Fontaine — Marechaussee Chamber
"Use today's random draw."
Neuvillette took a steady breath.
The moment his thought fell— shhhhhh~
A rush of water echoed.
The previously empty cup suddenly filled… but the water inside—
Pitch black.
Bubbling like a swamp.
Emitting a stench that could make even a Hilichurl reconsider life choices.
Then, glowing words appeared above the cup:
[Abyss-Polluted Water: Origin—Unknown World. No beneficial properties. Side-effects unknown. Handle with extreme caution.]
Everyone: "…"
So much for divine hope.
The chat instantly fell into the quietest silence in its history.
Supernatural Chat Group
[Barbara: …Are we sure that's water? (scared.jpg)]
[Xiangling: Looks more like black ink… with gas issues.]
[Lumine: Your ink bubbles?? (sweat.jpg)]
[Mona: Could be some kind of chaotic magic potion?]
[Alice: Oi! Don't drag us Witches into this disaster!]
[Nahida: So this… is artificially corrupted water? (curious.jpg)]
[Ayaka: "Unknown side effects"… If someone drinks this…?]
[Keqing: Transformation? Mutation? (evilsmile.jpg)]
[Yae Miko: Hmm~ probably on the same tier as Ei's Three-Color Dango, right General Kujo?]
[Sara: coughs aggressively]
[Ei: …]
[Alice: It's from a nation similar to Inazuma in culture. So yes, it's literally water… with an elemental periodic table inside. (grin.jpg)]
[Lumine: …I think I understand.]
[Paimon: Inazuma's tap water already almost killed the Hydro Dragon… so this??]
[Everyone: collected hiss of horror]
Marechaussee Chamber
Compared to the chat's wild speculation—
Neuvillette and Furina were living the nightmare.
As the Hydro Dragon King, Neuvillette was extremely sensitive to water.
And this liquid radiated pure malice.
His hands trembled as he quickly set the cup… very far away.
Furina did the same.
Only after taking several steps back did they both finally breathe.
"…Neuvillette, your luck is… truly atrocious."
Furina wiped cold sweat from her brow.
"This was supposed to be hope!
Not… whatever eldritch sewage that is!"
Neuvillette opened his mouth… then closed it.
What could he even say?
Reality spoke for itself.
"And didn't you once say you wanted to taste Inazuman water?"
Her eyes narrowed in evil delight.
"Well~ this came from a world very similar to Inazuma.
So actually… this is perfect for you!"
She leaned closer with a wicked grin.
"Come now—try it!
It's sooo~ clean and sanitary!"
Neuvillette: "…"
"Absolutely not."
He'd rather chew Archon-grade magnets than drink that.
"Then take it! I don't want—DON'T YOU DARE COME ANY CLOSER!"
Furina actually jumped behind the furniture.
"Trying to assassinate me and claim the Hydro Throne?
Is THAT your intent?!"
Neuvillette quietly sighed.
Hydro Archon deranged once more.
He turned to the chat:
[Neuvillette: Ahem. Freshly collected Abyss-Polluted Water. Imported from another world. Unique across Teyvat. Anyone interested? Trades welcome.]
Everyone instantly:
NOPE.
[All: (fear.jpg)(fear.jpg)(fear.jpg)]
Only one member bookmarked it silently:
Dottore.
Neuvillette stored the cursed fluid away.
Perhaps Fontaine's Science Institute could weaponize—err, study— it later.
The light on his end dimmed.
Focus returns to Navia
[Alice: One extremely cursed water + one divine cannon buff = wonderful chaos~]
[Barbara: "Abyss-Polluted Water"… makes Inazuma tap look wholesome. Scary.]
[Lumine: Poor Neuvillette… Non-stop bullying today.]
[Furina: Understandable! He DID almost poison himself earlier!]
[Xiangling: So Navia is the real winner today—her buff is crazy!]
[Paimon: Right?? The louder she shouts, the stronger her cannons?!]
[Lumine: Infinite scaling. My 教姐 is unstoppable!]
[Wendy: Heh~ Time to bombard Fontaine Palace!]
[Childe: After that, Fontaine surname officially becomes "Navia"!]
[Yae Miko: Not rebellion—righteous petitioning through artillery.]
[Alice: Then seize the Hydro Archon as a hostage. (doge)]
[Wendy: "I command the Archon—kneel before the new Queen!"]
[Hu Tao: Special discount funeral packages for traitors! Buy now!]
Neuvillette: "…"
Furina: "…"
Navia: "…"
So this is how rumors destroy a noble lady's reputation…
Navia forced a bitter smile in the chat:
[Navia: Everyone, please… I'm not a conqueror!]
She sighed and absorbed the buff anyway.
A subtle change tingled through her Vision and artillery mechanisms.
She almost wanted to test it immediately—
But common sense rescued her.
[Navia: Maybe… next time we face a monster, I'll livestream a demonstration…]
Fade to black.
Wanmin Restaurant — Liyue
"That was a beautiful day for watching chaos~"
Lumine leaned back with satisfaction.
Xiangling and Paimon nodded vigorously.
Then the atmosphere stiffened.
Because they remembered…
This meal was the same one they vomited all over earlier.
Lumine and Paimon immediately grabbed napkins and started cleaning again.
"S-Sorry, Xiangling…"
"It's fine!" Xiangling laughed and waved.
"I shouldn't have mentioned Abyss water during dinner!"
Lumine exhaled in relief.
Then she puffed up proudly:
"To express my gratitude—
you can call me anytime, and my Gourmet Tablecloth will serve you for free!"
Xiangling's eyes sparkled brighter than Pyro crystals.
"Really!?"
"Really! Truer than Mora!"
Paimon gulped.
Food… limitless food…
Lumine suddenly leaned down to Paimon's ear with a smirk:
"But YOU—
no tablecloth for three days."
"W-WHAT!? WHY!?"
"You know why."
Arms crossed. Cold heroine mode activated.
Paimon: internal screaming in twenty languages
"Three days… without magical food…
"Paimon's gonna de!!!"
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