Ken woke to something hot and wet dragging across his cheek.
"Mmh… Mara, five more minutes…" he mumbled.
Baaah.
His eyes snapped open to a pair of yellow pupils, a tuft of beard, and a tongue that went in for a second lick. "GAH—what the—?!" He rolled backward into a pile of straw, half-buried, sputtering hay.
A goat blinked at him, unimpressed.
Ken sat up, spitting straw. "Fantastic. Reborn into another world, and my alarm clock's a farm animal."
The familiar pink glow flared above him.
[Main Quest Updated]
Quest 4 – "The Great Escape"
Objective: Leave the village before Mara regains consciousness and discovers the gold ring was fake.
Reward: 300 Degeneracy Points + Skill Upgrade: Bluff (Legendary Liar)
Failure: Public humiliation and – Impotence (again)
Timer: 03:59:55
Ken rubbed his eyes. "Already? I just finished a quest. Can't I get a cooldown or something?"
Another line blinked into existence:
[Tip: Degenerates recover quickly. Stop whining.]
He groaned, stretching his sore shoulders. "Alright, alright. Escape before the girl wakes up. Simple."
He smirked to himself, adjusting his belt. "She won't be waking for a while anyway. I mean, after last night? She probably can't even—" He jabbed a thumb toward his trousers. "—close her legs thanks to this guy."
Instantly the System flared bright red.
[Warning: Excessive Boasting Detected.]
[Penalty Preview: Temporary Shrinkage – Initiating in 5 seconds.]
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I take it back!" Ken yelped, hopping out of the straw. "No need to go nuclear on the family jewels and the staff!"
The text dimmed to pink again, smug as ever.
[Tip: Humility is sexy.]
"Yeah, well, so is survival," Ken muttered, brushing hay from his tunic. The goat bleated, nudging at his pocket. "What, you want a souvenir? Fine—keep the straw. I've got bigger problems."
He cracked the barn door open. The village beyond was just waking—merchants setting up stalls, a blacksmith hammering, somewhere a rooster announcing the obvious.
Ken's internal clock screamed Run.
He slipped out into the dawn, hugging shadows between buildings. Each step triggered another pink notification hovering in his peripheral vision.
[Stealth Mode: Activated]
[Noise Level: Acceptable]
[Distance to Mara's Inn: 200 meters and closing]
He froze. "Closing? Why's it closing?"
[Update: Mara stirring. Consciousness at 12%.]
"Crap, crap, crap." Ken darted into an alley, nearly colliding with a cart stacked with laundry. "Of course! The goat wakes me up late, she wakes up early, and my reputation's one bad morning away from Wanted: Pervert Edition."
He scanned for an exit route. To the west, the road curved toward open fields and forest. To the east, guards patrolled the main gate.
The System chimed again.
[Suggested Path: Through the bakery, over the fence, past the pig pen.]
[Bonus Objective: Do not step in anything unsanitary.]
Ken sighed. "A stealth mission that involves pigs. Beautiful."
He darted across the street, narrowly missing a milkmaid carrying buckets. "Morning!" he called with forced cheer.
She blinked at him, frowned, then whispered to a passing guard.
"Fantastic start," he muttered, diving behind a crate.
From somewhere far off came the distinct ding of the System updating again:
[Mara Awakening Progress: 47%]
[Emotional State: Betrayal Loading…]
Ken's face drained of color. "I've got maybe five minutes before she realizes the gold ring's as fake as my manners."
He took a deep breath, adjusted his stolen trousers, and sprinted toward the bakery's back door. The smell of warm bread hit him like a siren song.
"Focus, Ken," he told himself. "Escape first, carbs later."
Behind him, the goat bleated once more, loudly enough to echo down the alley.
Somewhere in the distance, a woman's furious voice shouted, "KEN!"
The System pinged cheerfully:
[New Sub-Objective: Run like hell.]
And Ken did exactly that.
Ken vaulted over the bakery's fence, boots landing squarely in a patch of mud that squelched like it had been waiting just for him. "Unsanitary objective failed," he hissed, shaking his foot.
[Status: Foot hygiene—compromised.]
[Tip: Dirty deeds are fine. Dirty feet are not.]
"Shut up," Ken growled, wiping his boot on the grass as he crouched low. The smell of fresh bread still clung to the air, mixing with the sharper scent of pigs somewhere beyond the fence. A soft grunt made him freeze.
Two fat, pink hogs stared at him from the next pen, both chewing lazily. One gave him a look that could only be described as judgmental.
"Don't start," Ken warned. "You didn't see anything."
The pig oinked loudly.
"Of course," he muttered. "Everyone's a snitch."
He crept along the fence, keeping low as he moved toward the forest line. Every few meters, another ping flickered at the corner of his vision.
[Mara Awakening Progress: 83%]
[Emotional State: Rage.exe initializing.]
Ken picked up the pace, vaulting another fence, narrowly missing a trough of water. He could hear the distant clatter of armor—guards. "Oh good. They're awake too."
He darted down a narrow side path between two cottages, slipping past a hanging line of laundry that smacked him in the face with someone's oversized bloomers. He spat out lace. "This village is cursed."
The System chimed again.
[Bonus Objective Available: Collect evidence of conquest. Reward: +20 Degeneracy Points.]
"Tempting," Ken muttered, "but survival first, weird trophies later."
A shadow crossed above. He froze. A patrolman passed the street entrance just meters away. Ken pressed his back against a wall and held his breath.
[Stealth Rating: 76%. Try harder.]
He slowly eased around the corner once the guard moved on, only to find himself face-to-face with the baker's daughter. She was young, flour-dusted, arms crossed, and eyeing him like he was the morning's entertainment.
"Well, well," she said, smirking. "You're the guy who spent the night with the huntress, aren't you?"
Ken blinked. "I—uh—define 'spent.'"
"Rumor says she screamed your name loud enough to wake the dead," the girl teased, brushing a strand of hair from her cheek. "Now she's stomping through town with a bow in her hand. I'd say you spent something."
Ken forced a grin. "Rumor mill's working early. Maybe I just have a very common name."
"Uh-huh." She glanced at his straw-streaked hair and muddy boots. "You're hiding from her."
Ken sighed. "Let's call it a strategic withdrawal."
The System buzzed merrily.
[Lie Detected. Bluff Skill Activated.]
[Current Believability: 62% and falling.]
The girl arched a brow. "You look guilty."
He threw up his hands. "Fine! Maybe she's a bit upset about a ring. Long story, involves fake gold, real feelings, poor life choices."
"Sounds like you." She stepped closer, dusting off her apron. "If you want to get out of town, there's a supply cart heading to the next village in ten minutes. My father's in charge."
Ken blinked. "Wait—you'd actually help me?"
She shrugged. "You look like someone who could use a break. And I like watching chaos."
Ken grinned. "You're my new favorite person."
"Don't tell the huntress that."
[New Side Quest Unlocked: The Baker's Mercy]
Objective: Charm the baker's daughter enough to secure a ride.
Reward: Safe passage + 100 Degeneracy Points.
Failure: Arrest + possible castration.
Ken's smile froze. "Always with the threats."
The girl turned toward the back of the bakery, motioning him to follow. "Come on, degenerate. You can help load flour sacks. Try not to get caught."
He trailed her through the narrow doorway into the warm scent of baked bread and yeast. His stomach growled. She glanced over her shoulder, amused. "Hungry too?"
"For food this time," he said quickly.
[Tip: Clarify intentions early.]
He ignored the hovering text and hefted a sack onto the cart, muscles burning. The girl leaned against the doorway, watching. "You know, for a wanted man, you're not very subtle."
"Subtlety's overrated," Ken said, hoisting another sack. "Charm's faster."
She laughed softly. "You're lucky you're funny."
[Affection +10 – Baker's Daughter: Warming Up.]
Ken flashed a grin. "Funny and desperate. It's a powerful combination."
Outside, a shout echoed down the street—Mara's voice, sharp and furious.
"KEN! GET YOUR LYING ASS OUT HERE!"
He froze mid-lift. The girl winced. "That's her?"
Ken nodded slowly. "Yep. And she sounds awake."
[Main Quest Timer: 00:12:43 remaining.]
[Tip: Run. Or flirt faster.]
He looked between the girl and the door, weighing his options. She met his eyes, a mischievous spark there. "I'll stall her. You hide in the flour cart."
Ken blinked. "You'd do that for me?"
She winked. "Only because it'll make a great story."
He ducked into the cart without hesitation, pulling a tarp over himself as she stepped outside, calling out, "Morning, Huntress! Looking for someone?"
Under the tarp, Ken could only hear muffled voices and the distant ding of another System alert.
[Quest Progress: 78%. You might just make it, you magnificent idiot.]
He grinned in the dark, heart racing, every muscle tense. "Just another day in paradise."