"It's no use, I'm going to die soon... I know it better than anyone..."
"Eugene, my child, I really don't want to go... I really don't want to leave you like this... I still have so much, so much I want to say to you..."
Even though I knew this day would come eventually, I still felt regret. Regret that I couldn't stay by my child's side any longer, couldn't watch him grow up.
...
My name is Heminor Ned.
That was the name the tribe's shaman gave me. It roughly means "humanlike one," a guy who looks like a human.
Yes, I'm not human.
I'm an ogre. An ogre who looks humanlike, a somewhat special ogre.
Before I met that child, my life as an ogre was filled with failure.
From the moment I was born, I'd already lost.
"Roar, only one head, Chief." That was the first thing I heard before I even opened my eyes. It was the shaman who delivered me.
"To... too small." That dismissive remark came from my father, the chief of the ogre tribe.
For ogres, having fewer heads is a bad thing. Extra heads help with spellcasting and increase your field of vision. A single head meant I wouldn't be able to master dual casting, or maybe... I wouldn't be able to cast spells at all.
Of course, having fewer heads doesn't necessarily make you useless. Many ogre warriors have just one head... including my chief father.
He was a standard yet powerful single-headed ogre warrior.
But I had too many eyes.
"Not a cyclops... can this child really make it?" The tribe's shaman also let out a regretful sigh. I have no idea why they had such high hopes for me...
Why was the tribal shaman so disappointed?
Because for ogres, having one eye gives you a better chance of becoming a powerful warrior... that's because our ancestors were mighty cyclopes.
All monsters know that the closer you look to your ancestors, the purer your bloodline.
Like my chief father, who was several times larger than the rest of the tribe.
One head, two eyes... how pathetic.
This meant I could neither become an excellent ogre raider nor a powerful ogre warlock...
And sure enough, that turned out to be true.
Ogres respect the strong. Being as weak as I was, I was destined for low status, destined to be "useless."
Even though my father was the chief.
And the cause of all this was probably because my mother was human.
Though I only saw her once. Though she gave me such a frail body.
I didn't hate her... after all, she was just a pitiful piece of food that lived a little longer than most.
Back then... I had just opened my eyes, and I spotted her immediately among the ogre crowd.
She didn't wail like the other food.
The pity and relief in her eyes... those were complex emotions that ogres never showed.
That must have been the reason.
I became curious about humans, about the human language.
But that didn't change anything.
I was born much smaller than the rest of my tribe. Compared to them, I didn't look like an ogre. I looked more like... a human, a piece of "food."
Only my dark blue skin could prove my identity... otherwise, those dim-witted tribe members probably would have eaten me already.
Ogres like me were supposed to be abandoned right away.
But, probably, maybe... it was because I was the chief's child.
"Let's raise him for now."
Amid all the disdain and pessimism, I survived...
And in that ogre tribe, I grew up little by little. I guess they still held onto a sliver of hope for me.
Too bad they were going to be disappointed.
Weakness became my defining trait, and in the end... I never managed to shake off that ridiculous label.
Because even many who were born later grew stronger than me. When I reached five foot ten, I stopped growing.
That completely ended any hope of me becoming an ogre warrior.
When the tribal shaman confirmed over and over that I couldn't inherit the tribe's sorcery, I was finally expelled.
After all, I really was useless.
Luckily, as an ogre, I was still stronger than goblins. By constantly learning and avoiding danger, I managed not to die in the Monster Forest.
But being an ogre who looks like a human meant my treatment was never going to be good. Almost every race rejected me.
Including those human explorers.
Who could blame them? Ogres are synonymous with bloodthirsty brutality, and this ogre looked so much like a human...
Even though I hadn't actually done anything. I understood it then. I was an outsider. I couldn't fit in with ogres, and I couldn't be human either...
Gradually, loneliness surrounded me, and in that moment, I suddenly realized... having intelligence that surpassed my kind might also be a curse.
...
Fortunately, as an ogre, I had strong adaptability. Day after day, year after year, I gradually got used to being ostracized. I just didn't know when I'd die.
I envied the beautiful and elegant elves...
Envied the united goblins.
Envied those strong minotaurs.
And I envied the powerful, civilized human professionals.
But in the end, I was just an ogre. A half-blood ogre who'd never eaten a human. Neither human nor pure monster. Neither side wanted me.
If nothing unexpected happened, I'd probably just keep living aimlessly like that until my body weakened and I died at the hands of monsters or humans...
But the unexpected did happen.
I found a child. A human child.
The place where I met that child was a village. A village that had been raided by a goblin king.
As usual, after they finished their raid, I'd go in and scavenge things I could use. This was one of the few times in my dull life when I could gain something.
After all, compared to those goblins, I was a bit smarter. The good stuff they didn't recognize became my wealth.
There wasn't much like that, but occasionally finding a few items still made me very happy.
That was the day I encountered the unexpected.
In a clever hidden compartment in the floor, I found a child. A child who looked only a few days old.
If he hadn't cried, I never would have found him.
"Poor thing..."
That was my first thought. Probably because in this child, I saw my own reflection.
Then, looking at this small child, the appetite from deep within me surged up. I'd never hunted a human with my own hands, never tasted the flavor of living human flesh...
After all, I was an ogre, he was human. Me eating him would be natural.
At that moment, I even opened my mouth.
But in the end, my rationality suppressed it.
Because I knew this wasn't a good place to eat.
Well... probably, maybe.
It was also because the child called out "mama." I'd heard that word before. It's what humans call their mothers. This child was as pitiful as me, losing his mother from a young age...
Finally, after searching around, I left that ruined little village with the child.
...
I don't know what came over me, but in the end, I didn't eat that child. I actually started raising the little guy.
Maybe it was because he was the only living thing that would smile at me instead of feeling disgusted by me.
Maybe it was because I needed a companion.
In this forest full of monsters and strange creatures, he would become an outsider just like me.
...
My abilities were poor. Just feeding myself through hunting was hard enough.
So to take care of this child, I could only disguise myself as human and venture into human towns to trade the things I'd collected.
This forest was large, and fledgling apprentice professionals often died here. The things on them had little use for monsters and strange creatures.
But I knew they could be exchanged for the good stuff called money.
So I'd intentionally collect the things they dropped.
Now, these collected items finally served their purpose.
Fortunately, I succeeded...
I got food for this child. In the process, I gradually learned the human language too.
I have no idea how much I lost in the exchange, but the child could survive, and that was enough.
Wasn't it?
I understood the process was dangerous, but somehow, when I saw this child's smile, I actually felt that it was all worth it.
I didn't save this child. This child saved me...
Maybe I existed just for him.
...
"Father, why is our skin different?"
Whenever the child asked me this, I would always stay silent.
"Eugene..."
I softly called out the child's name. It meant ogre, and was also the low growl that humans who didn't understand ogre language heard when ogres communicated.
"Because I'm an impure ogre, and you're a human child..." That's how I explained it to the child.
Actually, I didn't want to tell this child the truth.
But I knew we'd have to part ways someday... I couldn't hold him back.
I'd already paved his future path.
The Church of Truth to the west was quite good. They often took in strong children.
Maybe I could also use the wealth I'd collected to enroll the child in a magic academy, if he had a talent for magic power...
He shouldn't, and couldn't, become an outsider like me. My birth was a complete mistake, but this child wasn't.
That's why I'd been teaching him using human methods...
"Father, why do you say I'm a human child?" The young child asked me curiously.
Little Eugene was curious about everything. That was a good thing.
"You're not my biological child, Eugene. I just found you."
Even though Eugene didn't understand these things, I still had to tell him the truth.
He had to be human, not become an ogre like me...
But he was still too young, and he looked too cute. I worried about him, so I couldn't let him leave.
Yes, it had to be that way.
I'd wait a little longer...
"Then, can I still call you Father...?"
"Of course you can, child."
Eugene was always so well-behaved it made my heart ache...
During this time, I also figured out what the crest Eugene had with him meant. The Kaysin family.
Apparently some distant, remarkable human power.
I just didn't know why they'd appear in such a remote place.
...
"Father, look what I caught."
"Eugene, I told you not to go out!"
That was the first time I got angry at the child, because it was too dangerous outside...
So much so that I completely overlooked the beautiful blue butterfly the child was showing me...
I made him sad...
...
"Eugene, look what I brought you." I held up a magic rabbit and showed it to Eugene with a smile. I brought it to make up for what happened.
Sure enough, the little guy seemed to like it.
"Wow, it's fluffy!"
Eugene was very strong, so I wasn't worried he couldn't handle a magic rabbit.
"Father, is this dinner?"
"Um..."
At that moment, I realized I was probably a bit different from humans after all...
Maybe I should properly teach the child so he wouldn't follow my path...
I'd start by teaching him kindness!
"This is a companion I brought for you. When I'm not here, it can keep Eugene company."
Life had to go on. I couldn't always stay by Eugene's side.
Though it sounds a bit fantastical for an ogre to teach a human, I thought I could do it.
When Eugene got a little older, I'd send him to learn reading and writing. He really grew fast and was very smart.
"Oh, so it's not food..."
"Of course there's food, look what this is!"
"Wow, candy."
In the end, Eugene accepted the rabbit, but I got the feeling he wasn't really interested in keeping pets...