The rest of the week passed in a blur of nonstop studying, broken only by short stretches of sleep. By the time I finished my last exam and survived my first exam period, I was completely drained—mentally and physically.
When I got home, I changed into my usual lounge clothes and went to the living room to watch something. I scrolled through movie options for a while but couldn't find anything that appealed to me.
I leaned back on the couch and stared at the ceiling.
A moment later, an irritated groan escaped my lips.
It was happening again.
The moment I stopped keeping myself busy, my thoughts automatically drifted to him—and I hated it. Not figuratively. Genuinely hated it.
As if constantly thinking about someone who didn't care about me wasn't bad enough, I also had to face the fact that I apparently had zero control over my own mind.
Finally accepting that sitting around and beating myself up wouldn't help, I rolled up my sleeves and started the house cleaning I'd been putting off for weeks.
More than two hours later, there wasn't a single corner left untouched—but I was on the verge of collapsing from exhaustion. I took a hot shower to soothe my aching muscles, turned my phone off, and climbed into bed.
This time, my efforts paid off. I fell asleep instantly, without even a chance to think.
When the relentless pounding on my door became impossible to ignore, I slammed my head into the pillow in frustration and got up. Rubbing my eyes, I opened the door and stared at the person in front of me in confusion.
"But I killed you earlier! How did you resurrect and come back so fast?"
"Is there ever a moment when you're not thinking about me?"
With his usual ease, he walked past me into the living room. I shrugged, closed the door, and went back to my bedroom, crawling into my still-warm bed.
A moment later, the blanket was pulled off me. I groaned and hugged my pillow instead.
"Duru."
"Hm?"
"What are you doing, beautiful?"
Without opening my eyes, I replied,
"I didn't like this dream. I'm going back to sleep to get a new one."
"Stop being ridiculous and get up. We need to go."
As the mattress dipped under his weight, I shifted uncomfortably and mumbled,
"You know that thing where you keep reliving the same nightmare over and over? What was it called again?"
"A vicious cycle?"
"That's it." I waved my hand lazily. "Shoo, shoo. I don't want you. Go away, vicious cycle."
"Is there something in the water you're drinking? Get up already!"
My response was more incoherent mumbling until I felt my shoulder shake. I cracked my eyes open and spoke, unsure if I was seeing straight.
"Kerem?"
"Duru?.."
"Duru, wake up!"
When I finally opened my eyes, my confused gaze met the worried eyes of my friend leaning over me.
"Aylin?"
"Thank God! I thought you'd never wake up."
She exhaled in relief as she sat back up. I pushed myself upright too, grumpy about adding yet another strange dream to the long list I'd had all week. My whole body protested as I leaned against the headboard, my face tightening in pain. Despite just waking up, I felt anything but rested.
"Did you drink or take something before sleeping?" she asked. "I've never seen you wake up this hard."
Rubbing my face groggily, I asked,
"Why did you wake me up? Did something happen?"
"Your parents couldn't reach you and got worried. They called me and asked me to check on you."
"My parents? Why?" I frowned. "They all know I don't wake up early on weekends."
"Early doesn't mean three in the afternoon, Duru."
"Three?" I stared at her. "That's impossible!"
"If you don't believe me, check your phone."
She shoved it in front of my face. Seeing 3:13 PM on the screen made my eyes go wide.
"You know what this means?" I asked excitedly.
She shook her head.
"I've officially broken my record. I slept for fifteen hours."
"Fifteen? Damn, Duru! I thought you binged two or three seasons and crashed at dawn."
I snatched my phone back and called my parents, still impressed with myself.
"Wow. I really slept fifteen hours. Hello, Mom…"
While I talked, Aylin muttered to herself in disbelief.
"She said fifteen hours. How does a human being just sleep for fifteen hours straight?"
After enduring my mother's well-deserved scolding and smoothing things over, I hung up—only to find Aylin staring holes into my face.
"What?" I asked nervously. "Why are you looking at me like that? Is something wrong with my face? Is it swollen? Oh my God, it's swollen, isn't it?"
I rushed to open my front camera.
"Like I needed that! As if I'm not chubby enough already. We were going out to dinner tonight too. I'm going to look like a full moon in every photo!"
"Are you hiding something from us?"
I lowered my phone and blinked at her.
"Where did that come from?"
"You've been weird all week. And now this sleep thing. It's like there's something you're not telling us."
That look was bad. Very bad.
I needed an excuse—fast.
As my eyes darted around, they landed on the dirty T-shirt on the chair. She immediately pointed at me.
"I knew it! Look at your face. You're definitely hiding something. Alright, spill. What's the big problem?"
There weren't many options. Since the golden rule of lying is staying close to the truth, I poked the blanket and mumbled in embarrassment.
"I gave Kerem a T-shirt. I want it back, but I don't know how to ask."
"A T-shirt? What T-shirt?"
"You know, the ones we ordered online last spring."
"The cute cartoon ones you spent a fortune on and shipped from the other side of the world?"
"…Yeah."
"Are you insane, Duru?" she snapped. I jumped.
"You give something that precious to a guy you've known for two days? And you had the nerve to say you didn't even like him that much. Nice story!"
I rushed to defend myself.
"What does that have to do with anything? His clothes got ruined, so I gave him something to wear. Obviously, I picked the cleanest, nicest one I had. I thought he'd bring it back when he didn't need it anymore. How was I supposed to know he'd sleep on it?"
Her shoulders dropped, her brows easing apart.
"That part is weird, I'll give you that. Forget the fit—it wasn't even his style. What's he going to do with it?"
I nodded enthusiastically, grateful for the support. She sighed.
"Well, what's done is done. Best thing you can do is drink a glass of cold water and move on."
I rolled my eyes.
"Thanks. That helped so much."
She spoke again, gentle but serious.
"I don't know what's really wrong, so I can't say the perfect thing. But don't forget—Feyza and I are here when you need us. Even if it's just to listen."
She was politely telling me she hadn't believed my lie.
I stayed quiet, unable to decide whether she was right or wrong.
She didn't push it further. Standing up, she headed for the door.
"I should go before it gets late. I still need to hit the market."
At the doorway, she turned back.
"Do you trust me?"
"Of course," I answered without hesitation.
"Then at least for today, take some extra care while getting ready. It'll help you feel better."
I smiled.
"Okay. I will. See you tonight. Thanks for coming."
She waved without turning back.
Once she left, I collapsed back onto the bed, that heavy ache settling deep in my chest.
I wanted so badly to tell them the truth…