Alyssa waved to me like nothing happened, waiting for me as I left my house.
Like her lips hadn't been on someone else's twelve hours ago.
It was another day of school and the first day where I had to pretend that everything was okay.
"Hey! You ghosted," she called out to me with a gentle smile.
I met her eyes hesitantly, half hoping she would just walk away.
She didn't.
"I left early," I said, flat.
She pouted, puffing her cheeks in an adorable way. "Why? You didn't even say bye?"
"Didn't want to interrupt all the fun. I'm sure I wasn't missed yeah?"
She snorted. "Duh, you were missed. Who else was I supposed to rant to about Jason's ugly drunk dancing?"
Right. I'm the audience. The comfort zone.
Not the guy you kiss on a dare.
Alyssa nudged my arm. "C'mon. You were acting weird."
I glanced at her, before averting my gaze to the road ahead. "Wasn't my crowd."
She rolled her eyes. "It was just a party. Don't be so dramatic. You're a little bit too judgy for someone who's supposed to be the nice guy."
There it was. The little twist in her words. Said it with a smile, but sharp enough to cut.
She didn't mean to be cruel. That was the worst part. She never meant it. That made it harder to hate her, and easier to hate myself.
***
We walked the hallway like we always did. Like nothing had changed. Except everything had.
"What an amazing chauffeur you are. Guiding me to my destination," she asked, mock-surprised. "Wow old habits die hard."
I didn't answer. Her teasing wasn't cute anymore. It was... annoying.
"You sure you're not secretly obsessed with me?" she teased, bumping her shoulder into mine.
That would have probably made me smile yesterday. Now it made me sick.
"I think I'm good," I muttered.
She blinked. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. Just messing with you," I said, fake laughing.
She relaxed, then linked her arm through mine. "You're grumpy today. I liked it better when you were sweet."
Sweet. Like a golden retriever.
I tugged my arm from her own, and shook my head, feigning a smile. "Hey let's not do things like that. I don't want people getting the wrong impression."
She blinked. Looked down. No comeback this time, just silence stretching between us.
We stopped outside of her class.
"Talk later?" she asked, tone light again.
I barely nodded. She squeezed my arm once before disappearing into the room.
I stood there for a second longer than I should have.
The rest of the day dragged.
I went through the motions... class, notes, fake nods. My teachers sounded like radio static. I laughed when I was supposed to. Answered when called on. But it felt like I was watching someone else do it from behind a sheet of glass.
Lunch couldn't come soon enough.
Alyssa always sat with me. Even when her other friends would wave her over, she would prioritize our time together. She did a lot of things... that in retrospect gave me the wrong idea.
But not today.
I walked into the cafeteria almost dreading seeing her waiting at our usual table. My eyes, flicking to our spot by the back window, she wasn't there.
Empty.
I waited a few seconds, scanning the room. She was nowhere to be found. And something in me doubted she was late.
I found a seat anyway. Alone, near the edge of the room. Close enough to see the tables of people I didn't belong to. Just how much of my life have I given up on for a single girl?
I was close enough to hear the words of a conversation I wasn't meant to listen to.
"Yo, did you see Alyssa and Jason at the party?" some guy at the next table whispered.
"Yeah bro. Man bagged her after one kiss? Legend."
Laughter, inside jokes, and fist bumps.
"She was all over him after that too. Didn't think she was the type honestly. A cute girl who's never had a boyfriend usually falls under the 'pure' type yeah?"
"Maybe she was until yesterday."
Laughter spread like a noise, almost painful to listen to.
I bit down on the inside of my cheek. Hard.
I didn't realize how tight I was gripping the edges of my tray until milk from my carton started spilling onto the table.
"Oops," I muttered, forcing my hands to unclench. I wiped it up with a napkin, like nothing was wrong.
Just another day in the life of the background character.
I didn't even get a text.
No "Where are you?"No "Save me a seat."
Nothing.
And I'm starting to believe that it might be better this way.
***
The bell rang, signaling the end to a long day. I made my way along with the crowd. I didn't wait by her locker like usual. She still found me.
"There you are!" Alyssa jogged up from behind, a hint of breathlessness in her voice. "You disappeared during lunch."
I kept my eyes forward. "Did I? I didn't see you."
"Well we were running... a bit late."
"We?"
She paused for a moment. "I looked for you."
I didn't answer.
"Ugh, don't be moody Noah." she gave me a light shove. "You could've sat with us."
"With who?"
She paused. "You know... just some people from last night."
"Jason?" I said without thinking.
She stopped walking. "Why would that matter?"
I shrugged. "It doesn't."
We continued pacing in silence, then she pulled her phone out, like I wasn't even worth the follow-up.
"Talk later," she said absently, already typing.
I let her walk away.
I didn't go home right away.
I sent a quick text to Mary saying I'd stay late for "study group." What I really meant was wandering aimlessly, letting my thoughts rot in the back of my head.
I didn't feel like going home just to play pretend big brother. With our dad overseas, the parental responsibilities fell to me. And I definitely needed breather before taking that on.
So I turned around, and I walked. Past classrooms, past the rows of lockers, down the hallways that always felt a little too wide when they were empty.
Then I heard it, a voice that was just a little too loud.
"Come one... you've been dodging me all week."
It came from around the corner, followed by a tired reply. "I told you I was busy."
"You always say that. The student council can't have that tied up now can it? Just give me five minutes-"
"I said no."
I stopped just before the bend.
There was a silver haired girl, holding a pile of books, and a wide shouldered guy standing face to face; Seemingly a bit closer than she would've liked. His smirk clashed with her stiff posture, and silent alarm bells rang in my head.
"I'll walk you to the train," he said, stepping even closer.
"I'm staying late." She muttered, taking a step back.
I didn't think. I just walked up, unsure why.
"Hey. Everything good here?"
The guy turned to me, mildly annoyed. I could tell he didn't recognize me... probably because I barely existed in anyone's radar.
He gave me a once over, like he was calculating whether I was worth the trouble. And right, now I couldn't even give a damn. Maybe a few punches to the face would help me feel better.
His eyes stopped somewhere around my shoulders. I had a head of height over him. That helped.
"Nah, we're just talking," he muttered.
The girl's pale violet eyes flicked to me. She didn't say anything, but she didn't look away either.
I nodded. "Cool. She can talk to you another time."
He looked ready to bark back, but then sighed and backed off, muttering something under his breath as he turned and walked off.
Once he rounded the corner, the girl let out a quiet breath.
"That was... dramatic," she said.
"Was it?"
"Kind of," she admitted, before tucking a stray hair behind her ear. "But I guess I should say thank you."
I gave a half-shrug. "Didn't like the way he sounded."
"Neither did I." She shifted the books in her arms, then gave me a curious look. "You're... tall."
"Six-two," I muttered. "Unfortunately."
Alyssa had never missed reminding me of how lanky I was. Not a good feeling to stand out in a crowd you don't want to be a part of.
The girl raised a brow. "Unfortunately?"
"Teachers assume you're good at sports. Strangers ask you to grab stuff. Every old lady thinks you're in her way at the grocery store."
That earned a small laugh, contrary to her cold exterior.
"I'm Sana," she said.
"Noah."
"Well... thanks Noah."
I nodded, unsure of what else to say, but she didn't move away.
"Do you... always wander around here after hours? Or is this a special occasion?"
"Special occasion. Broken heart. Feeling stupid."
Her face softened. "Ah, one of those days."
I smirked weakly, "You don't even know me."
"I know how it is," she tilted her head, eyes looking into mine. "Oh," she looked down at the books in her hands. "I've got to reorganize some files in the student council office tomorrow. Nothing major."
What a weird girl.
"And you're bringing that up why?"
"Because," she said plainly, "if I'm alone again that creep might show up. And I'm guessing he will mind his business if you're around."
I snorted. "That's your reasoning?"
"You don't have to say anything. Just stand there and loom. You seem good at that."
I gave a half-laugh despite myself. "Right the emotional support skyscraper."
She smirked. "Exactly. Oh and don't even think about declining Noah. Doing something other than moping would probably be good for you."
I wanted to retort, but nothing came to mind. After all, she was probably right. I'd spent the whole day feeling like a ghost. Then suddenly, this strange girl wants me to visible.
"I'll see you tomorrow then."
"Right." she nods, before taking her leave, clumsily balancing stack of books in her hands.
Feeling better, I whip out my phone and send Mary a text.
- On my way! Bringing Chinese food for us. Monday movie night. Mandatory btw.
-Okay! Hurryy. Orange chicken plz :3
-Your wish is my command.
With a smile, I settled my phone in my pocket, and turned towards home, feeling lighter than I had all day.
I was still heartbroken. Still angry. But Mary would be waiting, probably with two plates and one braincell. I'd be okay.