These days, I spend all my time beside Vesper. He kept his promise—I don't feel pain anymore. I am happy, drowning in unbearable, honeyed pleasure, yet my heart feels hollow. The love he pours over me feels like a mirage. My mind believes it, but my heart doesn't move. It stays numb.
This whole experience is new to me. His voice alone can make me lose myself. I satisfy myself again and again, and he loves that—but the more I do, the hungrier I become. Even bound to him, even reaching nirvana by my own hands, it isn't enough. I'm high on intimacy, not on love. I see it in him too. Short-lived bliss can never replace what true affection gives.
I wonder if Vesper has ever felt that.
I was slumped on the floor, spent, when he came to sit beside me.
"What are you thinking?" he asked softly. "Do you want more pleasure?"
I shook my head and forced a tired smile. He started to rise, but I reached out and caught his hand.
"Vesper, can we just talk? I want to know you—really know you," I said quietly.
He looked at me like the idea itself was strange. Maybe no one had ever asked him to speak without wanting something in return. He uses his voice to command, to bend, to rule—but not to share. When I talk to him like this, he feels… different. Like I can reach him.
"Please," I said gently. "That alone would make me happy."
He hesitated, then sat back. "Now what?"
"What made you fall in love with me?" I asked.
"I loved you from the moment I heard your name," he said, eyes bright with fevered devotion. "Everything about you—your story, your return, your power. My life's purpose is to see your vow fulfilled."
I finally understood. He loved the idea of Eriu. Not me—the goddess.
"You know Eriu never wanted only one mate," I said carefully. "She never planned to belong to just one."
He froze—then smiled. "She can have as many as she wants, as long as she—"
I climbed onto his lap, touched his lips with my fingers.
"Not that way. She will love you infinitely, not exclusively."
He swallowed. "Then I will make her love only me. Don't you love only me, Sienna?"
I stayed there, close. "I love what you make me feel—your touch, your voice, the pleasure. But you haven't shown me your loyalty." I pressed my palm to my chest. "This is what decides. Not my mind—my heart."
I hugged him. It probably hurt.
"At least you have time," I smiled softly. "All the time in the world to prove it."
"Strange," he murmured. "Even when I rule your thoughts, I cannot rule your core." He lifted my hand and licked my palm, his tongue rough and cool. "Then I'll keep trying."
The moment he spoke my name, my body betrayed me. A series of electric jolts shot up my spine. I writhed against him, gasping as the heaven he offered washed through my veins once more. I clung to him, rubbing my chest against his smooth, cold skin, desperate to bridge the gap between us. He watched me like a king admiring a conquest—and yet, even then, it still wasn't enough.
"You're different," he said, voice low. "You don't give because you must—you give because you want to. Even Vera cannot compare."
"I want my partner to feel what I feel," I whispered. "Love is give and take. Learn that."
Then the darkness moved.
Human-looking lizards stepped from the shadows.
"Vera said you keep the Goddess of Abundance here," one hissed. "Let us taste her blessing."
Vesper moved me aside gently.
"And if I refuse?" he asked coldly.
"We take you down, snake. Vera promised us your throne."
More shapes slithered from the dark.
Vesper laughed. "You think numbers make you strong? What did she promise—my crown?"
Fire suddenly bloomed.
One screamed. Then another. Then another. Flames raced through them like falling dominos. Their cries filled the cavern until silence swallowed everything.
Vesper turned slowly to me—first stunned, then smiling.
"I could've handled them."
"They interrupted me," I said calmly. "And they believed in the wrong goddess. You've been generous to me. I'm only returning it."
His eyes burned with awe. "You are becoming her."
That's when I felt it—the shift.
Pain, pleasure, guilt, power, desire—they're all blurring. My grip on myself is slipping. Eriu is rising through every crack in me.
I need to wake up.
Or someone needs to tear me out of this darkness—
before there's nothing left of me to save.