If Konoha was a village built on the concept of "Will of Fire," Shukuba Town was built on the concept of "Will of Poor Impulse Control."
We walked under the archway marking the entrance to the main strip. The sign above read Fun Fun Avenue in neon-bright kanji that flickered with a buzzing, dying-fly sound.
The air smelled like stale sake, cheap perfume, and yakitori smoke. It was loud. Not the frantic loud of a battlefield or the disciplined loud of a training ground, but the chaotic, sloppy loud of people trying very hard to forget their problems.
"This place is disgusting," I noted, adjusting my glasses.
My sensory range was picking up a cocktail of emotions that made my stomach turn. Lust. Greed. Desperation. It felt sticky, like walking through a spiderweb made of bad decisions.
"It's colorful!" Naruto argued, his head swiveling back and forth like an owl. "Look at all the lights! And the food stalls!"
"It's a vice pit," Anko corrected, looking right at home. She had her hands behind her head, a senbon rolling between her teeth, grinning at a bouncer who looked like he wanted to stop us but was terrified of her mesh shirt. "The perfect place for a legendary Sannin to hide."
Jiraiya walked ahead of us, chest puffed out. He fit in here disturbingly well.
"Tsunade has expensive tastes," Jiraiya explained, stepping over a drunk man sleeping in the gutter. "She likes the high-stakes tables. We start at the pachinko parlors and work our way up to the VIP rooms."
"Do we have to?" I asked. "Can't we just... yell her name?"
"Subtlety, Pinkie," Anko said, flicking my forehead. "We're technically AWOL with a Jinchūriki. Let's not announce ourselves to the Bingo Book."
We entered the first gambling hall.
It was a cavern of noise. Slot machines chimed, bells rang, and a thick haze of tobacco smoke hung in the air.
Jiraiya beelined for the exchange counter to harass the attendant for information. Anko leaned against a pillar, watching the crowd with predator eyes, daring anyone to try and pick her pocket.
Naruto and I were left standing near a row of slot machines that looked like they were designed to induce seizures.
"I'm bored," Naruto announced after thirty seconds.
"Don't touch anything," I warned. "These machines are rigged. It's a mathematical certainty that the house always wins."
"You worry too much," Naruto said.
He looked down.
"Hey! Money!"
He bent down and scooped something off the sticky carpet. It was a single, silver ryo coin. Probably dropped by someone who had lost everything else.
Naruto held it up to the light.
"Lucky!" he crowed.
He turned to the machine next to him. It was a gaudy thing painted with frogs and lotus flowers.
"Naruto, don't," I sighed. "You're just throwing it away."
"It was free money anyway!"
He dropped the coin into the slot. Clink.
He grabbed the handle. "Go! Spin-spin-spin!"
He yanked the lever.
The reels spun. Whirring, blurring colors.
Click. Click. Click.
The first reel stopped. A frog.
The second reel stopped. A frog.
The third reel stopped.
A snake? No. A frog.
DING DING DING DING DING!
The machine exploded with light. A siren wailed. The tray at the bottom clattered as a literal waterfall of silver coins poured out, overflowing onto the floor around Naruto's feet.
"WHOA!" Naruto yelled, jumping back. "It broke! I broke it!"
"Jackpot!" the machine announced in a tinny, synthesized voice. "Super Frog Bonus!"
I stared at the pile of money. It was enough to buy ramen for a month. Maybe two.
"Statistical anomaly," I muttered, eye twitching.
"I won!" Naruto cheered, dropping to his knees to scoop up the loot. "See, Sylvie? I have great luck! The best luck!"
I looked at him. The boy who carried a demon, whose parents were dead, who was currently being hunted by a secret organization of S-rank murderers.
"Yeah," I said softly. "You sure do."
Jiraiya returned, looking annoyed.
"No sign of her here," he grumbled. Then he saw the pile of money. "Oho! Kid! You're buying dinner!"
"No way!" Naruto shouted, hugging his shirt full of coins. "This is for my ninja savings!"
"Stingy," Jiraiya scoffed. "Come on. Next parlor."
We checked three more halls. No Tsunade. Just more smoke, more noise, and more of Naruto accidentally winning small prizes while just trying to lean on things.
By the time we reached the end of Fun Fun Avenue, it was dark. The neon lights were the only stars we could see.
We stopped in front of a hotel.
It wasn't a luxury resort. It was a functional, blocky building that advertised Hourly Rates Available and Soundproof Walls.
"Classy," I observed.
"It has beds," Jiraiya said. "And it's not a crater. Be grateful."
We trooped into the lobby. The clerk was a bored-looking man reading a comic book. He didn't even look up when Jiraiya slapped a wad of bills on the counter.
"Three rooms," Jiraiya said. "For the night."
The clerk grabbed three keys from the board and tossed them onto the counter.
Jiraiya picked them up. He turned to us, fanning the keys out like a hand of cards.
"Okay," Jiraiya said. "Room assignments. I, naturally, require solitude for my... literary pursuits. So one room is mine."
He pocketed a key.
"That leaves two."
He held them out.
Anko moved faster than a striking snake. Her hand blurred, snatching both keys from Jiraiya's grip before he could blink.
"Yoink," she said.
"Hey!" Jiraiya protested. "I was going to delegate!"
"I'm delegating," Anko said. She pocketed one key in her vest. She tossed the other one to me.
I caught it. Room 204.
"Anko-sensei?" I asked.
"I take a room," Anko said, pointing to herself. "Because I'm an adult, I'm the security detail, and I snore. You and the brat take the other one."
She pointed at Naruto.
"What?!" Naruto and I yelled in unison.
"But—" Naruto started. "She's a girl!"
"And you're a loudmouth," Anko said. "It balances out."
She leaned in, her grin sharp and dangerous.
"Besides," she whispered loudly, "I don't trust the Pervy Sage to chaperone. He'd probably try to charge you rent."
"I am a man of honor!" Jiraiya declared, looking offended.
"You're a man who writes porn in a distinct orange book," Anko countered. She turned to us. "Go to your room. Lock the door. Don't open it for anyone unless they know the code word."
"What's the code word?" Naruto asked.
"Dango," Anko said. "Now scram. And don't learn any bad habits from the old man."
She spun on her heel and marched up the stairs, swinging her key on her finger.
I looked at the key in my hand. Then at Naruto.
"I get the bed by the window," I said.
"Fine," Naruto grumbled. "But I keep my money under my pillow."
Jiraiya adjusted his pack. He checked his reflection in a lobby mirror, smoothing back his white mane and flashing a grin at his own reflection.
"Right," he said. "The brats are settled. The witch is gone. Time for... information gathering."
He turned toward the door.
"Where are you going?" Naruto asked, blinking. "It's late!"
Jiraiya paused. He turned back, giving us a dramatic thumbs-up and a wink that was probably supposed to be charming but just looked lecherous.
"To find the truth, Naruto!" he proclaimed. "The truth hides in the bottom of a sake cup! Don't wait up!"
He spun around and walked out the door, humming a tune.
Naruto stared after him.
"Where is he really going?" Naruto asked me.
I looked at the neon lights of Fun Fun Avenue reflecting in the glass doors. I thought about the "Adults Only" signs we had passed.
"Naruto," I said, steering him toward the stairs. "You don't want to know. You really, really don't want to know."
"Is it training?"
"Let's go with yes," I lied. "He's training his liver."
We walked up the stairs, leaving the lobby behind.
Outside, the pleasure district buzzed on, loud and bright and indifferent, while the search for the Fifth Hokage paused for happy hour.