Chapter: 3
Chapter Title: 01. Magic and Talent
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Even to my own eyes, I was growing at an astonishing rate day by day. Before long, I could walk and speak a little, and soon I was even able to run around. For a baby, my body's growth felt utterly miraculous. Well… I had already gone through it once before.
And around that time… I became able to sense mana.
This was actually quite astonishing. The path by which I came to sense mana started from something rather trivial. Occasionally, I would open the sub-space granted to me by the Goddess. It was packed full with items from my previous life. From the insignificant to the profoundly precious—everything, quite literally.
The contract for the sub-space with the Goddess was rather special. I could store things in it myself, but by default, upon my death, all my possessions would transfer into it. Excluding only what I chose to leave behind, that is. So, it contained everything I had gathered in my previous life.
That realization brought a faint bitterness. In my previous life, I had died in an unnatural way. From an incurable disease. For reasons unknown, my cells kept breaking down, and I vomited blood. My body could still move until the end, but eventually, even pain faded away.
And yet, after dying like that, not a single one of my possessions remained properly behind. My parents from that life… my family… above all, 'That Guy'—how devastated must they have been? What must they have thought upon seeing my home, devoid even of keepsakes?
Lost in such thoughts, I would examine various items from my past life. Of course, only when Mom and Dad weren't around.
Then one day, as I repeated this, I felt 'something.' Something, quite literally 'something.' An alien sensation, like a breeze blowing in from somewhere. It grew clearer over time, and eventually, I realized it was 'mana.'
It wasn't mine to command at will, yet it was the source powering the sub-space given by the Goddess. It must have been the power to manipulate the sub-space imprinted within my body.
So, I owed my ability to sense mana entirely to the sub-space. From the moment my mana circuits began to develop, at first I didn't realize it, but as time passed, I noticed a power not my own flowing from my body to open the sub-space. That was when the surrounding mana started to reach me clearly.
It didn't end there. Not long after, I could even manipulate mana.
Honestly, at first, I could only sense it. No matter how much I mentally shouted at it to move, it refused, leaving me sighing. So it's not like in my imaginings after all… It moved so naturally in my dreams, and I felt a brief disappointment.
Image training was a habit of mine. So instead of forcing it, I decided to 'imagine.'
Someday, I would become a mage, after all. That much was a foregone conclusion for me.
So I imagined. Mana circulating around me, flowing through my hands. And that instant, the mana moved. Suddenly, it traced a clear form, swirling around my hands and arms.
Of course, I was startled. And from that, I learned. Manipulating mana wasn't about simple commands—it was about will, belief, and imagination. If moving your body feels natural, then moving mana should feel just as natural. That kind of sensation.
I stopped manipulating the mana, closed the sub-space, felt it seal away into some unknown dimension once more, and quietly sat down to read a picture book.
Imagination.
Magic where imagination becomes power.
Magic that maximizes imagination… Yeah, perfect.
The moment that thought crystallized, perhaps the magic I'd mainly use was already decided. I just hadn't realized it yet.
Time flowed on… and before I knew it, I was five years old.
"Alright, everyone in Sun Class, hello!"
"..."
"Come on, repeat after me. When Teacher says 'hello,' you say 'hello.' Hello, Sun Class!"
""Hello!""
I stared in horror at the teacher beaming a full-faced smile at the children. Sun Class? Why name a class that! Ugh, embarrassing! So childish! My body shuddered. Well, you can't expect much from kindergarten, I suppose.
I half-heartedly echoed the teacher while glancing around. Children with big, round eyes gazed innocently at the teacher, parroting her words with bright expressions. As someone who liked kids, I found it adorable, but being surrounded by so many people after so long made me shrink back. I wore a slightly uncomfortable look.
Truth be told, I had a temperament that disliked crowds. How to put it—awkward around peers, maybe? My mental age was incomparably higher, but discomfort was discomfort. In short, I was shy.
The teacher spoke to us about this and that. Nothing major. Her self-introduction, a tour of the kindergarten building… and then, self-introductions. She had us introduce ourselves.
"It's not hard. We'll be together for a year, so we should know who each other is, right? To let your friends know about you. Just stand up and say, 'I'm five years old, [name].' Easy, right? And bow like this."
The teacher demonstrated earnestly, even bowing. Ugh… ugh… damn it! I watched with a sigh. Self-introduction… self-introduction, huh…
Innate shyness made me dread speaking in front of crowds. It was embarrassing and mortifying.
While I fidgeted anxiously, the teacher numbered the desks in order, assigning introduction turns. The desks were grouped in fours or fives, forming about five groups.
"We'll go from the front, moving rightward. Okay."
By that reckoning, I was near the end. I sat at the fourth desk with five other kids.
I swallowed hard. No choice now—I'd better memorize the names of the kids introducing themselves. Truth is, I'm bad at remembering faces and names…
The kids introduced themselves with sparkling smiles and childish innocence whenever their turn came. Some were shy, which was endearingly childlike, purifying to my eyes.
My turn came quickly. I suppressed my tense expression, stood, spoke lightly and swiftly, then passed it on.
"Five years old, Yoo Eunha."
I bowed, sat quickly, placed a hand on my chest, and sighed in relief. Whew, really, how many kids get this nervous introducing themselves among peers? Right after, the girl next to me—with her hair in twin pigtails—introduced herself brightly.
"Five years old, Lee Yumi."
Lee Yumi. Easy name.
I thought that upon hearing it.
Fortunately, nothing awkward happened after. The teacher gave us free time for a while. Probably because it was the first day, or to let the kids mingle.
The children played with nearby toys, but I pulled a picture book from the bookshelf in Sun Class (ugh, the class name is so cringy…) and read. For the record, I was the odd one out reading a picture book. There was one other oddball: the bright-eyed girl next to me who'd introduced herself as Lee Yumi.
A brief free time, but the real kindergarten activities came next. Once the kids had warmed up a bit, the teacher gathered us. She held up a crystal orb-like bead.
"Today, we're playing a game with this bead."
"Game?"
The kids murmured excitedly around the teacher. Amid it all, I fixed my gaze intently on the fist-sized bead. It was pretty and mystical in color, but more than that, I felt an inexplicable pull. Something… different. My intuition was pretty spot-on in emergencies, at least.
"Teacher, what game?"
"Sounds fun!"
The kids lit up at 'game.' The teacher continued smiling brightly.
"Yes, this bead Teacher's holding is commonly used for mana-sensing training. Touching or playing with it increases the chances of sensing mana quickly. It has special magic~."
"Wow! Cool!"
"Teacher! Give me that!"
"I wanna hold it too!"
Ignoring the childish interjections, I suddenly realized why the bead nagged at me. Mana was faintly leaking from it.
Compared to my peers, I'd sensed mana early. I'd have preferred it due to sensitivity, but I knew it was from extensive prior exposure. The sub-space, that is.
Mom and Dad didn't know I could sense mana. As shy as I was, I hated standing out—even from my parents. I was aware it was unnaturally early thanks to the Goddess's sub-space.
"Okay, listen closely to the game rules! We're doing 'treasure hunt' from now on."
"Treasure hunt?"
"Aww~ something else!"
"Yes, something else tomorrow. But today it's treasure hunt. Before you arrived, the teachers hid these beads around. Today's goal is finding them. Lots of finds mean prizes, but only if we beat the 'next class.'"
Next class?
"Starting now, in 10 minutes, we'll compete against the next class, Star Class!"
"A competition!"
"I wanna win!"
Their young competitive spirits flared. The kids clenched fists at each other. The teacher smiled at their enthusiasm. Meanwhile, I thought alone:
'Star Class next door… also childish!'
Chills ran down my spine. The teacher raised the crystal bead high and raised her voice.
"The class finding the most in 30 minutes wins! The winning class gets one bead per kid as a prize. Everyone, do your best!"
"Wow!"
"Yay!!"
But setting that aside, the beads were quite pretty. And to my taste. Knowing they held mana made me want one more. I bowed my head slightly, clenching a fist. Alright, somehow I'm fired up too.
"If anyone senses mana, it'll be easier to find them. Because these beads are drawn to even a little mana."
"..."
And my competitive fire cooled instantly. …I'll find just enough. I wanted the bead, sure. But there'd be plenty of chances to touch them anyway. Even as prizes, standing out and drawing attention? I absolutely hated that! Especially in kindergarten or school—worst of all.
Honestly, I was a shy person.
Even striking up talk with strangers was hard, and chatting with peers could overwhelm me. No way I'd enjoy attention from teachers or kids for sensing mana early. I turned my head away sharply.
…Well, winning was out, but I was still interested in the beads. Waiting at the back as the teacher opened the door, I stole glances at them. Not just me—everyone was looking.
Soon, at the teacher's signal, the kids rushed out. I was among them. I'd play the game, at least.
'Good for passing time. I like treasure hunts.'
So I thought.
...And 10 minutes in, I groaned in dismay.
"...Ugh, seriously."
The beads really drew people who sensed mana, just like the teacher said. I'd planned to pretend to run at first, glance around casually, and end with 'lucky if I find one.' But poking the first likely spot—bam!! A bead.
...I became the first finder.
Couldn't just leave it after finding, so handing it over, the teacher patted my head, saying 'Oh, good job!' and praised me. The kids searched more energetically… Up to there, I chalked it to luck and moved on neatly. But then, rolling along the path—another bead…
Not just that. Slowly carrying it, something glittered between trees—third bead found. Turn around, fourth in the sand…
....
Bringing all these would get me noticed by teacher and kids, so I took one and walked slowly—then stepped on something. Look down: fifth bead…
No way I'm this lucky. The beads were drawn to my mana. In the end, including the one I stepped on and got seen with, I took two to the teacher. Thus, in 5 minutes, I became the lucky kid who found three. Even as others hadn't found any yet.
Smiling to the teacher as I handed them over, but turning away, I covered my face with both hands and despaired silently. Ugh, damn, the teacher just gave me a meaningful look. Saw that, right?
Pouting, I lifted my head. …Fine. To others, call it luck. From now on, I won't find a single one!
Thinking that, I glanced under the slide—and found another. I walked past pretending not to see, smile frozen.
Thus, aside from the two I unwillingly held, I succeeded in not touching any more for the remaining 20 minutes. …I actually saw about 15. They said 70 hidden—decent restraint. My neighbor, who'd also sensed mana early like me, brought 17 to the teacher, getting labeled model student or talented kindergartener by kids and teacher alike. …Whatever, still just kindergarteners.
And that wasn't the end. While hunting beads idly, a few other kids with mana talent awakened it through constant contact. They began sensing mana. One from our class, one from next door.
In the end, we—Sun Class—won... ugh, seriously, the class name sucks...
On the way home that day, I received a prize bead of mystical purple-blue hue. Size a bit larger than an adult fist, like the crystal orbs used in go-stop.
Fiddling with it on the way back, I marveled endlessly. The mana inside tingled from my hand, brushing my body—I felt it vividly. Soon, I infused it with mana. It began glowing ethereally, mysteriously.
That was near home on foot. Wow… I exclaimed, pressing the doorbell. Only then did I realize I'd walked instead of taking the kindergarten bus.
I froze in panic. Uh, um… Mom said she'd pick me up at the bus stop, right…?
My biggest flaw now: occasionally forgetting I was a child.
Back home, naturally, I got an earful from shocked Mom. Don't go out alone yet! She repeated endlessly. To my excuses, she glanced at the bead in my hand.
"Hm? Beginner training bead. Eunha, you can't handle mana yet, right?"
"Yeah..."
I lied unconfidently. Mom just looked at me without suspicion. I shrank a bit seeing her. Should I keep hiding it…?
"Blue… no, navy? Eunha, you know? This bead changes color gradually when infused with mana. To the color of the infuser's mana."
"What…?"
…I-is that so…?
Come to think of it, it started as purple-blue mix. Now, it's navy-ish. So my mana color is navy or darker?
"Look closely."
Saying so, Mom infused mana. The color shifted clearly. The changing light made even Mom's moving mana appear red. I'd never seen mana colors before, yet my eyes widened.
The bead glowed. Vivid red.
"If you can dye it fully like this, you've cleared the first step of basic mana control. Next, train pulling in surrounding mana like this, then practice circulating it. Like so."
With that, Mom gathered spherical mana on her fingertip and spun it circularly. A red vortex… Huh?
I, now, mana colors…
Unconsciously, I stirred the mana in my body. From when I first saw and wielded mana, it had been steadily accumulating inside me.
My surroundings lit in alien hues. Wind seemed to envelop my body. Mom's eyes widened at me.
"Eunha, you..."
Now it was clear.
The mana enveloping me was vivid navy, edged in silver.
"You can move mana?!!"
Seating me before her, Mom wore a strange expression. Between us lay the red bead.
"Actually, I quickly noticed you could sense mana."
What? As my eyes widened, Mom touched her cheek with a troubled look.
"Mom's mana sensing is more sensitive than most. My main magic, communication spells, relies on keen mana presence detection."
…I see. First I knew. Mom continued to my confused self.
"Once you start sensing mana, the flow around you changes. So I'd noticed you could sense it."
"Yeah…"
A twinge of guilt. Regardless of reason, I'd hidden from my parents that I could sense—and now move—mana. But Mom continued darkly.
"I even thought maybe you could move it a little. But to already be aware of your internal mana—remarkable talent. …I'd hoped yours was average."
"…Why…?"
Mom bowed her head at my question, biting her lip slightly, clenching lowered fists tightly. Maybe to hide from me, but as a much smaller child, I saw her expression fully. Her eyes sank deeply.
"Eunha, Mom has… a very close friend."
Friend? My eyes widened. Mom's close friend…
My first thought was her face. Auntie Seona. The beauty with absurd magic prowess who visited Mom daily when I was a baby. Haven't seen her since two, so at five, forgetting wouldn't be odd—but I remembered. I blinked at Mom. She continued with sunken expression.
"She showed extraordinary talent from childhood. Envied by friends, favored by teachers… but…"
Mom gave a small, bitter laugh.
"People try to pull in the talented. Even children. So my friend was often dragged into dangerous missions for official groups or police from young. She outdid most combat mages at that age—unavoidable, perhaps. But I always felt sorry for her. That was when she was in middle school."
…Ah.
I gripped my lowered hands. And that person's still active overseas as a mainstay. Mom must've wanted to stop her.
"How I got close… We were closest in kindergarten, actually. As Seona—Mom's friend—showed freakish magic talent growing up, we drifted, but she always lingered in my mind. So one day…"
Mom's eyes gleamed sadly with memory.
"On the rooftop, I found her bandaged on arms, hunched over crying alone. I asked if she was okay… she forced a twisted smile, said yes, but kept crying."
Nothing you can do for someone crying over unknown pains. I listened quietly, face scrunched.
Clumsy comfort might hurt pride. What to do… Such relations were the trickiest. Whether sincere feelings truly connect—no one knows till experienced. 'True hearts always reach' is just fairy tale stuff.
A bitter feeling welled. I'd assumed they were friends from the start…
"I waited for her tears to stop… but couldn't say anything, so I left candy beside her. Next day, battle broke out—she was hospitalized. …I rushed after school. She lay pale in bed, asleep like fainted."
'Stop crying now,' Mom said with deeply sunken expression. Seeing mine, she gave a wry smile, stroking my head. Must've been quite dark.
"I cried uncontrollably, feeling so upset. When I stopped and looked up, she stared back, crying too. I held her hand tight… and after, we always protected each other."
"…Yeah."
"But you wouldn't know. No matter how much I encouraged or sheltered her, I never knew exactly how she hurt or what she endured. Just sincerely pitied her. I'm always grateful to Seona for befriending someone like me and protecting me. Eunha, Mom…"
Saying so, Mom hugged me tight.
"Doesn't want you in danger. That's Mom's heart… okay? You probably don't grasp it yet. Your talent's uncertain, and this might be overthinking. But… keep Mom's words in your heart."
Becoming a strong mage…
Eventually leads to fighting. Fight, get hurt, grow—or worst, die?
I see it on TV often. All say becoming strong mage is proud, but stronger means more dangerous missions, more injuries. Fallen mages' names on news aren't rare. Mage battles sometimes scale to wars.
I'd watch sympathetically, sadly, thinking 'that's how it is.' Probably would've continued, without Mom's words.
But Mom, I don't really want to get strong… I murmured inwardly.
I know I'll reincarnate many more times ahead, but I didn't seek magic just to grow strong. I just wanted to wield it. Even so, hugging Mom tight, I knew my pace wasn't ordinary.
This uneasy future was a first since reincarnating.