Jong-hyun
Three pairs of eyes are fixed on me, and different emotions shine through their expressions.
The man called Raidow stares at me, perplexed, and the demon Kuroshi smiles like a caiman ready to swallow its prey. The one who terrifies me is Shine, because she seems ready to devour me with a single bite.
I swallow dryly and try to appear normal as I try to explain my reasons.
"Can you repeat that, please? Not for me, but for the angelic representative here, because she looks like she's about to have a heart attack... in case she dies," Kuroshi smiles.
"I knew you were an idiot right away, but I didn't believe you were this bad!" the woman vomits on me, approaching.
The lines on her face light up with a dark light and make me more uncomfortable than before, but I decide to face her and explain my reasons.
"I'm not an idiot, stop insulting me!" I tell her, infusing my voice with a note of confidence. I need peace!
Her eyes flash and her lips curl slightly upward.
I should have left you in that damned room when I realized you weren't a teenager looking for solutions, but a damned coward who decided to give up on his own life. Who cares about a precious gift like life, right? It's easy to hit yourself in the head, swallow some concoctions, or suffocate on carbon monoxide. What does that matter to you, damned selfish person?
It's not true! How dare you? I protest, heartbroken.
My role as your guardian allows it, that is, someone who works so hard for you. I'm the one who pulls you off a bridge, who holds your head above water, who pats you on the back while you cry in despair and curse the world! You say you're not a coward? Prove it to me, because your life belongs to me, since I brought you back!
- I'm just a desperate man! Please, let me go!
I collapse into a sitting position, tears streaming down my cheeks, and I can finally let them flow freely. For too long, I've hidden them, held them back, denied them, because my life wasn't mine. I was a puppet in the hands of an organization that gave me money, visibility, media power, but prevented me from living, from feeling emotions, from laughing, joking, loving. Too much of me has been lost, too much of me hasn't seen sunrises and sunsets to let go or dream about.
I want to be free to choose, whether it's life or death, but let it be my decision!
- He's afraid of you, don't you understand?
Kuroshi's voice reaches me muffled, but full of truth.
- Why? I'm trying to save him! - Shine protests.
- The way you look... - I murmur in a whisper.
Two arms wrap around me and a face rests on my shoulder, transmitting a closeness and familiarity I thought I'd lost. Only my friends, SHINee, have ever hugged me like this... I sigh and continue sobbing, giving in to despair.
- I didn't have time to transform into human form, and I understand you're scared. But you've seen the real me, and if you survived this, you can survive everything else.
I feel his lips, against my shoulder, curl into a smile.
- It's right that you choose, but not right now. You're worn out, broken by pain, and you can't fully understand your decision. Come with me, I'll let you live as long as you want, and if you don't change your mind, Kuroshi will claim you... Will you allow me?
I sniff, and his words dig deep inside me, slowly, sweetly, with an ease that leaves me breathless. I nod, already knowing I'll regret it, but I can't fight against an emotion I've never felt before: freedom.
With a gentle caress on my head, Shine stands up and holds out her hand, which I take and let her pull me up. I finally look at her face and find it disarmingly beautiful: why was I so scared? I realize that what terrifies me isn't the markings or her expression, but the depth of her eyes, so bright yet so dark.
Slowly, her appearance changes. The raven feathers surrounding her face become a long mane of dark, shiny hair; her face loses the dark markings, and her complexion is pale but radiant. Only her eyes remain the same, but with a different, almost friendly expression.
"Are you ready to face your life, Kim Jong-hyun? Your ghosts, your pain, and even your death?" she asks.
It's a strange proposition, worded as if she were asking me to marry her, and for a moment I'm almost moved. Then I shake my head and wipe away my tears, smiling softly.
"I can try," I agree, and the smile she gives me fills me with unexpected joy.
"That means you have to get out of my way, Kuroshi. If Jong decides to look your ugly face again, it'll be his problem! As for me, if you come within swordshot of me, I'll be happy to blow your head off your shoulders!"
The demon smiles slyly, nods at me, and vanishes, taking the shadows and the cold with him.
Only Raidow remains, studying us for a long moment, then shakes his head.
"I don't know what the hell happened, why this case was given to you." The conflict you're experiencing with Kuroshi has all the hallmarks of a suicidal and self-destructive relationship. I had nothing to do with it, Shine. I would never have dared to insult you like that, two cases away from salvation... Are you sure you want to do this?
Shine continues to hold my hand, thoughtfully, as if she hadn't even noticed. Then she seems to recover, nods, and sighs.
- Yes, I will walk the road to the Underworld with Jong. I don't know why, but I feel like we're somehow connected. He didn't choose me, and I wasn't meant for him, but something—or someone—wanted us to meet. Let's see where it leads us, whether to freedom or oblivion... I'll be damned if I'll let this 'idiot' ruin my work with his stupidity.
She said the word 'idiot' with a smile, as if she'd given me a pet name, and I can't help but laugh too, shaking my head.
This morning I decided to die, and I succeeded, but someone decided it wasn't the right decision, sending me an angel or a monster, as I saw it, to give me a different message.
Will I follow it? I don't know yet, but whatever decision I make, it will be mine alone!