We were in the control office. I was surrounded by computers and my robot officers, who were obligated to press certain keys as their job required. Each of them was busy tapping the keyboard, successfully managing to look like unhappy civil servants. With their metal heads and dead-blue, glowing green eyes, they couldn't quite make sense of what was happening, as I hadn't had to act this formally for a holographic communication before. Why was I acting so serious right now? Because I must be in serious trouble after a long time. Ah… Also, I might not have left my room for a long time, and they might have been surprised to see me after such a long absence.
There was a commotion. One robot was tying my tie while another was combing my hair. One robot was sweeping the garbage around with a broom in its hand, while another was carrying the red screen to my background. I always looked handsome in front of the color red, so the red screen was important... Although I had a naive, sympathetic face, when my background was red, I felt a noble seriousness.
Velsil was wearing a blue linen dress. She had swept her short, white hair to one side, and the glittering gold earring on her ear swung with every movement. She smiled, showing her white teeth, and placed the hologram image carrier in front of me. Then she signaled with her finger, as if to say, "It's ready."
'It's ready' meant the communication could connect at any moment. I pushed away the surrounding robots with the back of my hand to prevent them from creating visual clutter. I cleared my throat with a cough and adjusted my tie one last time. I didn't trust these parasitic robots much with the tie. I was waiting for the hologram to connect with a sincere smile on my face. I had tucked one hand inside my jacket, as far as I could tell, most nobles loved to pose that way.
"Holy shit!" I shouted. "Where is my hat, boys!"
The robots looked around like imbeciles. Just then, one of the robots raised its hand to catch my attention and said, "Here, boss!" and tossed the hat to me. The moment I jumped to catch the hat thrown from the air, the communication connected, and the hologram opened in front of me. Lucius, in the hologram, immediately put his hand to his face in great embarrassment the moment he saw me jumping. The damned man must be a master of timely connections.
"Hello Lucius..." I said, putting the hat on my head. I tucked my hand into my jacket again with great seriousness. "...how can I help you?"
"Did you find your hat, darling?" Velsil shouted from the back. It would be correct to say that this delayed response was the signature move of the simpleton Velsil.
"Yes, I found it! But if you notice, I'm on a call right now, Velsil!"
"Oh... I apologize," she said in a tearful tone. I knew what this meant. "I guess I'm a bit insensitive." When I heard the sniffle, I was completely convinced.
"Goma... Can you tell Velsil not to cry, that I only raised my voice so that I could be heard?"
"I got this, Aldo!" Goma shouted even louder from the back.
"Goma, go away, I don't want you!" said Velsil. Good thing the voices were getting farther away.
"Come here, you sad whore... I'll take you to our room. Do you want me to caress your antennae?"
"No! Don't touch my antennae!"
"I thought you liked it!"
"I do, but not always. We're in a serious moment right now. I'm sad!"
All this chatter was greatly embarrassing both Lucius and me. Because we were waiting for these background noises to subside, looking at each other's faces to start the conversation. As my face turned bright red with shame, I signaled one of the robots with my hand. One of the robots ran over to Goma and hastened both of their steps.
Lucius sighed deeply and asked, "Is it over?"
"I think so, yes..." I said. "...well, we've been in a bit of a team-building period lately. So..."
"More accurately, you're in a period where you do nothing but sleep with people because you've completely lost control of discipline. And I don't want you to speak in the plural. Own your failure and flippancy..."
"That's quite harsh... Usually, it wouldn't start off this harsh. We would start with a polite and pleasant conversation."
"Polite? What about your politeness?" Lucius pointed to the door with his hand and said, "Were those damned women aliens? Have you started having sex with aliens too!"
"Hey! My sex life is none of your business!"
"Did you inject human genetics into the damned aliens to make them look human? What do you think would happen if anyone heard? What would happen if someone from the Bioethics Oversight Agency (BOA) saw? Even my connections with Director Toxa wouldn't save you. Fortunately, there aren't many inspectors left from the BOA. If they were at their old strength and not discredited by corruption, you'd be boxed up in two days."
"I wouldn't be boxed up..." I said, sighing deeply.
"Why is that?"
"Because I read the BOA Codex, and there's nothing unethical about what I've done. An Enhanced person cannot have children, so there can be no issue with my relationship with them."
"And can they have children?"
"They are sterile, of course... I knew I had to create them that way."
"That's not the only problem. Bioethics Monitoring can find irregularities in any way they want. Still, just because you wanted to taste different pleasures..." he began, raising his voice considerably. "...you can't combine human genetics with those fucked-up alien creatures!" When his angry outburst was finished, he was still breathless. He looked at me with angry eyes for a while. Then, to calm down, he adjusted his uniform and sat down at his desk.
Yes... my creature friends were half-alien. If I say half-alien, please don't mistake them for individuals from a great alien civilization that built cities. Even if such alien civilizations existed, there is not much room left for them in this dead galaxy.
When humanity began exploring the galaxy, it hadn't encountered many civilizations as advanced as itself. One of the reasons for this was the destruction of many great civilizations due to the exploitation of their resources by aliens called the Incompatibles. At least, some of the theories suggested that. The fortunate thing was that the Incompatibles retreated before exploiting most of humanity's resources. No one knew the reason for their sudden disappearance.
That's why most aliens in space were either at the tribal stage or in a more primitive form. For example, my faithful Goma's genetics came from a cave-dwelling snake species. Why did I combine such a snake alien with human genetics? Because those snakes were fiercely loyal to their partners and were ready to embrace any sacrifice to meet their partners' sexual needs. When it came to satisfying their husbands, they could adapt to any condition.
Velsil, on the other hand, was created from a mix of a snail and an octopus alien. Those octopus-like aliens had the characteristic of being easily satisfied. Velsil was an alien mutant I wanted created to give me some confidence in life and in bed, to make me look skillful. Well... it worked quite well. If only you knew how masculine I felt opening a jar that Velsil couldn't open.
And how did I produce them? I have a professor friend from Mars Colony University. I paid him a small sum, and in return, he created these two magnificent women for me. They cost a large part of my small fortune back then, but what else could a male individual do with his fortune?
Lucius was wearing a very stylish shirt that fit him perfectly. As an officer, his white shirt fit his body almost flawlessly. His short, buzzed hair was always combed back. A haircut similar to those officers supposedly featured in old American films... He was an advanced cybernetic. His body had a lot of technological enhancements. He could become a walking death machine whenever he wanted. Of course, these enhancements were very expensive. He couldn't have gotten them without the title he held. Being a Galactic Ecosystem Inspector at the Galactic Environmental Protection & Resource Management Agency (GEPRMA) was not that easy. Perhaps in the institution with the most hierarchy, this man was the rank right after the director, the Space Nature Judge. He was the right-hand man of Helmar Voss, the head of the GRP (Galactic Resource Protection) unit, which is the short name for the GEPRMA. But supposedly...
Why supposedly? Yes, he held an inspector rank, and Helmar Voss valued him enough to be his right-hand man. But Helmar Voss had not made a public declaration to the other inspectors that Lucius Varden was his right-hand man. Lucius Varden was eagerly awaiting the day this would happen.
"Ah..." I sighed deeply. "...if you've vented your anger nicely, that's great. You yelled and shouted as usual. But you didn't call just to yell and shout, did you?"
"Would there be a problem if I did?" he asked in a sharp tone.
"No, darling... Why would there be a problem?"
Lucius lit his electronic cigar. As the hologram moved back a little, we could see his desk more clearly. There was a gigantic holographic paper on his desk. He was scrolling through the pages with his finger. "First, I want you to kill those aliens. No, I don't want any excuses. They have to go! It's quite frustrating that you've committed such stupidity. But I don't know if you'll believe me, the reason I'm calling you is even more frustrating..."
I definitely wasn't going to kill my alien friends. "I'm listening..."
"Let's take a look together..." he said, taking another puff from his electronic cigar. "...let's review the reports for planet s-MP023. Let's compare the expected data with the data we received over the last two months. Iron ore is 40% less than expected, aluminum is 30% less than expected, gold is 80% less. 80%? You might as well not have extracted any gold... I won't mention all the other ores one by one, but I want to give you the average number. I want you to hear the average. On average, you are 60% below what was planned." He glanced at me. "Weisshafen, I hope you know what this means?"
"Was there a problem with the planning, Lucius?"
He slammed his fist on the table and stood up. Pointing at me with his finger: "Do you think you're funny, Aldo? Do you think all this is a joke?" He took a deep breath, put his hand on his waist, and took another drag from his electronic cigar. "You are an official resource collector, Aldo... Do you know that when I calculate the data of the other resource collectors working under me, I chew out those who are not over 200% of the expected amount? You... You are below the expected amount!"
"I apologize... I will work harder."
"You will work harder? You said that before, Aldo! And before that... And before that... You don't need to work harder at the damned resource base! Just working is enough..."
"If I had an auxiliary AI..."
"Aldo, if we could put a Excavation AI on that planet, we wouldn't need you or any resource collector. There's a reason why the name of the Galactic Environmental Protection & Resource Management Agency (GEPRMA) includes Environmental Protection, Aldo. The forests of that planet feed many living creatures... and the planet's nature is too harsh to set up a large base. Also, the planet you're on is outside the Republic Network, far away in the galaxy... Setting up an advanced technological base there is quite difficult and costly."
"But..."
"No buts, Aldoux Weisshafen!" he shouted. "We gave you everything you needed. First, you said my machines were old. We replaced your machines. You said my robots are useless. We gave you advanced worker robots. The artificial intelligence of those damned robots is so well-processed that they are capable of handling all kinds of physical labor easily. All you have to do is give them orders, but you..." He brought his hand to his forehead and rubbed his brow. "...I have a piece of data, Aldo, and I don't know how to say it." He sighed deeply. "According to some rumors, some of your worker robots have started a strike."
As soon as I heard this, I let out an extremely insincere laugh. "Who spreads such rumors..." My laughter continued. I wiped the tears from my eyes. "Worker robots on strike? I read a joke about that, and it came to mind. I apologize if my laughter disturbed you."
"Yes... It's a very funny rumor because a situation where worker robots can go on strike is rarely seen. After all, their artificial intelligence is coded with care. They are programmed to execute the orders given. Yes, they have learning capabilities. It is even said that they can feel certain emotions just so they can empathize with their boss and help him, but... But because of a code inside them, they are not supposed to disobey their boss's words in any way. That is, if they consider the person they are talking to their boss..."
"Yes... I'm also aware of the software procedures," I said with great confidence.
"Is that so?"
"Absolutely..."
"So, the rumor that your robots started a strike because they didn't designate you as their boss is a lie?"
"Absolutely..."
"Fuck off!" Lucius said, slamming his fist on the table. "How can you lie so openly to my face! One of your damned robots called me one day... They said they were unhappy working without a boss and wanted to return to the main base."
"They called you?" I said, glancing at the robots at the computers. As I scrutinized the robots, each one was looking around as if unaware of anything.
"Yes... And they called through this channel, too..."
"Wow..." I said, wiping my sweaty forehead with a napkin I pulled from my jacket pocket. "...what a situation. A malfunctioning robot, what an unfortunate event." I turned and looked at the robots and said, "I will make sure that defective robot is scrapped..."
"Stop threatening the robots, you fool! Look... You might not have fully understood your profession despite the last two years, so I will explain it to you one more time. The GEPRMA establishes resource bases all over the galaxy. It usually does this with large AI bases, but those bases are both very costly, take a long time to build, and take up a lot of space. To establish such a base, it also needs to be connected to the Republic Network so we can ensure an automatic data flow.
The geography of the planet you are on does not allow for a base to be established, and it is also a few light-years away from the Republic Network. That's why, Aldoux, a big task falls to you. You are asked to oversee the collection of resources on this planet. You are asked to be a good boss.
Look, this is a really important job opportunity for you. There are a total of 110 resource collectors in the damned galaxy, and you are just one of them. Most of them are begging for a job. I know resource collectors who would kill each other for the job you have. You... You are lucky to be working under an inspector like me..."
"Here we go with the self-praise again..." I muttered under my breath.
"What are you saying?" Lucius asked. "Stop muttering and spill the beans..."
"You started with the self-praise again!"
"Of course I will praise myself! I've been working in this damned institution for over 70 years, Aldo! Do you know how difficult it is to be an inspector in a GRP unit?"
"Yes... I can imagine. You must have licked a lot of people's asses. Just like our father..."
"You can't compare me to our father! He's nothing more than a puppet!"
"Then what are you?"
"I am an inspector!"
"Ha... Now everything is so different, right?"
"Yes... That's the difference between working for an institution and working with an institution, Aldo! I work for this institution! I exist for this institution, and that's why the institution cannot lose me! I am one of the 10 GEPRMA Inspectors in the galaxy! I have dozens of resource collectors, thousands of officers, and millions of employees under me! If I weren't an inspector and hadn't gotten you this job, you would still be entertaining noble women for money!"
"Hey! Stop hitting below the belt!"
"I'm hitting below the belt, Aldo, because I'm fed up with you! In every meeting, while Director Voss pressures everyone about insufficient resources, there is a silence in the meeting whenever the data from your planet is brought up. Your data is quickly skipped because everyone knows that the damned Aldoux Weisshafen is my step-brother! Even the thundering Helmar Voss falls silent just to keep me from being embarrassed, just so I don't get more embarrassed. Do you know how hurtful that is? Why? Because him not yelling at me stings more than him yelling!"
"You've finally gone crazy! The institution has driven you mad!"
"Maybe I have!" Lucius retorted. "But I did it in 70 years! You look like you were born crazy! Look... Being a resource collector means being the backbone of the GRP unit. You are considered an inspector candidate. Act like it! I want a report showing you've turned a profit by the end of this month! When you bring me the numbers, I want you to give me the pleasure I couldn't experience living as a century-old cybernetic!"
"Of course, sir..." I said with a fake demeanor.
"Otherwise, I will have to fire you."
"Of course, sir..." I said with a definitive tone this time.
"Don't act like you're not afraid of being fired, Aldoux." He said, thinning his voice. "Stop these spoiled noble antics! Don't act like you want to return to your previous shitty life! Despite your last name being Weisshafen, you are no longer officially a noble! Your nobility certificate has been revoked!"
"No... I absolutely need this job. So, I will work as hard as I can and fix the numbers, sir."
"This is at least the twelfth time you've said that... At least stop using the exact same sentences." He sighed deeply and before pressing the button on the hologram camera: "Good luck, Weisshafen!" he said.
"Damn it!" I shouted and kicked one of the desks next to me. Before the computer screen on the desk could fall to the floor, one of the robots lunged and caught the screen. I kicked the robot holding the screen: "Let the damned screen fall!" I said, and the screen fell and shattered. The thought that each of those screens was worth a fortune crossed my mind as the screen fell, but who cared? "I guess you can't trust the robots at this damned facility?" I said, sweeping my finger around the room. "But don't worry, let the snitch robot know, whoever it is, that I will find it and scrap it nicely! Did you hear? No one can be a snitch here, under my command!"