William brushed his fingers over his lips, his eyes following the prince as he climbed into the carriage. It had been nice to see him like that, playing with Noah. It had given him the feeling that they could just be two men in love.
He turned around and froze.
His mother was staring at him with wide eyes. Had she seen them?
"A-niang[1]," he murmured in Xianese, but she slipped away into the back room.
Was she angry? If she was, it was because she had seen them and disapproved. Maybe he should have followed her and explained himself, but what would have been the point? He didn't want to argue with her, not on the only evening he could spend with his family.
Dinner was chaotic as always, but only because Noah talked nonstop, completely oblivious to the atmosphere. He didn't notice the way their mother avoided looking at William and kept bragging about how much stronger he was than a prince.
After dinner, his little brother dragged him into his room, the one that had once belonged to William and now belonged to Noah. His family didn't have enough money to buy a bigger house, and William didn't mind sleeping on the kitchen floor.
Noah jumped onto the bed. "Tell me a story!"
"What kind of story?"
"You choose! You can even tell me one of your adventures."
William smiled and sat down on the floor. "My adventures are boring."
"No adventure is boring."
"But I'm not a warrior. I'm a mage."
"Mages do magic, and you have Caedos. He's the strongest of all, right?"
"Not exactly, but he's powerful."
"But you're the strongest of all, right?"
William hesitated. He had been described like that several times, especially at the Academy, but he didn't like thinking about it.
"I'm just someone who works hard, that's all."
Noah pulled a face and flopped back onto the mattress. "Sometimes you're really boring."
"You're impertinent. You don't speak to a prince like that."
"As if he really was one! You're so silly, big brother. Princes don't go into seamstresses' shops."
"His Highness is a different kind of prince."
Noah snorted and pouted. For a while, there was only silence.
"Do you want a story?" William asked him.
"No, your stories are always weird. And sad."
"I could try to tell a cheerful one."
Noah stared into his eyes with his ink-black gaze. "Why don't the two of us look alike?"
William stiffened, but he didn't have the courage to look away. He knew that sooner or later Noah would ask; his brother was a child, but he wasn't stupid.
He managed a small smile. "Our father isn't my real father."
"But you don't look like Mom either. You don't look like any of us, or like anyone I've ever seen."
"My parents died when I was very little. Mother and Father adopted me. But we're still brothers."
"How can we be brothers if our parents are different?"
"Because we care about each other. Because your parents raised me, so they became a bit mine too."
Noah took on a thoughtful expression, as if he were turning his words over in his head. Then his face twisted, looking on the verge of tears.
"I don't want to lose you. I want you to still be my brother even if your parents are different from mine."
William smiled faintly. "I'm your brother no matter what."
"Even if your mom and dad come to take you away?"
"They can't. Even if they wanted to, they died, and they left me here."
"Do you really have to go with that fake prince?"
"Would you like me to stay here?"
"Yes!" Noah sat up suddenly and clung to him. "If you stay here, I can tell all those idiots that my brother is a real mage. And that he's my brother even if his parents are different from mine." He sniffed. "Then they'll stop making fun of me, and I won't have to get angry at them."
William stroked his head, his heart aching for him. Noah reminded him of himself at the same age, but he had always been stronger and more combative.
"Haven't you made friends with anyone?"
"With the baker's daughter, the shoemaker's twin boys, and the chubby kid who lives above the bookshop in the artists' district. They're really great, and together we laugh a lot and eat the sweets our parents give us."
His expression darkened.
"But there are some bullies who bother us. Especially me, because of my face. And then… they make fun of you too."
"Me?"
"They say you're a girl, that you have a girlish face or…" He frowned. "They say weird words. I don't understand them, but they sound mean. And I get angry, but they're bigger than me and they hurt me."
William pressed his lips together and placed his hands on Noah's shoulders. "Did they hit you?"
"Once." Noah rubbed his little arm. "They said something really bad about you and they were laughing. I bit one of them on the arm, and they kicked me. When I told Mom, she got mad at me and told me I mustn't do it again." He sniffed and rubbed his eyes. "But it's not fair. They're the ones being mean—why do I have to keep quiet just because they're richer than us?"
"You're right, Noah, but our mother was just worried about you." William gently stroked his hair. "If you tell me who they are, I can deal with them."
"But you're not strong. Mom always says your health is weak."
"Our mother worries too much. I'm strong, even if it doesn't look like it."
He smiled at him, but knowing that his mother still saw him as the fragile child he once was made him angry. Was that how His Highness felt when he argued with the king? Why was it so hard to make parents open their eyes? To be truly seen?
Noah hesitated.
"All right, I'll tell you. Maybe you can tell the fake prince too. It's the group led by Jonah, the bookseller's son. Dad says his father sells books to the duchess, so I should not bother him."
"How old is he?"
"Eighteen."
William frowned. "Noah, he's twice your age. You shouldn't even have thought about biting him."
"It's his fault!"
"He could have hurt you badly! He could have killed you!"
"But he can't go around saying those things about you!"
"By the spirits, what things are you talking about?"
"I can't say. Mom says I mustn't repeat them, that they're really bad."
"All right. You don't have to repeat them. I'll take care of it; I'll make sure he doesn't bother you anymore."
He motioned for him to lie down, and his little brother obeyed. William tucked the blankets around him.
"Big brother," Noah murmured, "that bad guy also made the baker's daughter cry. They say she came home without her clothes and with her face full of bruises. From that day on, she always cries."
"How old is she?"
"Ten. And then… Dad says he also made an older girl cry. I don't know who, but that girl isn't here anymore."
"She left?"
Noah shook his head, his eyes shiny with tears. "She's underground. They say it's that bad guy's fault, but the duchess didn't do anything to him."
William pressed his lips together. Noah hadn't understood what had really happened, but he did. And he knew perfectly well what that girl must have felt, how afraid she had been and how alone.
"Thank you for telling me. Now I'll take care of it."
"Don't get hurt. I don't want you to go underground."
"I won't. I told you—your brother is strong. And besides, I have a fake prince at my side."
Noah smiled. "You know, I know he's a true prince. I'm not stupid, I know he let me win because he wanted you to stay here. If he protects you, then it's okay if he takes you away from me."
"He has a little brother your age. You two might become friends."
"With a prince?"
"You're very alike."
"But if I make fun of him, will he cut off my head?"
"No, but I might get angry with you." He stroked his forehead. "Sooner or later I'll bring you to court and introduce you to him. That way you'll have a new friend to practice writing with."
"What? But I don't want to write, it's boring! I knew you were trying to trap me! You're a mean big brother!"
William smiled, tucked the blankets around him again, and blew out the candle. He left the room and closed the door.
"You shouldn't interfere."
His mother's voice cut through the silence of the house. She was speaking in Xianese, as she always did when she wanted to tell him something and be sure no one else could understand.
"I know what I'm doing, Mother," he replied, also in Xianese. "I'm not a child."
"You are always my child. Even if I didn't give birth to you."
"Mother, I'm a mage, a royal advisor of the Crown and the man closest to the future king. I have every right to demand justice. I can drag him before the duchess and have him executed for rape."
His mother flinched. "How did you figure it out?"
"Why else would a girl kill herself? Or a child come home naked and covered in bruises?"
"A-Yuan, you'll get yourself killed. That boy is wicked, and he could hurt you."
William sighed. It had been years since his mother had called him by his Xianese name. "No one can hurt me, Mother. I'm not defenseless."
"But your hemophilia—"
"It's part of me, but magic allows me to manage it." He clasped her hands in his. "You don't need to worry. Besides, I have His Highness at my side."
Her gaze turned icy. "So close that he kisses you as if it were nothing!" She pulled free of his hands. "Do you think I didn't see you? He dared to touch my son in my house!"
"Mother, we're together. He didn't attack me."
"A relationship between a prince and a commoner isn't healthy! It isn't balanced! He could ask anything of you, and you wouldn't be able to refuse."
"He's different."
"He's a prince, and princes are all the same. Just like kings and emperors." Tears filled her eyes. "Don't be like your mother, A-Yuan. Please."
William clenched his fists. "I know what I'm doing, Mother. If you don't trust me, that's fine. I understand."
"I just wish my son wouldn't make the same mistakes."
"I'm not her, Mother. Whatever happened to her won't happen to me. And you shouldn't judge a man solely by his title." He brought his fists to his chest and bowed. "Good night, Mother."
He turned his back on her and went down to the kitchen. He could have asked her to tell him about his parents, but he wasn't interested. Not anymore.
After years spent wondering who he was, William had come to the conclusion that it didn't matter to him. His parents were the ones who had raised him; his origins weren't important. Whoever had brought him into the world had long been dead, and there was no point in disturbing ghosts.
He spread the blankets near the fireplace, curled up on the mat, and fell asleep.
The next day the carriage arrived to pick him up shortly after breakfast. William said goodbye to Noah and his parents and climbed into the vehicle.
"Good morning, my lovely raven." Prince Alex smiled at him from the other side of the cabin. "So, did you dream of me?"
[1] It means "mother" in Xianese