Our town in the provinces is also out in the country.
It gets incredibly dark at night. Pitch blackness. The contrast with
daytime is such that the interior and exterior of an abandoned building
becomes nearly indistinguishable.
For me, having lived here my entire life, that hardly feels off or strange,
and really, that's how nature is supposed to work, but according to someone
like Oshino, a drifter─the contrast tends to be entangled with the root of the
problem more often than not.
It made the root easier to discern and comprehend─he told me that, too.
Either way.
It was now a little after midnight.
Senjogahara and I biked back to the cram school ruins. We used an
actual cushion from Senjogahara's home for the rear seat.
I was mildly hungry, as I hadn't eaten anything.
When I parked my bike in the same spot I'd used in the evening and
entered the grounds through the same hole in the fence, Oshino was there
waiting for us at the entrance.
As if he'd been there for ages.
"Wha..." Senjogahara voiced surprise at his attire.
Oshino was wrapped in a white robe─a Shinto priest's. His scruffy hair
was set neatly in place, and he at least looked tidier and was barely
recognizable from the evening.
The robes make the man.
That he somehow looked the part was, actually, offensive.
"You were─a Shinto priest, Mister Oshino?" asked Senjogahara.
"What? Um, no?" he casually denied. "I'm no chief holy or ritualist. It's
what I studied in school, but I never went to work for a shrine. I had too
many objections."
"Objections..."
"Personal reasons. Maybe the truth is that it all started to seem silly to
me. These clothes are just a way of dressing up for the occasion. I didn't have
any other clean ones, that's all. We're going to meet a god, missy, so I have
to look my best too. Didn't I tell you? Setting the mood. For Araragi, it was
holding crosses, dangling garlic, and fighting with holy water. The situation
is what matters. Don't worry, I might be lacking in manners, but I know what
the deal is. I won't wave around a rod offhand or toss salt all over your
head."
"O-Okay..."
Senjogahara seemed a bit daunted.
True, his outfit was striking, but coming from her, it seemed like a bit of
an overreaction. It made me wonder.
"Yup, missy, you look clean and pure. Well done. Just to make sure, are
you wearing any makeup?"
"No, I thought it would be better not to."
"I see. Well, for now, that was the right choice. And you, Araragi, you
did take a shower?"
"Yeah, don't worry."
I hadn't had a choice since I was going to be present for this, and the
little incident that ensued when Senjogahara tried to sneak a peek as I
showered could stay a secret.
"Hmph. You, though, look your same old self."
"What's that got to do with anything?" I retorted.
I mean, even if I was going to be present, I was an outsider. Not having
changed clothes too, unlike Senjogahara, of course I looked my same old self.
"Then let's get this over with. I've prepared a space on the third floor."
"A space?"
"Yep," Oshino said and disappeared into the darkness of the building.
Despite his glaringly white robes, he was soon invisible. I took Senjogahara's
hand just as I'd done in the evening and followed after him.
"You know, Oshino, you say 'over with' and are acting awfully laid
back, but are you sure?"
"Sure? About what? I've summoned a boy and a girl of a tender age out
here in the middle of the night. Any adult would want to finish up as quickly
as possible."
"What I'm asking is if it'll be that easy to beat back this crab, or
whatever it is."
"What a violent line of thought, Araragi. Something good happen to
you?" Oshino shrugged without so much as turning around. "This time isn't
like little Shinobu in your case or that lust-besotted cat in missy class
president's. And don't forget, Araragi, I'm a pacifist. My basic policy is non-
violent total obedience. You and missy class president were assaulted with
malice and hostility. This crab is different."
"That's not true─" It'd done harm, in fact, so why not judge that it bore
malice or hostility?
"Didn't I tell you? We're dealing with a god. It's just there and hasn't
done anything. As a matter of course─it's just there. Araragi, once school is
over for the day, you go home too, don't you? It's like that. Missy's been
wavering all on her own."
It doesn't harm, it doesn't attack.
It doesn't possess.
"All on her own" sounded kind of mean, but Senjogahara said nothing.
Did she simply have no thoughts pertaining to that, or was she, given what
was to follow, trying not to react too much to his words?
"So Araragi," counseled Oshino, "whether it's beating back or up or
down, lose those dangerous ideas. We're about to ask a god for a favor. Be
humble."
"A favor, huh?"
"Right. A favor."
"And if we ask nicely, it's going to say here, and give it back?
Senjogahara's─weight. Her body weight."
"I won't say definitely, but probably. This isn't like spending New
Year's Eve at a shrine. Well, they usually aren't so hard-headed as to turn
down a sincere request. The gods are a fairly undiscerning bunch. Especially
Japanese ones. Putting aside humans taken as a cluster, they couldn't care
less about us on an individual basis. They really don't, okay? In fact, in face
of a god, you, me, and missy over there are indistinguishable. Age, gender,
weight, none of that matters, and all three of us are the same to them,
humans."
We were─
Not just similar, but the same to them.
"Huh... So this is fundamentally different from a curse."
"Hey," Senjogahara said, her voice full of resolve, "is that crab─still
near me?"
"It is. It's there, and it's everywhere. But if we seek its advent
here─then certain steps will be necessary."
We arrived at the third floor.
We entered one of the classrooms.
A straw warding rope had been hung around the walls. The chairs and
tables had been taken elsewhere, and an altar sat in front of the blackboard.
Considering that the space was complete with stands filled with offerings, it
couldn't have been slapped together after our earlier talk. Small lamps stood
in each of the room's four corners and filled it with a dim light.
"Think of it as a spiritual field," Oshino explained. "The realm of
divinity, as they say. It's nothing to get worked up about. You don't need to
be so nervous, missy."
"I'm─not nervous."
"Is that so? Fantastic," Oshino said, proceeding into the classroom.
"Could the two of you please lower your heads and cast down your eyes?"
"What?"
"We're already standing before a god."
Then─the three of us lined up in front of the altar.
These were nothing like the measures he took for me or Hanekawa
─speaking of nervous, I was the one feeling nervous. Such a stuffy
mood─just this mood was making me feel funny.
My body shrank.
I couldn't help but be on guard.
I, myself, am one of those young, nonreligious kids nowadays who can't
distinguish between Shintoism and Buddhism. And yet my heart was home to
some instinct or other that reacted to this very situation.
Situation.
Space.
"Hey─Oshino."
"What is it, Araragi?"
"I was just thinking, if this is about the situation and space, should I
even be here? However you think of it, I'm an intruder."
"You aren't exactly intruding. Everything should be fine, but you never
know, stuff happens. Stuff can always happen. And if it does, Araragi, you're
going to act as a wall for missy."
"I am?"
"What else is that immortal body of yours good for?"
"..."
Well, that certainly was a cool line, but I was pretty sure it wasn't to act
as a wall for Senjogahara.
To begin with, I wasn't immortal anymore.
"Araragi," Senjogahara pleaded without missing a beat, "promise you'll
protect me."
"Why a princess character all of a sudden?!"
"What's the big issue? You must be planning to off your worthless self
as soon as tomorrow anyway."
"Out of character in nothing flat!"
Moreover, words that were hardly whispered behind your back in your
lifetime had been spoken straight to my face like normal. Being on the
receiving end of her acid tongue made me wonder if I needed to give serious
thought to the evils I'd wrought in a past life.
"Of course, I'm not asking you to do this for free," she said.
"You gonna gimme something?" I asked.
"How shallow of you to seek a material reward. It wouldn't be a stretch
to say that your entire humanity is summarized by that sad little response."
"...Then whacha gonna do for me?"
"Hmm... You're scum who tried to equip the slave outfit to Nera in
Dragon Quest V, but I'm going to halt my plans to spread the word."
"I've never even heard of anyone doing that!"
Plus, spreading the word was her premise.
What a horrible woman.
"It should have been obvious that you can't equip it to her... That's just
so harebrained, or should I say 'dogbrained'?"
"Hold on a second! You're looking triumphant like that was a witty
insult, but have I once been compared to a dog in any way?!"
"Right," Senjogahara snickered. "How unfair of me. To dogs."
"......rk!!"
Weaving in, at that moment, an old standby that would otherwise sound
hackneyed... This woman had complete mastery over all things insulting.
"Fine, then, forget it," she said. "A coward like you can run home with
your tail between your legs and play lonely games with a taser like you do
every night."
"What sort of perverted play is that?!"
Or rather, stop spreading one insidious rumor after another about me.
"When you're on my level, Araragi, it's easy to see through a flimsy
little thing like you. I know all of your dorkest secrets."
"How did you manage to misspeak and come up with an even worse
insult?! What the hell are you the beloved of?!"
She was unfathomable in that respect.
She must have meant to say "darkest."
"Anyway, Oshino," I reprised. "Why ask me? Won't that vam─Shinobu
do? Like that time with Hanekawa."
He simply replied, "It's past her bedtime."
"......"
A vampire sleeping at night?
It really was poignant.
Oshino took a vessel of sake from the offerings and handed it to
Senjogahara.
"Hm? What now?" she asked, confused.
"Drinking alcohol can bring you closer to the gods─apparently. Go
ahead, in the way of loosening up."
"...I'm a minor."
"You don't have to go so far as to get drunk. Just a teeny sip."
"..."
After a moment of hesitation, Senjogahara did gulp down a mouthful as
he watched. She handed back the vessel to Oshino, who returned it to its
original location.
"Okay. Let's calm down," Oshino said, still facing forward─his back to
Senjogahara. "We'll start by calming down. The situation is what matters. As
long as we create a space, manners don't─it's all up to your frame of mind in
the end, missy."
"My frame of mind..."
"Relax. Start by letting your guard down. This place is yours. It's natural
for you to be here. Keeping your head lowered and closing your eyes─let's
count. One, two, three..."
Really─
There was no need for me to, but I found myself following along,
closing my eyes and counting. As I did, it came to me.
Setting the mood.
In that sense, not just Oshino's attire, but the straw warding rope, the
altar, and even the trip home to bathe were all requirements for setting the
mood─or, to take it further, setting up Senjogahara's mental condition.
It was close to suggestion.
Hypnotic suggestion.
Begin by wiping away her self-consciousness, get her to lower her
guard, bring about a relationship of trust with him─although he was going
about it in a completely different way, it had been no less necessary for me
and Hanekawa. They say believe and you shall be saved, and getting
Senjogahara to accept, in a nutshell─was crucial.
Senjogahara had said it herself.
She didn't even half-trust Oshino yet.
But─
That wouldn't cut it.
That wouldn't be enough.
Because─a relationship of trust was required.
Oshino couldn't save Senjogahara, she was getting saved on her
own─that was the true meaning of his words.
I slowly opened my eyes.
I looked around.
Lamps.
The lamp flames in the corners─wavered.
A wind blew in from the windows.
Shaky flames─that could be snuffed out at any moment.
Yet their light was certain.
"Do you feel calm?"
"─Yes."
"All right─then let's answer some questions. You've decided to answer
my questions. Missy, what's your name?"
"Hitagi Senjogahara."
"What school do you go to?"
"Naoetsu Private High School."
"What's your birthday?"
"July seventh."
A Q&A whose meaning wasn't clear, that in fact seemed totally
meaningless, unfolded.
Flatly.
At a steady pace.
Oshino still had his back to Senjogahara.
She, too, hid her face, her eyes closed.
Her head lowered, downcast.
It felt quiet enough for breaths and heartbeats to make themselves heard.
"Who's your favorite author?"
"Kyusaku Yumeno."
"How about an embarrassing story from when you were a kid?"
"I don't want to tell."
"What kind of classical music do you like?"
"I'm not very well-versed in music."
"How did you feel when you graduated elementary school?"
"Only that I would be attending middle school next. Because I was just
going from one public school to another."
"What was the boy who was your first love like?"
"I don't want to tell."
"In your life so far," Oshino said in the same steady tone, "what
experience hurt the most?"
"......"
Here─Senjogahara drew a blank.
Not even an "I don't want to tell"─but silence.
I realized then that Oshino had imbued just this question with meaning.
"What's the matter? The most hurtful experience in your life. I'm asking
you about your memories."
"...M."
The mood─wasn't one where she could remain silent.
She couldn't refuse with an "I don't want to tell."
That─was the situation.
The space that had been formed.
According to plan─things moved forward.
"My mother─"
"Your mother..."
"Falling for a bad religion."
She'd fallen for some sketchy new religion.
Senjogahara had told me.
That her mother gave them everything they owned and even took on
debt, until their family fell apart. That even after the divorce, her father still
worked around the clock to pay off the loans.
Was that─the experience that hurt her the most?
More than─being deprived of her weight?
Of course it was.
How could it not hurt worse.
But─that...
That...
"That's all?" Oshino asked.
"...What do you mean?"
"If that's all, it's no big deal. Freedom of faith is recognized by the laws
of Japan. No, freedom of faith is recognized as an authentic human right.
What your mother reveres or prays to is merely an issue of methodology."
"......"
"So─that's not all," Oshino asserted forcefully. "Try and tell. What
happened?"
"Like I said─m-my mother─because of me she fell for such a
religion─she got duped─"
"Your mother was duped by a cult─then what."
Then what.
Senjogahara bit down hard on her lower lip.
"A-An executive member of the religious group came to our house with
my mother."
"An executive member. This person came, and then?"
"H-He said it would be purifying."
"Purifying? It'd be purifying? He said it'd be purifying─and then?"
"He said it was a ritual─he took─me and," Senjogahara said, pain
mixing into her voice, "a-assaulted me."
"Assault─in the sense of getting violent? Or─in a sexual sense?"
"In the sexual─sense. Yes, that man─" Senjogahara continued as if she
were enduring a variety of things, "tried to rape me."
"...I see."
Oshino nodded─quietly.
Senjogahara's─
Fixation on chastity that took an unnatural form, her─
Cautiousness.
The highly defensive mentality and acutely aggressive mindset.
It felt like they made sense now.
So did her excessive reaction to Oshino's ritual garb.
For a non-pro like Senjogahara, the fact was that Shintoism, too, was a
religion.
"That─hypocritical lecher─"
"That's the Buddhist perspective. A religion can even endorse killing
one of your own. It won't do to generalize. But you said tried to rape─so it
ended at an attempt?"
"I hit him with my cleats which were nearby."
"...That was brave."
"He bled from his forehead─and was writhing on the floor."
"And that saved you?"
"It saved me."
"Good for you."
"But─my mother didn't try to save me."
Even though she was there the entire time, watching─Senjogahara said
flatly.
Flatly she continued with her answer.
"In fact─she scolded me."
"That's─all?"
"No─because I injured that leader, my mother─"
"Your mother was penalized?" Oshino finished Senjogahara's line for
her.
The consequences of such a scene didn't take an Oshino to predict─but
this seemed to have an effect on her.
"Yes," she affirmed─solemnly.
"Naturally─since her daughter injured one of the leaders."
"Yes. And so─everything we had. The house, the land─even going into
debt─my family broke. Completely broke─it completely broke, and yet, it
continues to fall apart. It continues to, sir."
"How is your mother doing now?"
"I don't know."
"There's no way that you don't."
"She's probably─still practicing her faith."
"Still."
"Not having learned a thing─unashamed."
"Does that hurt, too?"
"It does─hurt."
"Why does it hurt? She has nothing to do with you anymore."
"Sometimes I wonder. What if, at the time, I─hadn't resisted, then at
least─it might not have gotten to this."
It might not have broken.
It might not have broken.
"You think so?" asked Oshino.
"I do─think so."
"You really think so."
"...I do."
"Then that, missy─is your thought and burden," Oshino said. "No
matter how weighty, it's what you need to shoulder. Leaving it to someone
else─isn't the way to go."
"Leaving it to someone else─isn't─"
"Don't avert your eyes─open them and take a look."
Then─
Oshino opened his eyes.
Senjogahara also opened her eyes─gently.
The lamps in the corners.
Their light wavered.
The shadows, too.
All three of our shadows also─wavered.
They swayed back and forth.
Back─and forth.
"Ah. Ahhhhh!"
Senjogahara─yelled.
She was still managing to keep her head lowered─but her expression
was filled to overflowing with shock. Her body was trembling, and began to
gush sweat.
She was losing it.
Her─Senjogahara.
"Do you─see something?" questioned Oshino.
"I-I do. It's like that time─like that time, a huge crab, a crab─I see it."
"Do you, now. Well, I don't see a thing."
It was then that Oshino turned for the first time, toward me.
"Do you see anything, Araragi?"
"I─don't."
There was nothing to see.
Only the wavering light.
And wavering shadow.
That was─the same as not seeing.
I couldn't identify it.
"I don't see─a thing."
"You heard him." Oshino turned toward Senjogahara. "I bet you don't
see any crab, actually?"
"N-No─it's visible. Clearly. To me."
"It's not an illusion?"
"It isn't an illusion─I mean it."
"I see. Then─"
Oshino traced Senjogahara's line of sight.
As if something─were there.
As if some thing─were there.
"Then, what do you need to say to it?"
"Need to─say."
That's when it happened.
I doubt she had any reason at all, but.
She couldn't have meant anything by it, but.
Senjogahara─raised her head.
It was probably the situation.
The space had become too much for her.
That must have been all.
But circumstances didn't matter.
Paltry, human circumstance didn't matter.
The very same moment─Senjogahara leapt backward.
She flew.
Like she had no weight to speak of, her feet not once touching or
dragging across the floor, she sped to the very back of the classroom,
opposite from the altar, and was slammed into the bulletin board.
Slammed into it─
She stayed there and didn't drop.
She didn't drop.
As if she'd been pinned up, she stayed there.
As if it were a crucifixion.
"S-Senjogahara!"
"Oh boy," Oshino said, dismayed. "I thought I told you to act as her
wall, Araragi. Once again, you're useless when it counts the most. Spacing
out like a literal wall can't be all you're good for."
Dismaying or not, I couldn't help it because her velocity had outpaced
my eyes.
As if gravity were functioning in that vector, Senjogahara seemed to be
pressed, shoved against the bulletin board.
Her body─began to burrow into the wall.
It looked ready to crack and fall apart.
Or Senjogahara was about to be crushed.
"Uh... U-Ugh..."
It wasn't a scream─but a groan.
She was in pain.
Yet─I still didn't see a thing.
All I saw was Senjogahara pinning herself, seemingly, to the wall.
However. However, though─she must have been seeing it.
A crab.
A large─crab.
The Crab of Weight.
"So much for that. Sheesh, what an impatient god, couldn't even wait
for us to start praying. How so game of it. Wonder if something good
happened to it."
"H-Hey, Oshino─"
"Yeah, I know. Change of plans. Too bad, but this is quite standard.
Either way was fine for me from the beginning."
Saying so with a sigh, but with a sure gait, Oshino approached
Senjogahara's crucified body.
Approached her without ado.
Then, his hand reached out casually.
It took hold slightly in front of Senjogahara's face.
Easily─peeled away.
"Hup."
In one motion, as if he were performing a judo throw─Oshino took the
thing he had in his hand and forcefully, with all his might─ slammed it
against the floor. There was no sound, no swirl of dust. But he slammed it
just as Senjogahara had been, only stronger. Then swiftly, in the very same
breath, he stepped on this slammed it.
He was stepping on a god.
In a consummately violent manner.
Irreverently, without an ounce of deference or piety.
The pacifist made light of a god.
"...gk."
To me, it only looked as if Oshino had mimed everything─performed an
incredibly expert pantomime, as he still was now, seemingly balancing
himself on one leg with aplomb. Meanwhile, for Senjogahara, who could see
it very well─
It was apparently the sort of sight that made her eyes grow wide.
It's apparently that sort of sight.
But a second later, no doubt having lost her support, she went from
being pinned to the wall to splatting onto the floor. Since she wasn't too high
up and had no weight, the impact of the fall couldn't have been too severe,
but she couldn't brace for it, having dropped completely by surprise. It
looked like she'd hit her leg hard.
"You okay?" Oshino called to check up on Senjogahara before looking
down at his own feet. Indeed─purely appraisingly.
Evaluating, with narrowed eyes.
"No matter how big a crab gets, in fact the bigger it is, turn it upside
down, and there you go. Whatever the creature, if it has a flat body, I can't
help but think that it exists to be stepped on, looking at it sideways or any
other way─that said, Araragi, what do you think?" Oshino abruptly addressed
me. "We certainly could redo this from the beginning, but it'd be such a
hassle. Personally, it'd be neatest for me to go on and squish and squash it."
"Neatest? A-And 'squish and squash' is awfully vivid... She only raised
her head for a moment. Just that─"
"I wouldn't call it just that. Or rather, just that is enough. In the end, this
stuff is about your frame of mind─if we can't be nice and ask a favor, then
we have to resort to dangerous ideas. Like when we dealt with the demon or
the cat. If we can't talk, then there's only war─okay? In a sense it's just like
politics. Well, simply crushing it would solve missy's problems on a surface
level. It'd be only on the surface, a palliative treatment that doesn't touch the
root, just mowing the weeds, so to speak, a method I'm not eager to take, but
maybe on this occasion I should just go for it."
"G-Go for it?"
"You see, Araragi," Oshino said with a disquieting grin, "I absolutely
despise crabs."
They're hard to eat, he explained.
And with those words─
With those words, his leg─flexed.
"Wait."
The voice came from behind Oshino.
Needless to say, it was Senjogahara.
Rubbing her skinned knee, she sat up.
"Wait─please. Mister Oshino."
"Wait for─" Oshino shifted his gaze from me to Senjogahara, the
malicious smile still on his face. "Wait for what, missy?"
"I was just─surprised earlier," Senjogahara said. "I can do this. On my
own."
"...Hunh."
Oshino wasn't pulling back his leg.
He kept stepping on it.
But not squashing it either, he told Senjogahara, "Fine, give it a try."
Told this─
Utterly unbelievably, from my point of view, Senjogahara knelt, righted
her posture, placed her hands on the floor─towards it at Oshino's feet, and
slowly─properly bowed her head.
She was─prostrating herself.
Hitagi Senjogahara─was performing a dogeza of her own will.
Assuming the pose freely, unbidden.
"─I'm sorry."
She began with words of apology.
"And─thank you very much."
She followed up with words of gratitude.
"But─it's all right now. They're─my feelings, my thoughts─and my
memories, so I will shoulder them. It wasn't right of me to lose them."
And then, finally─
"Please. I beg of you to grant me this favor. Please, give me back my
weight."
Finally, words of supplication, as if she were praying.
"Please give me back─my mother."
Wham.
It was the sound of Oshino's foot─hitting the floor.
Not from squashing the thing, I presumed.
No, it had vanished.
Just as it simply was─it must have returned from being there as a matter of course back to not being there as a matter of course.
Sent back.
"Ah─"
At Mèmè Oshino, who stood unspeaking, unmoving.
At Hitagi Senjogahara, who maintained her posture despite knowing it
was over and who began sobbing, wailing out loud.
Standing apart and gazing at them, Koyomi Araragi vacantly, vacuously
wondered: Ah, maybe Senjogahara is a tsundere through and through and
through.