While the mother and daughter pair continued discussing exactly what he was, Ethan focused on something more important.
Personally, he thought the conversation would go faster if they simply asked him directly instead of trying to solve him like a murder case.
Ethan expanded his senses outward, trying to figure out where exactly they had landed and whether escaping this place was even possible.
The result was not encouraging.
For miles there was nothing except scorched land, dead forests, fire, and distant screams echoing endlessly through the burning horizon.
Just Hell.
"Well," Ethan muttered, looking around the wasteland again. "That's deeply unfortunate."
He looked up toward the sky where the portal had swallowed them earlier, but the crack in reality was gone completely. The burning clouds above them rolled slowly across the crimson sky like the place itself had sealed shut behind them.
Ethan's irritation immediately spiked.
"Fuck you, you goat-faced and nun-faced freaks!" he shouted into the wasteland. "If either of you actually has the balls to fight, then come out and do it properly instead of playing infernal Tom and Jerry!"
His voice echoed across the burning land.
Nothing answered.
"You're supposed to be demons," Ethan continued angrily. "Not cowardly horror movie extras hiding behind cheap jump scares!"
Wednesday glanced at him sideways. "Your conflict resolution skills remain deeply sophisticated."
"You should be called cowards!" Ethan yelled toward the sky anyway.
Then he looked up at the burning clouds one more time and flipped them off.
"You fucking pieces of shit!"
Ethan suddenly stopped mid-thought.
Wait.
Why wasn't he using the system's dimensional travel function?
He stared ahead for a second before dragging a hand down his face in annoyance.
"Sometimes I genuinely forget the most basic things," he muttered.
Then he opened the system immediately.
A red screen appeared in front of him.
[Dimensional Travel currently unavailable.]
[Reason: This realm is not within the dimensional map. Mapping currently in progress.]
[Estimated time required: 7 days.]
[Additional Note: This dimension is hostile toward living organisms.]
Ethan stared at the screen for several seconds.
"…Yeah," he said slowly while looking around at the burning wasteland surrounding them. "I figured out the hostile part already."
Then his eyes narrowed slightly at the rest of the message.
"I'm also starting to realize you're remarkably unreliable when it comes to interdimensional travel."
The system, as usual, offered absolutely no response.
Then suddenly his coat was grabbed.
Ethan blinked as Wednesday pulled him downward hard enough to bring his face close to hers.
"Well," Ethan said casually, "Wednesday, now really isn't the time to become romantic."
Wednesday looked at him with complete emotional deadness.
"Does this look like a romantic expression to you?" she asked flatly. "Tell me what you found. And if your answer is merely 'we're trapped in Hell,' save your breath. I already concluded that from your increasingly concerned facial expressions."
Ethan looked at her for a second before smiling slightly.
"Would it improve your mood if I reminded you that you're trapped here with a very handsome vampire?"
"I see that handsome face every day," Wednesday replied as she finally let go of Ethan's coat. "At this point I'm becoming immune to it."
Ethan looked genuinely offended. "That's a devastating thing to say to someone carrying this level of visual perfection."
"Your self-obsession remains exhausting even in Hell."
Morticia watched the exchange quietly for a moment before a small smile appeared on her face.
She had seen Wednesday tolerate people before. Occasionally even trust them. But this—this casual back-and-forth, the dry humor, the complete absence of emotional walls whenever Ethan was involved—
that was new.
And somehow far more shocking than falling into Hell.
"My," Morticia said softly, clearly amused now. "You've become remarkably expressive, darling."
Wednesday immediately looked suspicious.
"I have not."
"You might not notice it," Ethan said casually, "but Wednesday's always like this around me."
Wednesday slowly turned her head toward him with an expression that strongly suggested homicide.
Ethan just smiled back.
Morticia watched the interaction with growing amusement.
Then—
SWISH—!
Ethan's hands shot upward instantly, catching the edge of the holy sword barely an inch away from his face.
The blade hummed between his palms.
Wednesday was still holding the handle.
"I forgot you still had that thing," Ethan said while staring at the sword near his nose. "And are you actually trying to kill me right now? Because if I hadn't blocked that—"
"Then your head would have rolled onto the ground," Wednesday replied flatly. "You would have grown another one eventually."
Ethan stared at her. "Do you think I'm some kind of plant?"
Wednesday narrowed her eyes slightly. "On prank day you detached your own head and left it on Enid's bed."
Ethan opened his mouth.
Then stopped.
Because unfortunately she was correct.
"…Okay," Ethan admitted slowly, "that does weaken my argument slightly."
Morticia looked between the two of them with visible fascination now.
"You can regenerate from decapitation?" she asked.
Ethan scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "Apparently."
***
A/N: And on Patreon, The Boys arc started.
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