Alex withdrew his hand, took a deep breath, and forced the horror deep inside himself.
In that moment he had to remain clear-headed and rational. He couldn't afford to give in to impulse or he would end up hurting William.
He assessed the wounds on William's body—the cuts on his thighs, arms, and abdomen. They were superficial, but because of his hemophilia he was at risk of severe blood loss.
He could die.
William let out a low chuckle, a sound so wrong that Alex shuddered.
"You're disgusted by me, aren't you?"
"No, that's not true."
"I repulse you. You hate me, like everyone else. Who would ever want anything to do with a man as filthy and wrong as me?"
Alex wanted to answer, but nothing he said would reach him. William wasn't listening, and he clearly wasn't well.
"You're bleeding, Will. You need to take care of your wounds."
"And isn't it better this way? You can be rid of me and be free again."
"What are you saying? I don't want to be rid of you! You have to treat yourself. That's an order."
William lowered his head, his fingers tightening around the dagger's hilt. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to steal your heart. I didn't mean to dim your light. I deceived you. I had no right to stand at your side."
"Will, no!"
Alex threw himself at him, grabbed his wrist, and pushed the weapon away. He pulled him into an embrace and felt him trembling.
"It's all right. You're not alone. I'm here with you." He took William's blood-stained hand. "I'll stay with you until you're better—you have my word. But now you have to take care of yourself, please."
William rested his forehead against his shoulder, let the dagger fall to the floor, and clutched at the prince's clothes.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"It's all right, Will. I'm here for you." Alex tightened his hold. "But please… please, tend to your wounds."
His fingers brushed the prince's. A faint warmth prickled Alex's skin, and he let out a deep breath. He had managed to convince him somehow.
He pulled back and checked the wounds. They had closed; there might not even be a scar.
He shifted his gaze to William's face and found it pale and rigid, his breath caught in his chest. Alex's heart tightened at the sight of him so shattered he couldn't even bear being close to him.
Alex let go of his hand, draped a blanket over his shoulders, and went to the door. He opened it and looked out into the corridor: Sven was waiting a short distance away.
"Bring me warm water and some clean cloths."
"Is he hurt?"
"Not anymore, but I need to clean the blood off him."
"Do you need anything else?"
"Call the men back. I want two on guard outside my chambers and two outside William's. All night. And don't let anyone pass for any reason—not even the governor."
Sven frowned. "As you command."
Alex returned to the room and locked the door. William was still in the same position, but he seemed less tense. It seemed he had calmed down.
The prince sat down in front of him on the floor.
"I'm sorry for raising my voice and for touching you without asking, but I was afraid of losing you."
"Why? Why do you stay with me?" William clutched at his clothes. "Why don't you turn your back on me?"
"Because I want to help you."
"That's not true! Pain helps me. Hurting myself helps me. I'm filthy, Your Highness, and you shouldn't have anything to do with me. If you want my body, you can take it, but stop being kind. I don't deserve it. I'm disgusting—I don't deserve anything you're giving me."
Alex tightened his grip on William's wrist, and his fingers brushed small, pale scars. A surge of horror twisted his gut. Was that why he'd had bandages the day before?
He bit his lip and forced his emotions back under control.
"Will, please, calm down."
"Why do you keep saving me?"
"Because you're not filthy. There's nothing wrong with you. You don't need to punish yourself. You don't need to hate yourself."
"You don't understand! I'm rotten, and I'm destroying you too. You should have let him rape me—I deserved it. I deserve to be used."
"Will, look at me." He gently took William's face in his hands. "You're not rotten or filthy. I'm here with you, and I'll stay until you're well again. I won't leave you alone."
"Why don't you abandon me?" William dug his fingers into the prince's clothes. "Why are you kind to me?"
"Because I want you to be happy."
William collapsed against his chest and burst into desperate sobs. His shoulders shook, broken breaths filled the silence. Tears soaked the prince's shirt, and he held him a little tighter against his chest.
"I'm here for you, Will. And I always will be."
When William had calmed down, Alex helped him put on a shirt. The mage's gaze was dull, his eyes red from prolonged crying, and he seemed deeply ashamed of what had happened.
The prince did his best not to ask questions and not to make him any more uncomfortable.
He dipped a cloth into the basin Sven had just brought and gently rubbed William's blood-stained hand.
He tried not to think about the pain he must have felt, or the suffering that had driven him to hurt himself like that.
Alex let out a breath and raised his eyes to William's face.
"Let me take care of your wounds. I'll treat them gently."
"But I'm filthy."
"You're not. You're a tenacious and stubborn man. You care about others and you put your life at risk for me."
Alex rinsed the cloth again and went back to cleaning his fingers.
"You're hurt, but it's not your fault. It will never be your fault if a bunch of bastards trample you and treat you like an object."
"They treat me for what I am."
"That's not true, and I won't allow it anymore. I'll always defend you, Will, even if it means standing against the entire world."
He pressed a soft kiss to his knuckles and let go of his hand. He took another cloth and dampened it with water.
"Now, if you can, show me the wounds on your body. Otherwise, you can take care of it yourself."
William lowered his head and remained still for what felt like long minutes. Then, with trembling hands, he lifted the hem of his shirt and showed him his blood-smeared thighs.
Alex took a steadying breath. "Are you sure?"
The mage gave a small nod, and the prince began to rub his skin gently. William trembled and stiffened under his touch, but he didn't pull away.
Alex worked as quickly as he could, careful not to hurt him. Then helped him lie down on the bed and covered him with the blanket.
He cleaned the blood from the floor, and dropped heavily next to the bed. He was exhausted, as if he'd fought his way through a battle.
He let the silence settle around them and waited for William to fall asleep, then he sat on the mattress. He brushed a strand of black hair away from his cheek, then kissed his forehead.
"I won't let anyone hurt you, and I'll find a way to make you happy." He pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose and then to his lips. "You have my word."
A light knock startled him. Alex opened the door.
"Sven. Come in."
He stepped aside and his captain entered the room. He took a quick look around, then glanced at William, his expression neutral.
"The governor came by." He looked at the prince. "He wanted to speak to you."
"What did you tell him?"
"That you were in your chambers with a bad headache and needed to rest."
"Did he insist?"
"Not much. He said he needed to speak with you about something important, but I didn't let him in."
"Good. I'll deal with him tomorrow morning." Alex rubbed his forehead. "Did you find out anything at the banquet?"
"Yes. The governor and Cox are quite close."
"Do they sleep together?"
"No, but they've been doing business for many years. Cox trades in silk from Xia and cacao from the southern kingdoms, two products highly sought after by the nobles. He also deals in some herbal remedies that are commonly used to treat fever and as aphrodisiacs."
Alex tensed. "Do you know their names?"
Sven shrugged. "Unfortunately, no. I only know that the governor gets a small percentage of the profits, and in exchange, Cox has a monopoly in Narea."
"And since Narea is among the most prosperous ports, it's as if he had a monopoly over all of Vellara."
"Also, it seems he has a very efficient fleet and knows routes pirates don't frequent."
"Do we know anything about his past?"
"Only that he had a business partner who acted as his mentor."
"Is he alive?"
"Died at sea."
Alex grimaced. "Convenient."
"Cox was never investigated. Apparently he wasn't even present that day."
"That doesn't clear him." He could have sent a hired killer. "Anything else?"
"He has a wife, but he seems to neglect her. He almost never takes her with him, and she rarely leaves the house. And he's known for surrounding himself with attractive youths; he often buys them from brothels and hires them as servants."
"He's a man who surrounds himself with fine treasures." Alex crossed his arms over his chest and looked toward William. "And he set his sights on what belongs to the prince."
"In my opinion, he's a very dangerous man."
"He is, Sven."
"What do we do?"
"I don't know. The situation could escalate quickly, and William isn't in any condition to handle it. The best thing would be to return to the capital, but…"
"Your Majesty will understand, don't worry."
"He will, but the court? If I went back without a shred of proof and because my mage is in danger, they'd think I was weak. That I put William above everything else. They'd see it as yet another of my many failures, and I… can't afford that anymore."
He caressed the mage's cheek, a knot tightening in his throat.
"If I want a future with him, I can't go home. I have to become strong, consolidate my position, and gather allies, so that I can love him without hiding and no one will dare use him against me."
"Your Highness…"
"I can't give up the throne, so I have no choice but to become the prince my father wants."
To become a man capable of protecting the person he had fallen in love with.
Sven smiled at him. "In my eyes, you already are, Your Highness."
"Thank you."
His captain looked at William again. "Will he recover?"
"I don't know. Will is stronger than he thinks, but the merchant put him through a terrible ordeal. I just wish he could see himself the way I see him."
"He will. Now get some sleep; we'll take care of the rest."
Sven took his leave, and Alex curled up in a corner of the bed, far enough away to avoid touching William in his sleep, but close enough that he wouldn't feel alone if he woke up.
He fell asleep shortly afterward, and the rest of the night passed peacefully.
When he woke the next day, he found the bed empty. There was no trace of William anywhere in the room.