15th of November, 2025
speaking personally— from my experience which I found very recently. I'm a penline writer in a renowned platform (which I tend to gatekeep.) within a few months, I got some thousand followers after being inactive for not getting recognised.
yes— I came back again after a year of being unseen. I learnt the tragedy and it worked out for me. and you see, human greed in us is limitless, even the sky is shorter than greed, yes the sky is limitless, I'm just pressing the facts about how far greed might go.
within a thousand followers, my post always got hundreds of likes and had more thousands of views, I tended to post more penlines a day, seeking out myself to tiring.
but when I think of it now— that astonishes my mind. I started that account for myself but now I expect and yearn for other's eyes on me. I tasted recognition and I was wanting it more badly; even though it tastes sweet, it is bitter at the end anyway.
once my posts dropped down to a few likes,
I question myself "am I not enough?" but deep down, I was fighting my internal demons to appreciate my own self for being gifted as a penline writer.
I was deleting the apps, like twenty times — installing and uninstalling. It tired and tore my mind and wore out my heart. I want it but I do not need it. my heart says, I had to be there for my growth but my mind says, I was devastating myself for it.
it is like I'm a white porcelain doll but inside I am just made of a black stone-clay heart. With one break my true colour reveals; just like sugar-coated, I'm white porcelain coated on a black clay.
this veils a dark hue on my eyes and I cannot see what the hell and heaven are happening in my life.
my life was harmonious and it was myself that was destructing. I planned. I wanted to settle it off. Instead of running away I actually kept a thought, what am I really made for?
I think of my life right now. I wasn't running behind but sprinting beyond, which is very silly. Why didn't I know how to live the present to its fullest?
so it is decided, I'm not going to expect anything. when I think of myself deeply again and again, what I needed was recognition for my skills and talents. I was yearning because I was worthy of it.
What I had wasn't expectations but deserved credits. hence it is settled, if we are really talented, we must work on it and absolutely no— do not hurry ourselves but keep a steady pace of rhythm.
God sees you, and God knows when to give at the right time. so keep on trying but do not wear out or lose yourself.
keep trying. sometimes our greeds aren't greeds; they are just desperate talents seeking out eyes to shine through.
© isai