"My name is Humpty Dumpty."
"That's a unique name... Nice to meet you."
Fujimaru Ritsuka. Her personality seems as unremarkable and agreeable as in the comics. She isn't a reincarnator or anything like that, is she? Judging by her reactions so far, she isn't. When reincarnators meet, it usually goes one of two ways: they are family or friends, or they are complete strangers. They either become close allies, or they end up as strangers in a frustratingly hostile relationship.
Honestly, both are cliché.
Ideally, she isn't one.
"This is Artoria Caster."
"Pleased to meet you."
Castoria had returned to her Second Ascension outfit. Since she made such a powerful entrance, her image should still be positive for now.
"Thank you for helping us. I am Mash Kyrielight."
"And I'm the Director of Chaldea, Olga Marie... You, how on earth did you summon such a Servant?"
"Well, I summoned her because I performed a summon."
"No, that's not what I mean! You are a civilian. Currently, due to system issues at Chaldea, support through Prometheus's Hearth is impossible. Without backup like Chaldea or a Holy Grail, it is extremely difficult for a human to summon a Servant. There was an incident where a Lord-class mage, Heartless, summoned past Servants, but even he barely managed it through the irregular Faker class by utilizing leylines. For a civilian like you, it should be impossible."
Hmm, she's approaching this logically. As expected of a Lord and Director. Of course, I anticipated this.
I anticipated it, but I didn't think about how to answer. Damn it, I really belong in the "stupid" category...
"You keep saying 'civilian, civilian' and ignoring my Master."
"Huh?"
"Are you not lesser than that 'civilian'? By any chance, if you were to become a pig, how would you like to be cooked? I recently learned a spell to turn people into pigs... Bacon? Or perhaps roasted? Ah~ a whole roasted pig would be nice, wouldn't it? Sows have tender meat, so they are delicious... right?"
"Hiiik...!"
Did she learn that from Circe? That sounded incredibly scary... The Director, terrified, immediately hid behind Mash. She was scared Mash would kill her, but it turns out Castoria is far more terrifying.
"Calm down, I'm fine. We expected this, didn't we?"
"She is less impressive than I thought. Full of persecution mania and a sense of elitism; honestly, the Crypter (Hinako) seems better by comparison."
"Hmm, maybe so."
"Perhaps she would be more helpful dead. Humans end when they die, but pigs become daily sustenance without leaving anything behind, you know? The texture of the skin is also quite good!"
"That's cannibalism in the end...! Stop it!"
"I am not human, so wouldn't it be fine?"
"Fairies shouldn't do that either!? Seriously... don't think about eating her. When we get back, you can probably eat real pork. Probably."
"Tch..."
Wait, she seemed serious just now? That's terrifying. Is this what Bond Level 15 means?
"What is with that Servant..."
"She listens to me well, you see? Please behave yourself. I'm fine with it, but this child says she won't forgive the Director. If she strikes from behind, it's her doing."
"Hieek!"
[Uh, Dumpty-kun. Please stop teasing the Director...]
"The conversation has sidetracked. Servant summoning, was it? It's a trade secret. Anyway, I did it, and the result is all that remains!"
"King Crimson?"
"Oh, you know it? King Crimson—you will die infinitely."
"Then Dumpty-kun dies now?"
"No, no, not me. I'm not the boss, I'm a supporting character, remember?"
"Aha."
I welcome a friend who speaks the same language.
To organize our thoughts, I asked the group about what had happened so far. The story itself is no different from the original work. Then, is my existence the only variable? For now, Ritsuka doesn't give off the vibe of a reincarnator at all. But I shouldn't let my guard down. She might be a reincarnator who hasn't recovered her memories yet!
She might regain them later and act like one of those common trash reincarnators! Inside her might be a Blonde Tanned Bully (NTR antagonist) or an old man...!
Ugh, just thinking about it makes me want to vomit. At least if it were an "Isekai Bishoujo" case like Tachibana (from Fantasy Bishoujo), maybe it would be acceptable?
No, well, I have no intention of starting a romance line with Ritsuka anyway.
First... if I reveal the information I know, it will arouse suspicion. It's best to pretend I know nothing for now. It's a secret that Salter (Saber Alter) is the enemy and must be defeated. I have to stay quiet until Caster Cú Chulainn shows up to explain. Still, everyone is deducing that the Holy Grail War is the cause. Since this is Fuyuki in 2004.
"Has everyone eaten?"
"No, not yet... I'm hungry. Now that we're safe, the hunger is kicking in."
"It has been quite a while since I had breakfast as well."
"Me too..."
I reached for the canned food for them, but...
"...Where did it all go?"
"Whistle~♪"
"I didn't mean for us to eat it all right there and then. You ate all the crab meat by yourself too..."
"Ahem... Ah! There is a vending machine over there!"
"You're top-tier at changing the subject, aren't you?"
Artoria will be Artoria. Damn you, Merlin, you should have fed her properly! And she said she doesn't get hungry because she's a Fairy, but being an Artoria means having a huge appetite...
We went to a relatively intact vending machine nearby. I tore it open with force and took out the undamaged canned goods from inside. There was canned ramen, bread, and sweet red bean soup. As expected of Japan. The land of vending machines has all sorts of canned food, doesn't it? I heard some countries sell canned pig brains and insects.
"Here, eat to your heart's content~ It's on me!"
"No, you stole it..."
Click.
"Oh..."
Huh? I made a finger gun gesture, and suddenly a real gun was in my hand. I looked at Castoria, and she was grinning. It's an illusion; she knows her stuff. Just a joke in response to the Director's retort, but she made it quite menacing. Soon, the illusionary gun vanished with a light.
"That was one scary prank..."
"She holds grudges for a while. Probably."
"..."
The Director, looking like she realized she messed with the wrong people, opened a can of ramen and slurped it down.
Ritsuka and Mash also opened cans and began a light meal...
But then, Darius appeared.
"Noxus!"
"That's not it."
It is Darius III, though. Was he the Rider in the anime? Darius charged in, physically smashing through a nearby wall. The Director was so startled she sprayed noodles out of her nose. Pathetic...
"Another maggot disturbing our meal... Handle it."
"Yes."
Castoria cast a buff on herself. The moment her staff flashed, she multiplied. Is that... Morgan's clone jutsu?
Kwa-gwa-gwa-gwa-gwa!!!
Whoa...
In an instant, Darius gave up First Blood. And just like that, Top Lane exploded. Or was it Mid? Anyway.
Drip...
Watching Castoria delete Darius in seconds, the red bean soup Ritsuka was drinking dribbled out of her mouth. Romani, over the comms, also spat out his coffee.
"It is finished. A weakened Shadow Servant is simple work."
"Good job."
"...You, what exactly are you?"
"First, please stop extracting noodles from your nose, Director. You look like a One Piece character."
[Pfft!]
"....."
The Director quickly cleaned herself up. Such a pitiful person...
"What are you... How do you have such a Servant?"
This is the perfect time for that line.
"Oh my? Did I, perhaps, do something wrong?"
The Director stared at me as if I were obnoxious. Yep, doing it in reality just makes me look like an idiot.
"Just kidding. It just... happened?"
"That's extremely suspicious..."
"Master, tonight's dinner is pork belly (Samgyeopsal)."
"Wow~"
"Stop her!?"
Too bad. I was momentarily tempted by the pork belly. Anyway, I obtained another Saint Quartz. That makes 3... enough for an Existing Summon...!
Should I hold off for now? Kufufu, I'm curious to see their reactions.
Poof!
Wait, what was that sound...
"Bu-hi!?"
"D-Director turned into a pig!?"
"Director!!!"
[No, she really turned her into a pig!?]
Um...
"It is fine. She was noisy, so I turned her into a pig. But... she looks plump and delicious."
"Bu-hii!?"
"Don't eat her."
"Understood~ Please stay quiet for a while."
"Bu-hi, Bu-hiiiit!!!"
Sorry I couldn't protect you, Director. But, this might actually be cuter?