"Then she gave me my pen back, gave me this little smile, and I thought, okay—here it comes. She's going to say something to flirt with me."
I looked at Rüzgar with dead, unimpressed eyes.
"You know what she did?"
He raised his brows, waiting.
"She closed her eyes, turned away, and went right back to sleep."
I exhaled a sharp laugh.
"It took me two full minutes to realize that smile was her version of 'thanks'—because she was too lazy to speak."
I leaned back, the memory hitting in the chest in the most irritating way.
"I swear, if she'd cursed at me it wouldn't have stung this much. In my entire life, I don't remember a single girl—girlfriend or not—ignoring my existence like that."
Rüzgar was grinning, enjoying my suffering.
"That actually sounds exactly like Duru," he said. "So what happened? You never talked again?"
I shook my head.
"Never saw her again after that class. I think she changed her schedule. The next week, her name wasn't on the list."
I stared into my glass.
"One day I was bored in a lecture and I realized I'd been sketching without thinking—and it was her. I liked it. So I kept going. But no matter how detailed I got, something always felt missing. They never looked the way she did in that moment."
I exhaled, jaw tight.
"Then everything happened, and I forgot her. Forgot the drawings. Forgot… her."
Rüzgar watched me for a beat, then asked quietly.
"Why?"
That one word carried too much.
I didn't answer right away.
"Do you think it's easy, staying away from her?" I finally said, voice rough. "Every time I pull back, I see the disappointment on her face. Every time I realize she's trying to stay away too—because she can't take how cold I've been—it drives me insane."
I looked up, eyes hard.
"And every time I see that helpless look in her eyes, it kills me that I can't just grab her and tell her how much I love her. But I can't."
"If I hold on to her even once, there's no going back. I won't let her go."
Rüzgar didn't blink. "Then don't. You've always taken what you wanted. What's stopping you now?"
I gave him a bitter smile.
"Not this time. Before, I wouldn't have hesitated to make her mine. But this mess with our families has my hands tied. No matter how long it takes, I won't stop until I know what really happened in that house six years ago—and why. We don't even know where the thread leads. But it's obvious we'll have to put our lives on the line to find out."
He frowned. "So you're pushing her away because you think you can't protect her? That's not the real reason. What is it?"
I let out a short laugh and put on a smug face out of habit.
"Oh, trust me. I'm not worried about protecting her. No one protects her better than I do."
My expression tightened.
"But the same isn't true for us."
"No matter how careful we are, no matter how strong we are—there's no guarantee you or I make it home in one piece."
I held his gaze.
"We're choosing to live with that risk. But I can't do that to Duru. I can't ask her to stay with me knowing what it feels like to lose the people you love."
Rüzgar's face shifted—like he finally got it. He leaned forward, refilled both our glasses, and set the bottle down again.
"And you're planning to completely walk away from her… while you feel like this?"
I picked up my glass, staring at it like it might have answers.
"I don't know, Rüzgar." My voice went quiet. "For the first time in my life, I genuinely don't know what I'm supposed to do."
"If you love her, go talk to her, man."
Bora's loud, cheerful voice filled the room. Rüzgar and I both snapped our heads toward the door.
"How long have you been there?" I demanded.
He strolled in and flopped onto the couch, dropping his head onto my lap like he owned the place. He tipped his head back, grinning up at me.
"I walked in when you were mid–Edward Cullen monologue. Didn't wanna interrupt your little class, so I waited. Then the conversation got good and I kinda… got comfy."
"Great. Just what we were missing—someone eavesdropping like it's a full-time hobby. Missing your 'annoying housewife' era, huh?"
Demir's voice cut in from the doorway.
All of us looked over as he walked in, grabbed my glass, and downed it in one go. Then he dropped into the loveseat beside Rüzgar, grinning at me like Bora.
"But Frizzy is right," he said. "If you love her, talk to her bro."
Rüzgar looked between them with exhausted disbelief.
"We've been friends for years and I still don't understand how you two manage to show up here like a two-for-one detergent bundle every single time."