I want to step back, but I force myself to stay where I am. I put my hands on his chest and push him away before he can kiss me.
Part of me wants to give in.
Part of me wants to shove him back just so I can prove something to myself.
And another part is scared that I am about to regret the best night I ever had on that cruise.
Robb's eyes fly open, and he grabs my wrists a little too tightly. The touch sends a memory through me, the way he once held my arms above my head, his grip firm, maybe even firmer than this, pinning me down with one hand while the other moved over my body.
He leans in, close enough that his breath warms the side of my face. His lips are right by my ear when he murmurs, "Are you avoiding kissing me here because you know we will not stop, and we will end up having sex right out in the open for everyone to see?"
God. He knows exactly how to get a reaction out of me.
But it sounds too smooth, too practiced, and I cling to that thought as I pull my wrists out of his hold and step back.
I stare up at him, unable to speak, because he might be right. From the moment we first touched on that cruise, we never could stop. If the timing had been a little different…
And the idea of having sex outside, with people watching, of being the center of attention…
Maybe he is right about me. I am not dressed like someone looking for attention, but I know guys look anyway. I do not dress for them. My clothes are comfortable, but I know they notice. I never stop them from noticing.
"I am leaving," I say.
"You have said that before." He folds his arms across his chest, and I stare at the muscles there. It is completely unfair. He sees where I am looking and starts laughing, and I hate how exposed he makes me feel.
"You stopped me other times," I mutter.
He does not answer, but his stare pins me to the spot. The heat of it holds me too long, and I blurt, "Have a nice life."
"That is the best you can do?" he asks. "Come on, Kate. You can tell me anything, even your wildest fantasies."
I shake my head quickly. His voice alone is enough to push my mind toward thoughts I should not be having, thoughts of him and me tangled together with no space between us.
"Kate. There you are."
I whip around and step farther away from Robb, grateful for the distraction. Ruby Bracken hurries toward me and loops her arm through mine.
"Come on," she says as if Robb does not exist, and I let her guide me away.
Do not look back. No matter what happens, do not look back.
I want to. My body wants to. But I do not let myself.
"You looked like you needed to be rescued," Ruby says. "I never thought Robb Blackwood would be hanging all over a freshman on the first day."
"Robb Blackwood," I repeat quietly, finally knowing his last name.
"Yeah, he is kind of a legend around here."
I look at Ruby, trying to read her expression. I cannot tell what she really thinks about Robb, and I am not sure I want to know. She suddenly stiffens, which makes it even harder to guess.
"A legend, right?" I ask.
"Oh, yes."
"A legend because of how many girls he has been with?"
"Among other things."
I frown. "So he likes guys too?"
"No." Ruby laughs softly and shakes her head. "No, he is only into girls. He is just not the type of guy to do anything quietly. He has all the professors wrapped around his finger, and he gets away with everything."
"In the real world, that will not work for him," I mutter. "He is in for a shock after he graduates in…"
"He is a junior, same as me," Ruby says, "but even his freshman year, he acted like he was some kind of campus legend."
I cannot help it. I look over my shoulder. Robb is gone from where he stood before. He is already walking toward the parking lot, heading to three guys leaning against motorcycles.
"Is that the guy from earlier?" I ask.
"Hmm?" Ruby glances over. "Yes, that is Ace. You like him, right? He is more pretty than hot, isn't he?"
I wince. As strange as it felt to be called hot earlier, Robb was right. Girls say hot about guys all the time.
"Who are the other two?" I ask, trying to cover my embarrassment.
"The one with the medium-length black hair and the middle part is Gabe Pendleton. His green eyes are incredible. I have never seen eyes like that on anyone. At first, I thought they were fake or colored contacts. I asked him about it, and he did not like that at all. I get it now. It was rude, but I honestly did not mean anything bad."
Gabe is slim compared to the others, but still far more toned than most boys I knew in high school.
"Does he run?" I ask.
"Oh, yes. He is huge in track and cross country. He is fast in sprints and long distance. No matter what he enters, he wins."
"I bet he has the ego to match that speed."
"If you are that good…" Ruby gives a little shrug. "Can you blame him? He is charming though. Well, charming to everyone but me, although that is my fault."
"You only asked him a question," I say.
"You do not understand," she murmurs. "Those four guys…"
She nods toward them just as Robb joins the group.
"They run the campus, right?" I ask.
"Yes." Ruby bites her lip. "Zac Stryker is the last one."
His hair is a deep auburn, and even from here I can see that his arms are almost as impressive as Robb's. He folds them easily while leaning against a bike, looking like he was born in that pose. Honestly, all four of them could model.
"Anything I should know about Zac?" I ask.
"I do not know Zac very well," Ruby says, but her tone sounds odd.
I give her a look. "Is that so?"
Ruby laughs. "I think he is the hottest of all of them."
"So go talk to him," I say. "If you think he is hot, why not try? Are they all juniors? Have you had classes with him?"
"No. We have different majors, and even though I try to talk to everyone, I just cannot talk to Zac."
"Why not?"
"I am not sure. I just feel like I would not get anywhere with him."
"He does not do close relationships?" I ask.
"Not with anyone outside that group."
"But with looks like that…"
"A lot of us admire Zac," Ruby says. "But none of us really stand a chance. Has he hooked up with people? Sure. All of them have. What girl would turn them down?"
Me.
But only because we already slept together.
"From what people say, that is all Zac does. Just sex. And I already have my own casual hookups, so I do not need him. I only enjoy looking at him. That is it."
I laugh. "There is nothing wrong…"
There is nothing wrong with looking. That is the same thing Robb once told me. Great. Maybe I truly read into everything too much.
I probably did. I am such a mess right now. It is embarrassing.
"Do not let Robb get to you," I mutter under my breath.
"What was that?" Ruby asks.
"Nothing," I say quickly.
She giggles. "Do not worry. I talk to myself too. Anyone who says they do not is lying to themselves."
Robb is the first one to climb onto his motorcycle. The others follow, but Robb is already pulling out of the lot, leaving them behind.
He thinks he is some kind of tough guy, but I know more about him than most girls ever will. I know what he likes. I know what sets him on fire.
I know far more than I should. And honestly, more than I wish I did.
Robb Blackwood. Why does he have to be here? If this were not so frustrating, maybe I would not feel so anxious. But right now, I truly do not know if I want us to run into each other again.
I came to college to build a future for myself. I do not want to spend my time worrying about my past.
All I want is a chance to shape my own life. To make my own choices. To make my own mistakes. To get up again and try again.
Life will not always be simple, but I will do whatever I need to do to climb out of the darkness that followed me after learning that the Thunder Crows were really a mafia group.
No matter what happens, I will rise above all of it.
And one mistake I refuse to repeat is Robb Blackwood.
Even though I refuse to call our night on the cruise a mistake, I know I can't be with him again. That would be a disaster waiting to happen. He's the kind of guy who expects every woman to fall at his feet. I won't. I can't let him touch me again.
"What's on your mind?" Ruby asks.
"No more eye candy to look at, so we might as well talk about something else," I reply, laughing genuinely this time.
"I just want today to feel like the start of the rest of my life," I add.
"That's the spirit! No one should be able to bring you down."
"Who said I'm down?" I challenge.
"I know we just met," Ruby says slowly, "but I'm not an idiot. Robb said something that rubbed you the wrong way, didn't he?"
"Oh, no. He's fine. Whatever—water under the bridge. I'm good."
"And your class earlier?"
"I actually had two already."
"Oh wow! Look at you, girl—a real morning person, huh?"
"Or maybe I just wanted to get my classes out of the way so my afternoons are free for homework and my nights for freedom."
"No homework yet, right? Usually it starts after the second class, but it depends on the professors and the major. What's your major, by the way?"
"Business."
"Nice. I'm accounting. Not the most exciting, but my mom's an accountant, and I might work with her."
"And your dad?"
"He still wants me to work with him. I might look into it—see the benefits, the salary, all that. Best to keep an open mind, right?"
"Absolutely," I tell her.
"And not just with guys, huh?" Ruby laughs, bumping her shoulder into mine. "Chin up, Kate! Everything will work out. And if Robb gives you a hard time… just kick him where it counts."
"Yeah, that'll go over well," I mutter.
"Maybe the legend needs a reality check," she teases. "You looked upset. I had to come over. Or… were you two having a moment?"
"No! Nothing like that!" I protest.
"Hmm. If I didn't know better, I'd say the lady protests too much."
"Me? Nope. Not at all. I know what I want—focus on school. Seriously."
"Just don't forget to have fun, okay? Promise me."
"Did you forget my schedule already? Morning classes, nights free."
"Smart girl. And maybe it's best to stay clear of Robb and the other Grim Reapers—"
"Wait, what? Grim Reapers?"
"Those four guys. They're the only ones on campus who are in a motorcycle club."