*Present Time - Bubba's Perspective*
As I stood in the middle of the chaos, all I heard was the same chant echoing from the crowd.
"The Splattering has arrived!"
I mean, anyone would probably shit their pants if they had to fight someone called the Splattering. And when I mean anyone, I mean me, cus I'm shitting my pants at mach 5 speed right now.
Hmm, this Splattering guy is probably a 7-foot Russian ex-military soldier or something. I guess I'll go on my knees and start begging for my life. Heh, maybe I can bribe them with some of the moolah I'll get after gambling.
Down the hallway, I see an ominous figure emerge. I can't clearly see them yet, but I can see their glory outlining their silhouette.
Wait, when could I see people's glory? I couldn't see Cowboy Twink's glory earlier.
Hmm, who cares? Maybe it's one of those plot holes that never get explained.
Anyways, their glory is a pinkish color, with a coarse and razor sharp feeling to it. Almost like a blade from Forged in Fire.
Despite the energetic roars of the crowd, the atmosphere of the arena feels chilly.
The Splattering steps into the arena. The crowd begins to chant louder.
A colorful ponytail illuminates in the light, so bright that it feels blinding.
Within the glory, there is a muscular, yet thin and athletic build with a short stature.
I scan their body from top to bottom. But it's too bright to get a clear image of the Splattering.
There's something off…
As my eyes adjusted to the light, a pleasant sight appeared in front of me: boobies.
Yes, I stared directly at them.
Wait, timeout!
The Splattering has knockers?
Holy zucchini! The Splattering is a relatively cute girl! Wait no…
Their body…it's rough all over. She has cauliflower ears and super toned muscles with a bunch of menacing tattoos. Along with that, her hair is dyed with a combination of grunge colors in confusing patterns that remind me of a mandala. Or maybe a zebra that has a different color for each stripe. Rainbow zebra!
The Splattering also happens to wear MMA gloves that have a blood design on it. Actually, I think blood is dripping from the glove. Yeah, that's not a design.
But what stood out the most was a scar that ran vertically down her eyes. Yes, like that one guy from Berserk.
She's definitely a fighter of some sort. Definitely a hot one too, hehe…
I give myself a little slap.
Bubba, lock in! I can totally take this Splattering dude. I'm probably like double her weight and like two heads taller than her.
Maybe she's got more fighting experience and some spooky blood on her, but this is super winnable!
The Splattering looks at me like an unamused god.
"I know what you're thinking. You probably believe that you have a chance against me. But that's not true. You are going to die. Right here, in front of everyone."
Aw hell, nah. How do I leave this place? I can't handle this edgelord bull crap, bro.
This is too much. I'll just live in my mom's basement or something.
I get down to my knees and plant my forehead on the cold, rocky floor of the arena.
"M-Ms. Splattering dude! Please spare my life! I will give you everything in my possession! Yes, even my pet turtle!"
She approaches me calmly. Her aura sharpens; I can feel her murderous intent.
Welp, it was a good run guys. I'm too scared to even move right now.
I feel liquid spread down my pants.
Damn, I even pissed myself. I probably haven't done that since I was a baby. Okay, maybe I pissed my pants that one time the office bathroom line was super long.
The Splattering charges up her punch like a guillotine destined to finish me in a clean strike.
I start sobbing uncontrollably. The thought of dying finally hit me. I never got to touch that peak, the sensation of being great. A strong individual who was content with their being: the protagonist.
If only I was actually the main character, I would probably have some plot armor. This would usually be the part where I get an awesome power boost or something. Or a really convenient event that distracts my murderer. Maybe I'll get rescued by a hot chick…
But no, I've been reduced to a man-baby that has accepted their fate as a loser. I've really accomplished nothing during my time on Earth. Sure, maybe I did a few good things every now and then, but it's all short term.
All I wanted was to be remembered as the greatest. It doesn't matter how or why, I just want to live forever through my own legacy. It's a feeling of bliss that would make me forget about my lackluster life. Even a few seconds of that euphoric sensation would make me feel worthy of being born.
I'm sorry reader… I lied.
I'm no main character, I'm just a regular guy.
At that moment, the Splattering took a swing at my exposed body. The guillotine, released to dispatch me, was making its course.
In an instant, the punch shattered my spine and sent a powerful shockwave that reverberated through me.
An overload of pain gushed into my nervous system, signaling to my brain that my weak body had been demolished.
That's when I saw them…
Mr. Narrator and a blonde-haired beauty, staring at me with despair painted on their faces.