With those words spoken, Fang Qiu plopped herself down on the bed in a kind of duck-squat, and her fair, pretty face went scarlet in an instant.
She'd just woken up, still half-dazed — her mouth had gotten ahead of her brain.
"I'll feed you what's below" was a legendarily filthy line back in her previous life...
And on top of that, just moments ago, Hu Tao's hand had been inside her pants... touching all sorts of strange places...
Fortunately, Hu Tao hadn't caught the double meaning. She simply beamed and nodded.
"Alright! Fang Qiu's noodles are sure to be delicious," Hu Tao said.
Fang Qiu's face burned crimson as she hurriedly began straightening her disheveled clothes. They were in quite a state — patches of snow-white skin peeking through from all directions.
At least no one else was in the room.
Once she'd gotten herself decent and they'd both washed up, Hu Tao went off to play with the cats while Fang Qiu headed downstairs to make breakfast.
Before long, two steaming, fragrant bowls of noodles — heaped with meat — were ready.
"By the way, after we eat, are we going straight to Sister Ying'er's place?" Hu Tao asked.
"No rush. Let's wait until she gets off work in the evening. In the meantime, we can wander around the market a bit," Fang Qiu said with an easy smile.
After finishing their noodles, they set off together, Sanmi trotting alongside them and Tingyu following behind with a look of supreme reluctance.
Liyue Harbor was alive with energy at this hour.
All along the way, teahouse after teahouse had queues of people snaking out their doors, everyone waiting to get in and watch the latest film adaptations.
In front of the Wanwen Bookhouse and every other major bookshop, the lines were just as long — crowds of people waiting to buy books.
This gave Fang Qiu a bit of a headache.
She'd actually been meaning to buy some books today. She'd gotten through most of what she'd bought last time, and was eager to pick up something new.
Things like Your Lie in April, The Domineering Immortal Falls for Me, the latest volume of Reborn as the Kamisato Clan's Dog, and the newest chapter of legendary adventurer Alice's Teyvat Travel Guide.
Still, Fang Qiu and Hu Tao strolled leisurely through the streets.
Every so often, Hu Tao's professional instincts would flare up, and she'd dart over to some shopfront to pitch Wangsheng Funeral Parlor services at the proprietor.
As they walked, Fang Qiu noticed that three topics dominated every conversation along the way.
First: the Sword and Fairy film adaptation.
Second: the Sword and Fairy 2 novel.
Third: people going out to sea to salvage treasures from the sunken Jade Chamber and exchange them for Mora at Yujing Terrace.
Apparently, just yesterday, a fisherman had dredged up a perfectly intact antique and traded it at Yujing Terrace for a full two million Mora.
Someone else had pulled an antique sword out of the sea and gotten a million and a half Mora for it.
Hearing all this, Fang Qiu felt her heart stir. She was half-tempted to rent a fishing boat and go treasure-hunting that very instant.
Why bother writing books when antique-salvaging pays this well?
The only problem was...
She couldn't swim.
And besides, judging by the way Keqing, Ganyu, and Beidou had been acting these past couple of days, Liyue Qixing would probably ban all sea voyages within another day or two.
Stealing a half-day's leisure in this busy life — a rare and precious thing. Fang Qiu and Hu Tao eventually made their way to the Mondstadt dessert shop.
Fang Qiu was a regular, and placed her order with practiced ease.
"So sweet," she murmured, cutting a slice of cake and placing it in her mouth. She let the tip of her tongue glide over her lips to catch a stray crumb, narrowed her eyes in contentment, then gently tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear that the breeze had nudged loose.
"The wind feels lovely today," Fang Qiu said softly, with a little smile.
Speaking of wind — she really had been curious about Mondstadt City lately, wanting to see for herself what the nation of wind was truly like.
Not long ago, over a meal with the Traveler, she'd heard all sorts of stories about the place.
Like the adventurer who was perpetually unlucky. The cavalry captain who kept mental tabs on every slight. The bard who was perpetually shirking work.
And most intriguingly — a cat-girl who could conjure up delicious drinks no matter what she mixed together.
Delicious drinks and a cat-girl.
Fang Qiu's gaze drifted to Tingyu, who was sitting nearby, and she let out a quiet smile. Then she let her eyes follow the wind, trailing northward.
Who'd have thought there were actual cat-people in this world?
And yet, as she sat there, another thought crept in uninvited.
What were a cat-girl's parents like? Were they cat-folk too? They couldn't be the product of a human and an actual cat — that image was just far too...
They had to be the former. Which meant the cat-girl's father would also have cat ears and a tail.
The moment Fang Qiu pictured it — a big, whiskery man with cat ears and a fluffy tail, turning to her and going "mreow" while striking an authentic cat pose — a full-body shudder ran through her.
What a vision of absolute horror.
Meanwhile.
Mondstadt. Springvale.
"Achoo."
Durav — armed with the best sword and the best bow in the whole village — let out a rapid volley of sneezes.
"Who's been talking about me?" he muttered, looking bewildered.
"Papa, are you alright? If you're coming down with something, maybe skip the hunt today?" Diona said, her face creased with worry.
"Don't worry about me. Your old man is the finest hunter in all of Springvale — nothing's going to slow me down." Durav ruffled Diona's hair, then turned to address the other hunters who were gearing up to head out with him.
"When we come back loaded down with game today, let's all head to the tavern for a proper drink. Word is Liyue sent over a good haul of wine this time — tonight, we drink until we drop!"
"Count me in — I'll work twice as hard!"
"Same here. I'm bagging three boars today, minimum."
"Ha! That's the spirit! Let's move — for the wine tonight!"
Durav laughed, hoisted his pack from the ground, and looked back at Diona. "Diona, we're heading out. You take care on your way to Mondstadt City."
And with that, the hunting party set off toward the horizon.
Diona watched her father's retreating figure and stamped her foot with a huff.
For Diona, her father had always been a shining presence in her childhood — her idol, a figure of near-perfection in her eyes.
She'd never imagined that the man she worshipped could, when drunk, look exactly like a wild boar rolling around in a mud puddle after a big meal.
That was why she had sworn her solemn vow: to bring down Mondstadt's entire wine industry.
And the greatest villain standing in the way of that noble cause was none other than that fellow called Diluc — the owner of Angel's Share.
That was also why she'd joined the Cat's Tail in the first place.
"Right, enough of that. Better get to Mondstadt City for my shift," Diona sighed.
She ate a quick breakfast, walked to the edge of the village, and climbed aboard a carriage bound for Mondstadt City.
Time drifted by.
By the time Diona arrived at the Cat's Tail, it was already early afternoon — normally the hour when a good portion of the population finished lunch and drifted into the various taverns for an afternoon drink.
Today, though, the crowd was noticeably thinner than usual.
Usually she could barely keep up even when she deliberately mixed terrible drinks, and yet she still couldn't match the pace at which the regulars knocked them back.
Seeing the sparse turnout, Diona was positively elated.
Had the people of Mondstadt finally realized alcohol was a scourge?
She casually threw together a few ghastly concoctions, delivered them to the handful of customers present — earning their inexplicable gasps of admiration — then stepped outside the Cat's Tail to investigate, a small retinue of cats falling into step behind her.
She needed to find out what on earth had lured those drunkards away from their drinks.
Whatever it was, she would support it with everything she had — and use it to deliver the killing blow to Mondstadt's wine industry!
The opportunity was right in front of her!
She wandered the city for quite some time, trailing her small cat entourage, until she finally found her answer: the enormous queues stretching out from every bookshop in town.
"Ugh, my stomach is growling — I've been in line for over an hour already and there's still so much queue ahead of me. I want food. I want a drink."
"Feels like it's about drinking time, doesn't it? On a normal day I'd already be in the Cat's Tail by now..."
"I told you lot to just buy a copy of Fang Qiu's book beforehand. Did you listen? No."
"Who knew even Miss Barbara was into Fang Qiu's writing?"
"By the time I caught on, the bookshops were already packed to the gills..."
The people grumbling in line were all regulars from the Cat's Tail — the sort who drank whenever they had a free moment.
Listening to them, Diona tilted her head in confusion.
"Fang Qiu's books? What are those?"
She walked up to the signboard outside the bookshop and read it over, and the picture became clear.
So it was a Liyue author called Fang Qiu who had stolen these drunkards' attention — which was why they hadn't come to the Cat's Tail today.
What's more, when she'd passed by the fountain earlier, she'd spotted that drunken bard she'd seen stumbling around just last night — now sitting by the fountain, thoroughly sober and thoroughly absorbed in Fang Qiu's The Eternal.
And there, alongside him, were two regulars who split their time between the Cat's Tail and Angel's Share: Eula of the Knights of Favonius — a woman who never said no to a drink — sitting together with Outrider Amber, both of them reading. Also The Eternal, by Fang Qiu.
"I can't believe this Fang Qiu is so good she got those two incorrigible drunks to quietly sit down with a book," Diona breathed, eyes gleaming.
She'd been fretting endlessly over the fact that no matter what she did, she couldn't seem to brew a truly undrinkable drink. But now, it seemed, a new path had revealed itself.
She would set a condition at the Cat's Tail.
Only those who had read Fang Qiu's books would be permitted to drink her cocktails.
That way, the regulars would spend all their time being edified by great literature and have no time left to wallow in drink.
Two birds, one stone: elevate Mondstadt's cultural literacy, and crush the wine industry.
Surely the Cat's Tail's owner, Miss Margaret, would fully endorse this plan.
Picturing her father spending his days — when not out hunting — quietly curled up with a good book, Diona felt a warm surge of excitement.
And so she made her decision: she would buy a set for him.
She found a regular near the front of the queue and asked him to buy an extra set on her behalf.
Seeing that it was Diona — the Cat's Tail's legendary bartender — the man was more than happy to oblige.
When his turn came, he bought five sets in one go and handed three of them to Diona.
Diona insisted on paying him back every Mora.
Then, eager to get the books into her father's hands as soon as possible, she tracked down a Springvale local who'd come to Mondstadt City for a drink the day before — a friend of her father's — and asked him to drop the books off at her house on his way back.
The man agreed cheerfully, climbed onto a carriage, and was soon off down the road.
With all that settled, Diona returned to the Cat's Tail in high spirits, wearing a satisfied little smile.
Evening was when Mondstadt's wine trade really came alive. The Cat's Tail was usually packed to capacity by nightfall.
Tonight, however, would be different!
She was looking forward to seeing just a handful of stragglers trickle into the tavern this evening.
...
Meanwhile.
A golden-haired girl in a pastor's dress and white stockings — twin tails swaying behind her — walked up to the Knights of Favonius headquarters with a stack of books clutched to her chest.
"I wonder if that bard was telling the truth. Are this author Fang Qiu's books really as good as all that?" Barbara murmured, looking at the hefty volumes in her arms, her pretty eyes full of uncertainty.
She was buying the books as a gift for her sister — something for Jean to unwind with in her rare spare moments, so she wouldn't have to work herself so hard.
But if the books turned out to be dull, her sister — being exactly who she was — would still read every page dutifully to the end. Far from providing relaxation, bad books would only add to Jean's mental burden.
Still, that bard was at least an acquaintance of the Traveler's, and he had restored the Favonius Anemo Catalyst. That made him a reasonably reliable source, surely.
Besides, the other day when Kaeya had been talking with that merchant about Klee's Jumpy Dumpty plushies, she'd overheard them discussing that same shipment of Liyue books. The merchant had said Fang Qiu was one of the hottest authors in all of Liyue.
And when she'd gone to buy the books, she'd run into Amber and Eula, who had also been buying Fang Qiu's work.
Putting it all together, Fang Qiu's books couldn't be that bad.
After exchanging a few words with the guards at the entrance, Barbara stepped into the main hall of the Knights of Favonius.
The moment she walked in, she saw Kaeya striding out of Jean's office with a grin on his face, heading in the direction of the detention room.
She stopped to chat with him briefly, and quickly learned the reason.
Apparently, Klee had gone to Starfell Lake yesterday and, in the middle of her usual fish-blasting activities, had accidentally triggered an exceptionally large bomb — nearly bringing down the Statue of The Seven on the island in the middle of the lake.
She herself was unharmed.
The fish in the lake and the island beneath the Statue of The Seven, however, had not been so fortunate.
She'd been sent to the detention room upon her return.
Kaeya, having finished his own business, was on his way to discuss the Jumpy Dumpty plushie matter with Klee.
After saying goodbye to Kaeya, Barbara knocked on the office door. At Jean's invitation, she pushed it open and stepped inside.
Two women were seated on the sofa.
One wore a clean and neatly-pressed Knights uniform, her golden hair drawn up into a single ponytail.
The other was dressed like a witch — an air of mysterious elegance about her, wrapped in deep purple, her long straight legs sheathed in delicately sheer black suspender stockings.
Both women had remarkable figures.
They had apparently been in the middle of discussing the toll fees for the tunnel Liyue wanted to negotiate.
Seeing Barbara enter, Jean paused the conversation and rose with a smile. "Barbara, what brings you here?"
"Sis — Acting Grand Master Jean, and Lisa..."
"Don't worry about formalities — it's just me and Lisa here. Call us whatever you like," Jean said with a smile. "Is something the matter?"
"Nothing urgent. I just finished my work and was passing by the bookshop, so I thought I'd pick up some books for you — something you can read when you have a moment to rest," Barbara said.
"How thoughtful. I'll take them. I'll find time to read them all — thank you." Jean smiled warmly and accepted the stack of books from Barbara's arms.
"Oh my, nothing for me? How terribly sad," Lisa said from the sofa, putting on an expression of theatrical heartbreak.
"Ah — Lisa, I'm so sorry! I didn't know you'd be here. I'll go buy another set right now!" Barbara said quickly, already turning to leave.
"I'm only teasing you, Barbara. You really are too earnest sometimes," Lisa laughed. "It's fine — unlike Jean, I'm not exactly drowning in work. Besides, the Knights' library keeps a copy of every batch of books that arrives from Liyue. I can read them without buying a set."
"Oh, I see." Barbara nodded. "Next time I go shopping, I'll definitely get something for you too, Lisa."
"I'll hold you to that," Lisa said with a warm smile.
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