I managed to do my homework, have dinner, and read the agenda Killion had printed for me for the evening planning meeting for the Future Alpha Ceremony.
Based on the agenda that Beta Lucas had sent, there were all sorts of decisions to be made: confirming the date, what to call the ceremony, the objectives of the ceremony, the theme, budget, location, who to invite, and the division of roles and responsibilities.
After reading all that, I started to wonder what kind of party I would want.
For some reason, the answer came to me immediately: I'd like a pack party, my gang around, maybe in the backyard, like a barbecue or potluck. We could just chill and eat and talk. The adults liked parties like that too.
My dad could just say, "Okay, it's official. Sam will be the next Alpha."
And everyone would go, "Oh okay, cool."
And we could all go back to talking and hanging out.
We'd even hang out lanterns and have music. And maybe, if we wanted to be fancy, we could have helium balloons that the pups could take home.
Oh! And the gang and I could play hide-and-seek. Or ultimate dodgeball. Like out in the woods! Everyone could play. If it were summer, it could even be water balloons.
Yeah… But next month was still winter. Maybe snowball fights. Like the ultimate one. With two huge forts… pups and teens against adults.
And then my fantasy got interrupted by Wolfie:
{Betas approach}
There was a distinct knock on our front door, and Ben and Beta Lucas let themselves into our apartment. They were here for Dad and me. I heard Mrs. Beta and Lizzy too. There was the general happy talking that happens when people were happy to see each other.
I was glad Wolfie had taken to reducing the frequency of the alerts. Especially now that we live in the pack house. Betas, Gammas, Deltas, Warriors, and everyone else came in and out every day. It would have driven me crazy if Wolfie decided to alert me on every single one.
Staying at the pack house had also been good for Wolfie and me… It was like the pulse of our pack, and being close to its general ins and outs soothed me or Wolfie. I'm not sure which of us it soothed.
Wolfie and I had been merging more each day. Every night, when I practiced the control technique, I was rewarded with a stronger merge with Wolfie.
I was seldom able to truly differentiate our feelings and thoughts lately. I just assume the thoughts in full sentences were mine and credit Wolfie for any inexplicable feelings.
Like being super happy at patrol. I was happy, but Wolfie's happiness just made it even more pronounced.
But the thing I liked most about being merged with Wolfie was the power that is almost always running in my system now.
Since the fight with Gamma Endo, I had figured out how to keep a very low amount of wolf power on. It happened subconsciously — maybe it was Wolfie's doing. But I found that keeping a low level of power on and expanding it throughout the day kept the power surges away. Unless I was excited, or Wolfie is excited…
But as long as I remain calm, I didn't have to deal with power surges anymore.
I guess that's what control exercises were for. I wondered why they had always been taught to me as a way to bring out our wolf powers for usage in human form. It should have been how to keep the wolf power consistent and in controllable amounts so we didn't fry our own human form while using it.
And happily, I had found the trick — let Wolfie figure it out so it happened automatically and I didn't always have to keep it in check.
I healed so fast now. I could also run and move faster without much thought. Like today, with the scratches on my hands and stepping out of the trap before it shut.
I didn't have to call up the wolf power, absorb it into my human system, convert it to a specific power, and then focus it on healing or speed. I just healed without a thought and stepped away when I needed to.
Why did they teach us all those steps? Okay, I needed those steps before I had shifted, but now things were different…
I wonder how I could get even stronger? I felt like I was reaching a plateau. Maybe I should ask Dad what the next step in his technique was.
Even though I had been growing stronger every day since my shift, it wasn't enough. I was the Alpha.
I needed to be strong enough to protect my pack.
Savy popped her head into our room. "Can Lizzy stay over? Because she didn't want to be stuck at her place with Ben and Jonah when her parents go out later. And I told her yes."
Oh yeah, Beta Lucas and Mrs. Beta were going on a double date with Gamma Harry and Laura. Jonah was staying over with Ben.
"Yeah, sure."
I could sneak out for a run in my wolf tonight.
Happiness.
"Yay! I knew you'd say yes. You can join us tonight," Savy said.
"Maybe," I mumbled. "I might have plans."
"Oooo…" Savy said. "We'll cover for you."
"Thanks." I smiled. I had the best sister in the world.
"Oh yeah, they're waiting for you outside," Savy told me. "Why don't you ever keep your mindlinks open?"
Was it closed? I checked. Yeah, my mind was sealed. Was it always sealed by default? Yes.
I didn't know. Why did Wolfie keep my mindlinks shut by default?
{It's noisy}
At the outset, I blamed it on Maria. Sitting next to her, it had become a habit to keep any mental connections sealed shut.
But deep inside, I knew I was also a little afraid. I had felt other people's feelings leak through mindlinks so often that a part of me worried I might broadcast my emotions.
I'm afraid for anyone to know if I'm scared, or sad, or uncertain… or anything that might make them worried. I am the Alpha, and I will protect their happiness.
And to be absolutely honest, I was afraid to trust anyone with all my feelings. It made me feel vulnerable, and that was a weak feeling that I hated dealing with.