Bella figured that if S.H.I.E.L.D. could track someone all the way to Vanaheim for a grudge, she'd personally write the word RESPECT in giant letters for every Hydra agent on the planet.
Vanaheim's ambient mana concentration and life energy were far better suited to expectant mothers and newborns. Earth had nicer toys, sure, but Bella maintained that squirrels, rabbits, and fox kits were considerably more entertaining. All things considered, having Natasha deliver in Arendelle was the best possible choice.
She also wanted to hold a wedding there, and a coronation. King and Queen. How romantic was that?
...
After nearly a month of grueling work, the vacation after Stanford graduation was already half over. Bella and Natasha sealed all the equipment in the lab and headed home to Los Angeles for the weekend.
By their count, Charlie and Samantha hadn't seen Bella in over half a year. But adult children going a year or so without a visit was perfectly normal. Some never came back at all. Neither Charlie nor Samantha found her six-month disappearance the least bit suspicious.
"Little Kitty, look who it is! You remember me, right?" Bella scooped up her baby sister and asked the question with absolute seriousness.
Little Kitty wasn't even a year old. She couldn't form memories yet. She gnawed on her own fingers, head tilted, tiny brain full of question marks. Fortunately, the imprinted memory reasserted itself, and the baby managed a garbled "Sissy."
Bella squeezed the child's tiny hands, poked her chubby little cheeks, and sneaked a pinch of her bottom. Kitty dissolved into giggles. After lifting the baby up high and swinging her around for a while, Bella cheerfully deposited her back in the stroller.
"Remember what I said." Natasha leaned in close while grabbing the silverware, murmuring in Bella's ear. "If you ever treat little Elsa like that, you're a dead woman."
Bella went Σ(⊙▽⊙)!
After dinner, Natasha buried herself in her pile of assignments and mission briefs. Bella sat beside her, playing the role of strategist.
She had zero interest in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s workload. Mostly, she just talked about her own travels.
Years of knowing Bella had broadened Natasha's horizons considerably. Even hearing about elves and dwarves for the first time, she didn't bat an eye.
"Are the elf women pretty?" While Bella was painting a vivid picture of her dragon-slaying exploits, Natasha slipped in the question out of nowhere.
Amateur. You think that's going to trip me up? Bella heaved a theatrical sigh. "Elven aesthetics are honestly terrible. They're into pointy ears, almond-shaped eyes, and they live in trees year-round. They don't even wear shoes when they walk!"
She launched into a tirade, savaging the elves top to bottom. In her telling, Galadriel was a fading beauty who still insisted on putting on airs, Arwen had a face as long as a donkey's, and the rest of the she-elves weren't even worth mentioning.
"You have no idea what dwarven beauty standards are like. It's an absolute catastrophe. Round faces, barrel waists, generous backsides, and the key criterion? A beard!" She dissolved into laughter.
"Mr. and Mrs. Beaver are hilarious. Mr. Beaver seems to have some kind of vendetta against rabbits. I kept catching him out there with a bow and arrow, hunting them down."
"Those Hobbits... oh no! I left Bilbo Baggins in Arendelle! He wouldn't have wandered home on his own, would he? Whatever, not my problem..."
Bella chattered on and on about her adventures. They were genuinely extraordinary and entertaining enough that Natasha set aside her work. Her beautiful eyes sparkled as she listened, utterly absorbed.
"I also have a unicorn mount. Though that one keeps giving me attitude. No idea what her problem is."
"A unicorn? Like the kind from myths?" Natasha couldn't tell anymore whether she loved Bella the person or the thrilling, extraordinary life Bella led. Both intoxicated her, and now that the two were fused into one, the distinction was hopeless.
Bella pulled out her phone. Vanaheim didn't have charging stations, but the camera still worked. She'd rationed the battery and taken plenty of photos.
She scrolled quickly and pulled up a shot of herself with the unicorn. In the photo, the unicorn's gaze was still fixed on Bella with a look of profound resentment. The sheer force of its disdain practically radiated through the screen.
"Ouch. That doesn't look very friendly. Your unicorn seems a bit..." Natasha studied the photo, turning it this way and that, choosing her words carefully. "Is it possible she has certain... urges that aren't being addressed?"
Is that what this is? It had never occurred to Bella that the King of Arendelle needed to consider her mount's love life.
"Mine's a female unicorn. So you're saying..."
"Obviously, find her a male one!"
Bella shook her head slowly. "I'm afraid that's not possible. The unicorns on my side are all but extinct. She's the only one left. Most of her kin died during the migration through Jötunheim. Aslan rescued her. I haven't seen another unicorn in either Jötunheim or Vanaheim. The species might be..."
"Unicorn? Unicorn..." Natasha lowered her head in thought. "That sounds familiar. I've seen a report about something like this somewhere."
It came to her. "In Wisconsin! Someone spotted one. That was about ten years ago, though. After that, S.H.I.E.L.D. apparently sent people to lock it up."
Bella was caught off guard. "You're saying Earth has unicorns too? Could it have wandered over from Jötunheim during the migration? ...Actually, that tracks."
Spatial rifts were nothing new. Jötunheim had been nearly smashed apart by Asgardian campaigns. If Thorin's company could find a rift from Vanaheim into Jötunheim, then a creature from Jötunheim slipping through to Earth by accident wasn't exactly shocking.
Natasha threw on a jacket and grabbed Bella's arm. "Come on. Let's go dig up some intel."
Bella stared. "My dear sister, it's dark outside. You want to go now? And where exactly are we going?"
"Just follow me."
Dragged out of the house, Bella trailed Natasha through several S.H.I.E.L.D. intelligence drop sites, collecting fragments and breadcrumbs until they'd assembled a full-scale plan: break into the S.H.I.E.L.D. facility codenamed The Cabin in the Woods and extract the unicorn.
"Are we really doing this?"
"Yes! For the sake of that poor unicorn, we have to. Don't you have a shred of compassion?"
"You're doing this for the poor unicorn's sake, and not because you're bored out of your mind?" Bella cut straight to Natasha's real motivation.
Her so-called little sister bit her lip and shot Bella a coy look. "So are you coming or not?"
"You're being completely unreasonable... Fine. You're pregnant. Whatever you say goes. Let's go. I'll drive."
Bella's body was still a little run-down, but she wouldn't dare refuse. So be it. It was just the Cabin in the Woods. If they were careful, it should be fine... right?