As my vision blurred, I saw the uniformed girl with thick black-framed glasses staring at me with pity from behind her lenses, her hair braided thickly over her left shoulder. The tears I'd been forcing back finally spilled, streaming down my cheeks.
I let go of the sink and straightened, clenching my fists with all my strength, not caring how much it hurt. I shut my eyes tightly and shook my head.
"This time it's not my fault! I tried! I didn't say it! No matter how much it hurt, I kept it in! So why didn't it change? Why does it always hurt me?"
When I couldn't stay standing anymore, I leaned against the wall and slowly slid down to the floor. I pressed both hands over my heart.
"Why did you choose someone like him again? Why? Why…"
As my angry shouting faded into a quiet murmur, my phone's ringtone—left on the sink—rang out loudly in the empty bathroom. I slammed my hands over my ears.
While the phone kept ringing, other voices joined in from beyond the door. I shut my eyes tighter.
"Sunshine, are you okay?"
"Duru?"
"Duru, open the door."
"Leave me alone!"
"Rüzgar, tell someone to open this damn door!"
"Move."
"Oh my God! Kerem!"
"Someone stop him!"
"Demir…"
"I'm on it."
"Finally. Step aside, step aside."
"Don't go in. Rüzgar, can you bring us water?"
Still refusing to open my eyes, I could only shake my head when a warm pair of hands settled gently on top of my ice-cold ones that were still pressed against my ears.
"Duru, sweetheart. Come on, open your eyes."
"Feyza?"
"Yes, sweety."
When I slowly opened my eyes and saw my friend in front of me with a pale smile, I dropped my hands and threw myself into her arms, not caring that my tears started again.
"I'm sorry. You were right, Feyza. I'm so sorry. It was my fault. Oh God, I'm so stupid. You knew this would happen. You warned me, you got mad at me, but I didn't listen."
"Shh… It's not your fault, Duru. I'm the one who's sorry. No matter how angry I was, I shouldn't have left you alone."
As she hugged me tightly and stroked my hair, my tears gradually eased. The door opened and someone else came in, but I kept holding onto my friend without looking.
"Feyza, can you leave us alone with Duru for a bit?"
"Rüzgar…"
When I slowly pulled back from Feyza and nodded, she stood up, hesitant but obedient.
"I'll be right outside."
I nodded again with a small smile, and Feyza left. When the door closed, the bathroom suddenly felt too quiet.
Rüzgar came over and sat next to me. Without looking at me, he held out a bottle of water. I nodded a silent thank you and took it.
After a few sips, the burning in my throat eased and my breathing steadied. I capped the bottle and set it beside me. Stretching my legs out, I crossed my ankles and rested my hands in my lap.
We both stared at the wall in silence, lost in our own thoughts, until Rüzgar was the one who finally spoke.
"The first time I fell in love, I was fifteen… She was a very beautiful girl."
Cramming what could've been a full paragraph into a single sentence was peak Rüzgar. Sniffling, I turned to him with a small laugh. He smiled back, but it wasn't a happy smile.
"Want to know who the only person was who saw the horrific personality behind that beauty—the one that almost ruined all five of our lives?"
Even as I swallowed and nodded, something in me already knew the answer.
"Kerem."
When I looked away and focused on the tiles on the floor, he sighed and continued.
"This is between you two, and nothing I say will change your reality. But I have one piece of advice. Don't do to Kerem what they did to you—don't judge him by their words."
When I looked back at him, I tried to smile at the sincerity in his face and nodded.
"Okay."
Before the door could even finish closing behind Rüzgar, I sensed another presence inside.
"Duru."
I looked around anxiously. When he saw me on the floor, he came over and dropped to his knees, cupping my cheeks in his hands.
"Duru, are you okay, beautiful?"
I didn't answer. I just kept staring at him, and the worry in his eyes shifted into a wounded anger he couldn't fully hide. Shame hit me all at once, and I looked away, pulling back.
"Please go."
My whispered plea made him flinch as if it hurt. I cursed myself. Letting out a tired breath, I pressed my hands to my eyes to wipe away the wetness. At the same time, a sharp pain shot through my palms. I inhaled sharply and pulled my hands away.
When I opened them, I saw the tiny red cuts my nails had dug into my skin from clenching so hard. I sighed and was about to drop my hands into my lap when Kerem grabbed them. The second he saw the cuts, his face tightened with anger.
"Stay still."
Before I could argue, he stormed out of the bathroom and returned a few minutes later with a small first-aid kit. Sitting down beside me, he took my hands into his lap and started cleaning the cuts with careful precision, making sure not to hurt me. Every time the cotton stung my skin, he blew on it quickly before I could even flinch, and my lips curved upward into a sad smile.
"It was eight years ago. I'd just started high school. I was in the prep class back then, and I was twice my current weight—glasses, and pretty unkempt. But none of that stopped me from liking someone."
His hands stopped moving, and his whole body went rigid.
"You don't have to explain anything to me, Duru."
Even though he wasn't looking at me, I smiled and shook my head.
"Let me tell you. As the popular one and my so-called boyfriend, you deserve to know why I hate guys like you. I've never told anyone except Feyza, and now that I've finally found the courage, I want to get it out here and be done with it."