The cold tile floor felt numb beneath my legs. I didn't care about anything except the dull crushing pain in my chest.
I was slumped against the wall, staring at the blurred image of my own face reflected in the full length mirror. I realized that I wasn't the strong, clever heroine I spent my life reading about, I was the fool who kept falling for the same lie, for the third time in two years.
It was not the cheating that hurt the most, that was common, cheap treachery. It was the casual dismissal: "you are great Simone, but you want a fantasy, you are not the one for me". The memory felt like a physical slap. I'm an English major student, obsessed with Knights and unbreakable vows, I felt like a doormat.
I gave them everything, I built a safe, honest place for each of them and they always took advantage of it. My beauty, the one thing everyone seemed to notice felt like a trap, attracting men incapable of loyalty.
I couldn't hold the grief in anymore. I was tired, exhausted from trying to be the woman who deserved the devotion I read about in my books.
Just then, the door to my dorm room opened quietly and someone walked in. It wasn't just my roommate, it was my cousin, Kenya, who was also my best friend. She saw me immediately, slumped, crying and clearly broken.
Kenya rushed over and dropped to the floor beside me, pulling me in for a fierce hug. She didn't ask questions, she just held me tied, while I continued to cry in her arms.
"He cheated Ken," I choked out, the words thick with tears. "He even laughed about it. He used me to feel important and then he just walked away like I was nothing but a footnote. I don't understand what's wrong with me, am I not good enough?" Kenya squeezed me tight, rocking me slightly.
"There is nothing wrong with you, S. You are too much light for their small, dark little lives".
"No," I argued, pulling back just enough to look her in the eyes and speak, my voice raw with pain. "I give them the fantasy, and they still choose to be the villains. I try so hard to build something real, and they just want to burn it down. I just always end up falling for guys that don't love me".
The confession hung in the air, the brutal, honest truth of my life. Kenya wiped the tears from my cheeks.
"Then you stop trying, give the fantasy a permanent vacation S. We lock that beautiful heart up for the holidays. You need the silence Simone, not heartbreak."
"I can't date anymore," I whispered, the finality of the decision feeling heavy but strangely necessary.
"I am done, I'm taking a break from men and from love. I'm only going to read old books and believe in princes that don't actually exist." "Good", Kenya affirmed, her eyes filled with protective fire. "Then pack your bags. We are going to my house in Atlanta, and you are officially in isolation. You are going to heal, and you are going to forget every last one of those foolish boys."
Kenya's promise of safety and isolation felt like the only hope I had left. I had to escape Oakhaven university and the ghosts of my failure. The holiday was no longer a break, it was a sanctuary where I could hide from love.