WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT, INCLUDING ELEMENTS OF ASSAULT, BULLYING, AND SENSITIVE SUBJECTS. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
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"GET OUT." My mother screamed at me, while she was standing in the front hallway.
She was disheveled, her hair was messy and seemingly had bags underneath her eyes. They looked...dead.
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"Mom...?"
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Why are they staring at me like this...? What...did I do wrong...?
Aren't they supposed to be my family...? Aren't they supposed to love me...?
I looked around and saw everyone standing there as soon as I came home from school, right in the hallway leading towards the front door.
My outfit was still dirty from the bullying I endured at school, my shoes soaked from being left inside of the toilet.
My family were always indifferent to me, but I think my stepdad always hated me since the beginning. He treated me poorly, like I was never a part of his family, and recently even beat me a few times.
My sister, Ayumi, seemed to agree to the words of my own mother, looked at me with distain. She hated me too, I don't even know why. Why won't anyone believe me...?
"You aren't my brother anymore. I can't believe I was born as your sister, trash."
Why did they hate me? I loved my sister, she was my only comfort and acceptance when I was a child.
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No one cared for me as of this moment. Not anymore.
I had no one.
"...please."
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"...please don't."
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They looked at me with disgust.
My mother always thought of me less than my sister, she was the golden child, one she had with her new partner. I think I know why she thinks this way.
I think it's because I look identical to my dead father.
She hated him up until the moment he died, it was because of a car accident, he was coming home late one night from work.
I never blamed my mom, they had an argument that night but she never seemed upset about it.
She never loved me even when he was alive.
I was always sad, and I tried to be the best I could for my family, I've always tried to be recognized.
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After his death, all the hatred she held towards him carried into me, and I started to be treated worse. Verbally abusing me, calling me trash, and forcing me to fend for myself.
I had to pay for my own meals most days, so I got a job.
This fed into the negativity my half sister held for me from a young age as well.
I think this is why we were never too close, only playing together as children at times, but she was my only saving grace, alongside my childhood friend.
Yet, like most families we grew apart when we got older of course.
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She was born to my biological mother and my stepfather, during a time I was still grieving for my father, my mom accepted it fairly quickly after his death.
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"I told you, get out right now!" Mother yelled back again, her eyes in a mix of fury and disgust.
My vision grew more narrowed, holding anxiety into it's deepest levels.
"..mom... please... where should I go...?"
"...I have nowhere...." I said back, tears starting to drop down my face.
I was only a sophomore in high school, and I attended school at Kobayashi Prepatory School in Saitama, a district near Tokyo.
I wasn't the best student or anything, but I wasn't a delinquent either. I thought I did average, or maybe a little above average.
I was kind, or at least tried my best to be, I always walked around with a smile even though my home life was different than most.
I never had a girlfriend, only a childhood friend who lost interest in me once we hit high school. Yet, I couldn't let her go. I still held a crush on her until recently.
...
But she also hates me now.
I tried my best to be friendly with everyone...but I moved schools for my stepfathers' job in middle school, and so a lot of my good friends were left behind in my old town.
Starting new in high school was hard, and people were like sharks here. They hated anything or anyone new.
"....why should I have to leave...?! I didn't do anything wrong, why won't you all believe me?!" I screamed to my mother out of anger, confused and filled with anxiety.
After moments pause, someone spoke up.
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"You're awful, onii-chan." My sister spat out at me.
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I'm...finally done...
That was the last straw in my head. I'm no longer accepted here. I'm sick of living amongst people who despise me.
I turned around, and started heading up towards my bedroom to collect at least a few of my things. If someone tried to stop me, I was willing to become violent.
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"I'll give you a few minutes, get your stuff and leave. I don't care where you go, you aren't apart of our household anymore." My stepdad said.
All I did was look at him, with the same look he gave me in return.
"We don't want a sexual deviant in our house." He replied.
Ayumi stood there, eyes indifferent but agreeing with everything my mother and stepfather are saying. She was also my enemy now.
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This started last week, when a girl I go to school with asked me out. It was the first time I've ever recevied a confession.
"Hey... I like you...please go out with me..?" She said, her blonde hair waving in the wind.
Those words still reverberated through my mind, when she tricked me into thinking she genuinely liked me.
She was a gyrau, but she was also really cute, maybe it's a guilty pleasure of mine to be attracted to these types.
Then one day...
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I walked into the classroom and had trash thrown at me. Half the class was looking at me like I was a criminal, and the other class was laughing at me like I was a circus clown.
"You sick fuck!" One boy in class yelled at me.
"You should be ashamed, you perverted pig" Chisaki told me.
"...huh..?"
"Satomi told us everything. Confess to the police before she reports you." Miyu said.
What's happening? What are they talking about?
"W-What are you all talking about! What's going on!" I said back, desperately.
"Eww, he's trying to deny it." Miyu replied, followed by laughter within the classroom.
"But I really don't know! What did I do!" I said desperately, drenched in trash and unknown liquid.
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"You assaulted Satomi the other day, didn't you?" Daisuke said, he was the captian of the soccer team at our school. He was furious, and looked as if he wanted to beat me.
"A-Assualt? What are you all talking about? Satomi will tell you all otherwise! Where is she?"
But before that..."
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Chisaki walked straight towards me, she was Satomi's best friend.
Slap
She just hit me across the face, making a loud sound across the classroom.
"W-Why did you just hit me?" I asked back, rubbing the spot she just hit.
"Because you're disgusting! She...she really liked you!" She replied, with a twisted smile on her face, like she was holding back her laughter.
Why was she...smiling?
Where's my girlfiend? Why isn't she at school?
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I didn't fight back of course, my dad taught me to never hit women.
But sometimes I got the urge to lose it all. I had the urge to beat their faces until it was just pulp.
This week, a darkness came over me, and it made me want to use my fists, and just lose control.
I was truly in a dark place.
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"Haha!! Good one Chi!!" One girl yelled after he attacked me.
This wasn't the first time Chisaki would physically hurt me, she would hit me in the crotch sometimes and push me around in the hallways, but it always seemed like she was acting on behalf of someone else.
The class started laughing at me, looking down on me. Doing this to someone who was always so kind to them, was horrible in my opinion.
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My childhood friend, Fukashima, the one who coddled me when my father died...was looking at me in disappointment and disgust.
I tried explaining myself in the hallway, with my eyes were already broken. I wanted to explain everything. I didn't want her hating me as well.
I guess I was just desperate. If anyone, I didn't want her to hate me, I just wanted one person to believe me. Just one.
"Go away, don't talk to me you rapist...!" She yelled to me when I tried explaining myself in the hallway.
She hated me too.
I think something snapped in that moment, and I built a wall around my heart.
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Satomi had told everyone I was the one who attacked her a few nights ago, and that my ID was even found on the floor where the incident happened, and showed everyone.
I lost my ID around the same time we started going out though...
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I threatened to go to the police, but then Chisaki hit me even harder. I came home with a black eye often.
I didn't want to be beaten again.
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She even came to my house, forcing my mother down on her knees begging for forgiveness on my behalf.
She said I raped her the other night, and my family...believes I did it.
Saying I assaulted her on a date that last weekend, one I even asked my sister for advice for.
This was...my first date...I was so nervous even talking with her...
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In actuality, I walked her home afterwards. I treated her like a princess; I even spent my paycheck from my part time job on her. I bought her a designer purse and everything.
Yeah, I knew I may have been being used, but I didn't care. I was just desperate for someone to love me, even if only artificially.
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I'd never assault anyone; it's disgusting even thinking it.
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"We need to settle this!!"
"If you want to keep this a domestic issue we need to settle!!"
She yelled to my parents alongside her friends, who prompted my mother to get on her knees and beg.
"Please, we have money... can you please forgive him?" My mother said back desperately.
Eventually, my mom ended up paying her, just to not go to the police on false charges. EVen though I begged her to help em go to the police.
...but my mom said she had "evidence" that I assaulted her
She had audio that was sent to her, a recording of the alleged incident that happened...
It was a video of her screaming.
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"AHHH, Haruki!!! STOPP PLEASEE!!" The audio recorded, she obviously screamed into her mic, making a fake recording.
Why would she do this...?
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I wanted to go to the police, to truly exonerate myself of any wrongdoing and to report fraud on my own behalf.
But my family adamantly refused to let me, and the police wouldn't let a minor file a report without the backing of an adult, especially one of this high caliber.
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What have I done wrong, I tried to be as kind to as many people as I can.
Was it because I was a pushover maybe...?
After this, my entire family stopped talking to me and even threatened to disown me at times.
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My sister wouldn't look at me, and wiped her hands off with alcohol anytime she touched the same surface as I did.
I touched her hand once trying to get her attention, and she looked at me with such burning disgust I immediately let go. It scared me how much she hated me in that moment.
It got even worse when I tried to deny the accusations. Both my sister and my mother looked at me like I was filth. Absolute trash who deserved nothing but jail and death.
And my stepfather never thought of me as his in the first place.
I miss my biological father.
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Looks like this is it.
This is the fruit of my labor, being nice to people.
Not anymore.
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I hate them all now.
A furrow of emotions were riling up inside of me, the ones I could truly fathom were anger, anxiety, and depression.
All shaped into one disgusting memento of my efforts.
I brushed against my stepfather and went upstairs and gathered my most essential belongings into a backpack.
A few outfits.
A metal flask.
Some thin rope I had in my closet, for god knows what reason.
And my dead father's swiss army knife, one that I swiped from his closet when his things were being cleared by my mother.
It seemingly was important to him; he showed it to me once when I was a young child.
I vaguely remember when he told me that it was given to him by his father.
There was one thing I didn't bring, I left it inside of this room for a reason, never to bring it with me again.
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My trust.
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I swore, never to trust anyone again. I'm the only one who believes in myself.
(You can't do it.)
That voice within me got louder every day. And I'm starting to listen to it.
(Don't trust them, protect yourself.)
Was it survival instincts? Maybe.
But that voice was truly, my last hope for sanity after this last week of hell.
I cleared my room of any importance, and I wore a puffy jacket over my clothes because it wouldn't fit in my bag.
I knew I needed a way to stay warm.
That was all I had, this is all in my possession to account for my life.
This was me.
A backpack, a knife, and a jacket.
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I walked downstairs and opened the door.
The moment I did, I saw someone looking at me from behind.
Then... Ayumi spoke up.
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"Good riddance. Never come home."
She whispered this in pride, looking at me and leaving upstairs.
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"I hate you Ayumi, so much."
As I said this back to her, I saw she turned around.
Her face was astonished I said that for some reason, as if I didn't just get betrayed by everyone that was supposed to protect me.
"I'm going to disappear, and you'll never see me again."
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Those were my final words.
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I looked forward.
Then I shut the door behind me, leaving my old life behind.
My untrusting family, and the untrusting me are finally broken apart.
There was no point anymore. No reconciliation.
Only hatred and distrust within myself, and anyone around me.
I walked down the street, one that was so recognizable, so familiar to me.
One I needed to be far away from.
My name is Haruki Shimatsu...or was.
Now I'm just Haruki.
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This is my story.
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AUTHORS NOTES:
Hello everyone! Thanks for reading if you are, this is a stand alone story I got the urge to write after nowhere, lets see where it goes!