Abi
My suitcase had wheels, but my heart was anchored to the floor.
Four years of college, four years of exams and projects and living in the shadows, and it had finally paid off—I got placed in a good company. But the celebration ended the moment I learned that the training was six months long… in another city… in another state.
For someone who had never stepped outside Tamil Nadu, not even for a holiday, the idea of leaving home felt like being pushed into deep water without knowing how to swim.
I turned back to look at my home one last time. We didn't even have a house of our own. We stayed in a rented two- bedroom portion tucked inside a noisy street where clotheslines and gossip swung side by side. The walls were thin. The dreams, even thinner. But still, it was what felt like home, with my family. And I loved it with a love that hurt in my throat.
Amma stood near the gate, trying not to show that her eyes were red. My brother, Anish, clung to her dupatta and didn't want to show his emotions out.
Amma was strong. Stronger than I'd ever be. She had raised both of us alone, after Appa's death, without ever letting us feel the weight of what was missing. She worked long hours doing data entry from home, managing expenses, school fees, and my education like some magical goddess with invisible hands.
I wasn't just going to Pune for an internship. I was leaving behind the only safety net I had.
I had never stayed away from home. Never slept in a room with strangers. Never had anyone truly ask, "What do you want, Abi?"
I feared being ignored. I feared being noticed. I feared it all. The auto driver honked once. Twice.
"Abi," Amma said, her voice breaking like a dry twig, "Don't be scared. Call me anytime. Don't skip breakfast, okay?"
I nodded, swallowing down every sob that tried to rise.
Inside the auto, as the buildings of my street disappeared one by one like the final pages of a book I wasn't ready to close, I remembered Paati's words.
"Love will find you wherever you go, don't worry."
She used to whisper that when I sulked about not having true friends, or when Abhananth replied to my messages with a dry "Hmm." She was the only person to whom i shared my real feelings. My best friend. Though i had friends in college that i spent my time with, no one ever truly felt like my own person..
Paati saw me. Really saw me.She used to say I carried too much softness for this world.
"She deserves someone who doesn't make her wait," she'd tell Amma when she thought I couldn't hear.
Now she wasn't here.But her faith was.
Maybe it was foolish to still carry that hope. But even foolish hopes deserve a journey.
The train to Pune awaited. A new life awaited.
I wasn't sure if I could adapt. If I could be someone new. If people would like me.
But for Amma. For Anish. For the ghost of Paati's faith in me. I had to try.
My thoughts got interrupted by the driver, 'We have reached madam' .
The train to Pune awaited.So did the version of me I hadn't met yet.
I took a deep breath, wiped my eyes before anyone could see, and stepped forward.