Neuvillette: "Don't come any closer!"
Judgment Mode, Initiate!
[Supernal Chat Group]
Lumine: Hooray~ It's my favorite daily segment again!
Venti: Yay~ The daily fun time returns!
Alice: Yay~ The daily "bully-a-whole-nation" session has arrived!
Yae Miko: Yay~ Time to munch melon seeds and enjoy the chaos!
Ei: Indeed. And today's "chaos protagonist" is truly S-tier heavyweight.
Keqing: Ahem… this is entertaining, but considering what just happened in Fontaine…
Ayaka: A-Ahem… yes, with everything they just learned…
Nilou: They're right!
Keqing and Ayaka didn't finish their sentence — but everyone understood immediately:
Fontaine just learned their entire race isn't human.
Their homeland faces looming destruction.
Everyone is panicked.
And we're… making fun of their leader now?
Feels morally questionable.
So the chat suddenly quieted.
Even the usual troublemakers — Lumine, Alice, Venti — paused.
But then…
The victim himself spoke up.
Neuvillette: It's fine. A proper review deserves both the serious and the silly.
Neuvillette: And if it helps distract my citizens for now… that's good too.
Navia: Agreed! It'll help everyone vent their anxiety.
Furina: Exactly~ My citizens currently desperately need a show!
Wriothesley: Plus… seeing Neuvillette's "not-so-serious" side? Delicious entertainment~
Sigewinne: N–No! Lord Neuvillette is always serious!
Charlotte: Hehe~ Someone spoke her true feelings~
Everyone felt their respect rise.
This is Fontaine's highest judge — calm even in crisis.
Fontaine's Wild Rose — caring for the people before herself.
Since the affected themselves gave consent, everyone relaxed instantly.
Snacks out. Drinks poured.
Time for popcorn and chaos.
Fontaine Citizens
Exactly as Neuvillette expected, attention shifted from terror to… curiosity.
A mental breather before the storm.
Neuvillette quietly exhaled in relief.
"Good. But preparation must continue."
Still, he kept one eye on the screen.
He may not fully understand human emotions…
but he sure understands this "comedy segment."
And after witnessing Furina, Ei, and Scaramouche's humiliations…
He felt… uneasy.
Villa — Livestream
Arthur took a drink, cleared his voice—
"Let's start with Neuvillette."
Humorous Review, First Topic — Water Connoisseurship!
[Supernal Chat Group]
Lumine: Huh?? Water connoisseur?
Paimon: Yeah! Water all tastes the same!
Hu Tao: Don't tell me Neuvillette has a hobby that weird?
Zhongli: From a rational perspective, a Hydro Dragon liking water is logical.
Sigewinne: It's true! Lord Neuvillette doesn't like wine or soft drinks or gourmet food — only water!
Sigewinne: He even hosts water-tasting salon events!
Paimon: He REALLY likes water…
I thought fancy judges drink fancy wine??
Neuvillette: Drinks have tiers.
Naturally, so does water.
Neuvillette:
• Mondstadt's Cider Lake — warm and refreshing
• Liyue's Qingce waters — lyrical and lingering
• Inazuma's Konda Village — serene, with deep undertones
• Sumeru's Avidya Forest — rich layers requiring contemplation
Different lands, different waters — each unique.
People stared.
Is he living in the same world???
They grabbed cups of local water and drank.
Mondstadt — Angel's Share Tavern
Even Venti joined.
"Bartender! Fresh Cider Lake water!"
"I want aged water!"
"I want vintage water!"
Diluc silently facepalmed…
Then instructed staff to serve water.
Everyone tasted…
"…it's just water?"
"Yeah? No special aftertaste??"
"Maybe the drinking pose is wrong?"
Venti: sips
"…Wine is better."
Liyue — Wangsheng Funeral Parlor
Hu Tao: "Let me try!"
She and Zhongli sipped thoughtfully.
"Same as usual… nothing special?"
She waited for Zhongli's verdict.
He placed the cup down—
"Decent. Tea tastes better."
Hu Tao:
"…maybe we gotta import other nations' water."
Similar disappointment across every region.
Back to Chat
Venti: Cider Lake water is okay but wine still wins!
Zhongli: Liyue's water is fine — tea is superior.
Ei: I didn't taste any deep serenity… maybe sweetness?
Miko: That's the mochi in your mouth.
Ei: …
Nilou: Maybe my taste buds are faulty…
Neuvillette: Unfortunate. Your palate needs refinement.
Everyone:
"…We'll just say you're special."
Alhaitham:
Same water, different perception. Interesting research topic.
Kaveh:
Research what?! It's just WATER!!
Everyone laughed — and stared at the screen…
Villa — Livestream
Arthur grinned.
"For the Hydro Dragon King, water is gourmet delicacy."
"So how does he judge the water of each nation?"
"Roll the clip — and behold!"
Video — Consulate of Fontaine
Traveler and Paimon enter cheerfully.
Lumine:
"Neuvillette! We heard you love tasting water!"
"Can you identify these?"
She presents seven identical glasses.
Neuvillette is unfazed.
"Of course.
This is far easier than dealing with Furina."
Furina: jaw drops
Chat explodes
Furina:
What do you mean easier than dealing with me?!
Am I THAT troublesome?!
Zhongli:
…one can relate.
Hu Tao:
HEY?? What's THAT supposed to mean??
Neuvillette & Zhongli exchange:
Neuvillette:
You are welcome in Fontaine anytime, Mr. Zhongli.
Zhongli:
Pleasure. I believe we will understand each other well.
Furina & Hu Tao:
"…."
Video Continues
Lumine:
"Show us what you've got!"
Neuvillette lifts Glass #1—
Gulp gulp—
Music hits: Mondstadt Theme
Silhouette holding mic appears:
♪ "May the Anemo Archon fool you~!" ♪
Neuvillette:
Mondstadt water.
Lumine: Correct!
Next cup—
Gulp
Zhongli BGM triggers
Stone-human silhouette appears, shield glowing.
Neuvillette:
Liyue water.
Lumine: Correct!
Chat Reaction
Hu Tao:
Blind tasting jackpot!
Sigewinne:
Naturally — Lord Neuvillette is unmatched!
Barbara:
Wait— why is Mondstadt water "May the Anemo Archon fool you"???
Jean:
The line is "bless you, stranger!"
Alice:
Blessing, fooling — same thing~
Barbara:
IT'S NOT THE SAME!!
You're staining Barbatos-sama's holy reputation!!
Lumine:
What if the Anemo Archon actually likes fooling people?
Paimon:
Ask the guy who plays music on the streets! He knows!
Venti:
ehyahyah~
Barbara:
NO! Ask Dvalin!
He knows Barbatos best!
Dvalin:
…
Barbara:
"…why are you silent???"
Her worldview cracked.
Video — Cup #3
Neuvillette drinks—
Sumeru music triggers
His expression changes instantly.
⚡ Neuvillette:
"COURT IN SESSION!!"
Sumeru water!!
ZAP—❄️
He gets instantly frozen solid.
Lumine:
"Correct again! :D"
Chat Meltdown
Lumine:
So THAT'S the gag part! (evil.jpg)
Paimon:
Even Sumeru water got corrupted by Cyno!!!
Tighnari:
As absurd as it is… there's logic.
Alhaitham:
Freezing the Chief Justice from afar—
My previous idea might be feasible.
Nahida:
As expected of The Great Machine of Jokes!
Cyno:
…
Furina:
"Court in session"?
Why does that sound ominous…
Neuvillette:
Interesting.
We should try this officially.
Arataki Itto:
WAHAHA!
Mondstadt fools, Sumeru judges—
Only Inazuma seems okay!
Kuki Shinobu:
Boss… there are others in the chat...
Arthur wiped a tear laughing.
But quickly cleared his throat—
"We'll continue the humorous evaluation."
"Neuvillette — The Water-Tasting Connoisseur has only just begun."
To read advanced Chapters, head over to p@treon:
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