You've heard this story before.
Someone dies in the modern world and wakes up inside a novel or webcomic they once read.
I always thought that was nothing more than delusional wish-fulfillment—until it happened to me.
Maybe it was because of overwork. I'd only slept three times this week, and never for more than four hours.
Or maybe one of my long-time, grudge-holding colleagues finally stabbed me during overtime.
Honestly… anything's possible at this point.
But whatever the reason—
I died. My story ended. That should've been it.
I was ready to meet God and accept my fate in heaven—or, well, hell.
But then I opened my eyes… and the scenery before me was strangely familiar.
Too damp, filthy, and moss-covered to be heaven.
Too normal to be hell.
Because, of course… I was in neither.
I saw classical buildings. People in old-fashioned clothes. A language I'd never heard anywhere in the world—yet somehow I understood it perfectly.
And me? I didn't reincarnate as some young master who dies in ten chapters.
Nor as an extra with zero lines of dialogue.
I realized the truth only when my limbs refused to move.
I had… become a stone statue.
***
After living as a statue for a few days, I learned something shocking:
Being a stone statue actually had perks.
First, no need for food. Meaning your figure stays pristine for a long time—unless an earthquake hits or a random weasel jumps you and shatters you into pieces.
No dieting. No calorie counting. My ex would've LOVED this part.
Second—no forced conversations.
And don't lecture me about "humans being social creatures" shit.
Man, screw socializing.
After surviving twenty-eight years, here's my conclusion: humans are garbage creatures who deserve to be wiped clean off the earth.
So having consciousness while not needing to pretend to be polite? That was priceless.
But… yeah. Here's the real problem.
It was getting boring. Very boring.
People walked past me every day, talking, laughing, living their lives. But no one looked at me. No one cared.
Damn it, what is this? Some unstable narcissistic crisis?
Fine. FINE. I'll take back what I said.
Humans do need social interaction.
And even as a statue, my very human consciousness still craved it.
I even wondered if this was going to last forever—maybe a customized hell for antisocial sinners like me.
Then one day, a kid approached me.
He didn't walk past like the others. He stopped. Looked straight into my eyes, as if expecting me to look back.
He pressed his hands together, clapped a few times, and whispered, barely audible:
"Please… cure my father."
I stared at him—not because of the request, but because the voice and tone were painfully familiar.
Oh, hell. Of course.
That boy—no, that boyish girl… there's no way I could ever forget her.
A character I designed.
The girl who would one day become the most hated bitch in the entire game. The one and only female villain of Midnight Crusader.
Elise Korvan.
I recognized her voice because her voice actress… was my ex.
A nostalgic, infuriating punch to the gut.
A reminder that my existence had become a cosmic joke—probably laughed at by the gods, or whoever was behind this mess.
And speaking of gods…
[The Divine System has been activated!]
[Syncing…]
[Adjusting to Host Profile…]
[Generating Host Data…]
[Sync Complete!]
[Divine Archive Created!]
[Divine Archive]
[Name: — (Not Assigned)]
[Domain: — (Not Assigned)]
[Faith Points: 0/100]
[Popularity: 0/100 (Very Low)]
[Followers: 0]
[Status: Unknown]
[Notification: Faith Points Detected
Source: Elise Korvan (Prayer of Desperation)
Amount: 0.01 Faith Points
(Faith Points added automatically)]
"This is all I have… but please, please cure my father. I promise, someday I'll build you a beautiful temple."
She placed a bronze coin by my feet, clapped again, and bowed.
[Notification: Faith Points Detected
Source: Elise Korvan (Respectful Gesture + Offering)
Amount: 0.02 Faith Points
(Added automatically)]
She turned to leave—
And the interface blinked alive again.
[New Quest Available!]
[Quest: Statue of Fortune]
Description: Elise Korvan has pleaded for you to heal her father. Prove that divine miracles still exist.
Goal: Cure Elise Korvan's father
Reward: 1.00 Faith Points + Elise Korvan becomes your first Follower
Failure: Elise Korvan may blame you, and possibly… destroy you
Difficulty: Medium
Medium, my ass.
Elise is unpredictable, even as a kid.
Growing up with a sickly father and constant abuse from adults shaped her into a hard, temperamental girl.
If her father dies despite her desperate attempt here… she will explode.
But the question is… how?
Sure, the system referring me a divine deity or whatever, but at the end of the day, I'm still just a stone statue that can't move an inch—
[Secret Shop Unlocked]
[Faith Points can be exchanged for temporary or permanent abilities
(Warning: Do NOT let FP reach zero—your consciousness will begin eroding)]
[Divine Movement]
Move up to 1.5 meters
Cost: 0.02 FP per meter
[Divine Utterance]
Speak one word
Cost: 0.01 FP per word
[Spin for a random item (0.01 FP)]
What the—
Is this a capitalist gacha system or what?
0.02 per meter, max 1.5? Why not just charge per half meter while you're at it? Was this system designed to torture people with OCD?
This is insanely inefficient. And what am I supposed to do with 1.5 meters of movement—teach her father how to plank!?
If I spin… I'll probably get something worse, or pricier.
So the only logical choice is… [Divine Utterance].
As one of the devs of this cursed game world, I know—no, I intimately know—every detail of this place. Thanks to the damn SOP that forced me to memorize everything like my life depended on it.
I even know what illness Elise's father has… and how to cure it.
But 0.01 FP per word?
I only have 0.03. And I can't drop to zero.
That means the number of words I can afford is…
…just two.