Chapter 40: I'm Sick, But I Will Cherish This Life
"Kasugano-san, I have bad news. I hope you can prepare yourself mentally."
"Based on your description, I've determined that you are showing signs of schizophrenia and potential complications within the brain. The specific cause is unclear, but according to the scans, your brain activity is abnormally high—much more sensitive and active than an average person's."
"Logically speaking, you should be a genius, not someone suffering from this kind of pathology. Yet, here it is. I can't pinpoint the exact cause, but I am confident in what I just told you."
"..."
"Can't it... can't it just be hallucinations from lack of sleep? There was a time when I was studying like a madman, barely sleeping a few hours a day. Could that be why..." Haruka asked with difficulty.
The doctor looked at him with a gaze full of pity.
In the description Haruka just gave, he had hallucinated multiple versions of himself. One of them had died from sudden death due to overstudying. The "self" Haruka was referring to now was likely that one.
Could he no longer distinguish between memory and reality?
It was severe...
"Kasugano-san, you already mentioned those things when you were describing your 'memories' just now," the doctor said, his words cruel and direct.
"..."
Haruka fell silent.
"Kasugano-san, you need to be prepared. Your condition is very rare. Here is what will likely happen next."
"You will believe that your life has multiple routes, just like in those visual novels, but those are all delusions."
"You might see a scene that feels incredibly familiar, like déjà vu, but it isn't a premonition of the future. You know the Mandela Effect, right? It's all hallucinations."
"In fact, you still have self-control right now. Otherwise, with a condition as serious as yours, I would be required by protocol to report this to the police and have you sent to a psychiatric hospital."
"Is there a cure?" Haruka asked, his voice hoarse.
"Currently, no. I can only prescribe some medication to try and control it, but I'm not sure how effective it will be. It's very possible it won't work at all."
"...I see. Please prescribe the medicine."
"Also, with this... sickness, how much time do I have?"
"That... there's no specific timeline. And this won't lead to your death physically. It's just that your personality will gradually become chaotic, treating falsehoods as reality. So, I can't give you a concrete answer regarding time."
The doctor had made it very clear.
"Of course, I actually suggest you go to other hospitals for a second opinion. For a major matter like this, it's good to get multiple perspectives," the doctor reminded him kindly.
Although, he felt the possibility of a misdiagnosis was low. He was very confident in his professional expertise.
"I understand." Haruka said with a heavy expression.
Subsequently, Haruka walked out of the office with the slip, picked up his medicine, and left the hospital.
He planned to visit other hospitals as well.
The moment he left, by a window on the second floor, a flash of blue hair drifted past.
Ryo Yamada watched Haruka leave, then, she looked toward a certain medical office.
***
[After confirmation from multiple hospitals.]
[You finally gave up hope.]
[You are sick.]
So, is this the price of becoming an academic genius… of becoming a prodigy?
"My past life memories awakened and unlocked my brain, but it led to overactivity, and then... I got sick?"
By the roadside, Haruka looked haggard, holding several diagnostic slips in his hand. The content on them was largely the same.
Now, he had received the cruel answer.
These memories... it might not be a cheat ability. It might be a disease.
A disease that would gradually drive him into chaos.
"Why is it like this..."
"It shouldn't be like this..."
"..."
Haruka went to a restaurant, bought several bottles of alcohol, and started drinking.
Now he understood why alcohol—this substance that paralyzed the nerves and wasn't exactly good for you—was something people couldn't quit despite repeated warnings.
Because of trouble.
Because of pressure.
Because of pain.
"Fuck!"
"@#%%#@..."
A stream of unintelligible gibberish and angry curses spilled out of his mouth.
Haruka just wanted to vent the emotions in his heart.
He wanted to curse everything: the sky, the ground, the whole damn world.
However, the release brought by alcohol was ultimately limited.
When he woke up in the middle of the night on the street, Haruka stared blankly at the sky.
"Does anything have meaning anymore?"
"Did I relive this life just to die again?"
"Heh."
"Wait, I won't die physically..."
"Then..."
"If I won't die, what the hell am I afraid of?"
"If I go crazy, then I go crazy."
"No matter what, I have to live well first."
Haruka tried to cheer himself up as he stood up, dizzy and disoriented. Stumbling and swaying, he walked all the way home.
The moment he opened the door, the living room lights were still on.
Dressed in her pajamas, Sora was waiting.
When she saw Haruka, reeking of alcohol, Sora threw herself at him.
"Where have you been?!"
Her crisp voice was filled with infinite grievance and worry.
***
[After learning of your illness, you abandoned your unrealistic fantasies of having a cheat system.]
[You prepared to cherish this life properly, even if in the near future, your mind might become a mess of chaos where you can't distinguish anything.]
[The next day, you went to school.]
[Many people noticed that you changed.]
[You started smiling more.]
[You seem to have let go of certain disguises and obsessions, becoming more cheerful, sharp, and bright.]
[You began to actively help Shoko and Hitori build the Alliance of Outcasts.]
[You began to take your promises seriously.]
Service Club.
Haruka pointed at Fumino Furuhashi's textbook.
"Remember, math isn't hard at all. The key lies in the formulas. Formulas are the foundation of learning mathematics."
"Come, let me analyze it for you from the beginning. Listen carefully; there's no rush."
"Mm, very good. Understand it slowly..."
Then he turned to Rizu Ogata to guess word puzzles and practice reading comprehension together.
"Imagination. Literature requires imagination. Of course, let's change our thinking—try applying logical, scientific thinking to it..."
"Not bad. Keep going…"
"..."
Especially when facing Shoko, he was gentle and serious.
"Come on, this information needs to be memorized. Don't force yourself. If I'm speaking too fast, you have to interrupt me. Don't be afraid. If you get shy or something, I'm going to get angry. You don't want to see me angry, right?"
"Alright, alright, Nishimiya-san. This is nothing. No need to thank me..."
When facing Hitori and the others.
He displayed powerful musical prowess.
Strum! Strum! Strum!
"This is how you play the guitar!!"
"Where is your passion?!"
He forced Bocchi to play in front of everyone for a whole day.
However, Ryo Yamada's gaze toward him was always a bit strange.
Saturday came to an end.
Inside the Service Club.
Yukino looked at Haruka, then at Hitori, Shoko, and the others.
Then she turned her gaze back to Haruka.
Something was wrong.
Ten out of ten, something was definitely wrong.
Just then, Haruka walked over.
"Yukino, I heard you're planning to invite Kazusa Touma to join?"
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