My body felt heavy.
I blinked my blurry eyes, trying to grasp the situation.
Then…
Right, I'd been arrested after drinking like crazy at the club and crawling around on the street with panic disorder medication in my mouth.
"I'd rather die than live like this! I want to die!"
I felt like I did many things because I was drunk and took more drugs than usual.
All kinds of nonsense, auditory hallucinations, and illusions.
So, to anyone who'd see it, I must've looked weak.
For me, who was already being called a malicious member, this emergency arrest only left more trouble for me in the entertainment industry.
The members' feelings towards me were already bad… would they possibly try to kill me this time?
Ah..
Since it's come to this, maybe it'd be better to just die…
"Hey, Kim Chunyong. Wake up."
By the way, strangely enough, I was drunk. I could even recall things I'd wished for.
- Make a contract with me.
After that day, the day of the incident, all I had been hoping for was a chance to turn everything around.
...but is it even possible to go back to the past? Unless I really sold my soul to the devil.
"Haha…"
For a moment, a hollow laugh escaped me.
"Are you laughing? Why aren't you coming out, you punk?"
But it's strange, why…
"Kim Chunyong! Mom told you to come eat!"
…does it feel like I've gone back to before the accident?
Since I've been living under the influence of alcohol, I've always felt like my head was in a fog, but now everything feels incredibly clear.
The pillow against my cheek was soft. The blanket against my skin felt smooth. Buried my face in the pillow, took a deep breath, and then a sudden sense of discomfort froze me.
"...Wait a minute."
This is the bed from my parents' house that I got rid of three years ago. Why is this at the police station?
"A dream? Or a last gift from the entertainment industry?"
I jumped out of bed and threw open the door.
The familiar face of my older sister, with her hair tied up roughly and wearing horn-rimmed glasses, was standing in front of the door with a fierce expression.
"You crazy… I told you to come out, and now you're making me move?"
Even if I were doing a handstand, I could tell it was my older sister, Kim Bomi.
"Noona… are you really… is it you?"
"What the hell. Were you dreaming? Or did you get shot in the head? What's wrong with you, idiot?"
Judging by the fact that every sentence was filled with curses, it was definitely my older sister.
"N-Noona…?"
I staggered forward and hugged my sister tightly.
After the accident that day, unlike my parents or younger sister, my older sister never appeared in my dreams.
I'd thought that was her last lesson to punish me for surviving alone.
Since she was a high school teacher, I thought she was punishing me for my mistakes.
She's not the type of person to just forgive everyone.
"Wow, shit! Why are you being so gross? Hey, why aren't you letting go of me? Let me go!"
"Oh my, what's going on? Why are you two hugging each other?"
I heard the voice I'd longed for again from beside me. It was my younger sister, Kim Nari.
I flailed my arms in the air, trying to hug Nari too.
"Hey, Kim Nari, you come here too…"
"Are you crazy? No! Mom, Dad! Come here, Kim Chunyong is crazy!"
"What are the kids doing so early in the morning…:
"Oh, Mom. Dad… hug me, quickly. I missed you…"
To dream of such bliss right before hitting the lowest point of my life. Even if I were to die, I wanted to die with full enjoyment.
My parents came out of the kitchen and towards me awkwardly, patting my shoulder, and spoke worriedly.
"Chunyong, are you okay? Honey, feel his head. Does he have a fever?"
"Well, he doesn't… What is it, son? Why are you crying?"
Why am I crying?
"Crazy, my older brother is an idol who won a rookie reward. Is it true…?"
"Huh? You want to go on a trip to Cebu with our family? But if we buy tickets right now, it'll be expensive…"
"...you already booked the tickets? Oh my! Oh my! Honey, look at this!"
The day after Arrows won the Rookie of the Year award.
I excitedly suggested an overseas trip to my family. I'd take care of everything, so they just had to take care of themselves.
Because my family deserved it. They were precious people who gave their unwavering support to the reckless second son, who'd bragged about becoming an idol.
"Oh, no! Mom, Dad!"
"Kim Chunyong, take care of Nari!"
"Noona! Ah, no! No! Please!"
On the day of departure, in the quiet dawn, if I had known the limousine bus my family was riding in would flip over, I wouldn't have said a word.
Especially if I'd thought that I, and only I alone, would survive.
My world, which had been shining colorfully, was completely dyed black from that day on.
At some point, the worried members and fans who saw me depressed started to distance themselves from me.
…it was from that day, I guess.
The day I went to a fan meeting drunk to avoid screaming hallucinations.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry… excuse me, please, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"
"Rex, Rex!"
I didn't deserve that cheering.
Ever since I stormed out of the fan meeting, overcome with shame I couldn't hide, there was no turning back. The more I ruined myself, the more those who didn't love me cheered.
So, what was left for me was not the label of 'idol from an unfortunate family', but the label of 'mentally ill and malicious member'.
So, those who appear in my dreams will never know why I'm crying. I have no intention of telling them.
Because their blood relative was so filthy and cowardly.
I just wanted to feel this warmth.
"Hkk…"
I chose to just keep my mouth shut and let the tears flow.
My family members, who couldn't understand, began to whisper among themselves.
"Kim Chunyong, all I had to do was look at his face, but he's become so ugly because
of the crying. What should I do…?"
"I think he was really stressed out because he was cut from the debut group.
Completely mentally broken."
"He was fine yesterday. How did it get like this overnight?"
"Well, we're not directly involved, so we don't know everything…"
"Let's get him to bed quickly. We'll be late if we're any later."
My family warmly helped me into bed and even covered me with a blanket.
This was the same as before.
It was truly a realistic dream.
My sister, who was ready to go out, pointed at me and scolded me.
"Hey, Kim Chunyong. First, get some more sleep. Take your time to go to the practice room today. You won't be able to do anything like this."
It's been a long time since I heard the sharp but warm advice from my older sister.
I stuttered and answered under her stinging gaze.
"Practice room…? What are you talking about…?"
"What should I do… you must be crazy. You begged me and Nari to reserve a week's
worth of private practice space. How could you forget that? Do you even have money to spare?"
"Bomi, stop bothering Chunyong and go to work! You'll miss the bus!"
"Oh, I get it! Anyways… do your best, trainee. Okay? If you're going to go on a survival show after, you have to do even better."
Bang-
"Ha…"
My family members soon left, leaving me alone in the house of memories. I rubbed
my damp face and smiled.
This is enough.
Now, even if the agency officials had enough of me and forced me to leave the
group, or if I end up in jail for drug overdose, I can endure with this memory.
I closed my eyes, waiting to wake from my dream. This light sleep, fueled by
alcohol always ended in a waking state if I held on like this.
The moment when the white noise in the house gradually died down and my body
felt like it was floating.
Poof!
A strangely cute notification sound rang next to my ear.
Poof! Poof!
Three times in a row.
"What the…"
I blinked in confusion and sat up. The sound was coming from the smartphone I'd
been using for seven years.
On the shiny, clean screen of the smartphone, a message from an unknown app was
displayed as a preview.
- X: Looks like you still don't understand the situation lol
- X: That's possible! Everyone was like that at first :-)
- X: How do you feel about seeing your family again? Does it give you the motivation to work hard? Pfft, hahahahahahaha
"What- what is this?"
And as if in response to my embarrassed mutters, another message came flying in.
- X: Oh? What the heck. We signed a contract, right, Kim Chunyong? This is reality
- X: Don't keep thinking it's a dream!!
Reality? Where on earth can such a dreamlike reality exist?
- X: If you don't believe me, why don't you check your phone? Your name, or
even the name of your group. It wouldn't hurt to look at the article you were being criticized for, lol ;-D
I followed what the message said and searched up various things.
Our group, my name, my curse words, my arrest facts.
"...oh, there isn't any."
Not a single one.
In fact, there was only one story about me in the entertainment section right now.
[August Entertainment Rides the Idol Survival Wave]
[AG Entertainment and Music Days Announce Their Own Survival Show: "A
Breeze of Freshness in the Entertainment Industry"]
[The Rise of a New Boy Group? AG Entertainment's Own Idol Survival Show
"Targeting Star"]
[Madness Boy's Choi Gaon Selected as MC for Idol Survival Show "Targeting
Star"]
8 years ago.
Articles announcing the launch of the idol survival program〈Targeting Star〉,
which I debuted from after being cut from the debut group from the agency "QuinCE".
I slid down the top bar of my phone as if possessed and checked the date.
May 3rd, 202X
The date was a week before the first filming.
I almost lost my phone. I've never felt so embarrassed in my life.
"So, then, all the auditory and visual hallucinations I had at the police station because of the alcohol…"
Poof!
- X: Yeah, really!! Since you'd passed out, I sent you to a time slot that you'd especially like ㅋㅋ
- X: Okay, let's fulfill the contract now. We don't have time for this right now, right?
- X: Check the ;Goal Window; in the menu tab, and fighting!! Oh, if there's anything you don't know, text me ㅎㅎ
[The app will automatically update.]
The mysterious messages stopped, the strange app updated itself, and the menu
really appeared.
I grabbed my dizzy head and pressed the 'Target Window' in the very center with trembling hands.
[Goal Window
Current Goal: Final 5 on the survival program〈Targeting Star〉(2% progress)
Final Goal: The greatest idol in K-pop history (1% progress)
Failure: Return to pre-contract situation]
"Let's debut again as a group and become the best idols in K-pop history…"
As I forced myself to read the words that were hard to read, I vaguely remembered seeing these stories in that blue window back then.
And the part at the very bottom, 'In case of failure'.
…return to the pre-contract situation.
It was like going back to when I was on emergency arrest.
Honestly, I wouldn't mind going back and paying the price for my sins.
I'm still a cheap human being. I had to do it.
But if that happens…
Sitting alone at the funeral home, a crowd of reporters lined up in front.
The members' pitying expressions, and the alcohol burning my throat.
A completely ruined life.
As soon as I thought about it, my voice came out on its own.
"...I have to do it no matter what."
I must.
In order to atone for my sins, I must do whatever it takes to become the greatest idol in K-pop history.
I jumped up from my bed to get ready to go out. There was no time to waste lying around like this.
Every minute and second that has brought me back like this was precious
* * *
"Haaaah…"
Kim Ji-eun, a part-time worker at Hanmaeum Private Practice Studio, was writhing in extreme boredom.
It's been three months since she took a leave of absence from university.
She started working part-time because her mother told her to get a part-time job if she wasn't going to study for the TOEIC, but she never knew taking other people's money would be this painful.
Above all, the Hanmaeum Private Practice Studio…
"There aren't any people, damn it!"
It was a private practice studio on the verge of collapse.
If someone asked if she doesn't work at all, though, that's not quite true.
Out of the eight hours she worked, four were spent sitting at the counter, and the remaining four for scrubbing, wiping, and dusting the practice rooms that no one was using.
What kind of terrible balance was this?
[Bang Minji: But among the occasional customers, aren't there some good-looking or pretty people?]
[Bang Minji: Maybe some look like trainees? LOL]
Ji-eun snorted and replied to her friend's ignorant message.
[Kim Ji-eun: Forget handsome or pretty people;; middle school orchestra ensemble is the most regular…]
[Kim Ji-eun: Oh, right. But there's a few first-time visitors who have reservations today.]
[Kim Ji-eun: One of them has a really unique name lol. When I first saw it, I thought, "Is it real?" and triple checked.]
[Bang Minji: Oh, what's their name?]
"I reserved a one-week pass."
"Oh, yes. Your name is…"
Ji-eun slid down the message window she'd been excitedly using and looked at the person standing in front of the counter.
"Oh my god…"
She couldn't stop herself from cursing.
"...yes?"
Ji-eun slapped her mouth once, after accidentally spilling out her feelings, and stammered again.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Ah, I misspoke. What's your name?"
The man scratched his cheek and answered awkwardly.
"Re… no, Kim… Kim Chunyong."
"Chunyong… Chunyong. Yes. Please go to Practice Room 8, 8. Yes, 8."
"Huh? I made a reservation for Practice Room 3."
"The sound system is broken right now! Room 8 is much better, the best facilities of our practice rooms. You don't have to pay extra, just use it all week long!"
"Ah… yes. Thank you."
Ji-eun blankly stared at the back of the man walking towards the most expensive room, Room Number 8 of the Hanmaeum Private Practice Studio, then hurriedly turned on the chat window and typed at lighting speed.
[Kim Ji-eun: Hey, this is crazy, really crazy, it's crazy]
[Kim Ji-eun: That guy with the unique name is really really handsome. He looks a bit scary, but he's just so damn handsome. He looks like a punk, a bad boy.]
[Kim Ji-eun: Why doesn't he debut? Seriously, if he does, I'd get paid for them all. Part-time wages, tuition and whatnot..]
[Kim Ji-eun: F**k! F**k! I'd rather die!]
Unaware that he had given Ji-eun a hot stimulus in her relaxed part-time job life, Kim Chunyong stepped into the spacious Practice Room 8 and stretched.
Then he muttered in a low voice.
"...I still have the experience of being an idol for 7 years."
Even if he was a malicious member, an idol was still an idol.
Even though he was drinking and throwing up, he stood on stage because he felt sorry for the members.
But has he tried a debut survival show before?
He has to tear it apart. Absolutely.