A young man from the ruined future, Kaizer Adam.
No matter where his two feet went, a super huge misfortune always followed him around like a needy ex-girlfriend.
Kaizer slowly opened his two eyes while lying inside a completely rusted dustbin.
With the exception of waking up in such a trashy place, and his stamina being totally depleted from crossing the boundary of time, his overall condition was about the same as a regular, super emaciated human being.
However, there was one incredibly huge problem.
His rear end was lodged so deeply into the dustbin that it was completely stuck.
It was a perfect fit, like a legendary sword entering its destined scabbard!
When he tried to stand up on his two feet, the heavy metal bin naturally rose up together with his butt.
To confound the matters even further, his walking posture looked exactly like a weird metal duck with a dustbin acting as a permanent extension of his butt cheeks.
Of course, it wasn't as if Kaizer Adam had a weird fetish for walking around like a duck.
But right now, his physical body was simply too tired to do anything at all.
Kaizer was 100% sure that if he tried to forcefully dislodge this brand-new butt upgrade, he would just end up foolishly wasting what little stamina he had left.
Therefore, Kaizer, by desperately combining his last one plus two remaining brain cells, which equaled exactly three, made a highly strategic decision.
He decided to just shamelessly ignore the dustbin for now.
When his two eyes finally adjusted to the warm sunlight, a wave of bustling humans completely filled his vision.
He hurriedly took in the scenery. It was his very first time seeing this many people gathered in one place.
These were the people of the past!
They were casually wearing super clean clothes and walking about without the constant, terrifying fear of monsters biting their heads off!
'Wow, look at those clothes… now that is some seriously crazy fashion.'
Back in his destroyed timeline, the only fashion available was dirty survival kits covered in monster blood and gas masks.
'...Wait a minute. A gas mask?'
Kaizer's heart began to beat super loudly.
Thump, thump, thump!
He immediately opened his mouth and took one incredibly deep breath.
"Phaaaaa~!"
Kaizer felt like he was ascending straight to heaven! The air was so ridiculously delicious!
There was no smell of rotting monster corpses, no toxic ash burning the inside of his lungs, and no metallic taste of blood!
It was literally just pure, unadulterated oxygen! He felt like his lungs were being personally massaged by a beautiful goddess of nature wearing silk gloves!
Growl~~~~!!
Suddenly, his stomach let out a thunderous roar that sounded exactly like a Rank S Boss Monster.
Since his body had crazily burned through all its energy reserves just to survive the temporal jump, it was par for the course then, that he would end up getting extremely hungry.
And to make the matters even worse, his newly cleared nose suddenly picked up an incredibly good smell coming from somewhere nearby.
Sniff, sniff.
He slowly walked over there. His metal bottom loudly clanked against the concrete pavement with every single step.
Clank. Waddle. Clank. Waddle.
There was a small street cart selling hot dogs.
A plump shopkeeper who looked exactly like a tutorial village NPC was grilling meat.
The crazy, greasy aroma of cooked meat and fried onions violently assaulted Kaizer's brain.
A thick, transparent stream of saliva naturally leaked out from the corner of Kaizer's mouth.
Drip, drop.
The pedestrians passing by pointed their fingers at his clanking metal bottom and began to laugh out loudly.
"Pu-hahaha! What is wrong with that guy?!"
"Is this a new type of street performance? Why does he have a trash can attached to his butt cheeks?"
"Mommy, look! It's a metal duck-man!"
However, Kaizer didn't care at all. He completely ignored their mocking laughter.
To be honest... his face was already thicker than a reinforced bunker wall. Right now, his two eyes were entirely locked onto the sizzling meat.
He confidently marched up to the vendor, his trash can loudly scraping the floor.
"Uncle. Give me one of that supreme item."
"Uh... sure, weird duck kid. Here you go."
Kaizer hurriedly grabbed the hot dog with both hands and took a massive bite.
Chomp!
Suddenly, Kaizer's two eyes opened up so wide they almost popped out of his skull.
Hot tears of pure, unadulterated emotion began to stream down his dirty cheeks like a waterfall.
'W-what is this crazy taste?!'
The incredibly soft bread! The violent explosion of salty meat juices! The tangy yellow sauce perfectly neutralizing the grease! It was a culinary nuclear explosion!
Kaizer felt an intense, burning sense of betrayal.
His entire past life had been a massive scam!
He had eaten tasteless, dry nutrient blocks for seventeen years, foolishly believing that was the absolute peak of human cuisine!
Even a stray dog in this era ate better than the Supreme Commander of the Future!
'Ah... So this is the legendary Elixir! This is definitely the greatest treasure of the ancient world!'
Gulp, gulp!
He crazily devoured the hot dog in exactly two seconds.
"Uncle! Give me another one! No, give me fifteen more of this!"
Hearing that loud shout, the vendor's expression instantly brightened up.
A super capitalistic smile naturally formed on the shopkeeper's plump face.
'Oho! Fifteen hot dogs at two dollars each... That's exactly 30 dollars of pure profit!'
Today was definitely his lucky day!
"Coming right up, my esteemed VIP customer!"
A short while later.
Kaizer completely annihilated the fifteen hot dogs like a starving demon sweeping through a battlefield.
Chomp, chomp, gulp, gulp!
He even licked the yellow mustard off his fingers incredibly deliciously.
Seeing the empty plates, the shopkeeper rubbed his two plump hands together with a deeply greedy expression.
"Thank you for the meal! That will be exactly 30 dollars in total, esteemed customer."
Kaizer comfortably patted his bulging stomach. Then, he lightly patted his dirty pockets. Excepting cash, the shopkeeper's grin widened more.
Suddenly, Kaizer made a super dumbfounded expression.
"Ah. I have no money, though?"
"..."
Hearing that incredibly shameless declaration, the shopkeeper's super capitalistic smile instantly shattered into a million pieces.
His expression crumpled so hard it looked like a stepped-on dumpling. A thick blue vein noticeably popped out on his forehead.
"W-what did you just say?!"
The shopkeeper slammed his two hands on the cart.
"Why the hell did you eat so much if you don't have any money, you crazy b*stard?!"
'What the hell is wrong with this weird kid?'
If he didn't have any money then why did he even patted his pockets then? Shopkeeper was thinking this kid really has some loose bolts on his brain.
Kaizer swallowed his dry saliva. He was definitely in a huge pinch right now.
However, Kaizer's brain spun at a terrifying speed.
He suddenly remembered an old saying from his past life.
'Children can act innocent and get away with absolutely anything.'
A sly, shameless smirk naturally formed on his lips. He immediately changed his strategy.
He brought his two index fingers together, shamelessly pouted his lips, and tried to make his 6-foot muscular frame look as petite as possible.
Clank!
The dustbin on his butt violently shook to emphasize his cuteness. He then pointed his finger directly at his own chest and began to shout in a super loud voice.
"Ahhh! Are you currently accusing this innocent, delicate child of eating a hot dog and not paying you?!"
The shopkeeper's two eyes opened up super-wide.
"Delicate child?! You are taller than me, you crazy b*stard! Why are you suddenly shouting so loudly?!"
Kaizer didn't care at all. He squeezed his eyes shut, forced out a fake tear, and shouted even louder.
"How could you say such cruel things to this small, fragile child who only wanted a warm meal?! You heartless b*stard!"
Hearing the loud commotion about a starving child, cruel words, and stealing, a huge crowd of agitated pedestrians completely surrounded the hot dog cart.
"Hey! How can an adult accuse a starving child?!"
"Are you completely out of your mind?!"
The shopkeeper made an incredibly unfair expression. His face was completely red from the sheer injustice.
"N-no! It's all a huge misunderstanding! That guy is—"
"Ahem."
An old man standing next to Kaizer abruptly interrupted the shopkeeper. He looked around with a deeply worried expression on his wrinkled face.
"Where is this poor, starving child?"
Kaizer blinked his two eyes innocently. He shamelessly pointed his finger directly at his own face.
"It's me, Grandpa."
"..."
The old man had to crane his neck all the way up just to see this so-called "child's" face. The angle was so steep that the old man's neck almost let out a quiet crack sound.
To make matters even worse, this "child" currently had yellow mustard and red ketchup shamelessly smeared all over the corners of his lips, and a massive metal dustbin was firmly stuck to his butt cheeks.
The old man blinked his eyes once. Twice. Thrice.
He took off his glasses, hurriedly wiped them with his shirt, and put them back on.
However, the child in front of him was still over six feet tall. Furthermore, on close inspection, the old man came to the absolute conclusion that this tall adult man indeed was a child, but only in his brain!
Even the dustbin attached to his butt seemed to be mocking his intelligence!
The surrounding atmosphere suddenly turned strangely quiet.
The entire crowd completely understood the situation at the exact same time.
The old man slowly turned his head toward the sweating shopkeeper.
"How much is the child's hot dog?"
The shopkeeper swallowed his dry saliva.
"I-it's 30 dollars."
The old man silently pulled out six crisp five-dollar bills from his wallet and placed them on the cart.
"This is not for the hot dog."
The old man spoke in a remarkably calm, low tone.
"This is a commission fee to beat up this crazy fraudster child."
Kaizer's face instantly turned completely pale.
"Wait! This is a huge misunderstanding! I am actually—!"
This was definitely not how Kaizer had planned for things to go.
However, the entire crowd simultaneously cracked their knuckles and turned their heads toward him. Their two eyes were glowing with intense, murderous anger.
"Get him!!"
Whack! Smack! Bam! Pow!
"Aaaargh!!"
Kaizer tried to retreat into his metal dustbin like a frightened turtle, but his broad shoulders got stuck halfway!
Clang! Clang! Thud!
The crowd mercilessly beat the absolute sh*t out of him. It was a completely one-sided massacre.
To be honest...
It was truly a peak experience.