Egemed walked toward Jerelr's house with a spring in his step, a small wrapped gift held carefully in his hand. His heart fluttered with excitement—he could barely contain it.
'I wonder what Jerelr has prepared today… the thing he didn't want me to see,' he thought, smiling.
'And our book… finally ready after months of waiting.'
He grinned the whole way, unable to hold back his joy.
But as he neared the house, the smile slowly faded. His steps slowed. Then stopped.
A crowd had gathered at the gate—faces streaked with tears, heads bowed in grief, soft lamentations hanging in the air.
The gift slipped from his hand and hit the ground with a soft thud.
Egemed ran forward, heart pounding, but two guards blocked his way. Over their shoulders he saw Jerelr's parents and siblings standing beside a coffin.
But Jerelr was nowhere in sight.
'No… no, this isn't real… this can't be real…'
His mind screamed, but his voice refused to come out.
He forced his way forward, calling out Jerelr's mother's name. She lifted her swollen eyes to him and slowly shook her head.
"Jerelr… is no more," she whispered.
Egemed froze. His body stiffened as if something inside him had turned to stone.
Then his knees buckled. He collapsed onto the ground, trembling violently. His tears poured without end; his breath broke apart in fragments.
"Jerelr…" he whispered, voice cracking at every syllable. "What… what is happening? Am I dreaming? Please… tell me this is a dream…"
He staggered back to his feet, delirious, trying to push past the guards again. They stopped him gently but firmly. Jerelr's mother stepped forward, sobbing, and wrapped her arms around him.
"I'm sorry… it happened so suddenly," she managed through her tears. "He passed away three hours ago. Before he left us… he asked that you must not touch the coffin."
Egemed stared at her, shocked, unable to process her words.
'Why? I'm his only friend. Why won't they let me see him? Why?'
Dizzy and overwhelmed, he let the guards lead him aside. They placed him on a chair, but he slid off it, sinking to the ground. He knelt there, shaking uncontrollably, not caring who saw him. His tears fell like rain, soaking the dirt beneath him.
He clutched his chest, breath shallow and ragged.
"Jerelr… don't do this to me…" he cried, voice hoarse and breaking.
"This is a lie… please… I can't believe it… Jerelr, come back… don't leave me like this… please…"
His lips trembled. His whole body shook as he whispered again:
"Please… just take me with you… Jerelr… I can't… I can't…"
People nearby approached, trying to comfort him, but their voices were distant echoes. His world had fallen apart. He wanted—needed—to see Jerelr one last time. But they refused.
Suddenly, grief turned into desperate strength. He surged forward, charging toward the door. The guards held him back, but he fought wildly, screaming from the deepest place in his soul:
"Just let me touch his coffin! Please! I'm his only friend!"
He turned toward Jerelr's mother, tears blurring everything into shapes and shadows.
"Why, Mother? Why can't I just say my last goodbye? Please tell them to let me in! You know our relationship… you know everything… Why?" His voice cracked, collapsing into sobs.
"I want to see him… please… please…mother...please..."
But the pain overwhelmed him. His strength vanished. He crumpled to the floor and fainted.
___
When Egemed woke that evening, the room felt dim and distant. Jerelr's mother sat beside him, her eyes red but gentle.
He bolted upright and grabbed her hand.
"What happened to him? Please… please tell me," he pleaded, voice raw.
"Just yesterday we were laughing until midnight… I don't understand… Mother, what did I do wrong? Why didn't he want me to touch even his coffin?"
He bowed his head on her lap, clutching the edge of her clothes like a lost child.
"Mother… please… answer me…" he begged, his voice shaking.
Her eyes filled again. She reached into her handbag with trembling fingers and brought out two folded papers.
"This… is what he left for you," she whispered. "These were the last things he gave me. I hope you will understand him."
She wiped away Egemed's tears, kissed his forehead softly, and left the room in silence.
Egemed sat there, hands trembling around the papers. He couldn't open them. He didn't want to. Opening them meant accepting that Jerelr was truly gone.
But the question burned inside him like fire:
Why didn't Jerelr want me to see him? Why didn't he want me to touch the coffin?
His tears fell again—quiet this time, heavy and endless.
No one knew how broken he was. His only beloved friend, his brother, had left him without warning. Just yesterday they were dreaming about finally publishing their book together.
Now Jerelr was gone.
Egemed regretted not calling him that morning. He never imagined that by the time he arrived… by the time he reached the door… Jerelr would already be gone from this world.
With trembling hands and tears streaming down his face, Egemed slowly unfolded the letter.
The ink was smudged in places—as if someone had cried while writing it.
The first line struck him like a blade to the heart:
EGEMED,
My only beloved friend—
"I WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU."
I'm sorry to leave you so soon. I knew this day would come, but please… live on for me. I will always be near you, watching over you.
I have been sick for a very long time.
The day I fainted in front of you… that was the day everything became worse.
I'm sorry I had to leave you so suddenly.
I wrote this letter with tears.
I was angry—so angry—at my own sickness for getting in the way of our dreams.
I wished I could live a little longer… just a little.
I wanted to tell you long ago, but seeing how fiercely you love me—how much you've been through, how much sadness you carry—I couldn't bear the thought of adding more weight onto your heart.
If I had told you… these last four or five years would have been nothing but pain for you.
I'm truly sorry.
I hope you won't hate me.
And… I kissed you on purpose.
It wasn't out of desire or lust.
I was heartbroken at the thought of leaving you behind, and I couldn't control myself anymore.
That kiss… was my goodbye.
When I hugged you in the Valley of Breath, when I brought you food every day—it was because I knew I wouldn't be able to meet you again.
These past two days, I avoided seeing you because the doctor came to check on me, and I didn't want you to find out.
I'm so sorry for everything.
The only face I wanted to see before I died… was yours.
But I knew how broken you would be.
From the way you loved me while I was still alive, I could already see how devastated you would be watching me leave this world.
I wished—truly wished—I could bargain with God for more time with you.
I'm sorry, Egemed.
And I loved you so much… more than words can ever express.
Please look at the gift I left for you.
The date on that painting… it was the day I first met you in the market.
I've been keeping it all these years just so I could give it to you.
Also the box that I kept hidden for you in your room.
I hope you won't open it out of impulse—
Whenever you are in pain, remember this: I never wanted you to hurt yourself.
I will always watch over you.
You can publish our book.
And don't stop building that building you always dreamed of.
Please, this is my humble request—continue it. Don't delay it because of my death.
I made an agreement with my parents:
Half of my share will go to your building every month.
Please accept it, even though I'm no longer physically beside you.
A promise is a promise—I said I would work with you forever.
Egemed… live bravely.
I wish I could have visited Chesior with you.
I love you so much.
Leaving you alone was the most painful thing I have ever done.
I asked my parents not to let you see me in the coffin—not because I hated you—but because I loved you too deeply.
I didn't want you breaking apart while looking at my face.
I knew you…
I knew you would hold onto me and refuse to let me be buried.
You would hold me until my body returned to dust.
I am sorry.
Please know that everything I did… was out of love.
I never wanted to lie to you.
I just didn't want to burden you or make your heart carry more sorrow than it already does.
Brother Egemed…
Remember the day you became Jack Sparrow and that day that I pushed you into the river?
The day I made you taste alcohol for the first time.
Our stupid fights, our endless teasing, our laughter that made no sense?
Serving the homeless together while the world looked at us with disgust?
Ah… so many memories.
When I sleep beneath the soil, I will remember every one of them.
I wish you a life full of joy and peace.
May you meet another Jerelr—someone who will love you and walk beside you.
Eat well. Live well. Take care of yourself, Egemed.
Don't make me worried from wherever I am.
I'm sorry for everything.
Your beloved friend,
Jerelr Myers
I love you so much, Egemed My Brother.
...
Egemed did not even finish reading the letter before his tears gave out.
His body had no more strength to cry—only a heart shattered into pieces, a vessel emptied of light.
His world dimmed once again.His world dimmed once again.
The painting inhis trembling hands felt heavier than anything he had ever held. But now, as he looked closer, he realized something that made his chest tighten even more.
It was the same painting he had seen for the very first time he had visited Jerelr's home. Back then, Egemed had thought it was just a gift Jerelr had received from someone else—an artwork to display, something meaningless to his own life.
But now… he saw clearly. It wasn't a gift from anyone. It was himself.
It showed Egemed standing alone in a bustling market—people moving around him in a blur while he stood still, calm, smiling gently.
Atop, a date: Thursday, 19th August 2009.
And at the back, written in delicate handwriting:
"I have met the one my soul longs for. —Egemed, my beloved friend."
Egemed pressed the painting to his chest as if it were the last warm thing in the world.
He hugged the two letters tightly and broke down again, tears dripping onto the paper Jerelr had touched.
Losing Jerelr felt like losing life itself.
He knew he would never be the same.
The old nightmares, the loneliness, the silent battles—everything would return again.
He would have to face them alone… with no one beside him.
He didn't even want to meet another Jerelr—
because losing one was enough to ruin a lifetime.
His thoughts spiraled uncontrollably—regret, anger, sorrow, fear—all crushing him at once.
And then his vision blurred.
His head tilted forward.
He fainted again.
The Next Morning
When Egemed opened his eyes, he found himself lying in Jerelr's room.
Everything had been arranged neatly—Jerelr's belongings placed in their corners, as if waiting for an owner who would never return.
Egemed rose slowly and walked downstairs.
There, through the glass-framed wall, he saw Jerelr's coffin.
Covered in colourful flowers.
Still. Silent. Waiting.
It was time.
Egemed stood by the mirror window, unable to step inside.
His tears fell noiselessly, one after another, as he pressed his palm to the glass.
In a trembling whisper he murmured:
"Happy birthday, Jerelr…
I passed out yesterday… I couldn't talk to you.
I'm sorry.
Rest in peace.
I will always remember you… I love you too.
Our memories… I will treasure them forever."
He slid down and sat on the floor, leaning against the cold wall, talking to no one but the silence.
He hadn't eaten since yesterday.
He couldn't move.
He couldn't feel anything except the pain tearing him apart.
When Jerelr's father approached, he brought a small stool and placed it in front of Egemed.
"Sit, son," he said gently.
But Egemed didn't respond.
He only stared at the coffin, eyes empty.
Jerelr's father sat beside him, voice breaking.
"We are going to take him for burial now.
Please… come with us."
Egemed finally looked at him—just a faint, broken smile—then slowly shook his head.
More tears fell.
He lowered his forehead onto his knees and cried silently.
Jerelr's father put a trembling hand on his back, trying to comfort him.
"Don't cry… please don't cry," he whispered.
"Jerelr wouldn't want to see you like this.
You've fainted twice already.
Your eyes are swollen, you haven't eaten…
I feel so helpless.
Jerelr asked us to keep his illness secret from you.
We are very sorry."
But Egemed didn't move.
He remained curled up on the floor, tears dropping onto his hands.
When the church leaders finally lifted the coffin, Egemed forced himself to stand.
He followed the procession, but from a distance—never walking beside Jerelr's parents, never stepping too close.
At the graveyard, he stood far from the crowd gathered around the open grave.
While they prayed, he clutched his chest, breathing in short, painful gasps, fighting the dizziness threatening to overtake him again.
When the service ended and everyone left, Egemed finally stepped forward.
He knelt beside the fresh grave, his voice trembling.
"Goodbye… Jerelr Myers."
He wiped his tears, though they kept falling.
"I wish I could go with you.
I don't know what my life will be now.
All those smiles… all those laughs…
You took them with you."
He gave a small, broken smile.
"I hope you rest well… my brother."
He stayed there until night settled around him—speaking to the grave as if Jerelr were still alive, whispering, remembering, hurting.
Only when his body grew too weak did he finally rise and walk home.
Alone, he walked with slow, unsteady steps, each one dragging as though the world itself pressed on his shoulders. His heart felt hollow—stripped of hope, stripped of meaning. Numbness replaced every thought, and the idea of living on seemed almost cruel. What remained in him was nothing but a faint, painful wish that perhaps death would take him too.
He kept his face lowered, eyes unfocused, not caring where he stepped or whom he might bump into. The world around him blurred; sadness wrapped itself around his entire being like a cold, suffocating fog.
And so he drifted through the streets, broken and silent… until at last he reached home.
Egemed's eyes were red, his face pale and swollen.
His hands shook as he opened the front door.
His mother gasped when she saw him.
"What happened, Egemed? Why are you like this?"
He tried to smile, tried to appear strong—but the moment he opened his mouth, tears streamed down again.
He collapsed into her arms.
With a broken whisper, he said:
"Jerelr… passed away yesterday."
His mother froze—utterly stunned.
"Why didn't you call us?" she cried.
"I… I fainted twice," Egemed whispered.
"And Jerelr… he didn't even want me to touch his coffin…"
His mother held his face and wept with him, her own heart breaking for her son.
"They buried him today," he continued, voice shaking.
"It happened so suddenly, Mother…
Two days ago we were laughing…
I was so happy to see him…
And now he's gone.
I don't know what to do."
His mother hugged him tightly.
"I'm so sorry, my son.
We can't change fate.
He was a good boy… a very good boy."
Egemed stepped back weakly.
"Mother… I'll go to my room. I'm exhausted.
Goodnight."
.
Alone in his room, he lay on his bed, staring at the painting Jerelr had left.
Tears slid down his cheeks silently.
"I can't believe this, Jerelr…
You left me without a goodbye.
I didn't even see your face one last time.
What kind of tragedy is this?"
Then… a realization dawned on him.
A painful one.
Jerelr had said goodbye.
The kiss.
The way he forced him to drink.
All the food.
The hugs.
The strange silence these last two days.
'How could I not see it?'
Anger surged—at himself, at fate.
He stood abruptly, kicked the table, sending everything crashing to the floor.
A brown vase—Jerelr's gift on his 29th birthday—shattered.
The moment Egemed saw it, he dropped to his knees, panic ripping through him.
"NO…
NO, NO, NO—
What have I done?!
Jerelr's vase—NO!"
He gathered the broken pieces in his arms, hugging them to his chest as if he could put them back together.
"I'm sorry…
I'm sorry, Jerelr…" he sobbed, forehead pressed to the floor.
His tears blurred everything.
His eyes burned from crying for too long.
His body was weak, trembling.
Finally, exhausted, he crawled onto his bed and collapsed—fainting once again.
His mother rushed to his door, pounding it desperately.
"EGEMED! PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR!
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
EGEMED!"
But he was already unconscious, unable to hear anything.