Chapter 32 - ch 26

Chapter 26: Ninety-Two DrinksNotes:Surprise bitches! It's me. I'm bitches. But you're getting two chapters this week because I am a benevolent dictator when it comes to your emotions. Shame this chapter isn't as Cody centric as the last for Cody Day, but a celebration nonetheless for all involved. I hope everyone is having a great Friday and a wonderful weekend.

Trigger warning: Roofies, discussion of the date-rape drug, non-consensual drugging and allusions to sexual assault and child sexual abuse.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text" Ori'vod, I want to come with," Ahsoka whined as she hung off of Rex's back.

Rex, having survived Seventeen's training regime from hell, managed to maneuver around his bunk with ease, grabbing his socks and shoes to pull them on. Ahsoka weighed nowhere near as much as a vod in full kit. It was like having a horsefly on his back. He barely even noticed her. Other than the whining, of course.

"There is no way in hell I'm taking you to a bar," he said.

"But I'm older than you," Ahsoka whined again.

"Don't care. You're still not going to 79s."

"Yeah, besides, I thought we were going to watch some movies," Hardcase said as he and Tup dragged in the projector, some popcorn, candy, and soda.

Rex had to make sure that Ahsoka was distracted tonight. He couldn't risk her stumbling on their little operation (literally) and causing more complications. So, Tup and Hardcase were on babysitting duty. They just had to keep her nice and distracted until Rex got the commanders' chips out of their heads and debriefed them on the situation.

Kix and Corric had already dragged the medics to 79s earlier to get everything set up and them dechipped. Rex worried constantly that he'd get a message that something went wrong. That the chip removal process had a flaw and now one of their medics was brain dead. Kix hadn't messaged him yet. Every second he spent without the all-clear was another second he worried something had gone horribly wrong.

"Shame Commander Offee couldn't come," Tup said.

Ahsoka groaned and finally let go of Rex's neck so she could flop dramatically onto the bed.

"She's off in the archives looking at something old. Everyone I love leaves me," she moaned.

Rex rolled his eyes and rubbed the back of her head. "Cody and I are taking you out to dinner tomorrow and Wolffe and General Koon are taking you out to lunch the next day. Tup and Hardcase are hanging out with you tonight. And you, Wooley, Fives, and Echo are headed to the craft fair tomorrow morning. Don't be so dramatic."

"I am alone! I have been betrayed and abandoned by everyone! Just leave me here to die, a hollow husk of a togrutan!" Ahsoka cried out.

"Come on, Snips. I'm sure you'll have fun with Tup and Hardcase," Skywalker said from the door.

Ahsoka let out another whine.

"You can stay too, sir," Tup said. "Since you're not doing anything tonight either."

Skywalker put a hand to his chest, offended by the statement. "I am doing something tonight."

"Senator Amidala's back on Naboo, though," Fives said. Echo smacked him upside the head.

How Skywalker thought he and the senator's relationship was still a secret, Rex would never understand. Dooku was subtler than those two. And that man was a dramatic motherfucker (he could see where General Kenobi got his dramatics from). Seriously, it would be better for everyone if Skywalker just came right out with the truth so Rex wouldn't have to pretend like he didn't know he and Amidala were making out in a closet.

Skywalker's cheeks, predictably, turned pink. "It's not Padme I'm hanging out with."

"R2 can come to, I guess," Hardcase said. "He can be fun."

"It's not R2 either!" Skywalker started to sputter.

The men all exchanged glances at one another. Even Ahsoka decided to put the teenage dramatics on hold for a second to look up at her master skeptically.

"Threepio is with Padme, though," she said.

"It's not Threepio or R2 or Padme!"

"You don't have any other friends, though," Fives (still being the master of tact) said.

Echo smacked him upside the head for that one too.

"I have friends!" Skywalker cried.

"Who?" Jesse asked, fiddling with a collar. He had on a wine-red jumper and some grey pants. "Are you sure this looks okay? It doesn't look too…. Fuck-boy-y?" he turned to the group. Apparently, he had managed to snag a date. Which meant he wasn't going to 79s or movie night with Ahsoka.

He had been fussing over what to wear for the past hour, never mind everyone's extra clothing combined was only like… two and a half outfits worth of clothes. And most of those were knitted sweaters. They finally called General Kenobi to help him out since no one trusted General Skywalker to have even a lick of fashion sense. How he managed to bag Amidala was anyone's guess.

"I'd worry less about your clothes and more about what he's going to do when he sees that dumbass tattoo you've got on your head, vod, " Fives said.

"Says the one with an equally dumb tattoo," Rex muttered.

"Oi!"

"I am not taking advice from you, Fives," Jesse rolled his eyes.

"Why not?" Fives crossed his arms to glare at him.

"Because unlike me, you've never been on a date in your life."

"Funny, I date your mother every night."

"We're clones, Fives. We don't have mothers."

"Echo, it is a joke."

Echo smirked. He knew fully well that it was a joke, but sometimes he found the best way to annoy his twin was to take things literally. Poor Fives had yet to catch on and Rex got the feeling that Echo was enjoying this method of teasing immensely.

"Seriously, sir," Tup said, "join us. We won't mind."

"I'm telling you, I am going out with a friend tonight as well."

Everyone exchanged glances.

He threw his hands in the air. "It's Aayla! Aayla and I are headed out for the evening. We're going to a bar, not 79s, Rex, don't worry, and drinking like friends do."

They exchanged glances again.

"General Secura?" Rex asked.

"Yes." Skywalker seemed pleased that he had 'proved' that he had friends outside of his wife/girlfriend/sugar-momma/fuck buddy (It was unclear what he and Amidala were. There was a betting pool amongst the vod.) (And some of the generals.) (Like he said. It was a terribly kept secret).

"I didn't think you knew her name."

Echo smacked Fives upside the head once more.

"I know her name! Vos and Obi-Wan are good friends so we hung out a lot growing up," Skywalker said.

"You don't have to lie, sir," Hardcase said. "If you want to hang out with your astromech by yourself, that's fine. We won't be offended if you don't want to watch movies with us."

"I'm going out with Aayla!"

"Can confirm," Echo said. "Just sent Commander Bly a message. He sent back a bunch of crying emojis."

"Why does no one here believe me when I say I'm going out with friends?" Skywalker threw his hands in the air.

"You like droids more than you like people."

"Seriously, Fives? Would it kill you to have a bit of tact?" Echo cried. He didn't even smack his brother this time.

"Yes."

"Alright, alright." Rex looked at his Chrono. He had to get going if he wanted to keep the schedule. "Jesse's got a date. Kix and Corric are hanging out with the medics. Skywalker is not hanging out with his droid. Ahsoka, you are going to stay here with Tup and Hardcase to watch movies. And the rest of us are going to drag the commanders to 79s to enjoy shore leave."

He bent over to hug Ahsoka. "If you want to go back to the temple tonight, have Tup and Hardcase walk you back, okay?"

She hugged him back. "I'll be fine, Rex."

"Snips," Skywalker said, "I second that. They'll walk you back, okay."

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, master. I'll let Hardcase and Tup walk me back. Even though I'm perfectly capable of fighting off some evil criminal."

She was probably right. She could handle most everything that came at her and Rex doubted some criminal low-life would give her more trouble than, say, a commando droid. But he still worried. And he still felt like she shouldn't have to fight any criminal low-lives. Especially not while walking back home. So, Tup and Hardcase would hopefully be enough to scare away anyone looking to hurt her.

"Uh-huh, I'm sure." Skywalker hugged her as well.

"Alright," Rex said, standing and checking that he had everything one last time. "Wish me luck. This will be harder than any mission I've ever had to go on."

"I still don't know how you're going to get Commander Fox to go with you," Tup said. "I hear he handcuffs himself to his desk to make sure no one kidnaps him and puts him to bed."

"Don't worry, I took care of that." Fives winked.

Rex paused and looked at him. "That is… vaguely threatening."

"Don't worry about it."

"I'm very worried about it."

Rex looked to Echo.

Echo shrugged. "Don't ask me. The less I know, the less I can get in trouble."

Rex wanted to push, but Echo had a point. The less he knew, the less Fox could use as an excuse to kill him. "Whatever. I'm going to get Fox and hope that Fives' dumb plan doesn't get me killed."

"It's a brilliant plan," Fives grinned.

"Out of every word to describe your plans, brilliant isn't even on the list," Echo deadpanned.

Fives shoved him.

Rex let the twins go, followed by Skywalker and Jesse.

He bent over once more to rub Ahsoka's head. "Don't give Tup and Hardcase too hard of a time, okay?"

Ahsoka grumbled and glared at him. "If you need anything, you'll let me know?"

His mouth quirked up into a soft smile. "Yes, vod'ika. I'll call you if I get into trouble."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Ahsoka safely secured with Tup and Hardcase for the evening, it was time for the second phase of his plan: Operation Get Fox to take a Break

*****

Anakin Skywalker and Aayla Secura's Current Drink Count: 0

"Skywalker, over here," he heard Aayla call as he made his way through the crowded club. He tried not to step on any toes or bump into anyone, but it was impossible given how packed the place was.

The music was so loud he couldn't even hear it. It was just a rhythmic thump, thump, thump  that rattled his heart, his teeth, and his bones. The lights were some neon-colored deal that flashed, swirled, and spun in a way that made him feel vaguely motion sick.

When he initially invited Aayla out on Master Plo's recommendation, she had asked where he wanted to meet. Anakin, not really being into the club or bar scene, and not knowing where normal friends hung out, panicked, looked up an article on the top 10 clubs in Coruscant for people in their twenties, and picked a random one. He wasn't sure if he had made the right choice. Maybe he and Aayla should have stuck to drinking in their Jedi apartments for the evening. The music wouldn't have been as annoying.

"Did you find the place okay?" Anakin asked. Should he… like, shake her hand or something? Obi-Wan sometimes kissed his friends on the cheek. Should he do that? Were they close enough to do that? Usually, they only hung out when Master Quinlan and Obi-Wan hung out so they'd just sort of awkwardly wave to each other. He wasn't entirely sure how friends regularly greeted each other. If they even were friends.

Okay, he may have over-inflated the state of his and Aayla's relationship to the boys and Ahsoka. But what else was he supposed to do?

Explain that they were right and his only two friends were droids and that Master Plo suggested he try to actually make friends with people his age? That was embarrassing!

"Yes, it was no problem," Aayla said. She wasn't wearing her normal brown clothes. Instead, she had pulled on an emerald green crop top and some matching swooshy pants.

Anakin felt overdressed, still wearing his Jedi robes. He didn't know he was supposed to be changing for this!

"You look great," he said, feeling very stupid.

Aayla looked down at her outfit. "Thank you. My commander told me I looked good in this shade of green. So I figured, why not."

Anakin nodded. "Yeah, well, he was right."

Seriously, Skywalker? 'He was right'? That's what he went with? Maybe he should have accepted Tup and Hardcase's offer and just watched movies with them.

"You look…. Fine, too," Aayla said, gesturing to his Jedi robes.

"I wasn't sure what the dress code was," Anakin admitted. Already he was starting to feel a little hot. He wondered if he should take off the top layer at least.

"Right," Aayla said.

They lapsed back into silence.

At the table next to theirs, the couple started aggressively making out. Anakin had to wonder if the girl was trying to eat the guy's face with how hard she was gnawing at him. The lights changed from neon green and blue to neon orange and red. The music's tempo also picked up.

Both he and Aayla seemed to be trying to look anywhere except for each other. Which was awkward because every time Anakin's eyes landed on something else, that something else was usually two horny people making out and grinding to the point where he was wondering if they were just straight-up having sex.

Why was this so hard to do? He and Aayla had talked before. Though, he supposed that was in the context of the war. It was easier to talk to someone when you had the goal of succeeding in your mission and getting as many men out alive as possible.

"So… how… are… you doing?" he winced as soon as the words were out of his mouth. What sort of stupid question was that?

Aayla shrugged and started chipping the paint on the table away with her thumbnail. "What can I say? I was drafted into a war I am in no way trained for and now feel hundreds, maybe even thousands of deaths each campaign all while the Senate gets to sit back and argue from the safety of Coruscant with no regard for all the lives sacrificed so they can stay in power."

"Yeah, that about sums it up," Anakin said.

They returned to silence once more.

He needed to figure something out before this whole night turned into a complete failure and he did end up spending it alone, drinking with R2.

Hey, drinks! They were in a club. He should start drinking!

"I'm going to get some drinks. You want anything?"

"Please." Aayla seemed happy about the lifeline he extended her. "An Ion Blast."

"One Ion Blast coming right up."

He made his way to the bar. One Ion Blast for Aayla and one Galactic Warp punch for him. Aayla's was a neon blue, neon purple ombre concoction that came with a bright red cherry. He'd try that next round.

He hoped with a little bit of liquor in both of them, the night would be a complete disaster.

*****

"No."

Rex groaned and put both hands on the desk. "Come on, ori'vod. It's been so long since the entire batch had a chance to get together." Damn, he should have brought Ahsoka for this. If only because her big blue eyes would probably make Fox melt. Either that or he should have had Bly meet him here to aid in his mission. Fox couldn't say no to Bly.

"You're not technically part of the batch," Fox growled. He hadn't even looked up from his datapad.

"Ouch, that's harsh," Vos said from his spot perched on top of the filing cabinet. "Be nice to your baby brother, Fox."

Fox didn't even look up at him, just continued to fill out paperwork like Rex wasn't even there.

Rex suppressed the urge to growl. They really needed Fox to be dechipped. He, Cody, and Wolffe were the highest priorities given that they were leading the treason charge. They were the vode's guides, their superior officers. The ones people were looking to as they started to figure out a way to detangle themselves from war and find a way to stop it once and for all. Not only that, but Fox was one of the highest-ranking clones in the entire GAR.

Rex only added Bly and Gree when he found out all their shore leaves coincided, giving him the perfect opportunity to blitz several of the commanders and their medics at once so that they could start moving forward with a plan. Plus, if Fox's entire batch was going, that should have convinced him to take a break as well.

That plan was proven demonstrably false as Fox refused to leave his office even after Rex begged him.

"It's alright to take breaks," Senator Chuchi said from her spot across the desk. She reached a hand over to place it on Fox's forearm. Fox stilled at her touch.

Yes! Maybe this would work after all. Maybe Chuchi would be able to convince him to leave!

"Everyone needs them now and again. And it's been so long since you've seen all your brothers at once."

Fox looked up from the datapad and mulled over her words.

Yes!

Yes!

Chuchi's words were working!

They were getting through to him!

"Wolffe was the last one you saw, right?" Rex pressed. "Bly and Gree haven't been back in a while."

He looked more convinced. Bly was considered the 'baby' of the group so sometimes it helped to bring him up.

Fox looked to Chuchi, who smiled brightly at him. "Go on, representative. You deserve it."

Come on!

They were almost there!

Fox shook his head and returned to his datapad. "The budgetary committee needs reports in the next four hours. The anti-corruption think tank is full of corruption and being the leader, I need to figure out a plan this fiscal year to deal with that. Three new bills have just been put on my desk that need to be reviewed by tomorrow. And Palpatine has tasked me to rework the distribution of Corries so that petty crime in the lower levels is reduced by half in the next three years. He did not appreciate my suggestion that we focus on financial and white-collar crime that seems to be running rampant these days. I don't have time."

Rex groaned. If Chuchi and Bly couldn't convince Fox to go, there was no way Rex could. And while he wasn't sure what Fives had planned, it didn't appear to be working either.

"Fox, seriously, it's okay to take a break," Vos said. "You can't help anyone if you die."

"Death knows not to come for me until I tell it to," Fox growled.

"Alright, that's kind of badass but still missing the point."

He growled again.

Rex sighed. He had received a message from Echo that all the commanders were already at 79s and Kix had let him know that they were ready to proceed. He could not put this off any longer. He had to just carry on without Fox. Maybe Dice would be able to figure out a way to dechip Fox. Rex would have liked to debrief everyone at the same time so that he could answer any questions, but if Fox was going to be a stubborn bastard, then he was going to learn about the chips after everyone else did.

"Alright. Maybe next time, vod," Rex sighed.

Just as he was about to let Fox go and head to 79s, a voice rang out in the base. A voice that made his blood run cold. A voice that had visions of blaster fire running through his head. A voice that reminded him of some of the toughest battles with some of the highest casualty rates. A voice that brought dread to every trooper who had ever had to work with him.

"Yoohooo! Issa mesa!"

Fox froze.

Stone let out a whimper and hid under his desk.

The Corries made themselves scarce.

All in time for Jar Jar Binks and Orn Free Taa to round the corner and step into Fox's office.

"Oh fuck," Rex whimpered.

"Representative, Senator, what can I do for you?" Fox said through gritted teeth. He gripped the datapad so hard, it snapped in half. 

Jar Jar looked like he was about to say something but then realized Rex was standing there. "Oh! Captain Rex! Meesa missed you! Those blaster lessons were very, very good!"

"No, no, no, no!" Rex couldn't get out of the way fast enough as Jar Jar flung his arms around Rex's neck.

In the process, he slipped on an energy drink can and knocked them both to the floor. Somehow, this knocked Vos to the floor. His lightsaber turned on and cut the legs off the chair. Fox barely managed to scoop Chuchi up, thankfully avoiding the senator's surprise amputation.

Chuchi didn't seem to realize this. Instead, she was staring up at Fox with a very dark flush on her cheeks.

"What the fuck?" Vos hissed, scrambling to his feet and grabbing his lightsaber before it could do any more damage.

"Again, why are you here?" Fox all but spat.

"A trooper by the name of…" Orn Free Taa looked at his datapad with a confused look on his face. "Fives? What a weird name. He suggested that we have a get-together to discuss the latest amendments to the food distribution bill. Since many of the donations are from Naboo and headed to Ryloth for aid in rebuilding after the Separatist Blockade."

Holy shit, Fives! They wanted to convince Fox to come to 79s, not torture him with two of his least favorite people in the galaxy!

Jar Jar scrambled off Rex and nodded. Vos let out a whimper and lept onto Fox's desk to avoid him. Fox didn't even seem that mad about it.

"Yes! Issa very, very important that we talk about this bill!"

"That bill's not set to reach the floor for another month, though," Fox said.

"Yes, but you are not doing anything else tonight. Right?" Orn Free Taa said.

"I have other bills and such that need to be taken care of."

Orn Free Taa waved a dismissive and went to sit in the chair that hadn't been bisected by a lightsaber. "You can do that afterward."

"Yes!" Binks said. "This will only take a few minutes."

Fox looked at Rex. Then back at Binks. Then back to Rex.

"Actually, senators, my little brother, who I haven't seen in a while and who almost died a few weeks back, is here and I never get to see him so I'm headed out to spend some time with him before he ships back out to the front lines. I'm sure General Vos here would be more than happy to talk to you about this, though."

"Wait, what?"

Fox vaulted over his desk, with Chuchi still in his arms. He deposited her into the arms of her guards, kissed her on the cheek, and then grabbed Rex's arm.

"Don't make eye contact. Move, soldier! Move! Move! Move!"

Rex let out an 'oomph' as Fox dragged him through the base and then threw him into the back of a speeder. He drove off fast enough for one of the police droids to follow with their sirens. Fox turned around and shot it.

"Are you allowed to do that?" Rex asked, sitting up.

"I run the fucking government. I'm allowed to do anything I want," Fox growled."

*****

Anakin Skywalker and Aayla Secura's Current Drink Count: 6

Anakin had been correct. The drinks had seemed to help both of them loosen up with the conversation flowing a lot easier than it had been when he first showed up. Granted, it was still hard to hear over the incessant and annoying club music, but he was starting to have some fun.

A pair of guys came up and started flirting with them. Anakin was bold enough to try Obi-Wan's signature "I want to go home and rethink my life" trick and it worked! Aayla laughed at that and tried it on the next pair of people who wanted to flirt with them.

This was… fun. Fun in a way Anakin hadn't expected.

He was sure that no one else in the Jedi order could ever understand what he was going through. The pressure to be perfect. The perfect Jedi. The perfect general. The perfect master. But Aayla got him a lot better than he gave her credit for. She felt the pressure, the same as him.

"How is training Ahsoka?" she asked as they downed their next set of drinks. Something called a "Naboo Sunrise" that was also ombre with blue at the bottom and a reddish-purple at the top. It burned the back of his throat and made his body feel all loose and warm. He had discarded the very outer tunics of his robes. Much nicer.

"Honestly?" he asked.

Aayla nodded.

He thought for a minute about lying. About saying that everything was fine and Ahsoka was a wonderful student and he was so grateful for Master Yoda's wisdom in placing her as his padawan.

"It's a fucking nightmare," was what he said instead.

Aayla winced. "I thought you and Ahsoka were working well together, though?"

Anakin sighed and laid his head on the table. "We are. Don't get me wrong, Ahsoka is a great kid. She's smart and brilliant. A quick learner. Passionate. Strong moral compass. Willing to stand up for what she thinks is right. She's amazing."

"Then what's the problem."

"Me. I'm the problem. It's me," Anakin said, looking at Aayla. Jedi had a higher alcohol tolerance than most people due to some Force shenanigans he never understood so he wasn't quite drunk yet, but he was getting tipsy. And the tipsiness loosened his tongue.

"I'm sure that's not true," Aayla urged.

"No, it is. I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. Half the time, if Ahsoka comes to me with any problem that isn't related to flying or shit, I don't know what to do. I comm Obi-Wan and ask him for advice and then just tell her what he said. I don't know why Yoda wanted me to be her teacher. She would have been better off with Master Plo or Obi-Wan. I feel like I'm failing her every step of the way. And it doesn't help that she's my first padawan and we're in a very unique situation. If we weren't at war, I might feel better about it. But seeing her out there on the battlefield, having to command men and watch them die. I don't know how to help her. I barely know how to help myself."

Aayla patted his back. "I'm sorry you feel so pressured. I don't have my own padawan, so I may not know exactly how you feel, but I still understand."

"Thank you, Aayla, really. I never said anything because I didn't want anyone to think I was a bad teacher. But I still feel like a padawan myself. I don't know half the things I need to know to be a good Jedi but I'm expected to still teach a kid? Who gave me that responsibility?"

"Master Yoda."

"Master fucking Yoda." Anakin sighed. "Sorry to be such a downer."

"No, it's fine. This war is hell for everyone. Master Quin is always saying 'Aayla, when are you going to make me a grandmaster?' and 'Aayla, look at this cute initiate. Don't you think she'd be perfect for our lineage? Go, tell Master Yoda that you want to be her instructor.' And 'I'm not getting any younger. I want a grandpadawan to spoil. It's not fair that Obi-Wan gets one and I don't'. And I want one, really, I do. But like you said, I can't imagine trying to teach my first padawan during this war."

"It's not fun, I can tell you that." Anakin pushed himself back up. "I am glad that Obi-Wan is there to help, though. And that Ahsoka has Rex and the others. She needs all the support she can get. I have faith in her that she'll make it out of this. Do you have your eye on an initiate, though?"

Aayla's cheeks flushed and she took another shot. "Well, there is one girl. Oh, but she's too young to take on as a padawan."

This got Anakin's attention. "Really? Who?"

"Her name is Reva," Aayla sighed dreamily. "She's so adorable. And she's got the squishiest little cheeks."

"Ahsoka's cheeks are also so fucking squishy! Sometimes, I'm sitting in a planning meeting and I just want to…" Anakin mimed squishing Ahsoka's cheeks. "All my self-control goes to not squishing Ahsoka's squishy cheeks!"

"She has such squishy cheeks!" Aayla agreed with him. "And so does Reva. I just want to bundle her up and eat her. But, like I said, she's too young to take on as a padawan. And I don't want her to be exposed to this war unless absolutely necessary."

Maybe it was the alcohol buzzing through Anakin's brain, or just the pleasant feelings from getting some of his anxieties off his chest, but a surge of confidence rushed through him.

"Just because she's too young to be a padawan doesn't mean that you can't still claim her!" He pulled out his datapad. "I'm going to put in a good word to Master Yoda so he can set her aside until you're ready to take her on."

Aayla beamed. "Really? You'd do that for me?"

"Of course, we're friends."

"Thank you!" Aayla surged forward to wrap her arms around Anakin's neck, knocking over their half-finished drinks in the process.

"I'm going to make this recommendation so fucking good Master Yoda will have no choice but to make Reva your padawan when she's older."

And so he typed out what was, in his opinion, the magnum opus of recommendations, detailing exactly why Reva should be Aayla's padawan.

*****

79s was just as crowded as Rex remembered. There were vode stuffed in the little clone-friendly bar wall to wall. Some were in their armor. Some were in their off-duty kits. Some were in a variety of donated clothes thanks to Fox's amendment to the food donation bill. It was still relatively early in the night so the boys weren't too rowdy, but that was probably going to change soon.

Fox wrinkled his nose disapprovingly. "I will arrest everyone here and throw them in the drunk tank."

"No, you won't. Come on, relax, and take the night off," Rex said. He grabbed Fox's arm and dragged him to where Cody, Bly, Wolffe, and Gree were already sitting.

Fives and Echo had made themselves scarce for now. Kix was still in the basement with the other medics last he heard, with Corric leaving to go get some more antiseptic for the next round of chip removals that were about to happen.

It was all going according to plan. Fox was here. They were running on time. No one had died yet. Fives and Echo should be slipping some sort of sedative into the commanders' drinks. This would get them drunk enough to wobble their way downstairs where the medics would sedate them properly and perform the surgery. They had a very short time frame if they wanted this to work. Rex would not mess this up.

"The fuck's wrong with you?" Fox asked, surveying him.

"What?"

"You're all tense. What's up?"

Rex shook out his nerves. He forgot how observant Fox could be at times.

If he didn't answer soon, though, then Fox would start interrogating him. And then the truth would spill out and then everything would go to shit and Rex and the others would probably be killed to cover up this conspiracy.

"I'm just… worried. About getting called up to Palpatine's office." That was true, from a certain point of view.

Fox grunted. "Kenobi took care of that. He's not allowed to talk to you alone. I was there when that conversation went down."

He knew that. The entire GAR had received a memo stating that no clone trooper could be assigned a mission without their commanding officer present. But if Palpatine needed to silence Rex, he'd figure out a way to do it.

"I know. It's just… sometimes, it's hard knowing which orders we're supposed to be following. The Jedi's. The Chancellor's." Or the chips.

Fox put a hand on his head and rubbed it harshly. "Don't worry, if he calls you and no one else, I'll send Organa over at the very least until a Jedi can show up. Mind you, it's probably going to be Vos. Because he's a pain in my ass and I'll do whatever it takes to get rid of him, but he's good. I trust him."

Rex nodded. "Thanks."

"There they are!" Wolffe called. He tossed an arm over Rex and Fox's shoulders to lead them to the table. "How the hell did you get him away from the desk? Every time I try, he threatens to shoot me."

" Vod'ika privileges," Rex said. 

"Binks and Taa showed up and invited me to work with them. I had to come or else I'd be stuck with those two morons for the rest of the night." Fox punched Rex in the arm. "And don't think I didn't hear him say that your  little ARC pet project wasn't the one who contacted him."

"I had nothing to do with it, I swear," Rex said.

Fox punched him again. "Yeah, right. Only Bly, Soka, and Thire get vod'ika privileges."

"Hang on, if Ahsoka gets vod'ika privileges, then why can't I?"

"Because you're Cody's problem."

"Ahsoka's my problem."

"And I feel very sorry for her, having a shitty ori'vod like you."

Rex elbowed him.

Fox knocked Wolffe's arm off his shoulder and brought Rex into a headlock. "Tap out."

"Never," Rex said.

"Got the first round of drinks—oh!" Bly stopped upon seeing Rex and Fox wrestling.

Wolffe pulled them apart and shoved them into the seats. Fox glared at Rex while Bly started handing out the drinks.

Damn, Rex was hoping to get the first round so they could get this over with. Hopefully, everyone drank fast. The longer it took, the more likely they were to lose people. Fox had a shit ton of work he had to do. And Wolffe was attending a training with Ponds' men tomorrow that he needed to prepare for. Rex might be able to keep Bly and Gree out all night, but Cody wasn't much of a drinker and, given the dark circles under his ori'vod's eyes, probably could use several days' worth of uninterrupted sleep.

Cody looked to Rex, brow furrowed. "What's wrong with you?"

"Worried about Palpatine," Fox answered for him.

Cody's brow furrowed even further. He was expecting an update on the chip research. He seemed to understand that Rex's unease was due to that (though he didn't realize why, exactly, he was uneasy) and accepted Fox's explanation without much fuss.

"Don't be. Obi-Wan took care of that." 

 "I know. Be sure to thank him for that."

Cody nodded.

"Oi, Gree." Wolffe tossed a crumpled-up napkin at Gree's head and took a sip of his drink.

Gree swatted it away and glared at him. "What?"

"Your stupid knitting tutorial took off in Wolfpack. Lucky knitted Koon a sweater that said 'Galaxy's #1 Buir' on it."

Gree burst out laughing.

"How'd he take that?" Rex asked, sipping his drink. He had to be sure not to get too drunk. Just in case he needed to change the plan at the drop of a hat.

"He cried for an hour. Or, well, I think he did. With the mask on it's kind of hard to tell. But I always tell the men not to call him that to his face! We need to be a little professional here."

"You call your general buir ?" Fox wrinkled his nose.

Wolffe's cheeks darkened and he ducked his head. There was no talking his way around this one since he had been the one to admit it in the first place. "Plo-Buir, specifically. And, like, I'm pretty sure he knew about it. But we have to at least pretend for the sake of duty and whatnot. What do you think the fucking long-necks would say if they found out?"

"Decommissioning," Bly said.

"That's right. But now we can't pretend because they went and knitted him a sweater and he wears the damn thing all the time. He wore it to a council meeting the other day."

Everyone burst out laughing at this.

"So that's why Obi-Wan sent him a 'Congrats on your adoption' card," Cody mused. "I thought the man took on another padawan."

"Don't blame me for your men knitting your buir sweaters," Gree said. "It's your own damn fault and you should learn to control yourselves."

"Oh, like how you controlled yourself in the last video?" Wolffe said.

Gree sipped his drink. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Calling your commander ' vod'ika'  and ' ner ad'ika '. It's a wonder you weren't shipped back to Kamino the second it aired."

"Rex calls Tano that all the time. I don't know why I can't."

"That is true," Bly said. "But she was right. Normally all your anger is on the inside. A nat born giving you trouble?"

Gree was silent.

"So a natborn is giving you trouble," Wolffe said. "Come on, out with it. Who? And did you tell Unduli?"

He sighed and set his drink down. "I mean, she knows."

"And she's not doing anything?" Cody asked.

"She can't do anything."

"But she's the general."

"And he's the chancellor."

Fox and Rex both went rigid at his admission.

Gree noticed and waved them off. "It's nothing like that, vod. He's taken an interest in Barriss, that's all."

"That's all?" Fox asked, brow furrowed.

"I'm surprised you didn't know about it. After Kenobi ripped him a new one, Palpatine started calling Barriss to his office to "discuss" how he could support the padawans and whatnot. The whole thing is weird because I feel like he's not actually interested in that. But he keeps calling her there and then is pissed off when me, Unduli, or another Jetii show up to sit with her."

Bly wrinkled his nose. "That's suspicious."

"Right? But we can't do anything because he hasn't technically done anything."

Wolffe scrapped off the label on his beer with his thumb. "Anyone else think it's weird that Palpatine was interested in Skywalker, but now that he's an adult, he's moved on to another kid?"

The entire table went silent. 

 Gree's face turned murderous and Rex could have sworn he had cracked his glass with how hard he was gripping it.

"I'm going to rip his intestines out of his throat and hang him with them," Gree growled.

"Hey, relax," Cody said, putting a hand on Gree's shoulder. "We don't know that he's, you know, trying to do that to her."

"Why else would he be pissed off that he doesn't get alone time with her?"

"I don't know. Because he's a man in power and doesn't like to be told 'no' by anyone?" Cody said. "Wolffe, quit inciting Gree's violent streak. We are not killing the chancellor by hanging him with his own intestines."

"You're right. They're not strong enough. They'd break under his body weight," Gree said. "I'll think of something else."

The table was silent now that the heavy topic had been introduced.

Bly cleared his throat. "Well, now that we've gotten updates from Wolffe and Gree, does anyone want to hear my updates?"

Everyone groaned.

"Please, please do not talk about your general. We have heard it all before," Wolffe said, setting his head down on the table.

"Seriously? I do not talk about her that much!" Bly cried.

Cody sighed. "Yes, you do. But go on, talk about her some more."

"Come on, Codes, please, I don't want to hear another eight-hour sonnet about her sparkling eyes," Fox said, looking like he might just cry.

"I know, but if we don't let him talk now, he's just going to build it up until it bursts out of him ten drinks deep and then he'll start crying and then I'll have to clean up the mess. At least this way he gets some of it out of his system."

Bly didn't even seem to care what Cody had just said, already launching into his 'Aayla Secura is the best person in the galaxy' spiel before he had even finished his sentence.

"Great, because you guys have got to hear about the most amazing, wonderful, kindest, most beautiful woman in the entire world!"

"We know," Rex groaned, slumping back into his chair. Just last week he had been forced (Forced!) to sit there for an hour and listen to Bly go on and on and on about Secura. At this point, he wasn't sure what else there was to say about the woman.

"Yes, yes, go on." Cody rolled his eyes and sipped his drink.

"Oh, she is so amazing!" Bly's eyes sparked and he propped his chin on his hand. "We had to go to this diplomatic event, you know the one on Alderaan? It was utterly pointless. Just an excuse for rich people to drink, eat fancy food, gossip, and dress up. But that almost meant that Aayla got to dress up and she wore the most stunning emerald green dress. It made her look like an angel! I told her that too. She looked so good. I'm going to marry her in that dress. She helped me out too. I was just going to wear my greys but you know how stupid that hat is so she took me out to get some nicer clothes and some cologne. I've never had cologne before. They don't usually donate that. All the scents were kind of overwhelming. She got me one that was supposed to smell like clean cotton on a summer's day? I don't know what any of that is supposed to smell like, but she said it smelled good so I trust her."

"Hmm, Obi-Wan got me some cologne for an event too," Cody mused, almost as if it were an afterthought and he hadn't realized he had said it out loud. "Some sort of spicy, woodsy scent."

Bly crushed a hand over Cody's mouth. "Shut up! We'll talk about your stupid boyfriend later. I want to talk about the most perfect being to ever walk the earth right now."

Cody, undeterred by Bly's hand, bit him.

"Hey! Only Wolffe and Fox are allowed to bite people. Those are the rules." Bly said as he yanked his hand from Cody's teeth.

"Those were the rules when we were cadets. We aren't cadets right now," Cody pointed out.

Bly glared at him and continued his tale. "As I was saying, she took me to this event and we had such a great time. I got to try so many different kinds of foods and there were a few people there that weren't total dicks. She even showed me how to do a few simple dances! I was so afraid she could feel how sweaty my hands were. But if she did, she didn't say anything." Bly sighed dreamily. "That night was so perfect. I got her flowers afterward as a thank-you gift."

"Finished?" Cody asked.

Bly glared at him. "Listen here. You are not allowed to kiss, date, or marry your general before me. You and Fox. I got it all planned out. When our first date is going to be. When our wedding is going to be. You are not fucking with my schedule."

"I am not dating, kissing, or marrying Vos." Fox wrinkled his nose.

"I was talking about Chuchi."

"Oh."

"Then you're too late, Bly," Rex said grinning, glad he could get in on the ribbing of his brothers. "Fox already kissed Chuchi."

"What?" Everyone shouted.

Fox looked confused. "When the fuck did I do that?"

"Just this evening," Rex said. "Before we left. You kissed her on the cheek."

Fox's cheeks darkened and he turned back to his drink. "That doesn't mean anything. Lots of people kiss people on the cheeks as greetings."

"Yeah, but not like that. And they don't usually blush about it afterward," Rex said, poking his cheek.

Fox tried to bite his finger.

"No, no more kisses. I am going to kiss and marry Aayla first. You all have to wait your turn!" Bly said.

"I wouldn't worry too much," Wolffe said. "Fox is too emotionally constipated for a relationship and Cody is too goddamn professional to make a move. Those two will die old and alone."

"I'm not too professional to make a move." Cody protested.

Everyone whipped towards him, eyes wide. Only Wolffe's narrowed into something more predatory.

"Oh yeah?" he asked. "Did something, did you?"

Cody must have realized what he had just admitted. His eyes widened a fraction before he turned away to sip his drink. "Bly, are you done talking about Secura?"

"Uh-uh." Wolffe shoved his hand over Bly's mouth before he could speak. "Bly shut up. You did something, didn't you?" His grin widened.

"I didn't kiss him," Cody said. "So there's nothing to talk about."

"You don't have to kiss to do something. Spill it, Codes. What'd you do? What's the reason Seventeen is going to be stringing your corpse up in Tipoca City as a warning to those who want to fraternize?"

"Nothing!"

Fox whipped out a datapad. "I'll have Vos go through the security cameras on The Negotiator. He's just as interested in this relationship as I am. And, if it really is nothing, then it's nothing."

Cody ripped the datapad out of his hands and threw it against the wall. It shattered into a million pieces and several vode looked at their table, wondering what the commotion was about.

Without breaking eye contact, Fox pulled out another.

Cody threw that one against the wall.

Fox pulled out another.

"Where the hell are you keeping all of those?" Bly asked, looking at Fox's backside as if he had a secret datapad storage pocket. Maybe he did.

Fox didn't answer him. Instead keeping eye contact with Cody. "I can do this all night, vod. Your call."

"Fine! Fine! Do not message Vos."

"Yes! Good move pulling out the Vos card, vod," Wolffe said.

"He does have his uses."

Cody buried his head in his hands and groaned. "I swear, we didn't do anything. We just sparred."

"Sparred as in sparred. Or sparred as in 'sparred'?" Gree asked.

"Sparred as in sparred. Lightsaber training."

"Boring."

"Lame."

"That cannot be what you're hiding."

Fox lifted the datapad back up.

Cody groaned and thunked his head on the table. "Fine. I beat him. He said something about Makashi being like a dance so after he stood up, I just sort of…" He gestured helplessly in front of him and looked towards Rex.

Rex quirked his brow, sipped his drink, and refused to come to his ori'vod's aid.

Fox lifted the datapad.

"I dipped him. Okay? I dipped him and then I dropped him, and then I ran away. And then right before he left, he helped me clean my armor so Seventeen wouldn't make me do Lightning Strike twenty times!"

"You got to second base?" Bly cried. "No, that's not allowed, Cody. Not until Aayla and I've gotten there! I didn't even dip her when we danced!"

"Second base? It sounds like they're fucking married what the hell, Codes?" Wolffe cried.

"We did not get to second base. We are not married. Keep your voice down," Cody hissed as several troopers once more turned to see what the commanders were talking about.

"He cleaned your armor. Why don't you two just buy a house and get a lothcat or something," Gree said.

"You also groped him!" Fox said.

"No. There was no groping. Only light touching. I mean, he put his hand in my hair."

"Oh, Force! You did get to second base!" Gree said.

"No. No, we did not. We have a strictly professional relationship. Wolffe is right. There is nothing between us. No fraternizing here."

"I don't know. I've never dipped Skywalker," Rex said casually.

"I'll give you latrine duty if you say another word. All of you," Cody growled.

"You don't outrank me," Fox replied.

"It'll be so worth it just to see the footage," Gree added.

"Send it to me when you do," Wolffe said.

"I should not have told you that. I hate all of you," Cody groaned.

In the corner of his eye, he saw someone motioning to him. He casually looked over to see Fives and Echo trying to relay to him that he needed to go get the drugged drinks.

He looked at the drinks on the table, still half-finished. At this rate, they were never going to get to a second round.

He had to think fast.

"You know, I think Skywalker needs to know about this," Rex said, yanking the datapad out of Fox's hands.

"No!" Cody thankfully acted exactly as Rex wanted him to and leaped over the table in his rush to pull the datapad from his hands. The table jolted and the drinks went everywhere as Cody tackled him to the ground and ripped it out of his hands.

"Damn. Didn't know you were so anxious for your stepson not to find out." Wolffe howled with laughter.

Cody glared at him and went to strangle him.

"Aw, you spilled all our drinks," Bly said, mournfully shaking out his now sopping wet glove.

"I'll get some more," Rex said, leaping up as Wolffe managed to get Cody to stop his attempted murder.

"Damn, vod'ika . Relax. Drinks aren't going anywhere," he said.

"I know, but I don't want Fox to slip away while I'm gone. Ahsoka wants updates on the initiates that have been working with you."

"Stone keeps trying to adopt them." Fox slipped the datapad back into some secret storage compartment. Really, where was he keeping all of them? "Caught him getting almost all the way through the adoption vows. Managed to stop him in time. I'm not sure what the Jedi would think of that. Vos found it hilarious."

"Well," Rex caught sight of Echo telling him to hurry the fuck up. "Keep thinking of stories. I'll be back in a minute."

Before he could be distracted, he rushed over to the bar where Echo and Fives were waiting.

He ordered his drinks, just some simple beers so they could get them quickly.

"What took you so long?" Fives hissed as Echo dumped some powder into the drinks.

"Bly got the drinks before I got here. It took longer than I thought it would to get Fox out of the office and they just kept talking. What was I supposed to do?"

"Drinking games. You should have played drinking games," Fives said.

Rex rolled his eyes. "Bly and Cody don't drink much. And Wolffe and Fox are watching their alcohol so they can get up early tomorrow. I doubt I could have gotten them drinking with drinking games."

"Lame," Fives huffed.

Rex looked over at Echo as he finished dissolving the powder.

"How hard was it to get that?"

"Surprisingly easy," Echo said. "Worryingly easy. Like, when were told to go buy some roofies, I thought we'd be wandering around for a while. Nope. He's right outside."

Rex's stomach clenched at the thought of why a man would need to be selling roofies right outside 79s.

"That man has definitely done some shit," Fives said. "We put a tracker on him so that when this is all over, Commander Fox can go arrest his ass and throw him in a very deep, very dark hole."

"Right," Echo pushed the drinks tray towards him. "This is yours. The Photon Lite."

"That one tastes like shit," Rex said.

"Would you rather risk drinking one of the drugged ones instead?" Echo said.

He had a point.

"The man said it would cause them to start feeling the effects in about ten minutes. In fifteen, they should be out. Though he didn't know how our enhanced metabolisms would impact how it worked so we need to get them down in the basement as soon as they start showing signs so Kix and the others can knock them out."

"And he wasn't at all suspicious of two troopers buying these off him?" Rex asked, looking at the drinks.

"If he was, he didn't act like it," Fives said. "Kix said the droid's still working fine. Corric's on his way back with more antiseptics and should be here in about five minutes. The bartender has been bribed to look the other way when we drag the commanders down there. The other medics have been dechipped and debriefed. Echo and I will start a fight over a girl when you're ready so that you can get them down during the distraction."

"Right. Right. Got it. Five to ten minutes. Be ready."

"Ready as we'll ever be," Fives said.

Rex brought the drinks back over and handed them out, keeping the non-drugged one for himself.

They continued to talk a bit longer. The volunteer program that Ahsoka and Barriss had set up was going well. It had helped cut the Corrie workload down significantly and gave valuable crosstraining to the troopers so they would have options on what to do when the war was over. Wolffe talked about how he might be sending Coil, Deadshot, Silver, Scout, and Lucky to get ARC training under Seventeen's tender, loving care. Archer and Sol had managed to create a new fuel source that made speeders go fifty percent faster but also had a fifty-fifty chance of blowing up. Waxer and Boil were trying to get some leave to go see Numa. Gree might be accompanying Unduli and Barriss on a trip to some ancient temple. And so on and so on.

Rex did his best to hide his nerves, but he couldn't help them build as time marched forward.

What if the man had given them a placebo? What if something in the clones' biology made them immune to whatever drug he had put in their drinks? What if they were all allergic and were about to die? What if it wore off too fast and they weren't able to get the chip out?

Cody put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, relax. It's going to be fine," he said.

Rex nodded. "I know. It will be." It may not be, but he had made his choice. He had to accept the outcome and be prepared to change the plan if needed.

Bly slumped over, leaning heavily on Cody's shoulder. Wolffe's story about Locke was starting to become slurred to the point of incomprehension. Fox had stopped talking altogether and was now staring intently at his half-finished drink, not blinking. Gree fell out of his chair multiple times. Only Cody seemed to still be sober.

But, Rex knew his brother. Cody's face was flushed and he was laughing a bit more freely than he might otherwise.

"I think you guys are a little drunk," Rex said as he signaled to Fives and Echo to start their distraction.

"Wah? No," Gree said as he tried and failed to get back in his seat.

"Only had two drinks, vod," Fox grunted from his seat. The only reason he was so rigid was so that he didn't fall out of the chair.

"You all are a bunch of lightweights," Rex laughed, though his heart wasn't in it. In fact, his heart seemed to be doing its best to escape his chest; slamming against his ribcage as he stood on shaky legs. This was it.

"Come on, before Fox's men have to come and throw him in the drunk tank."

"I am the drunk tank," Fox slurred.

There was shouting from behind him. He heard stools getting knocked over and people gasping. A few cheering. Fives and Echo shouted at each other while some woman let out a high-pitched whine about how they shouldn't fight over her; though, she sounded pleased that they were fighting over her.

"Wha's that?" Cody asked, swinging his head to look at the two troopers.

"Do you really want to deal with it on your day off?" Rex asked. He hooked Bly's arm over his shoulder and stood up.

Bly giggled and slumped into him. "I bought Aayla flowers."

"You already told me."

"Think she liked them?"

"I'm sure she did. Come on. Let's go out back."

"Fronts better," Wolffe said, stripping off his jacket.

"Do you want the men to see their commanders drunk, though?" Rex asked.

He probably should have had a medic or two up here on Commander Wrangling duty. Trying to get five drugged commanders to follow him was like herding lothcats. The second he tried to direct one the other four would drift away. Sometimes towards Fives and Echo's fight. Sometimes towards the bright lights. Sometimes towards the booths so they could lie down.

"Back's fine." Cody stood up and fell over onto another table.

Rex adjusted Bly's grip and hoisted his brother up with one arm.

Cody thanked him.

"Thank me after I get you out of here. Come on."

He somehow managed to get all five of them through the door in the basement. Thankfully, Fives and Echo were putting on a great show and had thoroughly distracted the crowd so no one noticed when Rex all but shoved the commanders into a door that definitely did not lead to the outside.

"Come on. Let's go," Rex growled as Fox and Gree stopped in the middle of the stairs to… just stare. Just stare at the wall.

"This doesn look like the back way." Fox narrowed his eyes.

"That's because it's not, sir," Dice said. Finally some help! He took Fox's arm and led him down the stairs.

The other medics came not long after to collect their commanders.

"Got everyone?" Rex asked once his hands were free from overly-cuddly ori'vode. 

Kix nodded. "Tenner, Dice, Helix, Spine, and Needle. All clean. All debriefed. All horrified."

"We have to start with Fox first," Dice said.

"Everyone wants to start with their commanders," Needle said as he laid Bly down on the ground.

"Yes, but unlike you guys, my commander has built up a tolerance to just about every knock-out drug there is. He'll be the first to wake up. We have to start with him."

"Look, just start with him," Kix said. "Let's get going."

Helix started up the AZ unit the Bad Batch had smuggled Rex last week while Dice worked to get Fox prepped for surgery.

Even though now twelve troopers had been dechipped without issue, Rex still held his breath as the AZ unit sliced into Fox's skull.

He felt like he held his breath for the entire operation. Until Dice declared Fox dechipped and then pulled him to the side for aftercare while Kix helped get Gree set up. Fives and Echo had appeared sometime during Gree's surgery, both of them a little bloody and bruised from their fight, but seemingly in good spirits.

Gree's went off without a hitch.

Bly was next.

He survived.

Wolffe went next.

He survived.

One more. Just one more commander and this nightmare could be over.

Cody was all that remained.

With each surgery, Rex felt himself relaxing just a little bit more. With each surgery, he could see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Helix and Kix got Cody prepped and ready to go.

Then everything went to shit.

*****

Anakin Skywalker and Aayla Secura's Current Drink Count: 20

"That's the problem!" Aayla exclaimed as she slumped over the table. "No one knows what the fuck we're doing. We're Jedi, not generals. We know fuck all about war!"

Anakin nodded. He knew at this point they should probably purge their systems so as not to get too drunk, but he also couldn't bring himself to care. Being drunk made him feel good. And talking with Aayla made him feel good. He felt like they were having such deep conversations.

He mouthed at the straw to his latest cocktail. They got different cocktails and shots with each order, but at this point, they were all starting to taste the same. This one was called Sex on the Beach or something? He had never had sex on a beach so he wasn't sure if it was an accurate representation.

And the name. "Sex on THE Beach" What beach? Was it a specific beach? It had to be because of the word 'the'. It wasn't "Sex on A Beach" after all.

Aayla didn't seem to understand the question.

That was fine. Because she was bringing up a lot of good points about the war and their place in all of it.

"I mean," she continued, downing another shot of something that smoked and fizzled when it hit your tongue. "I mean, who looked at us and went 'yup, those are the people who I want to run the war'? The fuck were they thinking?"

"It's stupid," Anakin said. "So stupid."

"I don't have any experience running a battalion. Why am I a general?"

"Obi-Wan's got experience," Anakin said. "Lots and lots of experience."

"He's the only one though! Everyone else is just small-scale shit. And then the baby commanders! Why are they commanders? I know what I was like when I was fourteen and I would not want to be in charge of anything."

"Fucking sucks," Anakin agreed. "Ahsoka should be out there, doing illegal speeder races and…. And…" What else did normal teenagers do? "Eating ice cream with boys and girls!"

Sure, that sounded about right.

"Exactly!" Aayla pointed at him. "What the fuck do we know about running a war? We shouldn't be running it! Half the time, I don't run it. I just ask Bly what he wants to do and then do that."

"Same. But with Rex and not Bly."

"They're the ones training all their lives to be soldiers. They should run the war."

Anakin snorted. "Imagine how fast the war would be over if we put Cody in charge. A week. A week and this would all be done."

"Aya! You think a week? I say an afternoon. We put the clone commanders in charge and then they'll finish the war out and then we get back to being peacekeepers. That's what we should do."

"Yeah! That's a great idea, Aayla."

"Thank you. You're so supportive of my ideas." Aayla beamed at him.

"But Cody, man, I just… I love him so much. Obi-Wan needs someone to look out for him. He doesn't let me do it cause I'm his padawan, but he lets Cody do it. And… Dammit, Obi-Wan's right. Cody is a good man." Tears sprang to his eyes.

"You should tell him that!" Aayla exclaimed. "The world needs more love."

"It does!" 

 "Cody needs to know that you love him."

Anakin pulled out his comm device. "I'm going to tell him right now!"

He called up Cody's number. It went to voice mail, which was okay because Anakin just needed to get this off his chest.

"Cody, man, I just wanted to let you know how much I love you. You and Rex both. You guys are just…" he sniffed. "You guys are just so fucking great. Really. You deserve the world and I'm going to work on giving it to you!"

"Yes! Tell him!" Aayla looped an arm over his shoulders and nearly toppled onto his lap.

"You're the best. Don't let anyone else tell you that you're not. I love you, man." He hung up the comm and gave Aayla a dopey smile.

"How's that?"

"Beautiful," she said, wiping a tear from his eye. "I wish we could do more. If they could just take command, the war would be over."

"Why don't we do that?" Anakin asked.

"What?"

"Why don't we give Cody and the other commanders command? We're their generals. We can relinquish command if we feel unfit for duty. Right?"

She slapped his chest. "Anakin Skywalker, you're a genius! We should do that."

"Yay!"

Aayla slid off his lap. "I'm going to let Master Yoda know right now!" She pulled out her comm device and then paused. "Hang on, are we the only ones in charge of them? Or is there someone else who would take command?

Anakin stopped to think about it for a second. "I actually don't know how the GAR is structured."

Aayla slapped his chest again. "Then let's figure it out!"

*****

Ahsoka was not stupid.

She had been told she was pretty smart. Very smart, in fact. And she was inclined to believe it.

Ever since Rex had come back from his mission, something was off about him. At first, she thought it was just the trauma affecting him. He had almost died and went through an intense medical procedure to stay alive. Of course, he'd be shaken up.

But then she started noticing other things.

She noticed that he and the others were being secretive. They were whispering to each other in the halls. Sneaking around. Ducking into tight corners to talk.

Again, she might have been able to pass this off as something more innocent.

But one day Kix pulled Rex down to the med bay for a "routine medical check up" and when he and Rex came back, Rex seemed… distraught. His eyes were red and he held her tightly for the rest of the day. That was weird, but his mind was even weirder.

Despite Rex's clear indication that something was wrong, something about his mind, his soul was right. It felt right. Righter than it ever had before. Lighter than it ever had before. Like some dark cloud had been chased away and Rex was now Rex.

Kix felt the same way.

Like a great weight had been pulled from his shoulders.

Things kept getting weirder after that. There was Hardcase's and Tup's "scouting mission" where they came back hauling a box they hadn't left with. And then just like that, Fives, Echo, and Hardcase felt light too. With the snap of her fingers, it was so noticeable she did a double-take when she saw them.

Something weird was going on.

They were hiding something. And she had a feeling that tonight connected to it.

Why else would Tup and Hardcase volunteer to stay behind while Echo and Fives went out?

She understood why Rex wouldn't want her at 79s since it was a bar. And Anakin did tell her that sometimes adults liked to have adult time to do adult things, whatever that meant. She had to assume it had something to do with taxes and backs hurting.

But that didn't explain why Tup and Hardcase were the only two to stay behind. They had practically forced her into this movie night and it was very clear that they were watching her and keeping her at the barracks.

She went back and forth whether to let it go or to investigate. She trusted Rex to be safe in whatever he was doing. And she had a feeling Cody was involved.

But, she couldn't shake the feeling that this was something bigger. Something more dangerous. And she'd be damned if she let her ori'vod walk into danger again. She couldn't protect him once. She wasn't about to make that mistake again.

She was going to figure out what Rex and the others were up to if it was the last thing she did.

But how to do that when Tup and Hardcase were watching her like hawks?

"Alright, I was thinking we could start with this slasher movie," Hardcase said, holding up a title Ahsoka had heard about from other padawans. It was mostly just a man running around and killing sexually promiscuous teens in weird ways while wearing a spooky mask.

"Is that appropriate? It says it's rated M?" Tup asked.

"She's literally fighting in a war. I don't think she's going to be traumatized by watching some topless chick getting smacked against a tree in a sleeping bag until she dies."

"I don't know…"

"Actually," Ahsoka piped up, a plan now forming in her head. "I was thinking of the movie "Candlelight Wishes and Life Day Whispers"."

Hardcase wrinkled his nose. "It's not Life Day though."

"And I don't think we have that movie," Tup said as he flicked through Dogma's truly impressive movie collection.

"I know. But I don't want to watch anything that's too intense, you know? It's just… this war is so hard on everyone. I don't want death and gore. I just want to watch a woman from the big city go back to her small town for Life Day and fall in love with the local innkeeper."

What she did next was particularly cruel. But hey. It got her the results she wanted.

" Gedet'ye, ori'vod?" She asked in a small voice, letting her eyes widen and her lower lip wobble just a bit.

Hardcase's face softened and he put a hand on her head. "I'd love to, kid. But we don't have it. And I don't know if any movie stores are open right now."

Jackpot!

"Sinker has it!" Ahsoka said brightly. "He's a big fan of cheesy holiday romance movies. You can get it from him."

Thank you, Sinker for having such wonderful tastes the trashiest of holiday rom-coms.

Tup and Hardcase looked at each other.

"Just one movie and then we can watch the slasher one," Ahsoka promised.

Hardcase sighed. "Alright. I'll go get it for you."

"Thanks, ori'vod! You're the best!" She leaped up and wrapped her arms tightly around Hardcase's neck.

Hardcase laughed and patted her back. "Alright. Alright. It'll take me a couple of minutes. Wolfpack's clear on the other side of the barracks."

"It's okay. While you're going, Tup can go to the mess and see if they've got any cookies. I know Cody was stress-baking earlier."

"You don't think we have enough sweets?" Tup asked, looking at their pile of candy.

Ahsoka turned on the tooka eyes once more. "Come on, Tup. You know Cody's stress-baked snickerdoodles are the best. Please? Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Before Longshot gets them all. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please."

"Alright. Alright, I'll go get the cookies," Tup said.

"Atta boy," Hardcase slapped him on the back. "Live a little. Let your teeth rot, Tup'ika." 

"You want to come with?" he asked.

Damn! She should have realized that if Rex had asked them to keep an eye on her, they wouldn't let her out of their sight so easily.

"No, I'm good. I'll get this set up. Anakin taught me some new tricks so I should be able to increase the image quality." She plopped on the ground, kicked her boots off, and started working on the projector.

Tup and Hardcase exchanged glances. If they started to push, they knew she'd find that suspicious. Hopefully, though, with her shoes off and seemingly engrossed in her task, it would be convincing enough for them to leave.

"Alright," Tup said, still a little tense. "I'll be right back."

"Sounds good." She pulled the back off of the projector and stuck her tongue out.

Hardcase and Tup left the room. She thought she could hear Tup sprinting, trying to get to the kitchen and back as quickly as possible.

That was okay. She could move just as quickly.

She pulled on her boots, grabbed her lightsabers, and slipped into the vents.

She calculated that she only had a five-minute head start. But that was more than enough time to get to 79s. Hopefully, she'd be able to pick up the trail Rex left from there and chase him until she finally got answers.

*****

Anakin Skywalker and Aayla Secura's Current Drink Count: 40

"No, no, if Cody is Obi-Wan's right-hand man, then Cody should outrank Yularen," Anakin said as he tried to draw what he interpreted to be the structure of the GAR."

"Then why is he marshall commander and not admiral?"

"Maybe marshall commander is higher than admiral."

"That doesn't make any sense. Why would he be marshall commander then? Why not marshall admiral?" Aayla asked, sipping on a Tatooine Sunrise.

That one was definitely false advertising. It was way nicer than Tattoine's actual sunrises.

"I don't know. But like, he should rank higher than Yularen because Yularen has less troops than him. Yularen is under Obi-Wan and Cody is Obi-Wan's right-hand man. Therefore, Yularen should be under Cody."

"What's the difference between admiral and general, then?" Aayla asked. "I feel like I sometimes outrank my admiral and sometimes do not."

That was a very good question.

"And what about Fox? He is marshal commander as well and he reports directly to Palpatine. So if Master Obi-Wan reports directly to Palpatine and Commander Fox reports directly to Palpatine, then they're both the same rank. Which means Cody is the same rank as Obi-Wan."

All this talk of rank was starting to make Anakin's head spin.

Or maybe that was just the last four Warp Drives he had had in the span of ten minutes.

"Fox is the marshal commander of the Coruscant Guard. So he doesn't follow the same structure as we do."

"Then why does he have the same ranks that we have?" Aayla threw her hands up in the air. "Is Master Obi-Wan even at the top? Or does he report to someone else? I mean, he reports to Masters Windu and Yoda, right?"

That was right.

Anakin thought it over. "No. Because that's just for council shit. But the GAR is different than the council, so Obi-Wan outranks Windu and Yoda in the GAR but not in the Council. Right?"

"Does he? I feel like they're the same rank."

They looked at the napkin with the GAR structure hastily scribbled on it. They had only managed to put Obi-Wan at the top before immediately falling into trouble at who ranked where when it came to themselves, Cody, and the admirals. Aayla seemed to think that the structure went Obi-Wan, Anakin and her, Yularen, and then Cody.

Anakin didn't think that made any sense because Cody commanded way more troops than he did. So he should rank higher than Anakin. But she also had a point that sometimes it felt like he was in charge of Yularen, and other times it felt like Yularen was in charge of him.

"Hang on, hang on, I found something that says what the actual structure is," Aayla said, pulling out her datapad."

"Oh, good. That should help clear things up."

"So, we have ten systems armies led by Chancellor Palpatine. Then within the Systems army, we have two sector armies led by a high Jedi general."

"So that's where Obi-Wan falls."

"Right. And then in the sector armies, we have four corps led by a Senior Jedi General. Then in the Corps, we have four legions led by a Marshal commander and a Jedi General."

"And that's where we fall."

"Yes. Then we have a legion with four regiments led by a senior commander or a Jedi general."

"So wait, we fall there?"

"Maybe. I forget if I am a legion or a corps."

"We'll figure that out in a bit."

"Then we have a regiment with four battalions leg by a regimental commander and a Jedi Commander."

"So that's Ahsoka."

"Then we have a battalion which has four companies led by a battalion commander and a major. Then a company is four platoons led by a Captain and a Lieutenant."

"Which is where Rex falls."

"And then we have a platoon with four squads led by a second lieutenant and a sergeant-major. And then a squad has nine troopers led by a sergeant and a corporal."

Anakin rushed to write down all she said.

"We did it!"

They high-fived each other.

He sat back and looked at the structure, smiling. They figured it out!

His smile dropped.

"Hold up, I don't see an admiral anywhere on this list."

"Shit." Aayla scrambled to go back to the holosite that listed this information.

"And I feel like Cody and Rex are in charge of way more troops than that."

"And why are padawans so high on the list? They should be, like, squads at most."

"Right?"

Aayla squinted as she tried to figure out where admirals fell in the structure.

"Get anything?"

She threw the datapad down and leaned her forehead down on the table. "It's too confusing! All I know is that I feel like none of this makes any sense."

"Does this mean I have to promote Rex?"

She pushed her head up to look at him. "You must. He deserves to be promoted."

"I'll send him a message right now saying giving him the good news! What do you think? Marshal commander?"

"No, general. He deserves to be a general."

"But if he's a general, then Cody and Bly deserve promotions too."

"High general. We make them high general."

"Fox too, right?"

She nodded and ordered more drinks. "Let's make everyone a general!"

"Oya!"

They clinked their shot glasses together and downed the alcohol.

*****

"Got the movie!" Hardcase said, bounding back to the room. He didn't get all the way into the room, though, as he was met with Tup's back.

He stumbled backward, thankfully not falling on his ass. "What the hell, man?"

Tup remained frozen in place.

"Tup? You okay buddy?"

Tup let out a whimper.

"Seriously, man. You're freaking me out. What's wrong?"

"The Captain's going to kill us," he whimpered.

"What? Why?" Hardcase stepped into the room.

He expected to see something heinous going on. Maybe a fire. Maybe a pile of dead people. Maybe Ahsoka drunk off of Jesse's homemade moonshine. But he couldn't see anything of note.

The room was completely empty.

The room was completely empty.

The room.

Was.

Completely.

Empty.

"Oh fuck."

*****

Anakin Skywalker and Aayla Secura's Current Drink Count: 60

"Truth or dare?" Aayla slurred as she rested her head against Anakin's shoulder.

"Seriously? You want to play a stupid children's game?"

She slapped his thigh. "It's not stupid. It's fun. Come on. Truth or dare."

"Truth," he mumbled. He felt so warm with all the alcohol in him. He was now stripped down to his undershirt. It felt great. Even the music was great!

She slapped his thigh again. "That's lame. Lame people say truth."

"Then why ask Truth or Dare? Why not just ask Dare?"

"You can't just ask Dare? Then that's a demand. Not a game."

That made sense.

"I didn't think you were so lame, Skywalker."

"That's 'cause you're going to ask me to do something stupid like jump off the roof."

"No! I would never!" Aayla attempted to push herself off Anakin but only succeeded in smearing her lipstick all over his undershirt. "Okay, maybe I would have."

"What were you going to dare me to do?"

"Do a backflip."

Anakin snorted. "That's it?"

"That's it."

"Should have gone with dare."

"Yes, you should have. But you can't take it back now. Give me a second to think of a question."

She went quiet.

The thump, thump, thump  of the music started to lull Anakin to sleep. He felt his eyes getting heavy. His head dipped forward. A quick nap wouldn't hurt anyone.

"I got it!"

He jumped at Aayla's shriek. "What?"

"For your truth question, which Jedi scares you the most?" She grinned at him.

Anakin's brow furrowed. "What do you mean? Like which one would I not want to fight or—"

She shook her head. "Like, which one always makes you feel like you're in trouble, even if you haven't done anything lately to warrant a scolding?"

He thought about it for a second. "Windu."

"I was going to say Windu!" She slapped his thigh excitedly.

"I don't think I've ever seen him smile."

"I don't think he can smile," she said.

"Maybe he was like in an accident that damaged the nerves of his face and now he can't smile even if he wanted to."

Aayla looked sad. "Oh, that's not good. Poor guy. But he must have been able to smile at some point."

"Yeah! Everyone has to smile once in their life. Like, babies and shit smile."

"Do you think he was ever a baby?"

He thought about it some more. "No. I think he came out of the womb an adult man. An adult, scowling man."

"There must be some way to make him smile."

"Maybe we should tell knock-knock jokes until he smiles?" Anakin suggested.

"Oh! I know, we can ask Master Depa if he smiles. Surely she would know."

"You're a genius, Aayla!"

She pulled out her datapad to send Master Depa a message.

Anakin managed to find a drink that wasn't quite finished and polished it off. "Alright, your turn. Truth or Dare?"

*****

They were almost done with Cody's surgery. The droid had pulled out the chip and was now suturing up the area. It was over. It was almost over.

Rex should have known better to relax.

The other commanders had woken up about half-way through Cody's surgery and were now chained to the wall, much like Hunter, Crosshair, and Wrecker had been. He didn't want to do it at first. But Fox did not react well to waking up in a basement after having been drugged and punched Tenner in the face, breaking his nose.

It didn't get much better after that.

No matter how many times Rex tried to calm them down and explain what was happening, they refused to listen. They were threatening various bodily harm to Rex and the others. 

Rex hoped that Cody would wake the fuck up. If anyone could calm everyone down, it was him. And he desperately needed Cody to help him out. They'd all be on the same page and then they could discuss what they were going to do about the chips. About Palpatine. About everything.

He should have known it wasn't going to go smoothly.

One minute he was watching Helix and Kix supervise the AZ unit as it finished up the surgery. The next minute, Ahsoka was hurtling out of a vent. 

"What are you doing to him?" she cried, knocking Helix to the ground.

Of course that was the exact moment that Tup and Hardcase decided to make an appearance, yelling their heads off about how they lost track of Ahsoka.

They had gotten so close to no incidences. It was like the galaxy hated Rex specifically and wanted to make his life as difficult as possible.

Ahsoka's appearance seemed to rile up the commanders even further. Dice suspected that it was whatever drug they had been given in the first place that was agitating them. Making them less inclined to listen to reason and more inclined to violence. Maybe they should have just stuck with the stunning method. That's what Kix and Corric did with the rest of the medics.

"Everyone just calm down. I'll explain everything," Rex said, desperate to try and keep a hold on the situation until Cody woke up.

"Yeah, explain why you fucking drugged us and dragged us down into the basement! What the fuck, Rex? What sort of fucking serial killer banthashit are you getting into?" Wolffe roared, lurching against the chains. Rex hoped those things held because the clones were engineered with enhanced strength.

"You drugged them?" Ahsoka asked. Her hand hovered over her lightsaber. The other flexed to call the vibroknife out of her book.

"No!" Rex cried.

"Well, we did roofie them," Fives said.

"Fives, shut up."

Alright, maybe he should have gone about this in another way.

"You're hurting him," Ahsoka said, eyes flicking towards where Cody lay, inching towards Kix."

"We're not. This is necessary. I promise," Kix said. "We'll explain everything as soon as the commander wakes up."

"Why is Wolffe chained to the wall? Why are they all bandaged? Why are Fives and Echo all bloody? What did you do?"

"We'll explain in a bit," Echo tried to soothe her. It… did not appear to be working.

"You two were supposed to be watching her," Rex said.

"She tricked us!" Tup cried.

"You've been hiding things from me," Ahsoka said. "You've been sending Tup and Hardcase on secret missions and smuggling things into the base and feeling different in your heads. And when I find you, you've got Wolffe and the others chained to a wall while you're cutting open Cody's head!" Her blue eyes watered with tears of betrayal.

"Everyone, just wait a minute." At least when Ahsoka was busy accusing him of trying to kill his brothers, she wasn't knocking Kix and Helix around so they could finish up Cody's surgery.

"Oh, you'll explain alright. To a tribunal, because I am having you lot fucking court-martialed and thrown in the most isolated jail cell I've got, if I don't outright execute you for treason," Fox said, rattling his chains.

"Please, just calm down."

"Calm down? You want us to calm down? You drugged us!" Gree shouted.

"Everyone just shut up!" Cody shouted.

They all whipped around to see Cody shoving Kix and Helix to the side, rubbing his head where the new bandage had been applied.

Rex breathed a sigh of relief. Sure, Cody was pissed and would probably punish Rex to the point where Seventeen's drills looked easy by comparison. But he could handle that.

Cody pushed himself to his feet and glared at them with such fury, that it made Rex shrink back to try and avoid his gaze.

"Dex's. Now," he growled.

******

Anakin Skywalker and Aayla Secura's Final Drink Count: 80

Anakin found himself and Aayla being shoved onto the street. Apparently, the club was now closed and they needed to get out. No matter. He was very drunk and very happy. If not a little chilly. He had on his undershirt. He wasn't sure where the rest of his shirts were. He came here with more shirts, right? 

He managed to call a taxi and asked the droid to take them to the temple. At least, he hoped he told it the temple and not Padme's senatorial apartments. He wasn't actually sure what he said anymore. Maybe he said the barracks.

Whatever, it didn't matter because he felt great.

Aayla slumped against him.

"What do you know about love?" she asked quietly.

"Love?" His cheeks heated up. Did she know about him and Padme? Was this a test? What should he say?

"I think I'm in love," Aayla continued before Anakin had much more time to panic.

"Oh." That was good. That meant she didn't care or know about him and Padme. "Who is it?"

"Bly."

"Your commander?"

She nodded. "He's such an amazing man. In the Force, he's like a cloud. But not a dark cloud. One of those big, fluffy white clouds. Oh, they don't have them here on Coruscant. Too polluted and artificial here. But you know the clouds I'm talking about."

He nodded. "They're all over Naboo."

"Exactly. A big, white, fluffy cloud. The kind that keeps the sun from getting too intense. You know what I mean? It's like he's up there in the sky, protecting me from the harsh sun. My big, fluffy cloud."

"That's nice, Aayla." He wasn't sure what else to say. He wasn't sure what else she wanted him to say.

"I don't know what to do about it."

"Did you talk to your master about it?" Not that he had any room to talk. He still hadn't told Obi-Wan about him and Padme. But that seemed to be the go-to advice amongst the Jedi. When in doubt, ask your master.

She shook her head. "He doesn't like to think about me falling in love."

"Because of the attachment issue?" Anakin's shoulders slumped.

"No. It's like…" She gestured to the sky. "He was in love once."

"Really?"

She nodded. "Ventress."

"Wait, Vos and Ventress were a thing?"

"Yes."

"Wow, I can see why that might turn him off from love. I didn't think that bald witch was capable of love."

"She was once, I'd like to think," Aayla sighed. "I'd like to think she loved my master too. I don't know why she got all corrupted. Why my master wasn't enough to keep her in the light. She killed my grandmaster, you know."

Anakin swallowed.

"She killed my grandmaster and then she and Dooku tortured my master until he fell to the dark side."

He remembered that. He remembered Obi-Wan withdrawing for a few months when he found out.

"He came back, though."

She nodded. "He did. That's why he's running the Corrie investigation. He's on probation. They need to keep him on Coruscant for mind healers. But they're giving him this task to prove that he's not still a sith. Palpatine thinks he is. He wants him in a cell. He says if he fell once, he'll fall again. We can't take that chance. I hate it when he tells Master Yoda that. It's not true."

"I'm sorry." He felt dumb saying that. Maybe Anakin should talk to Palpatine about Vos. He'd met Vos recently. The man wasn't entrenched in the dark side. Obi-Wan would have sensed it. He wouldn't have vouched for him.

"But that's why I can't talk to him about love. He's not afraid of the attachment. He's afraid of the pain. He doesn't want what happened to him to happen to me."

Anakin nodded. He felt like he should help her. They were friends and that was what friends did. He didn't know how he could help her though, not without revealing him and Padme.

An idea came to him. "You know, Obi-Wan was in love once too. The Duchess Satine?"

Aayla pushed herself up to look at him. "Really?"

"Yeah. I don't think she tortured him into falling to the dark side so he doesn't have the same pain. Maybe we can talk to him?"

Her face split into a wide grin and she threw her arms around his neck, squeezing him tightly. "Thank you, Anakin! Thank you! You're such a good friend."

He patted her back. "You're welcome."

He had given the droid the Temple as their final destination. They stumbled out the door, and up the stairs. He pulled out his datapad and sent Obi-Wan a message.

*****

Anakin: Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy maslter

Obi-Wan: Anakin? Why are you messaging me? Is everything alright

Anakin: pechy keensf is thaw ha that maens

Obi-Wan: Oh good. You're drunk.

Anakin: howd you lknow!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

Obi-Wan: Never you mind. Do you have any idea what time it is here? 

Anakin: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Anakin: Nope!

Obi-Wan: Good lord. Well, I'm awake. What do you need?

Anakin: Aayla wanted to say hi!

Obi-Wan: Anakin, this isn't a video call. I can't hear Aayla talking

Anakin: shit yeah hold up

Anakin Skywalker has added Aalya Secura to the Chat

Aayla: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyy master obi-wan! ily so much

Anakin: Hey no fair I love obi-wan more than you!

Obi-Wan: I love you both. Though not at the moment. I take it Quinlan wasn't available to talk? 

Aayla: Nooooooooooooooooooooo its about boys. He doesn like when I walkt about boys

Obi-Wan: Fine, what is your question?

Anakin: and keept it pg

Anakin: obi-wan doen'st know about S.E.X

Obi-Wan: Anakin, I gave you the sex talk. I gave you several over the years at varying age-appropriate levels. Why do you think I don't know anything about sex? 

Anakin: Cause your all innocent and stuff I don't want aalya corrupting you with her natsy questionsssssss

Obi-Wan: Normally I wouldn't do this. But it is very late and I am very annoyed. Anakin Skywalker, I have had sex before. I have probably had more sex than you. I know what it is. Unless Aayla is about to talk about a truly abhorrent kink, chances are, I've at least dabbled in it. 

Anakin: WHAT

Anakin: HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE YOU ARE INNOCENT MASTER YOU DONT KNOW WHAT SEX IT

Obi-Wan: Aayla, you have ten seconds to ask your question before I send this chat to Quinlan so he can deal with this. 

Aayla: Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dont send it to my master!!!!!!!!!

Obi-Wan: Then talk

Aayla: Do you think Bly is cute? 

Obi-Wan: I'm getting too old for this. 

Obi-Wan: How do you mean cute? Like, in the sense of a puppy or in the sense that I want to date him? 

Aayla: I think hes cute. Hes strong and handsome and sweet and like a fluffy cloud in the force he broutht me flowres the othe day

Aayla: Should I date hmi

Obi-Wan: I don't think that's a good idea

Anakin: Cause of hta attachment thing right?

Anakin: I dold her jedi cant date cuase attachments

Obi-Wan: We need to have another talk about your ideas on attachment, Anakin. But no, that's not why I'm telling her not to date Commander Bly

Obi-Wan: Aalya my dear, I'm sorry but you are Commander Bly's commanding officer. Furthermore, legally he is not considered sentient and he doesn't have rights. He cannot consent to a relationship with you.

Aayla: but he boutght me flowesr that means hes interested right

Obi-Wan: Be that as it may, the power imbalance is troublesome. Tell me, could you be 100% certain that every choice he makes is entirely his own? That he'll never feel pressured to do something with you because you're his general and he has no rights?

Aayla: what if ew tlk lots?

Obi-Wan: Is it worth the risk? If you love this man, do you want to risk hurting him? 

Aayla: I guess not

Obi-Wan: I'm sorry my dear. I know it's hard. Perhaps when the war ends, the troopers are recognized as citizens, and you are no longer his general, then you can explore a relationship with him. 

Obi-Wan: And those words were a reminder I needed as well. The truth is bitter, but it is necessary. 

Anakin: wats that supposed to mean

Obi-Wan: Nothing you need to worry about while you're drunk. Perhaps we can talk later. For now, get back to the temple and get some rest the both of you. 

Aayla: but the flowers should I send themback

Obi-Wan: You can keep them, but have a talk with him about boundaries. If he loves you as you think he does, he'll understand and respect that. 

Aayla: This war fucking sucks

Obi-Wan: I couldn't agree more

Notes:Anakin: Obi-Wan is as pure as freshly fallen snow. He doesn't know what sex is. I must protect my master's virtue at all cost.

Obi-Wan, pissy because Anakin woke him up from a lovely dream in which Cody was in the middle of railing him against the wall: Anakin, I will say this one time and one time only. I am a slut.

Also, I wrote Jar Jar's part and realized I have no idea how he talks. So I just winged it. I don't care. I'll learn Mando'a for this fic but I will not learn Jar Jar's patterns of speech.

Look at me, moving the canon timeline around and doing what I want with Quinlan's trauma. I actually forget when Quinlan's supposed to get tortured and fall to the darkside and all that. For this fic in particular, I put it like right at the start of the war. He was sent out to find Dooku and then shit happened. He spent about two months being evil and shit, dragged himself back to the lightside, and then showed back up at the temple where he's now on probation until the mind healers clear him.