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"I just fucking want to die," I said while washing my face, trying to let the cold water wake me up a little.
I stayed staring at the ceiling, breathing deeply, tired. I lowered my head again and looked at my reflection.
"What the hell happened to me...? This damn job is eating me alive," I murmured, seeing my huge dark circles under the bathroom's white light.
I did not even have time to think when the hospital speakers echoed "Code blue, intensive care... code blue."
"Great... someone is dying," I said while running a hand through my hair. A large amount of hair stayed between my fingers. "Perfect... I am going to go bald."
"Code blue," the speaker repeated.
"Shit." I ran toward intensive care.
"Why the hell did I accept that stupid state scholarship...? Why? By taking the short path I am almost dying," I murmured while running through the empty halls.
When I arrived, the few nurses on this damn night shift were already on top of the patient, giving first aid.
"Clear!" a nurse yelled before using the defibrillator.
Almost immediately, the vital signs stabilized on the monitor.
"Stable," she said.
"Where the hell were you?" another one yelled at me, furious.
"In the bathroom, for fuck's sake. I had not gone in more than six hours. It is not my fault they left us two doctors and three nurses on a Saturday... and on top of that they keep sending us every idiot with alcohol poisoning after destroying themselves drinking all night."
I leaned on the wall, trying to catch my breath.
"You think you are the only one with problems? I have more than forty patients to keep stable, and I also have to check the ones in intensive care. So tough luck, get used to it. You have been here four months and you still complain like the first week."
"Yeah, yeah... go away," I said, waving her off.
"Fuck you, idiot," the first nurse said angrily as they went back to work.
"You think you are the only one with problems," I said in a squeaky mocking voice, "I would not be working in a damn public hospital if I had not accepted that state scholarship for a major surgery specialization... damn it, I knew I should have stayed in the pharmaceutical chemistry career and I would not have to be... keeping alive a bunch of irresponsible people who drown themselves in alcohol," I said while checking the other patients' vitals.
The shitty day kept going and I had a strong headache, but I could not do anything except shut up and keep working since I still had one year and two months left of this hell in the public system in this hospital that only had patients in excess.
When the moment I had been waiting for finally arrived, my phone vibrated telling me my thirty six hour shift was over. I could finally go home and rest a bit before getting into another endless shift, thanks to the damn staff shortage in this shitty hospital.
Fast and silent, I grabbed my things, put on my clothes and got ready to leave before one of the bastards staying behind tried to convince someone —me— to stay and take on the problem.
"Hey," someone said behind me just as I was about to leave.
"We need you to stay two more hours. There will only be three of us until the rest of the early morning shift arrives," said the same nurse who had insulted me earlier, though now she sounded calmer.
"And are those extra hours approved? Because last time no one got paid, since they were not authorized," I asked, raising an eyebrow and fighting not to close my eyes from exhaustion.
"No, but—" she tried to say.
"To hell with that. I have six hours to eat, sleep and shower before coming back and starting another 36 hour shift. I am not giving away two hours to cover for the hospital director's mess."
I turned around and heard her curse me under her breath.
With the last bit of strength I had, I started walking toward my apartment. Luckily, I did not live far from that damned hospital. I walked fast, breathing heavily. I was so tired I could fall asleep anywhere.
At least the street was quiet. I only hoped this was not like last time when I got mugged and they took my phone and my watch. This time, only the wind and the faint murmur of the city waking up with sunrise could be heard.
I reached the apartment building without incidents. I waited a few minutes for the concierge to open the door, but I had to knock on the window because the shameless guy had fallen asleep during his shift.
Instead of apologizing, he glared at me for waking him. I ignored him and went straight to the tower where I lived. I climbed the four floors on foot and entered my apartment.
I was greeted by the usual: an empty place, dirty clothes thrown everywhere, and the clean outfit ready for the next shift.
Without thinking much, I started taking off my clothes to put on my pajamas and go to sleep. At that moment, the floor began to shake a little.
"Eh, a small tremor," I said, listening to the glasses on the shelf vibrate with their usual noise.
But the movement increased and the glasses started shaking harder. I did not want to deal with broken glass, so I went to hold the shelf.
The tremor rose almost to earthquake level and suddenly I felt a dry hit on my head.
"Ah, shit… ooohh… shit…" I murmured when I saw my pet's urn shattered on the floor, its contents spilled.
"No… no… my little princess…" I said while looking for something to gather the ashes.
With a small shovel and a broom I picked up everything I could and put it back in the urn, which was now cracked. "Great… I will have to buy another one."
While finishing cleaning the mess, I felt my back wet. "What the hec—?" I said, touching the back of my head. It was not sweat. I saw my hand covered in blood.
My eyes shot open and I touched my head. When I pressed, the pain exploded and the blood started running down with force.
"Shit…", I said, pressing the wound as I walked to the bathroom. "Shit… I have to work tomorrow… I can't waste time with this open wound…" I murmured, almost out of breath.
I walked with difficulty, leaning on the chair and the wall to reach the bathroom. Every step was harder than the last. My vision faded, the photos in the hallway turning into formless blurry smudges.
With trembling hands I turned the doorknob. With my left hand I turned on the bathroom light, blinking several times while searching for the first aid kit I always kept there for emergencies.
Just when everything was starting to get even blurrier, my left leg gave out. It stopped holding me up.
And before I could react, before I could understand what was happening, a dry thud echoed in the bathroom, temporarily silencing even the noise of the extractor fan.
I had slammed straight into the edge of the sink.
I could hear the blood dripping from my head onto the ceramic floor, a fast dripping that echoed inside my skull.
My eyes were fixed on the ceiling bulb, now shining like a damn sun trapped in the bathroom.
Everything was blurry. Everything trembled. I could not distinguish anything. I only felt a terrible urge to throw up.
With one last attempt, I reached out my right hand, trying to grab the bright orange towel hanging from the metal bar.
I grabbed it with all my strength, but I could not get up. My body was no longer responding no matter how much I tried to lift myself or do anything.
All I managed to do was pull the towel enough for it to slide off and fall over my face.
"Well… looks like the morning shift… is going to be hell… one doctor less… ha…" I said, feeling the metallic taste of blood fill my mouth.
Breathing became harder by the second, as if my chest were being crushed by bricks.
Until I could not breathe anymore.
And slowly, everything turned dark.
For some strange reason, I felt peace… almost bliss. I felt calm. Free.
Even though I floated in an endless void, I felt more at peace than ever.
There was no pain, no noise, no urgency. Just darkness. And in that darkness, I felt good.
It was like the nothingness was holding me. My head no longer hurt. I could not see or move, but it did not matter. I was just there, still, suspended in this void.
I do not know how much time passed. Maybe minutes, maybe centuries.
But the darkness began to crack. A light appeared in the distance, and as it grew, so did the pain in my head.
"We are safe. Someone check him now!" a voice shouted far away.
I tried to open my eyes, but everything was blurry. Voices everywhere. Heavy footsteps all around.
"It is nothing serious, captain. He was just hit by debris during the evacuation. No life-threatening risk for now," said a soft voice, surprisingly calm considering I heard chaos and terrified screams everywhere.
When I finally managed to focus, I saw a woman in front of me. She was wearing white armor. She had a glove emitting a green light, and she moved it over my head.
As the light passed over my skin, the pain faded.
"Wound sealed," the medic said with a smile. "And I will make sure he has no brain damage or internal fractures."
The captain tried to speak, but a deafening noise cut her off. Everything shook. The lights went out. For a moment, it felt like the world split in two.
"What the hell was that?" the captain yelled.
"Nuclear launch!" a man with headphones answered from a radio. "The Confederation is bombing the city. We have to evacuate now!"
"There are still more of our people left to evacuate," another soldier said.
"We have orders to leave now. If we do not leave this instant, we are not getting out. Those who did not make it… will stay behind to fight and die for the cause."
The doors began to close with a heavy metallic crash. I did not understand anything. Everything was too fast.
Suddenly, the captain knelt in front of me and held my face with both hands.
"Hendrik… my son, are you alright?"
I stared at her. Son? Hendrik?
I looked at my hands. They were small. Too small.
"He still seems disoriented. Strange… he should not have physical aftereffects," the medic murmured.
"Maybe he got scared during the evacuation," another said. "They threw grenades at us, several Confederation marines cut us off… he saw many fall, ours and theirs."
Another tremor. Stronger. Everything shook again.
My— mother?— hugged me tightly. I held on without thinking. I felt myself float again. The entire place trembled like the ground was about to split open and swallow us.
I do not know how long it lasted. Minutes, maybe less. Until finally, everything calmed down.
"We have left the planet," the radio operator announced. "Orders are to regroup with the rest of the fleet."
They moved us to a safer area. The doors opened on their own as I followed the group of armored men whose heavy suits clanged loudly against the metal floor they walked on.
They took me into a huge room full of people. It was clear whatever we had boarded was far beyond its capacity because the place was unbelievably packed.
We all had the same expression: panic, and many crying children calling for their parents, which was incredibly annoying because I had to stay with all of them, forced.
Worse yet, some clearly looked traumatized, since I saw several pulling their own hair, biting their nails, or rocking back and forth holding their knees in a fetal position.
I only felt a knot in my stomach. I needed a bathroom. Badly.
I found one next to what looked like the sleeping quarters, and it was completely empty. When I approached the mirror, I finally saw myself, confirming my doubts.
In front of me: a boy around ten or eleven years old. Intense blue eyes. Blonde hair so light it was almost white. A porcelain-like face that looked oddly well-defined for someone that age.
I touched my cheeks with my small hands. "Wow… look at me. Full of collagen, no receding hairline, no dark circles, thick hair… what a damn envy," I murmured as I studied my face.
I stayed there a few minutes, unmoving. Everything felt like a bad dream, but no matter how much I pinched myself, I did not wake up.
And then I simply accepted what I was living.
I killed myself. With a blow to the head. A stupid death.
The coroner is going to laugh hard when he sees a puddle of dried blood, a cracked skull…
With nothing else to do, I just went to sit on the bunk where they had placed me.
Trying to figure out what happened and where the hell I was.
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If there are spelling mistakes, please let me know.
Leave a comment; support is always appreciated.
I remind you to leave your ideas or what you would like to see.
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