It took us another half an hour before we finally stopped.
Surprisingly enough, the place we ended up stopping was right by the lake in the city center. Yep, Isolde had run back, and now we were back at the Bridge of Trust from earlier. It was the dead of night now, with hardly anyone around. The magic lights on the bridge were also turned off. The romantic scenery from earlier was now extremely cold and awkward to a terminal degree.
This little game of tag should have lasted a lot longer and gone much further, but it was forced to an end because the Millis Knights had to step in. Obviously, a man and a woman chasing each other in the middle of the night looks incredibly suspicious no matter how you spin it. Luckily, those knights recognized who we were and took off, not asking any further questions.
What I got in return was some heartfelt advice that Millishion isn't a lawless wasteland like the Demon Continent, and that I should live in accordance with their dogma. I didn't even get a chance to explain myself before they left, giving space to the 'couple having a lover's spat'.
Looks like I've caused yet another misunderstanding, again.
"Sigh..."
After an exhausting sigh, I walked back to the riverbank where Isolde was sitting. But before I could even plant my ass down, a freezing voice rang out.
"Over there."
"Yep yep, got it."
So I backed away five... no, make it ten paces from where Isolde was sitting, just to be safe. I sat down too. The ground was oddly cold and somewhat damp, but that was nothing compared to the bizarrely awkward atmosphere going on right now.
I should say something. Supposedly. I'm the one who needs to do the talking here anyway. I can't let Isolde—who is currently in an unstable state—take the lead.
But what the hell am I supposed to say?
I have experience dodging women, ever since my past life. You could say it's a skill I've mastered to absolute perfection just to keep myself safe from my own screw-ups. Only with those who make me feel safe do I dare to get somewhat intimately close.
Right now, the person I'm closest to across both my lifetimes can only be Isolde. And my defenses are completely down. That 'I love you' attack was a critical hit, highly effective, massive damage. Even though I might look calm and collected on the outside, I'm actually shaking in my boots here.
What the hell am I so afraid of?
Truth be told, I have no idea either. Maybe I'm scared that I'm just not good enough to receive affection from someone as amazing as Isolde. She's also the one who made me believe in my own swordsmanship so I could become as strong as I am today. If I had to list all the wonderful things I admire about that girl, I could probably beat Rudeus when he rambles on and on about Roxy.
I wonder what she even sees in me?
It seems like I fall short in absolutely everything. Even in the things I'm most confident in, like swordsmanship, magic tools, magic circle research, or even cooking, I'm still miles away from the perfection Isolde always strives for. And I don't even *want* to be perfect, that's the real issue. Everything I do is just at a "good enough" level, and I've never genuinely thought about aiming for the number one spot.
So, even though she's been right by my side for years, somehow, Isolde still mistakenly thinks I'm some great guy who meets the criteria of a picky genius. When she realizes I'm still full of flaws, she's going to be horribly disappointed.
Or, perhaps I'm terrified of something even more concerning. The fact that I might break her heart.
I've been noticed and chased by plenty of girls before (in this life only, obviously), and eventually, I just treated it as the norm. I never had any issue rejecting them either. To me, most of them were just strangers anyway. And most importantly, the affection they had for me was usually just a fleeting whim. People call it love at first sight; I call it momentary admiration upon seeing someone a bit too "special" suddenly appear.
It's normal, much like how idols grab attention on Earth. I used to be a fan of a few myself, like Kanna Hashimoto, especially in 'Sailor Suit and Machine Gun: Graduation'. Did I ever mention I have a thing for long black-haired schoolgirls in sailor uniforms? Exactly, watching that movie was my ideological awakening.
As for Isolde's case, according to my 'reading', the feelings she has for me don't seem temporary. It's something that has been repressed for a very long time. I don't know since when, but it must have been agonizing for her to bottle it up for so long. Especially when people in this world don't exactly make a habit of hiding their feelings.
What does that mean? It means she's dead serious. Meanwhile, I have absolutely no idea how to react. Isn't that just awful?
Well, I have to say *something* at least.
"About earlier..." I finally managed to speak up, my voice still trembling a bit. "Were you serious?"
What kind of stupid question is that? Obviously it was real, what level is your 'reading' at if you still can't tell fact from fiction? Gaaaaaaaaah!!!
While I was internally panicking, Isolde, sitting quite a distance away, didn't react at all. Not even a single twitch. Those indescribably beautiful blue eyes sparkled under the moonlight, more than enough to drown anyone who stared too long.
Suddenly, that beautiful gaze darted straight toward the guy who just asked that idiotic question—me. It made me instinctively look away, as if I had just been caught peeping.
Yep, I need a hole to bury myself out of this stupidity.
"..." Isolde stared intently at me. She paused like that for a moment before letting out a heavy sigh. "Did you think I would joke about something like that?"
"No I don't. Sorry for asking that question." I sincerely apologized.
"You should be." The Water King rested her chin on one hand, looking away. She held that pose for just a split second before continuing. "If you don't have any more questions, mind if I ask one?"
"Yes, please do."
"Why did you chase after me?"
*That's* the question? I figured Isolde would ask what I thought about her. But truly, this question isn't as simple as it sounds, not at all. Because I honestly don't know the answer.
"I don't know. When I saw you like that, all I thought was that I shouldn't leave you alone." I clasped my hands together, telling the truth. "I was worried about you."
Only now did it dawn on me that maybe I shouldn't have chased after her at all? Since Isolde was confused and embarrassed, it would have been best to give someone in that state some peace, quiet, and personal space. Yet here I was, chasing her for a whole half an hour, like some stalking pervert. Oh no, in this context, it's actually way worse than that.
But what's done is done.
"Do you know how awful it is to say things like that to a heartbroken girl?" Isolde rolled her eyes.
"Huh? How can caring about someone be wrong?"
"Because it's coming from you."
"Fair," I admitted.
Yeah, okay. Maybe I don't look like a perverted stalker, but rather a bastard of a playboy who doesn't want to reciprocate feelings but also doesn't want to let the person move on. How scummy is that?
But it's only scummy if I actually have no feelings and just want to play with people's hearts. Or, if I'm treating the other person as a spare tire. I'm not like that. Not in the slightest. I've never thought that way about anyone, ever. I know I'm no saint and still have plenty of flaws, but I am absolutely not someone who would play with another person's feelings.
Me saying I cared was the truth, from the bottom of my heart.
As for me, I had no clue what else to say to her. A 'thank you'? That'd be weird. A casual greeting like nothing happened? As if I have skin thick enough to pull that off. Or just spit out my actual thoughts about her? Hmm...
And maybe... the real reason I chased her was because I didn't want to lose her.
Wait, hold on, I know I've sounded like a total playboy scumbag this whole time (again), but reserve your judgment. It's really hard not to develop some sort of feelings for someone you've spent years living side-by-side with like this. We've been through so much together. From defeating the Immortal Demon King, to the fake wedding, sharing a room for a long time, training together, and catching each other in awkward situations.
Not to mention the fact that, even though she had just turned 15, she was immediately willing to cross half the world just to bring me back. 15 years old is just barely graduating middle school! Even if this world considers that adulthood, I still saw her as just a kid back then. I could pretend to write it off as friendship, but honestly, I was deeply moved when I found out.
It's hard to admit, but I really do have feelings for Isolde. Yeah, I think I've fallen for her. Might have even reached the level of love by now.
I didn't show that out because I don't want anyone to judge, especially Isolde. I thought it would be best to hide my feelings for a while now. Wait, saying it's 'a while' is an understatement. Maybe I started to love her from when I finished making that armor. So it's been more than a year now.
Despite my best efforts to restrain myself, I've had more than a few wet dreams about the girl sitting right next to me. Like last night, for example and I'm not exactly proud of it, okay? Long story short, I was beyond thrilled when she confessed her love. After Isolde ran off, I still thought I was dreaming and literally slapped myself in the face to check.
But I still didn't know what to say to Isolde.
One wrong word, and everything goes straight to hell immediately. But staying dead silent would probably be even worse.
People usually say the golden window to seal the deal after a confession is about five to ten minutes. After that, it automatically becomes null and void. And that's not even counting the fact that Isolde straight-up rejected me right then and there, not even giving me a chance to say anything.
So I had no idea what kind of answer I'd get if I told her I liked her too and wanted to stay by her side.
Isolde might feel even worse if she became the reason I broke my oath. She might even think I'm only agreeing out of pity or something. Or worse, treat me like some scumbag. Most importantly, would I be despised? Would a look of contempt show up on the face I adore so much? Again? And this time, from Isolde?
What happened in the past was always a lesson for me to be more careful with women. But if it happens again… I don't think I could recover and my only choice is to build a cabin in the middle of a forest and become a hermit for the rest of my life, staying away from every woman.
If I had to choose between being loved by no one and being despised by Isolde, I'd rather be lonely for the rest of my life.
"So... what do you think of me?" While I was busy panicking, Isolde asked. She stared right at me, making it blatantly obvious she was using 'reading' to probe me.
"I love you too." I answered bluntly, then quickly clamped a hand over my mouth because I let that slip way too easily.
Contrary to my expectations, Isolde frowned instead of blushing or acting shy.
"Huh? Excuse me?"
Hey, don't glare at me as if I just said something blasphemous.
"I mean... I have feelings for you too." I said it again.
"Sigh... is it time to lie now?" Those words came with an exasperated sigh. "You know damn well that I know exactly when you're lying, right?"
"Why would I lie to you?" I pointed straight at my own face. "Use your 'reading' if you have to, look me dead in the eye and see for yourself!"
"If you felt the same, why didn't you say it before? Obviously, you're just saying that to make me feel better, aren't you?" Isolde turned her face away, adamantly refusing to look in my direction. "You're already a Water King, so you know how to bypass reading anyway. You can say whatever you want!"
I knew she'd say something like this. So damn stubborn. I have no idea why I fell for such a stubborn girl. Tch…
"It's true that I want you to feel better," I admitted. "But wouldn't it be even worse if I told you I loved you too, only for absolutely nothing to change?"
Isolde's eyes widened. She seemed to be trying to figure out what I was getting at before asking bluntly.
"What exactly are you trying to say?"
"That I want to be with you. Please be mine!"
I said it. Holy crap! For the first time in my life, over forty-something years, I managed to say that line so easily.
Well, no, I used to say similar things to Eris back in the day... But those were just the mistakes of an old soul trapped in a teenage boy's body.
Isolde didn't move. She kept her face turned away, freezing like that for a long time. For how long, you asked? I don't know either. My head is blank and my heart is pounding like drums in a rock concert.
I looked at Isolde, she was also staring at me. When our eyes met, she immediately looked away, and gosh why did I do the same? Are we in some kind of highschool romcom manga or something?
"So… um…" I spoke up, a little bit shy. "What do you think?"
Isolde flushed, yep, her face dead red instantly. I think I can see the steam coming out of her head like an overheated machine. She opened her mouth, but no voice came out until a whole minute later.
"I… I'm very happy."
Gah! What is this cuteness!? My heart can't stand this! Dear Gods and Millis in heaven, thank you for this moment! Now I can die peacefully! Ah no! I must live! I will live forever with this girl and build a happy family with her!
Isolde! I'm coming to you! Lemme kiss and hug you to my heart's content.
"Don't move closer, stay there."
"Ah okay."
That's what she said when I just intended to move my ass. Maybe she's a little bit shy? Ye must be. I think she only wants to show her love in private, not in public like we currently are right now. Hehe if so then maybe we can continue in my room huh?
"So then we-"
Just as I was about to speak again in cheer, Isolde put a damper on my excitement.
"But I've told you, I can't be with you."
"Huh? Wait, what? Why not?" I protest. "You still don't believe that I love you? I can jump into the river right now to swim to the other bank if you want me to prove it!"
"Why would I want you to do that!?"
"Then tell me what you want me to do, I will do it!" I declared. "We can go to the church and do the wedding right now if you want!"
"Okay okay! Stop it! I've told you that I believe you!" Isolde replied immediately, her voice raised a bit higher than usual. "But we can't be anything more than we already are…"
"What? Why!?" I actually can't understand.
Isolde paused again. She covered her face with both of her hands and let out a tired sigh. She peeked at my face then looked away right after that.
Suddenly, her posture became calm and composed as always.
"I still have my duties." Isolde's voice was cold, but I could detect a slight tremble in it. "And I don't want to…"
"You don't want to… what?"
"I don't want to be yours."
What?
"If you don't want to then why…"
"Because I was stupid, that's why." She cut my words.
I was confused, Isolde then continued.
"Can't you see how bad things could be if we actually were together? What happens if people say the future Water God ruined someone else's marriage? And a major noble family's at that? Don't you think this is wrong?" Her posture shows a bit of anger, a rare sign but I don't mind seeing it. "And what about the Boreas girl? I know you still care about her, don't you? Don't even try to deny it."
"..." I was speechless.
So that's the reason huh?
I let out a tired sigh then shook my head. "You're right. I didn't think that much."
She was right. We couldn't just casually declare our love for each other. Now I can understand how much trouble Isolde has to suffer just because she's in love with me.
The Water God Style heavily values honor and reputation. That's their code and it makes them reliable. Master Reida might like the idea of me and Isolde becoming a couple, but other people in power certainly wouldn't be pleased. If our affair offended the Boreas family, they could definitely make things difficult for us. My relationship with the Notos family is already garbage, so if we faced pressure from both Great Houses, Isolde's dream of succeeding her Master would vanish into thin air.
And what about me? Should I just say that I don't really think much about my old oath anymore? I know it sounds terrible, but it's the truth. Years have passed, I've changed, and Eris probably has too. She might have even found someone else by now. Me choosing a different path might actually be better for the both of us. I don't mind taking the bad rap, as long as both sides get to live the lives we always wanted.
Besides, Isolde was right about me still caring for Eris. Of course I still want Eris to be happy and have the best things in life. Because I still have feelings for that girl.
However, the feelings I have for Eris are completely different from those I have for Isolde. To me, that Boreas girl is like a little sister or even... maybe a precious student. If I had to compare it, it's like the love between family members. Maybe if the Teleportation Incident had never happened, those feelings might have blossomed into something more serious. Maybe I'd be married and madly in love with Eris right now.
It's a shame that never happened. We were separated and have been apart for four years now. It doesn't sound too long but isn't it like a third of her life already?
I want to stay loyal. But… but if someone asked who was more important to me right now, the answer would be Isolde. I am sorry about that, but I don't want to lie to myself.
But…
There's still a chance Eris is waiting for me to return. I'm not sure, but the possibility exists, doesn't it? Just that alone would be enough to destroy my relationship with the Boreas—the only people I ever considered family.
And I don't want that either. No matter what, Philip, Hilda, and even Lord Sauros were the ones who gave me the family life I'd always longed for. It would be devastating if they ended up looking at me with hostility too.
And especially Eris—I cherish her. Making that girl suffer or hurting her is the very last thing I'd ever want to do.
Weren't they the very reason I kept myself alive while trapped in that labyrinth? Yet now, can I really just let that go?
Clearly, there's no way this ends well.
"I'm sorry." Just as I was about to lose my mind, an apology rang out. It was from Isolde. Unlike her earlier frustration, her voice was now gloomy.
I turned to look at her; she was now staring straight ahead, toward one of Millishion's magic towers. The moon had reached its peak, it shined on us though the clouds like we are some characters on the stage.
"For what?" I asked.
"For telling you what I thought," she replied, her eyes still fixed on the calm lake surface. "I shouldn't have said anything. So now we wouldn't be stuck in this situation. Look how everything's completely ruined now."
"Calm down, nothing's ruined yet," I tried to reassure her.
"Yes it is, our relationship is now officially dead." She buried her face in her hands, hiding her exhausted eyes. "If I hadn't said anything, everything would probably still be the same. Why did I let this fleeting feeling ruin everything? We would have just headed back to Asura. You could have cooked whatever you wanted and I would have eaten it all. Then we would have made it back to the capital. And then..."
Isolde suddenly stopped. Her mouth was still open, clearly knowing exactly what she was about to say but unable to vocalize it. I knew what she was going to say. I would get married, and we would go our separate ways. No different than what was about to happen right here. In other words, we were just delaying the inevitable.
I could understand that feeling. Who doesn't like good things to last? That's exactly why I kept my thoughts to myself that one time, so that when they were exposed, everything just fell apart anyway.
That's why a lot of people would rather just keep their mouths shut forever.
This really isn't going to have a happy ending, is it?
"Maybe the best way is for me to take a different route tomorrow," Isolde said. "I'll leave a few days after you, maybe by horse from the guild. That's the most logical way. I will focus on my training as a knight and become a Water Emperor. And you can do whatever you think is needed for you."
"And what will happen after that?" I asked. "The next time we meet? And after I can sort out my 'problems'?"
Well… to say my marriage is a problem is kind of hurt but sometimes I am not very good at words. What kind of poet am I?
"We'll just pretend today never happened. Maybe then we can be friends again… Maybe."
"What if I'm still in love with you?"
Isolde took a while to think. She's not in panic anymore, I can see her thoughts are now full of calculation and logical calculation. Just as she always is.
"Then I will do what I really want to do today."
"Which is?"
"Don't make me say it…"
And I somehow made her flushed again. Maybe she wants to hold hands, hugs or even a kiss. Yep, that's very romantic. To be honest, I want to do that with her as well. I want to hold her onto my arms and kiss her deeply and even more.
"So… it would be a long seperate huh?" I asked. "Are you sure you don't want to see me all these years?"
"I would be sad but I will manage. I think I will finish my training in around 2 years and finish my second secret art. If you think about it, that's not a long time, just about the time we were at Necross Fortress."
"True."
"And you should focus on your training as well." She pouted, kinda cute. "I don't want you to get lazy and hit on another girl instead."
"Of course I will train."
And that's the plan.
I would continue my journey, and so would Isolde. If we ever met again and still had feelings for each other—especially if I had already sorted out my issues with the Boreas family—that would be the best-case scenario. Isolde will be a Water Emperor and maybe I am too. With our standing in the Water God Style is solid enough, no one would say anything or cause any scandal.
It's complicated but very important for our future. Life is not Romeo and Juliet… ah no, it is exactly like that, one wrong step and maybe we are both in big trouble. Love can be very foolish if we are not putting everything else like the future onto the scale.
We are going on a very careful path, a calculated move which will make our life better in the long run. As expected from Isolde, she clearly can think of everything.
So maybe one or two years down the road, we can freely express our love huh? Indeed. That probably was the most logical way.
In the end, we will be together. So just a year or two not seeing each other isn't a very big deal. Many couples I know in my past life had to go through a distant relationship somewhere in their time. And they still can be together in the end, with a happy ending.
There's no flaw in that plan as always. Flawless, perfect, Isolde style.
But perhaps it was precisely because of that that I suddenly realized something.
"I don't want that." I stood up straight.
"Huh?" Isolde glanced at me. She was probably caught off guard by my sudden shift in demeanor. "Is there anything wrong in my plan?"
"No. It's very solid and very logical." I started walking toward the girl standing ten paces away from me. "But I don't want that."
Isolde subtly shifted away from me but quickly regained her composure. "I know you are very impatient but don't you know-."
"I know." I replied right before Isolde could finish her sentence. "I know if I don't follow your plan, I will be in big trouble. I know I may have gained enemies from the family I always cherish."
I don't want to hurt the Boreas, absolutely not. But in the end, by the time I accepted Isolde's plan, didn't I already betray them? What I did is just hide the fact that I want to be with someone else until the time is right. It doesn't change anything. In fact, it only makes me look like a better man outside who doesn't betray his fiancee but I already did.
"But that means absolutely nothing." I took another step. "What has a meaning to me right now is I want to be with the girl I care about."
Isolde looked visibly rattled now; she instinctively backed away a significant distance. "What are you talking about?"
I said nothing. I just kept walking, decisively. Only when I was standing right beside her did I stop.
Isolde deliberately claimed she didn't want to be with me because I was already engaged. She was a woman of principles and morals, someone who always put her honor above all else. So normally, if she loved me, she would take that secret to her grave rather than ever saying it out loud.
The fact that I heard what she said earlier proved that she had put her feelings above her own rules. Even if just for a split second, before she slipped back behind her cold mask.
What did that mean?
"I'm saying you love me, madly. You don't want to bet on an uncertain future, right? You want it right now." I said resolutely. "And I feel the exact same way about you."
I want to live a life without regrets. It's always been like that for years now. But until now, I did feel regretful, a lot, because of my mistakes.
I regret that I didn't be with Mia when she's deeply depressed.
I regret that I can't save the Diggers.
I regret that my decision to stay in the labyrinth took away Ken's life.
All those years and I finally understand why I am so bad at making critical decisions. It's always about not staying close enough to someone I deeply care about.
Maybe in the end, Ken will die. He's old anyway. Maybe one or two decades later, he will die peacefully on his bed. Mia and even the Boreas will be away from my life at a certain point as well.
But the thing is, I'm feeling regret because when I can take my time to rethink. I found out it's always because of something called 'time'. I didn't spend enough time with them. So I feel regret because of how much time we have wasted just because we can't be together anymore.
I don't want to feel the same about Isolde in the future. No, absolutely not. I don't want any half ass solution. Not this time.
So I took a deep breath and continued my steps. Without a second to think, I hugged her tightly onto my arms.
"That's why I can't just let you disappear from my life." And I won't. Even if the Man-God says otherwise, I will not let her go. "Not even a day!"
I fell in love with another woman, that's the fact.
If being honest with my own feelings is a sin, then I am more than ready to accept the verdict. But I won't put both my hands in the air and surrender.
I will fight for what I want, to my last breath.
"So please be mine, Isolde."
Isolde frozen. She's in shock, I know she is.
But it didn't take too long before she relaxed herself and wrapped her arms around my necks.
"This is a mistake…" Her voice trembled.
"Probably." I replied calmly. "But does it matter?"
"But… what if I can't give you status and fortune?"
"Do I look like I care about that?"
Her scent is so relaxed. I took a deep breath at her neck.
"Pervert…" Her voice sounds so light.
"I know. Will you accept me?"
"...I will."
Then we kissed, deeply under the moon.
In the end, there was no plan or logic. We both decide to go with our feelings instead. Just like two normal humans, without any vow or duty.
Some may say this is a mistake. I know it is. I betrayed my own vow and the family I cherish.
I won't regret it. I won't, no matter what.
…