"Alright," Jay sighs as he takes a seat on my couch. "What's going on with you now?"
He's already eyeing me, and I don't really blame him. After all, I invited Jay over to discuss something important. Jay isn't the type of guy who likes to talk about feelings and such. And he has a good reason not to, considering how he was brought up. However, I have feelings to talk about right now and as my best buddy, he will just have to deal with it.
So, I spill. "I have a crush on Charlie."
There. I've admitted it. I've never imagined those words leaving my lips, but here they are. And I'm finally embracing it. I knew I liked Charlie. And not just as a friend. The morning after we went out to the club, that realization finally settled in. Sure, I was intoxicated, but I was so close to kissing Charlie. I wanted to close in that distance. But I was scared and I didn't want to acknowledge it at the time. However, I kept thinking about it and now, I can no longer deny it. Honestly, it feels great to say it out loud.
"Okay," Jay drawls. "And what's the news you wanted to tell me?"
I smack his shoulder. "Jerk. I'm serious! I'm having a crisis here!"
This prick just laughs. "Your so-called crisis is not a crisis. I've predicted this."
I roll my eyes. Of course, he did.
"Listen," I huff. "Can you focus and help me out here?"
Jay shrugs. "What do you want me to do? Cast a spell or what?"
I resist a groan and shoot him a glare. This is not the time to be sarcastic. I'm well aware my friend is bad with words and comforting others, but I just need him to help me right now.
Jay finally sits up straighter with his expression shifting, "Look. I don't know what sort of advice you want to hear from me, but all I can tell you is to just go ahead and share Charlie how you feel about him. It's that simple."
Thank you, genius… I would've already done that if it were that damn easy. It sounds so uncomplicated and I wish it truly were. To go ahead and confess, have it over with. But something is stopping me.
"You're contemplating. Why?" Jay says, waking me from my inner turmoil.
"What do you mean, why? You honestly expect me to go up to Charlie and tell him that I like him? Just like that?"
He nods immediately. "Yeah. Just like that. The Blake I know wouldn't take this long to hesitate or even think about it. He just does it, no questions asked."
I release a heavy sigh, slumping. "It's different this time, Jay."
"How so? I know even after a rejection, you bounce back. You always do."
Not this time. "That's the problem. I'm scared."
Jay scoots closer, his tone surprisingly soft. "Of what?"
Of losing what we have right now. How do I tell him that I would rather stay Charlie's friend than lose him forever? Is it selfish of me to want something more? Can I really take the risk? This is making my head throb and for once, I don't want to solve this problem.
"Still, I'd say go for it," Jay huffs as he reaches for the TV remote.
Great way to end the conversation, pal. I sigh, running a hand through my hair and focus on the screen. Jay picks out a movie we both enjoy and have rewatched countless times before. This is his way of trying to cheer me up. It's not working, but I try and settle down anyway.
Ten minutes into the film, my phone lights up from a notification. Of course, it's a message from the guy who has been tormenting my mind all week. Not that it's a bad thing. I rise to my feet and Jay shoots me a confused look.
"Where are you going now?"
I'm already halfway to the door. "To Charlie's place."
He snorts and looks back at the TV. "Wow, you have the audacity to ditch me after asking for my advice. Whatever. Have fun, lover boy!"
I roll my eyes. "Don't forget to lock the door when you leave. And don't eat all my snacks!"
I arrive at Charlie's place in record time. Not that I was rushing or anything. I'm met with a wonderful sight upon entering the apartment. Charlie is in shorts and an oversized shirt that looks like it could belong to me. He seems especially eager today.
"So," I start as he leads me further inside. "What did you want to show me so badly?"
Charlie practically beams as he shoves me into his bedroom. "Look! I rearranged my bookshelf."
I raise an eyebrow and take a look around. "You did? What brought this up?"
"Well," he grins. Adorable. "Last time you pointed out how messy my room was."
"I did not say that," I shoot back almost immediately. "I merely stated how unorganized some of your precious collectables were."
Charlie chuckles, waving a dismissive hand. "Same thing. Anyway, I bought a new manga collection I've been wanting for ages now and thought of rearranging my whole shelf to fit them inside. So, I did just that. What do you think?"
I focus my attention on the bookshelf he's gesturing at and assess it for a good moment. Honestly, not much has changed. Charlie only moved the figurines a shelf higher and sorted all his manga to the bottom. Although it is a lot more pleasant to look at, I'll give him that. And it's nearly impossible not to praise him for his work when he stares up at me with those wide, expectant eyes of his.
"It looks great! Nice work, Charlie!"
His smile widens, and my heart does a flip. God, he's irresistible. I would compliment him over and over again just to see that stupid gummy smile on his face. Charlie leaves the room for a moment to check on the food. At this point, I can barely keep my eyes off of him and my impulsive thoughts at bay. When he returns a few minutes later, I don't hesitate to grab his wrist and pull him closer. Inches away from me. Jay's earlier words and advice fill my mind.
I lick my lips, my throat suddenly feeling dry. "Charlie, can I tell you something?"
He nods, his sole focus shifting to me. "Go ahead."
Am I really doing this? Should I say it? The longer I ponder, the harder his gaze falls on me, and I'm actually starting to sweat now. I've never felt this nerve-wracked before.
I take a deep breath. "I want to tell you that, I…" I can't do it.
"Blake?"
I release him and clench my fist. "I'm really glad we're friends."
Charlie's expression softens and he smiles. "Me too."