My life was awesome. I had a fancy car, a black credit card, I was loaded, and owned so many shares that I ended up hiring someone to manage my entire business for me.
Do you know how I died? A heart attack. Of all the ways to die, I went to the other world in the most boner-killing and anticlimactic way possible, without even leaving behind two children who would fight over the inheritance. I didn't even manage to cause one last case of discord before falling stiff on the floor.
But, that's fine. I was very happy to discover that there is a life after death, because I couldn't stand falling into the Devil's lap after having done bad things for only thirty years.
I still had many people to ruin and people to fire… how can I be limited to one-third of the average life expectancy? It's just a shame that I didn't expect to undergo a gender swap simultaneously.
To be precise, I just woke up in some sort of carriage, I feel the wheels and structure shaking as we pass over a bumpy road. I'm not calm, actually, I'm still bordering on the line between kicking the door open and running away or just keeping my butt seated here until we reach the supposed destination of this trip.
There are a range of different reasons why a normal person would be compelled to scream out the window, but I prefer to be discreet... only this body I'm controlling has been increasing my nervousness with every second that passes.
I became a woman.
Before I was here, I was pretty happy with my luxury car, the hookers I paid for at random times, or a random contact from a woman on my contact list. Then, I suddenly wake up in this thing and have to content myself with the fact that I don't have a dick.
My dick is gone.
I know how clit-rubbing works, aka advanced female masturbation, but I really don't want a big, hairy guy fucking me from behind! I am very far from being one of those horny women who love a CEO or Mafioso, to me that's the height of disgust, and being trapped in this skin is even worse!
What kind of sin did I commit to be eternally limited to penetrating other people with plastic pieces instead of my own rod of carnal pleasure? I just started my business, earned millions of dollars, became an entrepreneur, and had the rest of my career smooth sailing—it's impossible that having too much capital is punishable by karma like "gender swap in the next reincarnation."
This is giving me a headache just from dwelling on it over and over...
"We arrived, Miss" the coachman says, giving me shivers just by being referred to by that term of address.
Let's hope I get some answers as soon as I step out, right?
The door creaks and a cold air invades the carriage. I jump out lightly, feeling the agile muscles of this body respond even before I think. As I suspected, this cold isn't normal, apparently, we are in a winter season, because the lawn everywhere is covered in snow.
A golden late afternoon light spills over the gardens before me, revealing a set of white towers, arched balconies, bluish stained-glass windows...
What the hell is this? The main facade, with its winding pillars and a huge staircase, evokes such a strong memory that it hurts behind my eyes. The sign glows behind a black gate, the hydra crest highlighted in the center of one of the towers, and a frozen lake in the background reflecting the facade, all of this create a type of nostalgic feeling.
I've seen all of this before, or rather... I've already spent hours looking at this on a screen.
This is identical to the Arcane Institute from Magistra's Oath, a cheap RPG I played in my adolescence, full of drama, political intrigue, and magical girls prone to blowing up half the continent for passionate reasons. The kind of delicious trash that I beat while learning what the heck stock fund dividends were.
My mind races through flashes of the opening: anime characters dancing and showing spoilers for everything that happens in the game, specifically detailing the villains behind a curtain of black smoke. To be honest, that game was extremely mediocre, it surprises me that this school or whatever this institution represents has a structure so similar to the one I remember.
I open my mouth, trying to articulate anything, when the coachman clears his throat behind me.
"Is everything alright, Miss Aubry?"
"What...?"
My stomach drops, the name echoes in my head like a gong in a ring signaling the end of a round where I've only taken punches left and right.
Aubry. My name is Aubry. This has to be some kind of sick joke...
"Coachman, can you tell me my surname?"
"Miss, I think that would be..."
"Speak, or I will rip your tongue out with a knife."
"Yes, Miss Lilaccuria."
I am screwed. I am screwed, I've never been so screwed in my life, not even when the IRS came to charge me for all the tax I owed did my blood run this cold! This... no, there has to be something wrong, I can't be this character of all things!
I touch my ears, they are pointed and jutting upwards, an elf's, then I pull a piece of my hair and find that nauseating purplish color covering the strands.
Did I become the shittiest character of all? Wait, wait, wait, does this mean we are inside the world of Magistra's Oath?!? Does something like this even make sense, to begin with? And what's the probability of me being in the body of a villainess among so many people to reincarnate?
Aubry is literally cannon fodder used by the Demon Lord! My destiny is to corrupt my people, get beaten by the hero, and die in the most anticlimactic way possible, without getting even a single chick! At least Aubry doesn't have any suitors, which is a relief, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm destined to turn to dust if I don't do anything!
Urgh, I feel like shrinking or digging a hole and making it my home, but for some reason I can't, it seems to go against my nature! I adjust my posture with an elegance that the body performs by reflex, as if I were born trained to humiliate commoners with every step.
I sigh, cross my arms, and observe the monumental entrance of the academy that, seconds ago, only existed in my adolescence filled with energy and soda.
"This place is falling apart..."
A laugh escapes my throat, full of acid and making the coachman tremble. Why am I acting like this? It's very strange, these things seem appropriate to do, but it's not the type of behavior a person like me would have adopted in my past life.
I'm terrified! This is driving me crazy!
"Thank you" I say to the elf who brought me, taking the bags out of the carriage and closing the door with my boot. "Return to my homeland and never mention me, alright?"
"But, Mi-Miss, the Grandmaster asked me to...!"
"Tell him to shove a tree branch up his ass. I don't care, I just want to be left alone."
Ahhhh, I can't understand anything! While simultaneously I said something I would have used in my old body, the words mixed on the tip of my tongue and came out like that! I walk toward the dormitories, or at least the place I believe they are.
I need some time, urgently. I have to figure out what the hell is happening to me before interacting with anyone in the real world!