taken."
Everyone: "..."
Just then, the bandits outside the village began raising a commotion.
A moment later, a man shoved his way out of the crowd.
He craned his neck and shouted toward Gaojia Village. "Which rich bastard built this fort? Get out here and talk!"
Every villager turned to look at Gao Yiye.
She was just about to step forward when Shan Shi'er moved in front of her. "Miss Yiye, you're the Saintess. Dealing with scum like these would be beneath your station. And insulting you would be tantamount to insulting Tianzun himself. We can't allow that. Leave the talking to me. You need only relay Tianzun's instructions."
Gao Yiye quietly stepped back.
Shan Shi'er marched to the front and bellowed, "What kind of shameless rabble are you, daring to trespass on Gaojia Village? Get lost!"
Years spent serving as an advisor had given him a naturally commanding presence when dealing with ordinary folk.
The bandits had no idea who Shan Shi'er was. Seeing him at the front, they assumed he was the wealthy landowner responsible for building the fort.
"So you're the man in charge!" one of them shouted. "Good! You've got half an hour to hand over ten shi of grain. Do that, and we'll let you keep your miserable lives. Refuse, and every man in our stronghold will come crashing down on you. We'll tear this little fort apart just like Bai Family Fort!"
Li Daoxuan found the whole thing rather amusing.
The bandits hadn't charged the village outright. They'd opted for threats and negotiations. That told him everything he needed to know: they were wary of the wall.
A barrier two zhang high wouldn't be easy to breach. An assault could cost them a mountain of casualties, and there was even a chance they'd fail to break through altogether. So, rather than risk a direct attack, they were trying to frighten the villagers into handing over their grain.
Funny how things worked. When your fists were big enough, people suddenly became willing to reason with you.
Gaojia Village's imposing wall had turned a bunch of bandits who knew nothing but brute force into bandits who were willing to negotiate. What a miraculous transformation.
Shan Shi'er turned to Master Bai. "Are there really that many of them?"
"Plenty," Master Bai replied grimly. "Hundreds, perhaps over a thousand. I couldn't tell you the exact number. All I know is that when they descended on us, they came like a raging flood. Bai Family Fort stood no chance."
Shan Shi'er considered this for a moment. "Master Bai, what would you recommend? Should we hand over the grain or stand our ground?"
Master Bai hesitated. He glanced at the bandits outside, then examined the villagers stationed along the wall.
The towering fortifications gave him a little hope. The people defending them, however, were another matter entirely. One look was enough to tell that most had never seen a real battle. They didn't even seem as capable as the handful of household guards he'd once commanded.
After thinking it over, he lowered his voice. "If you have grain to spare, give them the ten shi and avoid unnecessary trouble. That's the safest course. Once this turmoil passes, I'll send twenty shi of grain from the Bai family as a token of gratitude. After all, you know how seriously I take propriety, one of the Six Arts of a Gentleman."
Shan Shi'er offered no reply.
Instead, he turned toward Gao Yiye, looking at her for an answer.
Master Bai blinked.
Hold on. Shan Shi'er wasn't the one calling the shots here? This young woman was? Just who exactly was she?
Gao Yiye tilted her head and listened for a moment. Then she raised her voice and announced:
"Tianzun says, 'Afraid of their hammer? My ass!'"
Everyone: "..."
Mrs. Shan wiped the sweat from her brow and spoke in a low voice. "Saintess, when speaking on Tianzun's behalf, perhaps you could choose your words a little more... elegantly."
"But those were his exact words," Gao Yiye replied without the slightest hesitation. "'Afraid of their hammer? My ass!'"
Mrs. Shan: "..."
A strange stiffness hung in the air.
A few seconds passed.
Then Gao Chuwu suddenly threw back his head and burst into laughter. "HAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHA! Tianzun himself has spoken! Who the hell is afraid of their hammer? My ass!"
Zheng Daniu immediately joined in. "Right, right! Afraid of their hammer! My ass!"
The two blacksmiths hoisted their massive hammers into the air. "AFRAID OF THEIR HAMMER! MY ASS!"
One after another, the villagers dropped to their knees and bowed toward the heavens. Then they shouted together:
"AFRAID OF THEIR HAMMER! MY ASS!"
More than a hundred voices roared in unison, loud enough to shake the wall.
Outside, the bandits stood frozen, their mouths hanging open.
What in the world was wrong with these people?
They'd threatened the village, and the villagers were mocking them to their faces?
They'd even given them a chance to hand over the grain peacefully, and these lunatics had thrown the offer right back at them!
Master Bai stared, completely lost. "What... what is going on here? There's something seriously strange about this village..."