For several minutes, Alex and William looked at each other in silence. Then the mage brought his fists to his chest and bowed.
"I ask for your forgiveness, Your Highness."
Alex frowned. "You did it on purpose."
"Yes. I'm sorry; it was cowardly of me."
"You used Flori to force my hand. You knew I wouldn't be able to argue with you tas I wished with him there."
"Yes."
"You said we're a team, but you acted on your own. Again." Alex clenched his fists, anger burning in his chest. "You don't trust me."
"I trust you."
"It doesn't look like it if you resort to these tricks."
"I do. I trust you, Your Highness. You're the one who doesn't trust yourself."
"I have very good reasons not to!"
Alex ran his fingers through his hair, trying to calm down. He didn't want to argue, not in such a heated way. But he was furious, and he felt deeply betrayed.
"Will, raise your head."
William hesitated. "I can't. You're angry."
"Of course I'm angry!"
"I'm sorry."
"Will!" He took his face and forced him to lift his head. "By the spirits, look at me."
A flicker of uncertainty crossed William's poison-green eyes. "Your Highness, your anger… it burns in my veins."
"Good. Because it's exactly what I'm feeling right now, and it's your fault."
William frowned. "We need a decoy. You know that too."
"But it doesn't have to be you."
"And who else? We can't involve an innocent, and you're not believable bait. If Lenz doesn't help us, we have no other choice. And you need to resolve this problem, for your reputation."
"But not if you have to pay the highest price."
William sighed and gently took his wrists.
"Your Highness, I have no intention of being violated. I'm yours, and you're the only one allowed to touch me."
Alex pressed his lips together. "If he were to attack you, what you want won't matter anymore."
"It won't happen, because you'll intervene in time."
"And that's the point! I might not make it, do you understand?"
Alex lowered his gaze, his chest tightening with anger and worry.
"I've already failed. I lost someone I loved, and I don't want it to happen again. I don't want it to happen to you."
William gently squeezed his hands in his own. "It was then, wasn't it? Did you lost your finger that day?"
Alex nodded. "Because of me, people died that day. I almost lost my mother." He let his shoulders slump, and for a moment he wished he could lean on William. "It was my duty to protect them, yet I failed. My childhood nurse died protecting Myrina and Rudi. My mother was gravely injured, two of her ladies-in-waiting were killed. And it's entirely my fault."
He hadn't been able to defend anyone, and the price he had paid for his mistakes felt insignificant compared to how many people had died that day.
"When did it happen?"
"I was fifteen. I was more than capable of protecting my family from a few bandits." He shook his head. "But what difference does it make? I failed anyway."
"You were a boy."
"I was the prince!"
William's eyes widened, and Alex regretted raising his voice. He didn't want to scare him, and he didn't want to be angry with him either.
He just wanted William to stop seeing him as the man he wasn't.
"I should have protected them." He rested his head on his shoulder. "And I failed. And I could fail again, because in the end I'm nothing but a useless prince."
"No." William's voice was as cold as the northern wind. "You are not useless." He forced Alex to look him in the eyes. "You are the Crown Prince. You are one of the finest swordsmen in the kingdom, and you are perfectly capable of taking care of people."
"If that bastard—"
"I won't let it happen, and you won't either. Just as you stopped that Cox from taking me away, you won't let him harm me now."
"Will, I don't want to see you broken again."
"It won't happen. You said it yourself that I'm stronger than I think. That whatever happens, I can rely on you, because you'll always be by my side." William smiled. "Trust yourself, Your Highness—and your men. We won't be alone; your guard will be with us."
Alex closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The scent of his skin—ink and parchment—calmed him. Even the fear loosened its grip.
"Fine. But if that bastard touches you, I'll kill him."
"Now that's more like you."
"Don't think you're getting away with it either. Next time you get an idea like this, talk to me about it in private."
"I will. You have my word."
Alex rubbed his eyes. "I hate you when you do this. But you also make me want to kiss you."
William gave him a flat look. "Your Highness, you have the self-control of an adolescent."
"It's all your fault. You know it." Alex raised a hand. "We'll talk about it later. For now, I need to prepare you."
"For what?"
"I'm not sending you unarmed, Will. If you won't have Caedos, then you'll have my dagger."
"I don't know how to use it."
"I know. That's why we're going to practice now." Alex drew the dagger, still wrapped in its sheath, and handed it to him. "It's my only condition. If you want to go unprotected, you need to learn how to defend yourself."
William pressed his lips together. "As you wish."
"Good. Put the grimoire down, we don't have much time."
They began to practice in the silence of the garden. William was a diligent student, but, as Alex had anticipated, he was completely incapable when it came to practical matters. The prince corrected him with patience and precision, yet progress was minimal and William remained clumsy.
Alex disarmed him once again and sighed.
"You're too stiff. If you tense your muscles, it's easy to disarm you."
"We're wasting time, Your Highness."
"It's for your safety." He handed him the dagger again. "I don't understand how you turn into a complete mess the moment you hold a weapon."
"I don't like blades."
"Are you afraid of hurting yourself?"
"Maybe." William pressed his lips together. "If I get hurt, it could have serious consequences."
"If you don't learn how to use it, it's much more likely that you'll get hurt."
"How do you manage to… not think?"
Alex raised an eyebrow, then grew thoughtful.
"I don't know. I think it's a matter of practice. At first I used to overthink, but then everything became simpler. Muscles remember; you just have to trust them and let go."
"I can't do that. I have this need to keep everything under control at all times."
"How does it work with magic?"
"It works like this: I have to keep thinking about what I want to do, draw on the magic, let it flow through my hands, and shape it. It requires active effort and constant concentration."
"Combat is the exact opposite, at least once you've learned the basic movements. The main thing you need to pay attention to is your opponent."
"I don't think I'm cut out for it."
"That doesn't matter. I don't want you to become a swordsman, you just need to know how to defend yourself in case of danger."
Alex motioned to him, and they resumed training. They exchanged a couple of blows, but William kept moving awkwardly. He was gripping the dagger so tightly his knuckles had gone white.
The prince sighed, parried a few slashes, then disarmed him again.
"Maybe I'm just a terrible teacher."
William frowned. "I'm the problem, Your Highness."
"You'll train a bit with Sven as well, just to be safe." Alex picked up the dagger and weighed it in his hand. "Let's hope they're unarmed, or terrible duelists."
"I don't think they're much of a threat."
"That doesn't reassure me. In a street fight there are many more variables outside your control. Your opponent can use anything around themselves. Stones, sand, mud." He looked back at William. "Do you know human anatomy?"
"Yes."
"Do you know which points to strike to inflict fatal injuries?"
William frowned. "Yes."
"Good. If you're in danger, don't hesitate to strike to kill."
"I don't think it will be necessary."
"I prefer to be prepared." Alex held out a hand and William handed the dagger back. "Now I want to teach you how to break free from a few holds."
"Your Highness, you're worrying too much."
"If you don't like it, you can always bring Caedos with you."
William pressed his lips together. "What do I have to do?"
Alex moved behind him and wrapped an arm loosely around his neck.
"Try to break free," he told him.
"And how?"
"Use your head. Improvise."
"Shouldn't you tell me what to do?"
"Later. First, I want to see how you handle it."
He wanted William to feel, on his own skin, how frightening it could be and how helpless it could make him.
William tried to push his arm away, but Alex was stronger and he couldn't budge it an inch. He then tried to headbutt him, stomp on his feet, bite him, and elbow him, but Alex neutralized every attempt.
He felt William stiffen, his breathing growing quicker, and Alex's heart clenched at the thought of having frightened him. He wouldn't have wanted to do it if he'd had a choice, but he preferred William to be scared here with him rather than with the bastard they were trying to arrest.
"I think that's enough."
He let him go and William rubbed his neck. Guilt pricked at the prince's chest.
"Did I hurt you?"
"I just feel like I can't breathe right."
"Will, if you need anything, you just have to ask."
"I'm fine, really. And I think I understand what you wanted to show me." William met his gaze. "A part of me was afraid despite knowing I was safe."
"I'm sorry."
"For a moment I felt weak and helpless, like that day."
Alex pulled him into an embrace. "You should be the last person to put yourself in danger like this."
"I can handle it." William looked at him, determined. "Trust me. Now I know I'll be afraid—much more than just now—but I'll be able to manage it. Show me how to break free."
"All right."
Alex showed him how to break free from that hold and many others. Compared to knife fighting, he learned much more quickly, and before long he had mastered the main techniques. They trained until the sun began to sink behind the line of hills and tint the garden's flowerbeds gold and red.
The prince was not satisfied as he would have liked, but time was not on their side.
"For now, this will do."
"Thank you, Your Highness."
"Don't thank me yet. I still have to punish you."
William frowned. "So you were serious."
"Of course." Alex flashed a mischievous smile. "But I'm sure you'll appreciate it. It will be a wet and very… hot punishment."
The mage looked away, his cheeks red. "You're truly shameless."