Years had passed since the war with the coalition forces.
Erin was currently at peace. On the surface, at least.
Ulster and Leinster maintained a friendly relationship, akin to brotherhood. Mide decided to maintain strict neutrality, while Munster still harbored hatred towards Ulster due to the death of their previous king. Connacht, after King Ailill's death, had Ailill's eldest daughter, Findabair, ascend as Queen, pledging absolute loyalty to Ulster.
Ailill hadn't been a particularly good father, and she was a shrewd woman who understood the political landscape well. Therefore, she protected Connacht by submitting to the strongest power, Ulster.
However, I didn't exactly demand tribute. I wasn't interested in that kind of vertical relationship.
We were maintaining a semblance of peace...
"So... what did you say?"
"Well, it seems things have escalated quite a bit."
"Haa... Seriously, this is giving me a headache. This is why Ulster is..."
The incident had finally exploded.
Deirdre. Because of an ominous prophecy left by Cathbad in the past, she was raised in seclusion in the mountains. Though she hadn't even had her coming-of-age ceremony yet, the prophecy that she would grow into the most beautiful woman in Erin proved true; she matured exceptionally fast. Deirdre, practically an adult now, refused to marry me—saying she didn't want to marry an old man whose face she didn't even know—and ran away with a young man named Naoise who lived on the same mountain. His brothers accompanied them as guards on their escape.
Since it happened due to a misunderstanding, I sent Celtchar and Conall, led by Ulster's strongest warrior Setanta, along with a few warriors, to clear things up. But then...
"So, you're telling me they are fighting over a single dog?"
"Yes... The Hound of Leinster, Ailbe. Its bravery and strength are said to rival high-ranking Phantasmal Species or Divine Beasts... It is a hound comparable at least to the Golden Bull Donn of the past or Ailill's White-Horned Bull. It guards the land of Mac Da Thó, a descendant of Leinster royalty... The inn he runs is among the top five in Erin. It's an inn fit for royalty, and since Deirdre was staying there, they went to fetch her... but a problem arose."
"Connacht warriors said they wanted to buy the dog."
"Yes. Etarcomol, the younger brother of the current Queen of Connacht. Rumored to be the most beautiful woman in Erin (in her own mind?), she demanded the hound. She offered 160 dairy cows, a chariot, and two of Connacht's finest horses. But... Deirdre came up with a scheme. She threw a tantrum, saying she would absolutely never go to Ulster unless they bought that hound for her. So Cú Chulainn stepped in, offering his entire territory, the treasures of the North, and all his livestock to buy it. While Mac Da Thó was deciding between the two, he threw a banquet, saying it was a joyous occasion."
That banquet was the beginning of everything. The Celts had a tradition called the Curadmir (Champion's Portion).
The Curadmir meant that during a feast, the person recognized as the bravest among the attending warriors received the priority right to carve and choose the best portion of the meat. More than the meat itself, the honor of being acknowledged as the bravest warrior was what mattered.
That was the problem. Eventually, the two factions clashed.
Cet mac Mágach, a warrior of Connacht, stepped forward boldly and challenged them to combat right there. Celtchar stepped up... but the spear Cet threw hit him in a very unfortunate place... and Celtchar was retired. He hadn't even had children yet; it's just tragic.
My nephew Conall fought Cet and won... but the issue was that things escalated after that, turning into a battle to the death, a bloodbath between the two sides. Only a few Ulster warriors, including Conall, survived, while the Connacht warriors were wiped out... To make matters worse, Deirdre fled. And Celtchar became a eunuch.
And what was Cú Chulainn doing? Haha...
"Lady Fand, wife of Lord Manannán, went to the Otherworld... that is, Avalon, with Cú Chulainn."
"Setanta is no more. There is only Cú Chulainn (Culann's son of a bitch)..."
Bang...!
I slammed the desk, genuinely pissed off. No, this bastard didn't do his job and ran off to have an affair? And to Avalon, of all places?! Not the tower where Merlin is, but Avalon has many districts. Since it's the Reverse Side of the World. Like the Fairy Realm, there are many places, and among them is the world called the Otherworld. A different paradise from Tír na nÓg.
Well, actually, it's the same place Saber goes to...
"Haa... The crazy bastard went for his father's foster father's wife..."
For reference, Manannán—the god summoned by possessing Bazett in FGO—is the foster father of Lugh, the God of Light and Cú Chulainn's father. Yes... that bastard just NTR'd his grandfather's wife. And they say she fell for Cú Chulainn and came to find him, and Cú Chulainn just went along with it. Leaving his own wife behind...
"So, what are your thoughts? Emer."
"I will kill Cú Chulainn and then kill myself."
Emer, Cú Chulainn's wife, was shedding tears of blood while gripping a dagger tightly in a reverse grip. That guy wiped out her entire family just to marry her because he liked her so much...
"If only he resembled even half of His Majesty... Haha."
"Indeed..."
"Your Majesty. Furthermore, Princess Derbforgaill, daughter of the King of the Nords (Scandinavia) across the sea, keeps sending letters begging for permission to marry Cú Chulainn because she loves him. Not only her, but love letters keep coming from princesses of other countries..."
"It's a complete shitshow."
Look at me. I'm devoted to my wives, and my children are growing up well. But Cú Chulainn, that guy, all he does is commit adultery...! And with his grandfather's wife! On top of cheating like this... he's enjoying receiving all those love letters. The funny thing is, I found out before that he had a secret tryst and relationship with the Princess of Munster... That guy is Ulster's "Lower Body Berserker." Either take responsibility and marry them, or stop being a pleasure-seeking bastard without responsibility.
Especially since Emer is infertile and they had to adopt... Sigh, let's not even talk about it.
"If I die early, just know it's because I died of anger issues caused by Cú Chulainn... I have to go myself. I'll take Scáthach and bring the 'Rod of Love'."
"Wait, if it's the Otherworld, I've been there. I'll go too."
"I want to go too! I'm curious about the Fairy Realm!"
"Then, may I come as well...?"
"...Let's just treat it as a honeymoon trip. It's a gruesome task, so let's leave the kids behind."
In the end, it was decided that all my wives would go.
Deirdre is a problem, but Cú Chulainn, now that he's all grown up, is living like a total dog. Just wait until I get my hands on him.
First, we left the castle to find the boundary where the Fairy Realm lies. A crow was flying near the castle... and soon, she revealed herself.
"It's over there."
"...Well, thank you for that."
Morrigan, sitting on a tree, pointed into the empty air to show the way. Ever since that war, she keeps showing up like this. What on earth is her reason...
I sliced through space, opening the path to the Fairy Realm.
"Ah, Cú Chulainn. You are truly a wonderful man. So dependable, young... and overflowing with vitality."
"Haha, well, I am Ulster's number one warrior! Though... I'm still far from Uncle or Master!"
"Still, you are the strongest in the human realm, aren't you? Fufu... By the way, today is a safe day."
Sitting in a flower field in the Fairy Land, sharing intimate conversation, Fand and Cú Chulainn were surrounded by a pink atmosphere. Just as they were leaning into each other...
"Deep in the Fairy Land, a little spring~ Who comes to drink from it~"
"Who's there!"
"Your father."
"...Uncle?"
"Today I came as your foster father, you son of a bitch... If it weren't for me, you would have been stabbed to death by your lawful wife (lol), so I will personally beat you to educate you. I have never raised a rod when educating someone... but as expected, for a son of a bitch, the rod is the only medicine."
"Wait, first put that away."
Clang!!!!
Thud...!
Cú Chulainn collapsed, bleeding from his head, and Fergus glared at Fand next to him. Fand flinched in surprise.
"Adultery is bad civilization... Go home and apologize to Lord Manannán. How could you think of having an affair with your grandson..."
"I-I'm sorry!!!"
Realizing the shame, Fand fled immediately. So that's all your love amounted to...
"U-Uncle...."
"Your friend has become a eunuch and is fighting a bloody battle, yet here you are committing adultery? It seems the rod wasn't enough. Let's get hit some more first."
Thwack!
"Ugh, argh! Uncle, Uncle, I'm really going to die! Puh-hek!"
"People don't die that easily!"
"Beat him more! Father-in-law!"
Emer cheered Fergus on while clenching her fists, and the others, including Morrigan, watched from behind.